Let Me Tell You Something (21 page)
Read Let Me Tell You Something Online
Authors: Caroline Manzo
Lauren's weight struggleâin her own words
I've always been a big kid. When I was younger, I was heavy, and I remember my grandma asking me how old I was. I remember thinking that she knew exactly how old I was, but she thought I was big for my age. I've been aware of my weight my entire life.
My mom would always get certain outfits for me and she'd buy me things like cargo shorts instead of the tiny shorts my skinny friends were wearing, or I'd have to wear boardshorts instead of a bikini. I could never have the cool clothes I wanted because of my size. I wore jerseys and overalls because I hated how I looked.
My mom knew I was miserable and she always tried to help me lose weight by making me eat healthful food and talking to me about exercise, but I hated her for it. I didn't want to change my habits. And it felt like everyone was talking about my weight when I wasn't in the room.
When I was a teenager, my dad got me a personal trainer, and for a while that was great, but that was also the start of my yo-yo dieting. I'd lose and gain, over and over, and my mom was always the one to give me a look when I was eating something bad. Now, in hindsight, I know she was trying to help me because she could see how depressed I was over my size.
I look at Vito and me, and how we're both genetically predisposed to being overweight. I know that if we have kids, they're going to be freakin' huge. And I'm going to have to be even tougher on my kids than my mom was on me. I don't want my own kids to have the same struggles that I had and that Vito still has.
This year, I got my lap band surgery, and it has changed my life. I have been forced to change all my eating habits, and I've lost a lot of weight. It bothers me that people think my family forced me to do this. People say horrible things, like my family accepts me now that I'm thinner. That's so not the case.
My family's concern was always my happiness. That's why it was annoying when people said that my family was being mean to me about my weight. My mom has fat days, and she'll say she's eight pounds of sausage in a five-pound bag, and it's nuts that people gave her grief for saying that about me on the TV show. I
was
eight pounds of sausage in a five-pound bag. I was 185 pounds. I needed to make a change. That's when I decided to get my lap band surgery.
I've always used humor to deal with my weight, and so has my family. I nicknamed my tummy Timothy. Right now he's called Tim because I've lost a lot of weight. If I lose all my weight, I'll call him T. I've been trying to break up with him my whole life. Every now and then he goes on vacation, but he comes back.
Ultimately, I know that humor and love and support from my family have been the things that got me through my issues with weight. I don't care if people don't understand where I'm coming from or want to make a dumb comment about my weight or family, because I know the truth about my family: That their motivation was my happiness, and it still is, no matter what I weigh.
Look at Melissa Gorga. She's gorgeous, she has a killer body. But I bet, as her boys get older, she's going to get a little more modest in how she dresses. It's something that just happens. If you think your son's friends are checking you out, cover up fast.
It's not hard to impress a hormonal teenage boy by parading in front of him in a bikini, but imagine the teasing your kids are going to get at school if they have the hot mom. Being a good parent is much more important than using your kids' friends for validation!
BEHIND THE SCENES
We all dress ourselves on the show! People always tell me how great it must be to be given all these clothes to wear on TV. We are never given a wardrobe; everything you see on TV is something that I went out and bought for myself. I don't get sent free clothes from designersâI wish!âI just make do with what I have in the closet. Even for reunion shows, we dress ourselves, but at those times, Bravo will suggest what color we can dress in. Then they send a stylist to our house to photograph us in what we want to wear, and a couple of other options that they choose from our wardrobe. After Bravo looks at the photos, we find out what we are permitted to wear. But it's still our own clothing!
There are so many wonderful options when it comes to sexy beachwear. You don't have to wear a thong and a string bra-top to the beach to make a splash. There are all kinds of wraps and sheer tops that hint at your body and make you look incredible, while still keeping things modest.
Ask Caroline
Caroline: As I age, my metabolism is slowing down more each year. How do you fight this and keep your figure?
Ughhh, tell me about it! This is a huge struggle for me and I'm sure many other men and women out there too!
As we age, our metabolism slows down and we start to lose muscle mass. We have to almost reinvent ourselves and our way of life to accommodate the changes in our body.
Because we have less muscle mass, we burn fewer calories. Therefore our calorie intake should change; our body can sustain itself on fewer calories. It's not the same as when we were younger. Everyone is built differently so I suggest you see a professional nutritionist or your doctor for guidance.
Another thing we need to do is exercise more! Try to get yourself in the gym or walking or jogging at least three times a weekâevery day if you can!
You'll feel better, I promise!
Get plenty of sleep; studies show that lack of sleep can contribute to weight gain (not to mention it makes you grumpy!).
Drink plenty of water; I carry a water bottle around with me constantly.
Good luck, and welcome to the club.
When I go to the beach or a pool with my boys, I will always err on the side of caution. I'll wear a one-piece, with a wrap around my waist, or a full-length sheer sundress over my bathing suit. I still feel like I look great, and I don't have to worry about anyone feeling uncomfortableâincluding myself!
So next Memorial Day, don't sweat about losing those ten pounds of winter weight. Spend your time picking the most gorgeous one-piece and sundress you can find, and make your kids proud. Realize that sexy comes in many forms, and you'll have a much more relaxed summer!
                   Â
PART VI
                   Â
LIFE
I'm a badass with a heart;
I cry at Kodak commercials.
It's very likely that you may have judged me wrong. Most people I meet because of the TV show are surprised that I'm friendly, open-minded and not as matriarchal as I am on the show. And now that you're getting to know me, I figure it's time we can share a secret. I'm a softie.
Don't get me wrongâI am very strong. I am very determined. I have my feet solidly planted on the ground, but I'm also sweet and I can be vulnerable.
When I look at myself, I still see the shy child I was. At school, I never thought anyone wanted to be my friend. I would sit alone in the lunchroom and not talk to another soul. I never went to dances; I didn't socialize with my school companions very much at all. Imagine my surprise when, after I left school, I found out that all the football players had wanted to date me, but they thought I was aloof and they didn't know how to approach me.
BEHIND THE SCENES
I can't stop mothering my crew. My mothering instincts just kick in whenever I see something wrong with one of them. Last winter, one of my producers was so sick with the flu, coughing and blowing her nose constantly. Right in the middle of a scene, I couldn't take it anymore, so I went to my medicine chestâwith the whole crew following me and filmingâand I got some Theraflu out, pointed at her, and told her to take it right there on the spot. She was shaking her head no, but I insisted. Some people say they get so used to the cameras that they forget they are there, but I'm not wired that way. My crew are guests in my home, so I take care of them.
The source of my shyness came from a feeling of being “different.” My family moved from New York to New Jersey in high school, and I just didn't fit in. Being one of eleven kids was a great education; it taught me how to negotiate. It taught me how to do without; it taught me loyalty. But it was a double-edged sword, because my family, my sisters and brothers, were my best friends back then. I had little incentive to come out of my shell at school and socialize with others.
I'm most content just sitting and watching people. I can sit and watch people for hours; I wonder what their stories are. I study body language. And I'm very good at reading people. I'm very intuitive. For whatever reason, I don't know if I'm half a witch or what, but I have a very good sense of what people are feeling.
BEHIND THE SCENES
One of the most frustrating things about doing the show is that we never know where the season is going, but the producers do. Those guys hear what all of us are saying, so they know everyone's secrets. They know which feuds are brewing and when they are likely to explode. No matter how hard you beg them to let you in on what's happening, they will never tell you. We never ever have a script to follow, but we are told to turn up at certain events or places. What happens at these meetings are our real reactions because we honestly don't know what we're in for. But it's incredibly hard when you are walking into an event, and you don't know if it's going to be fun, or an ambush.
More often than not you will never know what's going on in my mind. I'm happiest being quiet and letting you do the talking.
That's why it's so weird that I have the opposite reputation on TV. I believe fighting, yelling, and controversy get you nowhere. But I'm surrounded by it on the show. What am I supposed to do? Back down? I never back down. And if I'm wrong, I will apologize. I owed a huge apology to Kathy and Melissa at the end of season three. I had been fed misinformation about them, and rather than checking with them, I just assumed that they were not my friends. I treated them poorly as a result. I regret what I said to them and how it blew out of proportion. I have since apologized, but I know I was wrong to do what I did, and that makes me feel awful about it to this day.
Reflecting on the
Real Housewives
seasons I feel I've been fair on the show. I've called people on their bullshit, but for the most part, I've actually sat on the sidelines for a lot of the big drama. I haven't been manipulative or evil in any way.
What makes me cry
1.    When old people are abused or are having a hard life. It really breaks my heart. If I see an old bag lady in the winter, I lose it.
2.    Anytime my kids are upset, my tears aren't far behind.
3.    Whenever I see a report of child abuse. I cry, then I want to go hunt down the people who did it.
4.    Any natural disaster; I think of the people trapped and worried and concerned for their families. I can't imagine how awful it would be to go through something like that.
5.    Any child with a life-threatening disease. I was blessed with three healthy children, and when I hear of someone finding out their child has a serious illness, it devastates me.
I truly hate to hurt people. Seeing people suffer makes me cry. I'll be driving in Manhattan with my husband, and I'll see a homeless woman. Immediately I imagine her life, and how hard it is, and I'll start to cry. I cry easily at the upsetting things in the world.
Some may say I'm overly sensitive, but my sensitivity defines me, and has made me into a nurturing and caring mother, wife, and friend.
So if you meet me hoping to see some fireworks, you're likely to be disappointed. I'm actually a very quiet person. Well, I'm as quiet as a mouse until someone backs me up against a wall and takes a swing at me or my family. In that case, get out of my way. Run as fast as you can.
Book smarts are great, but
without street smarts and
personality, you got nothing.
I've been surrounded by smart people my whole life, some of them have degrees from the best schools in the world, some of them never finished high school. And as much as I respect someone pursuing an education, that degree ain't worth the paper it's printed on if you don't have street smarts to go with it.
Book smarts will get you through the door, but your personality will keep you in the room. No matter how qualified you are, you have to be able to talk and be truly engaging to get anywhere in life. If you don't have that, who cares what a piece of paper says?
I did not go to college. My parents had to care and pay for eleven children, and I didn't want to burden them with the cost of sending me to school. I dreamed of becoming a child psychologist or an attorney, that's what I really wanted to be. But I knew that my dad needed me at his work. I graduated high school, and the next day I started work in his office. I didn't go to the yearbook signing party; I didn't go to my prom. And to this day, I consider going to work for my dad to be one of the smartest decisions I've ever made.
