Let Me In (15 page)

“You don’t have to finish…” He cuts me off by placing his finger to my lips.

“It’s okay, you deserve to know. So…it was Saturday and I wanted to go to this birthday party. I knew her time was coming. She’d become frail and weak, barely conscious some of the time. Mostly she slept in the bed, and the nurses came in and out, taking care of her. My dad told me he didn’t want me to go, that he wanted me to stay at home, but I pushed to go anyway. Eventually, my mom told him to take me so my dad got his keys. He kissed my mom’s forehead goodbye and we left. I only gave my mom a wave from the doorway.” He wipes a tear from his eye. “No ‘I love you’ or goodbye kiss…just a fucking wave from the doorway.”

“I’m sure she understood, Grant. You can’t beat yourself up.” I release his hand, wrapping my arms completely around his shoulders.

“I went to the party,” he continues, completely disregarding my words. “Mrs. Carsen picked me and Brady up. She brought us back to the house and we arrived right as the ambulance was taking her away on the stretcher, her body covered by a white sheet. I ran screaming but my dad caught me before I could get to her. The startled paramedics loaded her into the ambulance, and I watched it drive away, no lights or sirens needed. I cried in my dad’s arms while he whispered for me to calm down.

After that day, my dad and I slowly drifted apart. She purposely overdosed while we were gone. He blamed me from that day forward, and for good reason. If I hadn’t been so selfish, who knows how many more days we would’ve had with her?”

“God no, Grant. Don’t think that. She knew you loved her and she loved you,” I say, desperate to assure him.

“I know that now. She didn’t have much longer and I know she felt she was delaying the inevitable. She feared she was becoming a burden, but it still doesn’t change anything.” He stares down at the ground and won’t look at me, so I get down and kneel on the floor.

“Look at me,” I tell him, placing my head right under his with my hands on his knees. Not knowing what to do, I get up and straddle him, placing his face between my hands. “Grant, she wouldn’t want you to suffer anymore. You were suffering right along with her. She loved you more than she loved herself. She wanted to end your pain. Those letters she left you, that’s her goodbye to you. She loved you so much that she took the time to make sure she would stay with you throughout all these years.” His eyes are empty and I worry I made a mistake, forcing him to relive the worst moment of his life.

“Don’t leave me,” he requests, and his blue eyes have a speck of life back in them.

“Stand up,” I instruct and he stands on his feet. I unbutton and unzip his pants, pulling them down his legs. He steps out of them while I grab his shirt, pushing it over his head. I quickly strip down and pull the corner of my comforter down. After I crawl under the covers wearing only my bra and underwear, I wait for him to join me. Once he’s in my bed, I wrap him in my arms, slowly moving my hands down his arms and back. “I’m not going anywhere, Grant. You never have to worry about that,” I whisper to him. We stay like that until we eventually get drowsy and fall asleep.

Grant

We haven’t spent a night apart since we left the cabin and I have to admit, I’m starting to need her next to me at night. We’re all getting ready to go away for spring break this week. I had to take some money out of my savings account in order to take the time off work, but it’s worth it to be with Jessa. I briefly wonder how she’ll do, going back to her hometown, but so far she appears unfazed by it.

Brady’s house is bustling with activity by the time I arrive. Dex throws a duffle bag down the stairs as he yells, “Watch out below!” and I swiftly step over it, heading up to see Jessa.

I find her packing and I scoop her up into my arms. “Hey, babe,” I say, kissing her neck.

“Hi…I’m so excited,” she exclaims. “A week of skiing and my family. Prepare to be annihilated on the slopes,” she jokes.

“Really? You do remember I was on the ski team in high school?” I remind her and she playfully smacks my shoulder.

“Sorry, babe, but those were hills. We’re talking mountains. You don’t stand a chance.” She continues to throw stuff into her suitcase. There’s another difference between the two of us. My clothes are neatly packed, already in order of when I’m going to wear them, while Jessa’s case is in complete disarray.

“You want to make a wager?” I cock my eyebrow up to her.

“What do you have in mind?” She comes up to me, wrapping her arms around my neck.

“Well…” I scrunch up my lips, staring up at the ceiling as though I am contemplating. “How about whoever gets to the bottom of the slope first goes without any undergarments on the night when I take you out to dinner,” I propose.

“Deal,” she says, sealing it with a kiss. “Prepare to keep those boxer briefs in the suitcase,” she laughs.

“Let’s go you two.” Trey knocks on the door and then stomps down the stairs.

We arrive at the airport with plenty of time to spare. While Jessa calls her parents to let them know when we’ll get there, I go into the gift shop to purchase some magazines. The girl behind
the counter reminds me of someone, but I can’t place her. She’s short and petite like Jessa, but has strawberry blonde hair. Her eyes travel up and down my body, and I don’t miss the sly smile that crosses her lips when I walk up. I can’t shake the feeling that I know her somehow, but her name tag reads ‘Kim’ and it’s not ringing any bells.

“Hey,” she says in a familiar voice.

“Hi,” I respond, laying the magazines on the counter.

“It’s been awhile,” she continues and I turn as if to see whether someone’s behind me, but I know there isn’t.

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” I ask, hesitant to receive the answer.

“Am I that forgettable? You seemed to know my name when you screamed it over and over again that night,” she whispers to me, leaning over the counter. Instantly, I look side to side to make sure Jessa isn’t anywhere around.

“I’m sorry, I don’t remember you. Are you sure you aren’t mistaking me for someone else?” I ask, hoping this is a case of mistaken identity.

“Grant Bishop, right?” she asks and my stomach drops. Shit, I must’ve fucked this girl and don’t remember it.

“That’s me,” I confirm.

“I have my break in five minutes if you want to relive the memories,” she says
flirtatiously.

“Sorry,” I say and look at her name tag again, “Kim. I’m here with my girlfriend. I don’t remember you and I know that’s shitty of me, but I’m not interested in meeting you anywhere in five minutes,” I tell her and her face never falters.

“Lizzy?” she questions and a cold shock hits my body hearing the name.

“You knew Lizzy?” I ask.

“No, it’s just you kept talking about her after we finished that night. I can see why you don’t remember. We
were
pretty drunk,” she laughs, but I don’t see what’s so funny about the situation. Then it dawns on me. I must have met this girl right after Lizzy. I was a complete mess back then, drinking myself silly and screwing anyone who was willing.

“No, it’s not Lizzy. It’s someone else,” I inform her and pick up the magazines. “Thank you, Kim,” I say and walk out of the store.

“If you change your mind, you know where to find me,” she calls out as I make my way to Jessa. I don’t respond, since there’s not a chance in hell I’m going to change my mind. Maybe Trey should go buy a magazine; he’s always looking for a quick lay.

Seeing Jessa leaning against the wall and laughing with Sadie brings a calming feeling back over my body. Hearing Lizzy’s name made all those fears of losing Jessa go racing around my head again.

“Hey.” She welcomes me with her lips and I wrap my arms around her waist, squeezing her tight.

“I love you,” I whisper in her ear and she squeezes me harder. I’m thankful she does because it reminds me that she
is
worth it.

We board the plane, taking our seats. Trey and Dex end up on either side of a young, attractive college student and I laugh watching them try and up their game on her. Jessa and I sit next to each other, with me in the aisle and her in the middle. Sadie and Brady are behind us. We listen to the flight attendant’s instructions and Jessa cuddles up next to me as I reach around her, pulling her closer. That coconut and vanilla scent hits my nostrils, and I remember how I once thought she’d never be mine.

Jessa is asleep two seconds after the flight goes airborne. I watch the poor girl who’s squeezed between Trey and Dex as her head bobs back and forth, trying to give them equal attention. Thank God that’s not me anymore. I have to admit, this committed relationship thing is nice.

I just wish I could get Lizzy out of my head. Ever since that girl at the airport mentioned her name, I can’t turn off the memories. It’s the night I thought my life was over, but here I am with someone that means much more to me. Still, the questions that have flooded my mind for so long still linger there. Could it have worked? Would we have still been together?

The plane dips and Jessa stirs slightly, draping her arm over my stomach. Staring down at the blonde that I love more than I could ever express, I want to bottle up this feeling and keep it forever. My heart tells me that, it’ll always be there, but my mind says bottle it up fast because it’ll be over soon and you’ll only remember how much pain you’re in.

Keeping Jessa as comfortable as I can, I pull out the letter in my backpack. I’ve been hanging onto it for a while, not knowing when I should open it. Unceremoniously I rip the letter labeled
Love
open because it’s time I hear what my mom has to say. With Lizzy, I almost opened it plenty of times, but something always held me back. With Jessa, on the other hand, I
know
I’m supposed to open it.

Dear Grant,

Finally! As a mother, this is the best letter I get to write you. It means you found someone worth opening this letter for. Believe me, I’m smiling down on you now. I’m sure I realized you loved her before you realized it yourself.

You opened this letter for my advice, right? Here are the simple things, which if I raised you right, you already do. Treat her right, open doors for her, always follow her into a room, and tell her how beautiful she is every moment you think it. Make her feel as special as she is to you. Respect her, value her opinion, and listen to her suggestions. Kiss her goodnight every night and again when you wake up. Never take her for granted and cherish every second you have with her. If you do these small things, she’ll never look to another to fulfill her needs.

Don’t worry about the future, concentrate on the present. If you live in the future or the past, you’ll be unable to enjoy what’s going on right now. Treasure your moments together, making the most of every situation. Enjoy the ride, Grant, because if you do it right, the lows are worth all the highs.

Love her with everything inside you. Never hold back. Congratulations, sweetheart, love is the most precious gift you can give someone and that you can receive.

Love,

Mom

XOXO

I stuff it in my backpack and wrap my arms around Jessa. She sighs softly, nudging her head in the crook of my neck. Resting my head on hers, I fall asleep until the pilot announces our descent into Denver. I bend my head over Jessa’s and kiss her lips.

“That’s a nice way to wake up,” she says groggily. “I’m sorry I slept the whole way, I’ve been so tired.” She yawns, stretching her arms up and pushing her breasts out.

“Well, we haven’t been sleeping much the last week. I have to say though, I’m a bit disappointed we didn’t join the mile-high club.” I reach over, discreetly grab her breast, and she gives me a look that is supposed to appear reproachful, but the smirk she can’t hide shows me she enjoys it.

“I promise, on the way home.” She turns into me, kissing me firmly on the lips and ensuring that my hands remain hidden to freely grope her. “This is nice though,” she murmurs.

When we finally separate from one another, I notice the middle-aged man next to Jessa admiring the show we’re putting on. Narrowing my eyes at him, I quickly put my arm around her to signify she’s mine.

We all depart the plane and make our way to baggage claim, where Trey and Dex are still talking the girl’s ear off. I have to admit, it appears she’s more into Trey. She must like the bad boy image. Although most of his tattoos are covered with clothes right now, the ones on his neck are visible, as well as the piercings and plugs in his ears, so I’m sure it doesn’t take too much imagination as to what the rest of him must look like.

“Hey guys, this is Kailey. She goes to Western, but is here visiting her family,” Trey says by way of introduction. She’s a cute brunette, not Trey’s usual type.

“Hi, Kailey, where’s your family from?” Jessa eagerly asks.

“It’s my aunt and uncle, and they live in Breckenridge.” Her voice is quiet and shy.

“That’s where we’re going,” Jessa exclaims. “Do you want to hitch a ride with us?” she asks.

“Yeah, it’s no problem. We’re getting a van,” Trey chimes in. I notice Dex has given up pursuing Kailey and is standing by the conveyer belt waiting for his luggage. I guess he realized that it was a lost cause too.

“Um…” Kailey hesitates, “I was going to rent a car, but okay.”

“Great, let’s get your luggage,” Trey says and grabs her hand, leading her to the baggage claim.

“This seems like trouble,” I whisper to Jessa.

“Why? She seems nice.” She hooks her arm through mine and we follow everyone over to the conveyor belt.

“Yeah, that’s the point. She’s nice and Trey doesn’t stay interested
in nice
very long,” I tell her and she gives an understanding smile.

Once everyone has their luggage, the guys and I head over to the car rental place. Brady reserved it in advance, so he gives them his information and we all remind him that we’ll pay him back.

“I know you guys are good for it,” he tells us as we walk back out to the girls. “Plus,” he jokes, “I know where you all live.”

When we return from the car rental desk, the three girls are laughing and talking like they’ve been friends forever. Kailey’s quiet demeanor in front of the guys is the opposite of the way she is with the girls. She seems to be leading the conversation between them, which is saying a lot considering who she’s talking to. Usually when I’m with the two of them together, I just sit and listen as they finish one another’s sentences.

“Ready, baby?” Brady asks Sadie, and she stands up, whispering something in his ear. He laughs and smacks her ass.

“Brady Carsen, you better watch those hands,” she remarks.

“I’ll watch them alright. Later tonight, I’ll be watching them move all over your body,” he says and Sadie turns bright red.

“No one wants to hear about your missionary sex life,” Jessa jokes.

“Hey, missionary done right is better than from behind,” Sadie returns, turning around to Jessa.

“Not like we would know,” Brady finishes, and we all crack up as Sadie playfully smacks his stomach.

Arguing about which minivan to pick, it’s finally decided that we’ll take a blue one. Brady climbs in the driver’s seat and Sadie takes the passenger side. Jessa and I sit in the second row, with Dex, Trey, and Kailey in the back. Our luggage barely fits in the back, so some bags are squeezed in around our feet.

“It’s like they’re the married couple and we’re their kids,” Dex chuckles and Brady flips him off.

The energy in the van is easy-going and fun, even with our impromptu guest. Kailey and Trey can’t stop talking to one another, and Dex’s sighs become louder with each of Kailey’s giggles. While Brady drives, Sadie fiddles with the radio. Jessa and I look out the windows as the van heads toward the mountains. This feeling of togetherness is comforting, and it’s almost as though we’re a family.

Jessa

I love my friends, especially the way they’ve been able to keep me distracted so far. Once the plane took off, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Grant has no idea that I was up half the night, debating on whether or not to even come home. I’ve pushed the feelings of what happened with Jason so far down, you would think it would be blocked from my memory by now. When we touched down and the pilot said “Welcome to Denver…,” it took everything I had not to beg Grant to take me back to Western. For some reason, having him by my side makes me stronger.