Leif (Existence) (8 page)

“I’ll help you get her to the car,”
I offered.

         
Miranda fell forward on her knees and cackled with laughter.

“Yeah, okay thanks,”
Pagan
muttered.

I was more than positive that Pagan’s sudden willingness to accept my help had to do with the fact Mir
anda was more than a little out-
of
-
control.  I reached down and picked her up under the arms. Once I had her standing up
,
I wrapped my arm around her waist as she began swaying and giggling.
“Easy girl,”
I tried to sound encouraging. It was my father’s fault she was like this after all
.

“
Easyg
irl
,” Miranda mimicked laughing.
“Bye Wyatt
loveyousomuch
,”
she
called out as
I led her back down the path toward the parking lot. The souls wandering the cemetery could sense me. They knew I saw them just as they knew Pagan did too. I dodged the ones standing in our way.

“
Loveyousomuch
,” Mi
randa began to chant. As soon as I reached Pagan’s car I opened the passenger side door and eased Miranda into the seat. Then without asking I opened the backdoor and climbed inside. I didn’t want to give Pagan a chance to turn me down. Tonight we had to talk. She needed to
know
. If I didn’t explain things to her another soul she loved would be lost to her forever. I couldn’t let that happen.

Pagan opened the opposite rear
door and stuck her head in looking at me like I had lost my mind.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
she
hissed.

“I’m making sure you two get home safely,”
I replied with a smile I hoped was reassuring.

“Oh no, you’re not. Get out!”
She came close to screaming.


“
Donbesomean
Pagan,” Mi
randa chimed in from the front.

I could see the uncertainty in Pagan’s frown. Finally, she rolled her eyes and slammed the door. Then
she
opened the driver side door and climbed in. I heard a mumbled, “Whatever,” before she slammed her door. I guess that one was for good measure. In case I missed the fact she’d slammed the first door.

“Stay awake. I won’t be able to get you inside if you’re passed out. We don’t want your Daddy coming out and finding you like this.”
Pagan told Miranda in a gentle scolding voice.

Miranda managed to wakeu
p some from the
droopy eyed
girl who’d been falling asleep.

“That’s better, keep those eyes open,”
Pagan encouraged rolling down the windows.
“The cold air should help and if you start to feel sick please
lean out that window and puke.”

“Whose idea was it to get her wasted?”
I asked already knowing the answer.

“
Paaagaaans
,
shesosmart
.”
Miranda replied with a giggle when it was obvious Pagan was ignoring me.

“
Canwedoit
agaaain
to
..tomorrow
?” Miranda asked.

“No. Trust me, the headache you’re going to have in the morning will agree with me. That was a one-time deal.”
Pagan replied.

When Pagan pulled into Miranda’s drive, I quickly opened my door and started getting Miranda out of the car. She wasn’t going to make it up that walkway and stairs without my help.

Once we reached the door, Miranda’s mother opened it and Pagan stepped forward and handed her mother the almost empty bottle of wine.

“She wanted to go see Wyatt’s grave tonight. I took this because I felt lik
e she would n
eed it. I’m sorry—”

Miranda’s
mother held up her hand to
stop any further
explanation
. “No, it’s okay. I understand. That’s not any worse than the pills I’ve been giving her.”
I could see the worry and fear in her mother’s eyes and I was reminded once again of how important it was that Pagan knew. Everything. Tonight.

“Just go on home tonight,
Pagan. Your mom’s already called me looking for you. Her plane arrived an hour ago. I’ll look after Miranda tonight.”
Miranda’s mother informed her.

After she closed the door I turned to look at Pagan,
“
Looks like it’s just you and me.
”

10.
“I lied to you.”
– Leif

             
“No, it’s just me and I’m going home,”
Pagan replied spinning around in an angry huff and stalking toward her car. I
,
of course
,
had already taken her keys.

I watched as she began searching for the keys she’d left in her ignition frantically. Opening the passenger side door
,
I slid
quickly inside
. The keys dangled from my finger as I smiled at her. That didn’t win me any points. But I hadn’t really expected it to. She was forcing me to do this.

Pagan snatched the keys and cranked up the car.
“What do you plan on doing Leif? Going inside and visiting with my mom? Hmmm
..
.
b
ecause
more than likely Gee is going to be there shortly after I arrive and she’s chomping at the bit to kick your ass.”

Unfortunately, she wouldn’t be going back to her house. Not tonight.
Not
ever.
“No, Pagan
,
I just think you and I need to talk.”

“About what? The fact you want to take my soul off to some voodoo hereafter or the fact that you stalked me my entire life then took my memories away from me? I know! You want to talk about how you
lied
to me about everything from the very beginning and made me think you were this nice guy. Pick a topic because I’m all talked out with them all.”

She didn’t understand.
Dankmar
had made me sound so evil. She had chosen him as her light.
Death as her light?
How insane was that?  Sighing
,
I rubbed my palms against my knees.
“You’re angry with me. I get it. I even understand it. I always ex
pected you to be once you knew—
”

“Then why do it?”
She interrupted.

“Because I picked you. It was your purpose. It is your purpose. Don’t you get it? You’d have died Pagan. Died. Gone on. Gotten another life and completely lost the chance at this life.
Because you were going to die.
Death wasn’t in love with you then. He was going to take you like he was supposed to. There was nothing anyone could do to stop him, except your mother. She could choose to hand you over to
Ghede
and she did. She may not have realized it but when she begged a voodoo doctor to save you with voodoo magic she gave you over to my father. So you lived. You didn’t die. Death didn’t take you. You got to grow up with your mother and have friendships with Miranda and even Wyatt. You got to LIVE. Those were years you wouldn’t have gotten had I not chosen you. This life you have now would have ended that night in the New Orleans Children’s Hospital.”
GHEDE! Why couldn’t she just get that? Any other human would understand what she was so blinded by.

             
Pagan started to turn the car toward her house. I reached over and took over the steering wheel to stop her.
“No. We aren’t done talking.”

She tried to fight me and force the car to turn but it wouldn’t
,
I had complete control over the direction we would be headed. We wouldn’t stop until we reached
the old East Gulf
Bridge
.
Then we wouldn’t exactly stop then either.

“Okay, fine. You kept me alive. I got to live this life. I appreciate it but now I want to keep it and you don’t care. You claim to want me and need me but you couldn’t care less what I want. It’s all very selfish
of
you. It’s all about what Leif wants. You take no consideration as to what I want. You act as if I’m your possession and I should just be happy about it.”

She was mine. But I was more hers than she understood. I belonged to her too. She owned me. She just didn’t want me. The realization that she was no longer controlling the car had begun to sink in and her heart rate increased, as did her breathing. I was once again scaring her. Damn, I hated this.

             
“I’ve tried to make this easy on you. I’ve tried to make this transition one you could accept. I’ve sheltered you from the truth. I wanted you to make this decision because you wanted it. Not because I was forcing it but we’ve run out of time. There is something you need to know,”
I pointed to the side of the road before we reached the bridge. I needed to tell her more first
, “pull over.”