Let Me Tell You Something (17 page)
Read Let Me Tell You Something Online
Authors: Caroline Manzo
My miscarriages didn't
destroy me.
I had two miscarriages when I was very young. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, and I had another one in between Albie and Lauren. The first one was terrifying for me. I was upset and I was so scared. We had been so happy to discover that we were going to have a baby, and then we learned that there was something wrong the week of my sister-in-law's wedding, and I was in the bridal party.
I remember feeling unwell, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then I started cramping and staining. Al called the doctor, and he came and examined me. He told me the baby still had a heartbeat, and I was to stay on my back to try to keep the baby healthy. On the night before Al's sister's wedding, I went to the hospital for another examination, and the doctor told me that the heartbeat was gone,
The doctor told me that I had lost the baby, and I needed to walk in order to bring on a miscarriage. They were going to make me walk the halls of that hospital until my body miscarried naturally, and they told me that it could take hours of walking to make that happen.
I looked at Albert and told him I wanted him to go home. I wanted him to leave, and I wanted him to be at his sister's wedding the next day. Their father was gone, his family needed him. He argued, he wanted to stay, but I stood firm. There was nothing he could do for me at that point except stare at me. I wanted him to go.
He eventually left, and I cried my ass off. When I was done crying, I got up and I just walked and walked all night until it happened. It was all so awful, and such a blur. To this day, I'm happy I made Al leave, and I'm happy that he got to be there for his sister at her wedding, even though it was not an easy day for any of us.
The second miscarriage was worse in that I already had one happy, healthy baby, I knew the joy of having a successful pregnancy, and I also remembered the horrible experience of losing a baby. I knew what I was in for, and that didn't make it any easier.
The second time, they made me do the walking too. And once again, I told Al to leave.
He really fought me that time. He was determined to stay. I began the walking with him by my side, but after a while, I forced him to leave. I knew what was ahead of me, and I didn't want him to see it happen. I didn't want him to have to think about what was happening, and I didn't want to look into his eyes when it happened.
Al left and went back to work at The Brownstone. I walked for several hours, and once it was time for the D and C, he came back and was with me for that part. It was just a sad, grim time for us both.
Throughout these miscarriages, I managed to hold it together. Both times I was very matter-of-fact about it. I told myself,
It's not what God wants
. I knew that I just wasn't meant to have that baby. Maybe there was something wrong with that baby, and maybe I was dodging a bullet.
I never grieved at all. I was almost cold about it. But both of those pregnancies ended early. I never felt those babies kick, I never knew if they were boys or girls, I never felt that little flutter that tells you that there's a life growing inside you. My sadness around those times was me grieving about the thought of being pregnant.
God bless these poor women who carry to full term or have to give birth to a baby that they've lost. I can barely imagine going through that, and I praise the Lord that I've never had to experience it. I could never underestimate the agony that someone would feel after going through that. It's a huge difference; I miscarried at eight or ten weeks, both times. They were babies that just weren't meant to be.
When I got pregnant with each of my kids, I was scared. I could never look forward to pregnancy, I was always terrified of miscarrying. The fear got even worse after I'd felt that first little flutter and I knew something was moving around inside me. It was just so hard to be confident that I'd carry the baby to term, that it wouldn't end in heartbreak. But three times, I was lucky.
When people ask how many children I have, I tell them I have three. I know I'll meet the other two in heaven one day. Christopher, Lauren, and Albie are the three kids I was meant to have. I can't imagine my life without them.
Ask Caroline
Caroline! I watch the show while I'm feeding my one-month-old. We only have one child now but we want more. What can we do to make sure our kids are as close as yours are? My husband wants to have number two right away, but I want to waitâwhat age difference is good?
I don't think the age difference matters. That's up to you and your husband, talking and deciding when you are both ready to add another child.
As for keeping the children close, I think that had a lot to do with Albert and I being very hands-on with our kids. We took family vacations together, and we took the kids to watch each other's sports games. We would get the kids to help each other with homework and chores around the house. We would all sit and talk and laugh at the dinner table. When they argued or fought, we'd try to let them sort it out, and they learned how to communicate and how to forgive. Never favor one of your kids over the others, and they'll never resent each other.
Good luck! Give your baby a hug from me.
For a stay-at-home mom,
I've had some crazy adventures.
I'm not adventurous, but I'll always go with the flow. As a wife, as a mother, I've been happy to stay at home. But this hasn't prevented me from having some wonderful adventures.
I've been to Italy twice, Jordan and Dubai once, but most of our lives, our trips have been inside the United States with our kids. The full-on “rent an RV and see the sights” kind of tour.
We've been to Vegas, Utah, Disney World, all the places that kids want their parents to take them. As boring as it might sound, I've had some incredible times showing my kids the United States.
We were on an RV trip through Utah with Chris and Jacqueline and we saw a little hut that sold bison burgers. All the kids started yelling about how they wanted to try a bison burger, so we pulled in to this little diner. And after we ate, we saw a sign that said
HORSEBACK RIDES
. So the kids started wanting to go ride horses.
We all were already dirty and messy from living in the RV, so we just suited up and got onto these horses, and it turned into one of my favorite experiences of my life.
It turned out we were a lot closer to the Grand Canyon than we thought we were, and we could have ridden down into the canyon if we wanted to. I was too scared of the heights, so we rode along the top rim.
We were riding along in a group and after a while the land around us opened up and you could just really ride your horse, like you were in a western. Everybody was racing all over on their horses, chasing each other over hills. We were riding them really hard and laughing and then all of a sudden we came upon a herd of buffalo, and we had to ride our horses right through the middle of them all. It really felt like, just because we'd stopped for a stupid burger, that now I was in the middle of the Wild Wild West and my kids were having an experience that they'd remember for their whole lives. It was a simple, magical time.
My top ten world destinations when we retire
I've seen a lot of America but I'm excited to become a globe-trotter when Al retires from The Brownstone. We will need to be gone a lot to cover this much ground:
1. Â Â Â
Paris:
I've never been and it's a goal. I don't know why it's taken so long. I'm sure I'll love it.
2. Â Â Â
Monte Carlo:
I want to go to the races. I love watching them on TV but I think the energy would be amazing to experience in person. And I hear it's beautiful there.
3. Â Â Â
Ireland and Scotland:
I want to see medieval castles. I'm fascinated by that era and think it will be magical to explore such an old culture.
4. Â Â Â
Australia:
I want to go and see the beautiful beaches, and explore the outback.
5. Â Â Â
An African safari:
It's been a dream of mine for years, but this will be one trip we definitely take all the kids on.
6. Â Â Â
Sweden:
I grew fascinated with Sweden while reading
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
and would love to go and see it for myself.
7. Â Â Â
Alaska:
I want to do a cruise where we sail around the glaciers and the icebergs and explore the frontier. I want to see the Northern Lights too.
8. Â Â Â
London:
I can't believe I've never been. It's almost embarrassing.
9. Â Â Â
Bali:
I've always been intrigued by Bali. Maybe we'll have a beach getaway soon . . . I need one.
10. Â Â
Egypt:
I need to see the pyramids.
Are we there yet?
People think they have to be high-tech when it comes to keeping kids happy on a long drive. Wrong! It's the stupid little games that you play with your kids that they remember and cherish. You don't need to go out and buy an iPad . . . just be creative and teach them the games you loved when you were a kid.
Coloring books, crayons, and crossword puzzles.
Stock up on a bunch of coloring and puzzle books, plus Mad Libs, and everyone will be laughing the whole drive.
“I Spy” is the best game ever.
You can play this one for hours.
The license plate game.
There are so many variations. We used to race to be the first one to see plates from ten different states.
The alphabet game.
You have to think of an animal that starts with a letter, and when someone guesses, you take the last letter of that animal's name and then that's the letter that the next person has to use to guess an animal. For example, I would say “K.” Lauren would say “kangaroo,” so the next person would have to guess an animal whose name started with O. When someone says an animal that's already been used, they're out.
A staring contest or a no-laughing contest can be so hilarious.
I like the no-laughing contest, because it's crazy how fun it can be to have your family trying to crack someone up.
BEHIND THE SCENES
We nearly froze to death when we went to film in Italy. It felt even colder than the brutal Jersey winter we'd left behind. They had us on such a tight schedule that we literally weren't even allowed to stop for coffee. One morning I had to film some scenes, and by the time I was done, the crew of the ship told me that I had missed breakfast and there wouldn't be any more food or coffee until 2
P.M.
I was hungry and I really needed a coffee. I said, show me where the captain gets his coffee, because I'm not getting off this boat without a coffee in my hand. They found me a coffee. We were kept so busy in Venice that we could not stop and look at anything. It was insane to have to walk by all these amazing buildings and stylish stores, and not be allowed to stop and go inside. Luckily I'd been to Venice six months before then, so that made it a little better. A little . . .
Al and I have been friends with Bernie Kerik, the former police commissioner of New York, for years. After he retired, he used to travel to Jordan all the time for work. I would watch Al's face as he listened to Bernie's stories about being in Jordan; he was just fascinated because he's such a history buff. So one day, I said to Bernie, next time you get your tickets, buy one for Al and take him with youâand for Christmas that year, I gave Albert a trip to Jordan.
Albert lasted about two days without me in Jordan before he called and said, pack your bags, we want you and Bernie's wife, Hala, here with us. He shot the gift right back at me; he wanted me to see this with him.
It was a truly amazing time. Through Bernie we got to hang out with the royal family, and we visited Petra and many religious sites. It was literally breathtaking to see these things I'd read about my whole life, things that almost don't seem real until you see them. There was so much history in Jordan, I would love to go back.
We stopped in Dubai on the way to Jordan, but I didn't care too much for it. I remember waking up in the morning and seeing people sweeping the highways. It was so immaculate that the whole country felt like Disney World, like a facade that wasn't real.
My favorite places in the world
Cape Cod.
It's so peaceful and beautiful. Everything about it is pleasant, and I hope we retire to a house on the sea on Cape Cod one day.
Tuscany, in Italy.
The rolling hills, just covered in acres of sunflowers as far as the eye can see. Amazing!
Petra, in Jordan.
This is a magnificent place. We walked along the stone path that Moses walked on; the actual stones are still there. It's mind-blowing to walk that path and know that Moses's feet touched the same stones as your feet. If you've never been you have to go.
New York City.
There's nothing better than being on a boat on the Hudson River at sunset when all the lights are starting to come on and the city is shimmering. To see the Statue of Liberty at dusk with the torch lit, with the City sparkling next to it, takes your breath away. I never get sick of seeing it.
Carmel, California.
That drive along Highway 1 down the coast from Carmel to Big Sur is incredible. It's terrifying, with steep cliffs on the side of the road, but it's so gorgeous. It's beautifully terrifying. You think you're going to fall off a cliff.
So apart from a trip to Italy for our twenty-fifth anniversary, I was pretty much a local traveler. I was always up for theme parks with the kids. I used to love roller coasters, or any ride that went fast and scared the crap out of me. The crazier the ride, the happier I was. I was pissed to discover that as you get older, these rides cease to be fun because they just give you headaches. After a while, I became the parent who sat with the kids who were too short to go on a ride. Once Albert put lifts in Chris's shoes before we went to Six Flags here in Jersey because he was so close to being tall enough. I couldn't believe it; I didn't want him to do it. But Al put the lifts in, and Chris was able to ride all the roller coasters with his brother, and he loved it.
