Leif (Existence) (9 page)

The car immediately parked itself on the side of the road without Pagan’s assistance. She’d never truly seen me use my powers. I knew this was more than she was ready to see but there was no more time.

“What is it I need to know?”
She asked slamming her palms down on the steering wheel in frustration.

“You aren’t going to like this. I didn’t want you to ever know. But when you refused to accept that your soul was the restitution for the life my father granted you, my father decided he’d take his restitution elsewhere.
” I needed her complete attention. It was time she focused on what I had to say. “Pagan, look at me.
”

Her head turned and her eyes sparkled with unshed tears as she waited on me to speak.
“Wyatt’s death was only the beginning.
Ghede
will take more. Everyone close to you. He’ll take them one at a time until you either cave in and agree to come with me or there is no one else left to take.”

Shaking her head she screamed
, “NO! YOU are lying. You are a liar. I saw Dank. I saw him draw out Wyatt’s soul. Dank would have never taken a soul for your father
. He would have never—
”

“Dank didn’t know.
Did he tell you about it beforehand? Did he prepare you for the death of your friend? No. He didn’t.
Because Wyatt’s death wasn’t that of fate.
My father used his power over your unpaid restitution to kill the body Wyatt’s soul inhabited. Dank was drawn there to retrieve the soul from the body because that’s his job. He was as surprised as you were.”

             
She knew now. Would she hate me?

“But… but you said my death and Wyatt’s death were to be the tragedies this school year. That would mean Wyatt’s death was fate.”

“I lied to you. I wanted you to be angry at Dank. I could feel your pain and I knew you were staying away from him.”

             
I watched as
a
range of emotions played across her face. This was so much more than any human mind could comprehend. But she wasn’t normal. She’d been seeing souls most of her life. She was in love with Death. Nothing about Pagan was normal. She would be strong enough to deal with this. If only I’d been able to make her fall in love with me first. I’d failed us both.

             
  
“Okay. I’ll go with you.”

I didn’t wait for her to think about this any further. While it was her choice
,
I was taking her. This was it. I
started the engine with the snap of my fingers and gunned the gas.

“Leif! Help me!”
Pagan screamed as the car raced toward the middle of the bridge. With the swipe of my finger the steering wheel jerked.

“I got you Pagan,”
I assured her
as the car broke through the railing and we went careening out over the ocean waters below us.
Vilokan
the afterlife of the voodoo religion was located under the sea. I wouldn’t
apport
her this time. It was too hard on her. We would go down the old fashioned way. The dark waters engulfed us and I reached over to force Pagan’s body into a deep sleep before pulling her to me and sinking to the depths below. Soon, we’d be home.

11.
“I can’t wait to spend eternity with you.”-
Leif

             
I couldn’t get her to leave my bedroom. She refused to walk around the castle or explore
Vilokan
with me. Instead, Pagan stayed huddled away in my bedroom where I was no longer welcomed without an invite. Father hadn’t exactly made a very good impression on her with his sexual escapades during the one dinner she
had
attend
ed
. Agreeing to let her speak with Wyatt had been the only thing I could think of to make her happy.

             
Opening the door
,
Wyatt walked past me without an acknowledgement. He hated me. He hated who I was and what I represented. Once, he’d been my friend. Throughout my life I’d watched him and wished I had a life similar to his. He’d been the friend of Pagan’s that intrigued me the most. He had the life of a normal boy.

             
I’d brought Pagan food
that she recognized
. The meals my father enjoyed were not something she would accept easily. His appetites were very odd in all things. Setting the tray down on the table beside the bed, I met Pagan’s gaze
.

           
“He isn’t fond of me
,” I said as I handed her a plate.

      
“No,
he isn’t. But then who can blame him? You took away his eternity. He is now stuck here, forever.”

       
The hate laced in her words was more painful than anything I could have ever imagined.
“I didn’t take his soul Pagan, my father did. I had no idea he was going to.
Ghede
answers to no one within our realm. He makes decisions that please him and he overindulges in anything pleasurable and corrupts enjoyable pursuits, making things that should be good and satisfying into depraved behaviors. Nothing I can say will stop him. I was a child when he asked me to choose a soul. I had no idea what the implications were. I chose you. I didn’t know then what that meant. You can hate me but try to understand I am not my father.”

Pagan was quiet a moment and I began fixing a plate of food. 
“Who is your mother?”

My mother wasn’t someone I really wanted to discuss. Ever.
But with Pagan I would share everything.
Even the painful things.
“My mother is
Erzulie
, she is the reason my skin is pale and my hair is blond. She’s the Voodoo Goddess of many things. Love being one… vengeance being another. She takes many lovers and enjoys the same things my father does. I see her on occasion but for the most part I
live with my father. She has never had any desire for a child but then I’m not her only one. She has several, many of whom walk the earth. She is not above taking human men to her um… bed.”

Pagan took small bites of the pulled pork I’d brought her and I sighed in relief. She needed to eat. I didn’t like the idea of her starving. Father would make her immortal soon. But for now, she needed nourishment.

“You don’t talk like your father
either. He has a bit of a Cajun
accent.”

Finally, she was curious about me.
“I’ve spent the majority of my life following you. I adopted your accent so I would fit in with your life. I didn’t want to appear to you as an outsider.”

“So all those dreams I’ve had are real? Those things really happened. Are there more memories I’ve forgotten?”

Those were only small
tid
-
bits of our life together. There was so much I wanted her to remember, “Maybe
a few more.”
I replied.

“A few more? That’s all?”

I didn’t want to hide anything else from her. I’d hid so much already. I set my plate down and stood up. If I was going to tell her this, I needed to be able to pace. It helped me think. Besides, having her perched on my bed made it hard to concentrate on much
of anything else
. My mind kept going back to the time on her couch, before
Dankmar
had consumed her heart. I’d never been that close to anyone.

“I’ve been with you many times in your life. When you were lonely or sad, I was there. When you were in danger, I was there. It was what I did. Father said you were mine and I should protect you. So I did. I’m sorry that you don’t remember. It wasn’t something I did on purpose. It’s just that I am soulless and your soul can’t remember me for long when I’m not near you.”

“Why did you want me to remember those times? The ones you’d picked out for me to dream about?”

I stopped and turned to stare directly at her.
“Because those were the times I fell a little more in love with you.”

“You don’t love me,
Lief
. If you loved me you’d never have been able to hold me against my will.”

“I’ve told you I can’t control my father. He saved your life. He owns you Pagan.”

“No one owns me.”

She didn’t understand. I began to fear she never would.
“I don’t want to argue with you. Not tonight. Let’s just eat. Okay?”

             
I went back to my plate and we ate in silence. When Pagan set her plate down, I did the same. 
“Are you full?”
I
asked standing
in order to clean
up our meal.

“Yes,”
she mumbled.

I couldn’t make her forgive me. Tonight, I’d
had
all of this I could handle. Turning I headed for the door to leave her once again, alone.
Just before I reached the door I turned back and tried one more time.