Let Me Tell You Something (26 page)

The lean years have made me very aware of how important it is to keep your perspective when things get tough. No matter how bad things are, somebody else always has it much worse. When we started to have some money and we moved to Franklin Lakes, I made sure to always be involved in the local charities, and find ways to help others. One thing that I love about where I live is that the people of Franklin Lakes are generous and kind. It's heartening to find that in an affluent community.

Life is short and the cards are dealt randomly. The older I get, the more grateful I am at the end of every day when I still have my family and loved ones around me. I am starting to feel blessed just for making it through each day.

It's not all roses, I'm not gonna lie. Some days are tougher than others. On a bad day, I will find a way to just drop out for a minute. I'll go to my bedroom, or I'll go take a drive around the neighborhood. The streets of New York are great for me to get lost in and do some thinking and get on top of what's bringing me down and clear my head. I regain my perspective and remind myself I'm so lucky; things aren't that bad.

Something good happens every day. During these moments of reflection take a minute to dig a bit deeper and be grateful. So think twice before you throw a tantrum about breaking a nail or losing your phone. Think of how bad things could truly be. Can you imagine being told you have two months to live? If you did, that's heartbreaking. It's serious. If you didn't, then shut up!

Afterword

I've tried to give you a clear picture of who I am, and hopefully you now have a better understanding of me and the rules I live my life by. I hope you got a few laughs out of it, and maybe figured out how to solve a problem or two in your own life.

I've shared a lot more than you would ordinarily see on the show, because I've been able to speak to you in my own words, from my own mouth.

I still chose to keep a lot of my private life private, and I hope you're OK with that. Some things have to remain the private possessions of my family. The feuds with various cast mates will continue to be addressed in upcoming seasons, and that's the appropriate place for them. They didn't need to be addressed here. It's been a very difficult tightrope to walk in terms of what I will allow the show to film, and which aspects of my life I want them to show on TV. It's been even more intense during the process of writing this book. I've been driven to talk about things, such as the loss of my father-in-law, that are deeply personal and still carry a lot of hurt with them.

It was an interesting process to be writing this book at the same time as our most difficult season was airing. Season four was filmed directly following season three. We normally have an eight-month break between seasons, but that time we just went right into the next season. This meant that season four was filmed a year before it aired. I was miserable for most of the season. I resented being forced into situations I'd rather avoid with people I didn't want to associate with. It was painful to be reminded of just how much I did not enjoy that season, and to have to relive it.

My own advice in this book helped me deal with a lot of the frustrations that came from watching how this fourth season played out on-screen. It also helped me get my head straight for the fourth-season reunion show, which I'd been dreading. I took my own advice, and it worked! I was positive, confident, and I stuck to my guns.

You're probably sick of reading this, but I'm going to say it one last time: I'm just a housewife; I'm just a mom. I'm a regular woman who lives in New Jersey and I've been catapulted out into the world. I pray that in at least a small way, reading this book has made a difference in your life.

The main thing I'd love you to take away from reading this book is that you can do it too. You can do anything I can do. You can make a change in your life, or somebody else's. You don't have to be on television; you don't have to be famous. You just have to care. You can do it in your own home, you can do it on the block where you live, or you can do it on a bigger scale. If your own life experiences can permit you to help someone going through the same situation, then do it.

Now that you've read about my journey, I also hope you're thinking, holy shit, if she can do it, so can I. I'm living proof that anything is possible. At forty-six years of age I completely turned my life around, and at fifty-one I wrote my first book. If you have a goal, and it's in your heart and you have the desire and you stand strong, you can make it happen. If you fail the first time, pick yourself up and start again. Make your life happen on your own terms and take control of your future.

I don't know what the universe has in store for me. I took a leap of faith five years ago, and began a very wild ride. My future is still unwritten. I have no agenda, but I'm going to be as open to new things as I was to this show when it came along. I'm perfectly happy with everything that is going on in my life right now, and I'm excited to see what my next chapters are. Whether it's more TV, another book, Al's retirement, or my first grandchild, I'm excited and I'm ready to grab that next brass ring, no matter what.

This has been the most amazing experience of my life. Through all the heartache and the tears and the frustration, the laughter and the anger, I have absolutely no regrets. One day I will look back at this experience and say, “Wow, that was one hell of a ride.” I did that ride with my kids and my husband and I loved it. Thanks for coming on the ride with me.

Affirmations

I love affirmations. Every time I read one that touches me, I print it out and pin it to a corkboard in my office. I look at that board all the time, and I find endless inspiration in these sentences. I hope you like them too!

My thoughts are under my control.

You gotta love livin', baby, 'cause dyin' is a pain in the ass.

—Frank Sinatra

Critics don't bother me because if I do badly, I know I'm bad before they even write it. And if I'm good, I know I'm good. I know best about myself, so a critic doesn't anger me.

—Frank Sinatra

Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.

—Francesca Reigler

There is nothing wrong with making mistakes. Just don't respond with encores.

Don't let yourself forget what it's like to be sixteen.

If you really do put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.

Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith.

Don't let what you can't do interfere with what you can do.

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.

—Audrey Hepburn

Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I'm possible.”

—Audrey Hepburn

We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.

—May Sarton

But better to be hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie.

—Khaled Hosseini

Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.

—Margaret Mitchell

Give thanks for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow.

—Fernanda Miramontes-Landeros

Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must.

—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The three great essentials to achieve anything worthwhile are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense.

—Thomas Edison

When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

Do not worry if you have built your castles in the air. They are where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.

—Henry David Thoreau

That's the best revenge of all: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good fucking life.

—Chuck Palahniuk

If you believe in yourself, have dedication and pride and never quit, you'll be a winner.

—Paul Bryant

Life is full of surprises and serendipity. Being open to unexpected turns in the road is an important part of success. If you try to plan every step, you may miss those wonderful twists and turns. Just find your next adventure—do it well, enjoy it—and then, not now, think about what comes next.

—Condoleezza Rice

Life is like one big Mardi Gras. But instead of showing your boobs, show people your brain, and if they like what they see, you'll have more beads than you know what to do with.

—Ellen DeGeneres

Sometimes life is going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith.

—Steve Jobs

If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. That's the lesson. That lesson alone will save you a lot of grief. Even doubt means don't.

—Oprah Winfrey

If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.

—Mary Pickford

Success isn't permanent, and failure isn't fatal.

—Mike Ditka

We laugh a lot. That's for sure. Sure beats the alternative, doesn't it?

—Betty White

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.

—Bob Newhart

Natural ability without education has more often raised a man to glory and virtue than education without natural ability.

—Marcus Tullius Cicero

[Kids] don't remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are.

—Jim Henson

Acknowledgments