Lemons 02 A Touch of Danger (11 page)

I toweled off and got dressed, making sure my t-shirt was acceptable with Elise. It was. Apparently Huey Lewis & The News passes muster around here. I was glad because I wasn’t going to change it either way…and I had packed three different ones, anyway.

We were out the door and on our way to the Shell Beach Grocery for some drinks less than one hour from the time I woke up. It was a new record for me.

We each grabbed a drink, (Sugar-Free Rockstar for me, Zero-Carb Rockstar for Elise,) and headed towards the small little park so we could sit, enjoy the morning and map out a plan of attack.

We had gone in to Brad’s house last night way unprepared and had had too close of a call for our own comfort.

“Hey Elise, remember that old show Too Close For Comfort?”

“Nope.”

“Aw come on, you remember. It had Ted Baxter from Mary Tyler Moore and Jim J. Bullock.”

“Okay, yeah, I vaguely remember it.”

“How can you only VAGUELY remember Jim J. Bullock trying to play a ‘straight’ guy?”

“He was supposed to be straight on that show?”

“Yeah! That guy is gayer than Boat Trip! People weren’t fooled so the producers of the show tried to give him a girlfriend and shit. Didn’t work. In fact, in a very special episode, he actually gets raped by a bunch of women. Seriously. The audience didn’t know how to react so they laughed…at rape. I’m not making this shit up.”

“Wow.”

“Right? No one laughed when Edith Bunker almost got raped in her house, but when the little gay boy trying to play straight gets raped by a pack of women, it is HI-LAR-E-US!

“Why does this random crap pop in to your head?”

“The things that pop into my head are never random. I can always trace the source, no matter how far back it seems. It’s a gift.”

“You consider that a gift?”

“Sure, why not?”

“Because it is ridiculous.”

“You’re just jealous. All I was thinking about was how last night’s encounter was a little TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT. Hence, Jim J. Bullock.”

“Your head is filled with more useless knowledge than anyone I’ve ever met. I’m not going to lie, it’s pretty impressive.”

“Thank you, Elise. That means a lot.”

“Quick! What was Jim J. Bullock’s character’s name on the show! I know you know!”

I gave her a little laugh / eye roll combination and said, “Duh, Monroe Ficus. God.”

“You’re amazing. Come on, we have work to do. Time to get serious.”

“Dy-No-Mite!”

***

We arrived at the park after a few minutes and took a seat at one of the tables with shade, close to where a few children were playing on the swing and fun zone. It was good to hear the children’s laughter while we worked.

We had gotten a text from Jamie last night after our adventure informing us that they were all home safely. It was a huge relief for me. Maybe I watch too many movies, maybe I was a little too paranoid, but I was not willing to take any chances. I would make it up to them somehow.

But, right now, we have a murderer to bust.

“Okay,” Elise says as she is opening her drink. Mine is already gone, but oh well. “First, something was obviously bothering him last night. He seemed pissed.”

“The bottle throwing seemed like good evidence of your deduction, Columbo.”

“Agreed,” she said. “So, do we assume that he is pissed about you? Us, I mean?”

“I’m not so sure. When I went over there the other day, I somewhat subtly told him I might have been the one who saw him kill that girl. But, I’m not one-hundred-percent sure he caught on.”

“And he did have a reason for killing that woman in the first place, right? Whatever it was had to have been pretty huge to warrant killing her.”

“Yeah, and speaking of her, unless we find out who the hell she is, we’re not going to bust him on shit.”

“Well, get the trace on that license plate. Hopefully that will lead us somewhere.”

“Yeah. Hopefully. If not, we’re back where we started and yesterday was for nothing. Hold on.” I took out my phone and clicked on the drawing of a giant penis with a badge I had quickly drawn on my Paint app a few months ago. Detective Enzite picked up after two rings.

“Well hello there, Archie Lemons.”

“Hey, Uncle Milty, what’s happenin’?”

“Not much, just waiting to be asked for another favor from the moochiest private eye since Magnum.”

“Why, Detective Enzite, was that a joke? I’m very impressed, my friend.”

“Thank you, I’ve been trying.”

“Fantastic, now just try to find some tighter shirts and we can be BFF!”

“Fuck you, Lemons, there are no tighter shirts. What do you want?”

“Oh you love me. And, what I waaannnntttt is…” I paused for effect. The effect of making him irritated. Haha! “A trace on a license plate. I need it yesterday.”

“Yesterday huh? Well, let me hop in my Delorian and go back in time to get it for ya.”

“Hey George Lopez, no stealing my jokes!”

I believe I may have heard the slightest of laughter from him. This was a first.

“Fine. What’s the plate number?”

I read him the plate number from the picture I had taken with my phone and he said he would check it in a few minutes then get back to me. I thanked him and told him I would talk to him in a few minutes.

I ended the call then dialed Detective Anderson’s cell number. He didn’t check his Call I.D.

“Detective Anderson.”

“Detective,” I said. “It’s me.”

“Hey Archie. Any news on your murder? I haven’t seen any mention of it anywhere.”

“God damn it, no. That’s why I am calling. I need helppppp, Detective.”

“Well, what do you neeeeeed,” he asked.

“I need a corpse!”

“Yeah, you usually need one of those in a murder case.”

“I’ve got Enzite running a trace on a license plate of a car that was somewhere where it didn’t belong. Hopefully it’s the dead girl’s car, because if not, I’m back where I started, with nothing.”

“Where was the car?”

“In the suspects’ garage. Please don’t ask how I got it.”

“Wow, I sure won’t. You are a shit magnet, aren’t you, buddy?”

“It sure feels like it. Anyway, I need to find this dead woman.”

“I thought you said she was fish food.”

“She totally is fish food, I meant I need to find out who the hell she is, so I can prove she is missing, tie her to this Brad Jackson asshole and put the heat on him.”

“Good luck with getting a conviction. This country loves a celebrity.”

I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. He was right and we both knew it. Celebrities could do whatever the fuck they wanted to in this country and no jury would convict them. You mean a washed up football player killed some white folk in Beverly Hills? Sure, the evidence is over-whelming, but that’s fuckin” Nordberg over there! No one from the Naked Gun movie could be bad! NOT GUILTY! (I would have made a football reference there instead of an obvious movie one, but, the truth is, I don’t know dick about sports. Oh well.)

“I know, Detective. All I want to do is prove it though. I know what I saw and someone is dead because of that hunky Adonis. I’m going to prove it. Whether or not a jury believes me isn’t my focus right now.”

“Good enough for me. What can I do?”

“Okay,” I said. “I may have burned a few bridges with the Pismo Police Department. I need you to check and see if there are any missing person’s reports out on a slim blonde woman. Actually, any woman at all. I just need to get my foot in the door. I hope that there is a report out there, and hopefully Enzite gets me a name on the car. I’m spinning my wheels here.”

“Okay, I can find a different counties M.P. reports with no problem. I’m not at the office right now but I’ll pull it up as soon as I get there. Give me an hour or so.”

“That’s great, Detective. Thank you.”

“Anything else?”

“If I think of anything else I’ll call ya back.”

“Okay. I’ll check the M.P.s and give ya a call.”

“Thanks Detective. Seacrest out!”

Gayest call ender ever!

I hung up and dialed Max’s number this time. While the phone rang, I glanced over at Elise drinking her drink and enjoying the view from our park bench. I smiled at her.

“Hey Cocks,” Max answered.

“Hey buddy. It’s me again. Ugh, sorry. Have another favor for ya.”

“You got it. I ran a background check on your stalker lady. I gave ya a call but I don’t think you had a signal or something. Went straight to voicemail and I forgot to call back. Sorry man.”

“No worries, I’m done with her anyway.”

“Love “em and leave “em.”

“Yeah, Max. Something like that. Hey, you said Brad Jackson was clean right?”

“Cleaner than the Wal-Mart version of a 2 Live Crew album.”

“Okay, well can you do a financial check on him?”

“Yeah, I could probably do that? Why, what’s up?”

“I have no idea, man. It’s a long shot. Something to be big enough to cause him the trouble he’s involved in. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, whenever someone gets knocked off, it either has to do with sex or money.”

“Woah, somebody got knocked off?”

Shit! Did I not tell Max the details? I couldn’t remember. Shit shit shit.

“Yeah, sure,” I respond. “His wife, remember. Duh?”

“Was that DUH a question?”

“Possibly.”

“I have a funny feeling you’re holding out on me, Michael J. Cocks.”

“I’ll tell you everything when I get home. Just please run those reports soon and get back to me.”

“Will do.”

“Thanks!”

“You’re wel…” I ended the call and looked back at Elise. My smile grew bigger.

“What?” she asked.

“Nothing.”

“Weirdo. Okay, so where do we go from here?”

“Okay, Enzite is running the car. Should hear back from him in a few minutes. Anderson is on…”

“I was sitting right here when you made the calls, dork. I meant what do we do now?”

“Honestly, E.” I said. “I have no idea. I am completely stumped. The car is our only lead right now and until we have more information on it, I really don’t know where we can go.”

I closed my eyes, leaned forward and put my face into my hands. I was lost. I felt the smile leave my face, replaced with nothing but a blank expression.

“Did you take your pills this morning?” Elise asked me.

“Yeah.” I said into the palms of my hands. “I took them.”

Elise put her arm around me and pulled me close to her. “We’re going to get him,” she said. “I promise you, Archie. We’re going to get him.”

Feeling her arm around me, I couldn’t help but to think of my wife and all the pain from the last seven months came flooding through my body like tidal wave. I began to cry. Again. Elise pulled me closer.

“When is it going to stop hurting, Elise?”

“We’re going to get through this together. You’ve got me now and you’re never getting rid of me.”

20.

We stayed on the bench for a little while longer, watched the sun cross over the ocean and glare its light onto our already-warm bodies. More and more children began occupying the park and their screams and laughter filled my heart with a little bit of much-needed happiness.

My phone started vibrating.

“Hey Detective.” Anderson.

“Hey Archie, I got something for ya here.”

“I hope it’s good, man. I’m about to give up on everything and just go back home.”

“Dunno if it’s what ya want, but I have one missing person in your area. A female.”

“Oh man, here we go! Who is she?” I asked.

“Her name is Samantha Hiller. She’s seventeen years old, was reported missing yesterday, so that would put the timeframe about right.”

I let out another sigh. It didn’t sound right to me. The woman I saw on the beach just appeared older than a mere seventeen years. However, anything is possible I suppose. I started running scenarios through my head. Maybe this Brad asshole was involved with an underage girl, she threatened to tell someone about it, and he killed her. Seemed reasonable enough, even though I actually wished that wasn’t the case. Seventeen is way too young to die. But, at the same time, if this were my dead girl then at least I would know and would be on my way to saving my sanity and closing this case. Either way I would have to follow my lead.

“Okay Detective, give me the details. I’ll try running it down today.”

“Okay, the mother, one Katherine Hiller, filed the report last night that her daughter had gone missing. The girl apparently left her cellphone which is what caused the mom to immediately panic.”

“And rightfully so. I’ve learned in the past, no one goes anywhere without their phones these days.”

“Yeah, I’ve never seen you even set yours down before.”

“Yeah, and I’m old as shit. So imagine a teenager.”

“Anyway, this Katherine Hiller lives at 842 Sandpiper Lane.”

“What the hell is a sandpiper?”

“I have no idea, Lemons.”

“Wasn’t that the name of the airline in Wings?”

“Again, I have no idea, Lemons. Go follow your lead and get back to me.”

“Fine. I’m still waiting to hear from Enzite, too. Thanks Detective.”

“Don’t mention it.”

He hung up.

“Come on, Elise, we’ve got a missing girl to track down. Seventeen years old, name of Samantha Hiller, went missing around the same time as I saw the murder. Mother filed the report. Katherine Hiller. 842 Sandpiper St. Or lane. Whatever.”

“Great,” Elise said. She was excited. “Let’s go get the car!”

We arrived at Katherine Hiller’s house about an hour later. We sat in the car for a few minutes, composing our thoughts. I closed my eyes and took two deep breaths.

“Okay, let’s go.”

Elise opened her door and got out, I followed shortly after. My heart was beating faster than normal. I couldn’t tell if that was a good sign or a bad sign. Elise rang the doorbell and an attractive woman answered the door, right around my age. If this was Katherine, she must have had her daughter fairly young.

“Katherine Hiller,” Elise asks.

“Yes. That’s me. Oh god, is…”

“Everything is fine, Mrs. Hiller. My name is Archie Lemons and I am a private investigator over in Bakersfield. This is my sister-in-law, Elise. I mean, my associate Elise.”