Let Me Be the One (12 page)

I needed to go. 
Jenna had the person she needed with her now and I had to get Beth’s car back before anyone noticed anything.  I walked out as the sky was just starting to get light.

There he was.  I was
relieved to see him on one hand and also just exhausted at the thought of having to go nine rounds with him right now.  “I followed Dan here.”  He looked crushed. “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine.  I would ha
ve told you if it was me, Tom.”

“Is Jenna alright?”

“She will be.”

“I’m sorry if I’ve been a dick, Darcy.  I still don’t know what’s going on but I just…I just don’t k
now how you could shut me out.”

“And I don’t know
why you couldn’t have stuck by me, how you could move on so quickly.”

“Move on?”

Tears pricked at my eyes when I looked at him.  He came closer and held me.  “Please, Darcy, I miss you. What can I do?”

I felt anger, hurt, and pain rise up in me.  “Tom,” I moved back out of his arms, “I’m so tired and the last few weeks have been so hard.  And, I don’t
know, Tom, the way you’ve been?  You don’t miss a beat.  I’m out of the picture for a few days and you’re having lunch with Morgan and her friends?  Even the other day when you and I were talking in the quad, you just dropped everything to talk parties with your
buddy
Liz.  I wonder if I really know you.”

He looked
at me, eyes-wide, incredulous. “If you know me?  How the fuck was I supposed to know what you were dealing with, Darcy?  You’ve basically just dropped me.  You’re driving me fucking insane!”

“I don’t want this, Tom.  I don’t want you upset and I don’t want to be the pathetic, jealous girlfriend.  I’m so…,” I was going to tell him I was so tired and so sorry but what came out was, “I’ve got to go.  I have to get the
car back before Beth wakes up.”

As I left him standing there all I could think was that everything was falling apart.  How could I love someone so intensely and then feel something close to hatred when I thought of his stupid,
smiling face as he was sitting having lunch with those girls?

I let myself back in quietly, returned the keys to their spot and gathered some fresh sheets, bleach, and a garbage bag to get Jenna’s room back to normal.  I cried as I bleached the mattress clean of blood and cried when I threw out the sheets and her clothes. 

Oh,
Jenna.  I could imagine she was feeling a mixture of sadness, loss, relief, and guilt.  I know getting Dan there was the right thing to do.  He loved her so much.  I thought about him holding her with complete love and tenderness.  Once he knew, he was there for her.  It made me feel the loss of Tom like a kick to the gut.  I knew I had shut Tom out.  I knew my behavior had been confusing to him.  I owed him more of an explanation but that was going to have to wait until later.  Right now I needed a shower and a few hours’ sleep.

I woke to my phone ringing.  Dan told me they were releasing Jenna in about an hour and he was swinging by to get a change of clothes for her.  No one else was home and we both hugged and cried again when he walked in.  I told him I was sorry that I hadn’t come to him earlier but he told me he under
stood. 

Jenna
looked pale and wiped out when they got back.  She and I sat on her bed, me holding her, as Dan parked the car.  I was a little worried that she would be mad at me for calling Dan but she wasn’t.  “Darcy, you have been so good to me.  I love you.”

“Stop.  You know you would do the same for me.  It’s going to be ok, Jenna.”

Dan walked back in, gave me a kiss on the cheek, climbed right into bed with Jenna, and stroked her hair. I looked at them together for a second before I turned to go.  “See you later guys.  I love you.”

I needed to talk to Tom. 
I tried to get a hold of him but he didn’t answer the phone.  I hoped it wasn’t because he didn’t want to speak to me but I knew it probably was.  I was just going to have to suck it up and go to him.  I ran into Chris on my way to Tom’s place. “Hey Darcy, what’s up? You ok?”

I must have looked like the walking dead; everyone I passed had been asking me if I was ok. “I’m alright.  I was just heading
over to see if Tom was around.”

“He’s at the rugby house.  I just came back to get an extra tap for
the keg.  I’ll take you there.”

I wasn’t in the mood for a party.  “Nah, I don’t know
, Chris.”

“Oh come on.  He’ll be happy if you’re there, Darcy.  That boy’s been walking around like a kid who just dropped his ice cream cone for the past few we
eks.  Come on.  You’re coming.”

“Okay.”

Tom

Moved on? I definitely know that girls do not see things exactly the way that guys do but was she seriously suggesting that I wanted to get back together with Mo
rgan?  She was either losing it or using that as an excuse to push me away. 

I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt b
ecause it was obvious that she and Jenna were going through some serious shit together.  I had my theories about what was happening there and in my heart I knew if she wasn’t telling me something, she had her reasons.  I decided I’d give her some time but not much.  Today was Saturday.  If she didn’t come to me by tomorrow I was busting her door down and making her see things my way.  I wasn’t letting her go.  No chance.

I went to the rugby party reluctantly.  I felt like shit and happily took the two shots of Patron that Mac lined up for me.  I was a few beers in when the party started to get crowded.  I saw Liz and Carrie walk in, thankfully without Morgan.  I sat in one corner of the room, not really caring if I talked to anyone.  Life was going on for everyone else.  I sat there scoping, watching the hook-ups in progress; watching a girl whisper into a guy’s ear, a guy’s hand slide down the lower back of some girl.  I missed Darcy and I missed touching her so much.  The pain of her absence in my life sliced through me like a knife.  I’d had enough of this place.  I headed into the bathroom.  Figured I’d take a leak and then bail.

I was mid-leak when the door opened up.  I was mid,
“What the fuck?” when Liz walked in and closed the door behind her.  “What are you doing, Liz?”

She laughed and turned her head away but her eyes stayed on my lower b
ody. “Oh shit, Tom, finish up.”

I put my junk away and turned to face her, “
Hello
? What are you doing in here?”

“Sorry, Tom.  Hey, you looked so mis
erable out there.  Are you ok?”

I’m thinking, couldn’t she have waited to ask me this until after I exited the bathroom?  “I’m
fine, Liz.”

“I couldn’t help noticing you’re alone
again,
Tom.  What. Is. Up?”

“Nothing, Liz,
just working some things out.”

She moved closer and flashed me a wicked grin. “Tom, I can work some things out for you.  Remem
ber?”

I was definitely feeling my liquor but I wasn’t totally out of it, thank God.  As she reached for me to get me back out of my pants she said, “Tom, you used to
love the way I made you feel.”

See what being a drunk-ass man-whore gets you?  Hooking up with my ex’s roommate was definitely up there with my all-time shittiest moments.  I thought it was only once but she was making it sound plural.  Fuck.  This was definit
ely not happening. “Liz, stop.”

She kept at it,
gliding her hands down into the narrow opening she’d made by undoing my top button.  “What? Don’t worry, Tom, I’m not looking for a damn proposal.  I just want to be with you.  Make you feel good.  Have some fun.  Do you
remember
how to have fun?”

I firmly moved her away from me. “
This
isn’t fun.  Look, Liz, you’re a nice person.  Some guy would be happy to be with you.  You don’t need to do this.”

She lowered her head.  “That’s why I want
you
, Tom.  You’re a good guy.”

I shook my head. “Yeah, I don’t know a
bout that.  Come on, let’s go.”

I turned her around so she was facing front and I was walking behind her, leading her out of the bathroom with my hands on her shoulders.  As she opened the door, she turned around and rose up on her toes to
give me a peck.  “Thanks, Tom.”

I just smiled at her and when I looked up I was loo
king right at Darcy, who was looking right at Liz.  Fuck. Even I knew this looked bad. 

Darcy stood immobile for a moment, looking ghostly white, and then turned and stormed out the front door.  I went to go after her and was thrown back by a pair of giant hands.  Chris had pushed me full force and he was a big
dude.  “What the fuck, Chris?”

He glared at me. “You’re not going near her, ass
hole,” he looked to Liz then, “And you, you’re a fucking slut.”

That was it.  I went after him then.  Was he kidding me, acting all protective over Darcy? Protecting Darcy from
me?
She was
mine
.  He pinned me after we both landed several punches and had his forearm jammed against my throat.  “You done?”  When I didn’t answer he yelled, “I brought her here for you, you shit.  And you go and do that?  You’re the stupidest motherfucker on the planet.”

“You don’t know what
the fuck you’re talking about.”

He got up off me, pushed me hard into the floor again, and left.  It took me a minute to pull myself together and then Liz was right in my face, “Are you ok?  Thanks, Tom.  He was
so
out of line.”

Great, now this one thinks I was fighting for her ho
nor?  “Go
away
, Liz.”  When she started to talk again I couldn’t help myself.  “Please, shut the fuck up, Liz, and GO AWAY.”

A little battered and bruised I made my way back to campus.  When I walked into my place Ben and Dan were sitting on the couch looking like they were waiting for me.  Ben started in on me first. “Rough night?”

“You could say that.”

“You want to tell me what happened?  I gotta tell you, the version I just heard doesn’t sound like you.  Or, at least, not the ‘you’ I’ve known this year.”

“Why don’t you tell me then because I was there and I have no fu
cking idea what just happened.”

“Chris told me he ran into Darcy
; she had come here looking for you.  So he took Darcy to the party to meet up with you and when they walked in they saw you and Liz coming out of the bathroom together, you kissing her on the lips, and then when Liz saw Darcy she winked and made some crude gesture of licking her lips like she was savoring the last drops of cum on them.  Oh, and I almost forgot the icing on the cake, your pants were undone.”

“That’s not what happene
d.  I’ve gotta go talk to her.”

Dan literally stood up as if he was going to block me when I motioned towards the door. Everyone was pissing me off tonight. “She’s not
there, Tom.  And anyway, you’re…you’re not going near her right now.”

“What the fuck is the matter with you two?  Do you really think I’d do that?”  My head sank and I ran my hands through my hair.  “I feel like I’m losing her and I can’t stop it.  She shut me out of her life for the past month.  I know she had her reasons but everything seems like it’s changi
ng.  It was perfect and now...”

Ben got a call that I know pertained to me but he got
up and walked outside to talk.  I had no comment about that; I felt so fucking tired and all the anger had bled out of me.  When he was sure we were alone, Dan took a deep, loud breath and spoke slowly. “Hey, look at me. I know this shit is safe with you.  Jenna was pregnant.  She didn’t tell me, which still hurts like hell.  She had a miscarriage the other night.  Jenna told me that for the three weeks Darcy knew, she didn’t leave her side.  Darcy dropped everything for her.”

“I followed you the night you went to the hospital, Dan.  I saw Darcy that next morning when she was leaving but she still wouldn’t tell me anything.  I’m just sorry
, Dan, that’s gotta hurt like hell.”

“Yeah it does.  It hurts because one day I want that so much with Jenna.  And it hurts because I’m relieved that it’s not happening
now
and that makes me feel like a total shit.”

“I’m sorry, Dan.”

Ben came back in then and Dan changed the subject back to me. “So what really happened tonight?”

“Liz followed me into the bathroom and tried to get with me but I turned her down,
nicely.
”

Dan shook his head. “You know she’s been saying shit to Darcy off and on all year?  Jenna told me
.  She’s a fucking bitch, Tom.”

“What do you mean?”

“Basically talking shit about how you are between the sheets, how you love
her
blow jobs, how you’ve done half the campus, and not to get too comfortable because you aren’t just going to be with one girl.  So I can see why Darcy has been starting to think you’re an asshole.  She sees this girl chatting you up, obviously flirting with you, and you do nothing to discourage her.  And then this today—”