Let Me Tell You Something (14 page)

I fell for Albert at my brother's wedding and broke up with Mark the next day. The poor guy watched me meet Albert, because he was my date at the damn wedding! As soon as he saw us together, he knew it was over for the two of us. He tried to fight for me, but he didn't know how to handle it. I suddenly knew Mark wasn't what I wanted. I wanted a superman.

I'm happy I'd dated the way I did, and in hindsight, I am so grateful that I was cautious with boys. Because when the right guy came along, I was ready.

I always knew (and wished!) that one day I'd meet that one guy who would blow me off my feet. And I knew that none of the boyfriends before Al were Mr. Right, but I liked them and I was kind to them, and by dating them, I learned a lot about myself and what I wanted in a guy. I'm not saying that everyone has to save themselves for marriage, not at all. I'm just glad I was never a pincushion or a source of locker room conversation. I dated well, and I kept it light. My dating was my training for the longest, most amazing marathon of my life—my marriage to Al.

Picking a man is like
picking a racehorse.

I always tell my kids, yes, you need to be physically attracted to who you date, but it's not everything. Beauty fades, and when it does, the ugly comes through. You see the person's soul. It doesn't matter how stunning he is as a young guy, when you have to deal with the soul, you better pray that he has a good one—and they don't always match the exterior.

The Albert I met when I was nineteen was the exact opposite of the guys I'd been attracted to, yet somehow, I knew he was exactly what I wanted for myself and my future. I was immediately able to see his qualities. I saw his dedication to work, I saw the way he loved his family, and as we began to date, I saw the way he was with my younger sisters.

Frannie and Dina were eight and nine when I started dating Albert, and he was amazing with them. He would come to visit me and end up outside playing ball with them. He'd take them to the zoo on his day off. Al was also obsessed with my baby nephew Joe, and he'd scoop that baby up and bounce him on his knee. You could see that he was good with kids, and that he loved kids. The signs that he'd make a great husband were pretty hard to miss.

When it came to me, Albert always treated me like gold. He was so sweet and caring, and somehow, even though he worked very long hours, he always managed to make time for me, to the extent that I felt like I was always seeing him. He must have been exhausted, but he never showed it.

I never imagined I would fall for someone like Al, especially considering how he dressed, but when I got to know him, it became apparent we were meant for each other. Remember, this was 1980 in New Jersey. Al always wore a huge gold medallion, and he accessorized that with a whopping pinkie ring. His hair was permed and he blew it out, and then parted it in the middle. Even for 1980, he was pretty badly dressed. He wasn't unattractive at all, his face and smile were absolutely gorgeous, and he kind of looked like Elvis, but it was the latter, kind of 1970s Elvis. As you can imagine, this was not cool with nineteen-year-old me.

Once I realized that I was actually attracted to this gaudy, decent guy, I told myself, sure, he's all wrong, he's everything I never wanted, but he's perfect for me.

Albert figured out I was the one for him pretty quickly. He'll always say he never thought he'd get a girl like me; in his mind, I was a catch. To me, he was the catch. I say to this day, he's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

If you're looking for a long-term relationship, the signs of a good guy are pretty easy to spot. Talk to a guy and see if he's on the same page as you. You're going to need to have the same core values, but you really don't have to agree on everything. You do have to agree on a couple of the important things—whether you both want children, which one of you will work, what values you want to raise the kids with. Make sure he's a listener, and trust your instincts to tell you if he's an honest guy.

Don't stress too much about common interests, I've never considered them to be essential, or too important at all. It's probably healthier if you maintain separate interests. Al's obsessed by technology, golf, hockey, and old westerns. I don't love any of those things. He had season tickets to the hockey for like twenty years, and I'd go with him every now and then, but I didn't give a crap about the game. I just went for the company.

I love to curl up and read. I love to do puzzles. Albert hates to read. But every now and then he'll bring me home a book that he's heard is good, and he'll ask me about what I'm reading.

The TV show is a great example of how different we are. I was really interested in it when I first auditioned. It sounded like something that would be great fun, and potentially kind of exciting. Albert was not interested in it at all. He said I could do it if I wanted to, so I went and auditioned. When I found out that I had been cast, he did not want to be a part of it, but because it was important to me, he would appear on the show. You'll notice, however, he's not on it as much as the other husbands, and that's at his request. He only does the show because he knows that viewers want to see my entire family life, and he is such a massive part of my life it wouldn't be right if he weren't on the show occasionally. Al also recognizes that for now, this show is my career, and he supports me fully in it.

I've been lucky in love with the man I married, but I've watched my sisters, friends, and my daughter encounter bad guys, and they're thankfully almost as easy to spot. A guy will never be right for you if he doesn't listen to you or respect you. If you meet a guy, and all he wants to do is talk about himself, he doesn't really have time for you or anyone else. Worst of all, if a man belittles you, or makes fun of you or your life, you need to run. A good man is happy to let you have the spotlight and see you shine. Albert and I love to let our lights shine on each other; that's how it should be.

Despite my certainty upon meeting Al, I don't believe in love at first sight. Not at all. When I saw Vito with Lauren, I said, that's going to be your husband. They met when she was sixteen and they didn't even start dating until she was twenty-one. It's first impressions. Who's to say that they'll definitely marry? They've been dating three years, and if you ask me, they're headed that way. It wasn't love at first sight for them, but I immediately recognized that Vito had a lot of the same qualities as Al, and I knew Lauren would come around eventually.

At a very young age, I told myself to find the one who's going to make me smile. I always knew the stereotype of a perfect guy is a myth. However, there's someone out there who's perfect for each of us. You just have to figure out what that is, and be open to it when it comes along. I've always said, Al isn't perfect, I'm not perfect, but we're perfectly matched for the longest race of our lives.

Believe in fate.

I believe in fate and God's will, with all my heart. And meeting Al was fate.

My family moved from New York to New Jersey when I was sixteen. I finished school and went right to work. I had no social life at all. I went home from work and cooked and helped my mom. I was dating a guy named Mark, we dated for a year, but somehow I always knew he wasn't going to be the one.

My dad met Al's dad through their attorneys, and they became friends. My brother Anthony was having his wedding at this place in West Orange, and my dad heard that Al's dad had bought The Brownstone, and we should go look at it for the wedding.

My dad went to The Brownstone and he told my brother that he liked The Brownstone and he liked Al's family and he wanted to give them some business. So they moved the wedding to The Brownstone.

Al met my father while he was planning the wedding. I remember my father loved him and came home and told me that he'd love to have a son-in-law like that, a guy who worked hard and was friendly and decent. My dad wanted him to date my sister Ann; she's the same age as Al. I was dating Mark at the time, so Dad didn't even think of Al for me.

One day Al walked into my dad's shop to deliver the place cards for the wedding. I'll never forget it. I was doing the books in my father's office, and I looked up and I saw him, his hair parted in the middle, heavyset, dressed all wrong. Not cool at all. I was used to dating the guidos, the big muscle guys, and I said out loud, “Oh my God.” My father's secretary said, “What's wrong?” I said, “I'm going to marry that guy.”

I just knew. And it wasn't even that I was attracted to him, I just knew it the second I laid eyes on him. Before we spoke. He was walking down the hallway and I turned my head and saw him walking toward me, the complete opposite of anything I'd ever dated or even looked at. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. We didn't even really talk until my brother's wedding, and I can't explain the feeling in any other way than I just felt certain that this guy was my destiny.

Al's version is so different. He liked my sister. He had heard I was a good girl and he wasn't interested in a good girl. He was only twenty. My sister looked a little wilder, so he was interested in Ann, not me.

It's funny how things happen. My sister Cookie liked his cousin, who was a bartender. And the night before the wedding, we were all out and I made a dare with Cookie that if I could get Al to dance with me at Anthony's wedding the next day, she had to go and talk to his cousin. That's the funny thing, I asked Al to dance so that Cookie could get with his cousin.

So at the wedding—which I went to as Mark's date—I went up to Albert.

“Do you remember me?” I asked.

“Yes, you're Caroline,” he said.

“Listen,” I said. “I'm the maid of honor tonight and you have to dance with me.”

It was the first big wedding The Brownstone had done. He said he couldn't, he was too busy. I refused to take no for an answer. His version of things is that I was wearing a low-cut dress and he could see right down my cleavage, and that's what got his attention.

He says that as soon as he saw my cleavage that was it, he would dance with me.

We danced a slow dance and we got to talking, and poor Mark was there with his parents, realizing he'd lost me, and by this point I didn't give a shit.

Al walked me back to the table because he had to get back to work. And we walked past his parents; they were guests at the wedding too. His dad was a huge bear of a man with a boisterous voice. “Hey you, what are you doing with my son? He's supposed to be working!” he said as we walked by.

I stopped and looked at him—I'd never met this man before in my life—and I said, “I'm gonna marry your son,” I said, and I kept walking. I don't know how I knew, but I remember that even then, I was certain. And I can't tell you how happy I am that I followed my instincts—I ended up with my soul mate, and I can't imagine my life without him.