Let It Snow (57 page)

"You bet."

***

Mac glowered at Sully

"Oh, don't look at me like that, Mac. He wasn't to know I'm the only man you'll be alone with. That is going to have to change, you know. There are men who are good, and kind, and trustworthy. Men who would treat you like you deserve to be treated. There are men out there who you can be alone with and be safe. Men you can even have sex with. Honey, it's time to push your boundaries, and I think Finn might be the guy to do it with."

"I want my quiet life back, Sully. It was quiet up until yesterday." Mac knew he was right, but that didn't change how she felt.

"Sometimes, we can't go back. Come on, Mac, you know he gets your motor going. I thought you were going to come right there in that chair just from that hand massage."

"I will concede that I may have felt a wee tingle in parts that have been tingle-less for a number of years."

"I knew it."

"Oh, don't go getting all smug on me. I have a perfectly good Rabbit to take care of that annoying little tingle."

"It'll do for now, sweetie."

"I've got to get moving too. What can I do for you before I go?"

"I think I'll be fine, kiddo. Once you're on your way, I'll just settle myself in bed with a nice pain pill, a can of Coke, and my remote control."

"Okay, if you're sure."

"I'm good. You don't want to be late."

"I won't be. You head off to bed. I'll just set some reeds to soak and lock up when I leave."

"Alright. G'night, sweetheart."

"G'night, Sully."

***

Finn flopped into his favourite armchair as he held the phone to his ear. "Hi, it's about time you called."

"Sorry. Mac only just left. I know she was holding off until the last possible minute."

"And why is that exactly, Sully?" Finn asked.

"Yeah, I knew this is why you wanted me to call. I wish we'd got it all out of the way tonight, but you have to agree, she'd had more than enough, especially this close to a performance."

Finn thought back to the determined look on Mac's face when Sully was done telling the story, and realised she'd been at her limit. "Good grief, just get on with it before she gets here."

"She can't be alone with a man. I'm the only one she feels safe with."

"Well that explains the look in her eyes when the guys all left last night."

"We're going to have to work on it. I've let it go far too long. In the meantime, make sure she's never left alone, okay?"

"Got it. That fucker really did a number on her. Please tell me he got all that was coming to him."

Sully gave a heavy sigh. "He got fourteen years, but only has to serve just over nine. That means he gets out next year. It took almost two years from laying charges to sentencing. He was denied bail for all that time, and at sentencing, the judge refused to give him any credit for time served. Otherwise, he'd have been out already"

The ball of anger in Finn's stomach grew with each new detail about Mac's attack and its repercussions. "Not enough, but at least he got jail-time. I guess getting caught in the act would go a long way to a conviction."

"Yeah. You'd think the dumb fuck would have pleaded guilty, but he fought to the bitter end. I don't think that won him any points with the judge."

"Okay, so is there anything else I should know?"

"I think that's it, except maybe just let the beta-blocker issue go. At least until she's done subbing for me."

"I already did. Mac and I had that conversation in the kitchen when she brought in the dishes. I would like to find a way to help her so she doesn't need them to perform, but after tonight's horrifying revelations, I will hold off. Now about the play party on Sunday. I know you won't be playing, but do you think there's any chance you could get Mac to come?"

"I'll see what I can do. I've been known to play the guilt card on occasion. This might be an appropriate time."

"Didn't you use it to get her to play for you?"

"Nope. That was an act of love, pure and simple. The guilt card is only required if I ask something truly decadent of her."

"Gotta go, that's the door. I'll catch you later."

"G'night."

***

Mac stroked Gounod on her lap as she waited for Sully to answer his phone.

"Hey, how did it go tonight, sweetie?"

"Really well. I didn't even need to take a beta blocker."

"That's awesome. I knew you'd be fine."

"I know that won't be the case tomorrow night, though."

"That's okay, do what you can. Finn gets it. He won't be on your case about it any more, but that doesn't mean he won't work at finding another way to deal."

"Yeah, I know. We talked about it earlier. It was hard to believe he was the same person I met last night. He went from total asshole to sweet and thoughtful. It almost gave me whiplash."

"I told you he really wasn't an asshole. What happened with his wife warped his view of anxiety and medication."

"Yeah, I get it. At least we're able to have a functional working relationship."

"That's a start. So, Finn's got a play party coming up on Sunday. I won't be able to play, but I'm going to attend anyway. How about you join me."

Mac's answer was instant. "No."

"Aw, come on, Mac. It'll be fun. You don't have to play. Just keep me company."

"Fuck you, Sully. You aren't being fair. I know when you're inching towards a guilt trip. It's not going to work this time."

"It's not some random party, Mac. It's restricted to the quintet members and their subs. There's no pressure. It's just a social occasion where we get to let off steam. You aren't the only one who needs to decompress after performing. When we have a crazy concert schedule, like we do every December, Finn throws end of week play parties."

"No. I am not part of the quintet, and I am not anyone's sub."

"Right now you are part of the quintet, and while you may not belong to anyone, you are a sub."

"Fuck. Why are you pushing this? I agreed to perform a bunch of concerts in your place. That was all we'd agreed to. You never said anything about play parties, or any other social activities."

"True, I didn't include socialising in my request, but I'm asking now. I want to go to the party, and if I don't get to play, I'd like to have someone to keep me company."

Mac was torn. She'd spent years avoiding social situations. She felt safer and more in control that way, but sometimes she missed letting loose and having some fun with a group of people.

"I wouldn't be expected to play?"

"Not if you don't want to. You know the way it works. Nothing's changed. Safe, Sane, and Consensual. You know I'd cut off my lips and rip my own lungs out before I'd ever put you at risk."

"Yeah, but would you play a concert on a commercial reed?"

"In a heartbeat. So, will ya, will ya?"

Mac could feel herself being swayed. Sully had protected her for years. Her head knew he would never put her safety at risk, but that didn't stop her from being afraid.

"I don't know. It's been so long since I've been to any party, let alone a kinky one."

I know, sweetheart. Just give it a try. If it's too much for you, we'll leave. Who knows, you might just have a little fun for a change.

"I hate you, Sully. I really, really hate you."

"No you don't. You love me to pieces. You can pick me up at seven."

"Fine. G'night."

"Good night, sweetheart."

Miserable fucker. Yet another thing he'd talked her into. How much more upheaval would he wreak upon her before his ribs healed. Oh well, she'd had a pretty good rehearsal, and getting through without needing a blocker made it that much better. That hand rub sure helped mitigate the earlier unpleasantness of the evening, and now she and Finn were no longer at odds with each other, she hoped things would go smoothly until her obligation to Sully and his quintet was over.

Mac was bombarded by the other members of the quintet the moment they left the stage.

"Great concert, Mac," Griff said, as he gave her a pat on the shoulder.

"Yeah, I thought I'd seen your A game, but, wow." Jack added.

"Thanks, guys. I think we all kicked-ass tonight and I'm glad I didn't let you down."

"You were completely fab. Wanna join us at the pub for a drink to wind down?" Wilson asked.

"I appreciate the offer, but I need to head home. I decompress better there."

"Okay, but we'll be at the Squeaky Wheel if you change your mind."

Mac donned her coat and grabbed her gear as she headed for her car. "Good night. I'll see you all tomorrow night."

The men waved to Mac as she left. Finn opened the door for her, watching until he she'd made it safely to her vehicle and was driving away. He appreciated that she checked the inside of her car carefully before opening the door and getting in. He would have preferred to walk her to her car, but based on what Sully'd told him, he figured she wouldn't be good with that, and he didn't want to put her on the spot by asking.

Baby steps. She rehearsed the night before without meds. That was huge to him. She'd agreed to come to the play party with Sully. That was huge in a whole other way. Well, off to the pub to drink with the boys. He'd have to give them some background on Mac so they could be aware of possible triggers. Why did he always have to fall for the damaged ones? At least with Mac, her anxiety was strictly limited to performance situations. As long as it stayed that way, he would deal.

***

Mac's phone started ringing just as she settled into bed with a steaming cup of tea. She knew who it would be, even before looking at the caller ID.

"Hi, Sully."

"Hey gorgeous, great gig tonight. I don't think I've ever heard you sound better."

"You were there?"

"Of course I was there. Your first performance in years? I'd have to be crossing the threshold of death's door to miss that."

"Thanks for being there. You should have told me you were coming."

"Nope, you had enough on your mind. I didn't want to risk being any kind of distraction for you. Anyway, I know you have a post-performance ritual, so I will let you get back to it. I just wanted to let you know how awesome you were and how proud of you I am."

"Thanks. Sometimes, I think you know me way too well, but I'm really glad you do."

"Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Goodnight."

Mac sipped her tea as she considered her best friend. He would make someone very lucky one day. Too bad he didn't have a nice, regular woman to be taking care of him while he's out of commission. On second thought, it's probably just as well. His rampant libido and non-existent self control would likely hold back his recovery. Hell, that's what got his ribs broken in the first place. At least he wouldn't get a chance to over-do it at the play party. That was probably the only good thing she could come up with about letting Sully talk her into going.

Bugger. It had been so long since she'd been around any of that kind of activity in real life. She had been just getting involved when her world imploded. While her interest remained, she limited her indulgence to online lurking. She and Sully talked about it, but mostly in the context of his exploits.

While she often masturbated to Sully's anecdotes, it was only the sub's experience that turned her on. Because theirs was a sibling-like relationship, she consciously replaced Sully with the Dom of her dreams. Somehow over the last few days, the Dom of her dreams had morphed into Finn.

Finn. How on earth was she going to handle watching him play with someone else? True, the only playing she'd done in years happened in her head, and the prospect of a physical experience was too terrifying to contemplate. Of course, she didn't have to watch Finn. The rest of the quintet would be there. She could watch them. Besides, she was only going to keep Sully from feeling like a wallflower. Maybe just being there, watching the action live, would help her shift from fantasy-land to reality.

Mac fidgeted as she and Sully waited at Finn's front door. "It'll be fine. I'll be there the whole time, but if I do have to leave you for any reason, you know, like taking a piss, I'll make sure you are safe and not left alone. Trust me."

"I do trust you. You know I do. That doesn't make this any less scary, though."

"It's okay to be scared as long as it doesn't hold you back. You've been letting it hold you back for too long."

Their conversation stopped as they heard the lock being released, and they both turned to face the door.

Finn appeared and smiled. "Great, you both made it. Come on in, we're just getting organised. Now that you're here, we can get started."

Mac and Sully entered and stowed their outerwear. Finn continued as he locked the door behind them, "I've set up seating for you in the after-care area, which should afford you both a good view of most, if not all the action. There is a refreshment table there as well, so please, do help yourselves."

They made their way through to the kitchen, where an open door revealed a staircase to the basement.

"Hold onto the banister and watch your step. It's a little steep. We can't afford another injured oboist."

At the bottom of the stairs, Mac got her first glimpse of the playroom. It was post and beam and seemed to span almost the entire footprint of the house. Her first instinct was to turn tail and run, but curiosity and her commitment to Sully won out. That, and Sully prodding her along from behind.

She spotted the after-care area in the far corner and they skirted the perimeter of the room to get there without disturbing those who were already playing.

"You're a real joker. A fainting couch? Fuck, Finn, why don't you just lop off my balls right now," Sully complained.

"Oh, suck it up, buttercup. It was the most comfortable option I could think of. I could go get you a ladder-back chair from the kitchen if you would prefer, because that nice comfy chair next to the couch is for Mac."