Letter to Belinda (30 page)

She went back in the house to read her Bible, and to wait on the news.

*     *     *

Janice spent more time than she intended at the grocery store. It was nice to shop without kids nipping at her heels. Hopefully, those days were behind her. When she left the grocery store, she went by McDonald’s and got a children’s Happy Meal, because that was all she wanted.

She was about halfway home, when she heard a siren coming from behind her, and getting closer. She pulled off the road, to allow it to pass. This concerned her, because it could be going to
her
house
! She whipped back on the road, and followed the Laurel Grove fire truck, as it neared her house. Thankfully, it kept going up the road. She wondered where they could be going, but she was not going to be a nuisance by following the fire truck to the scene. There were too many people who did that already.

When she got home, she called one of her neighbors, Mary, who had a citizen band radio, which she kept tuned to police and fire calls. (Every neighborhood had one. It was great entertainment, and kept the gossips well informed.) Mary said she had been out in the garden when she heard the siren, and she was trying to tune it in now. “I’ll call you right back!” she said.

A few minutes later, she did call back. “Janice, it’s a house fire! The police gave out the address as Rural Route #1, Box 1198.”

“Who would that be? Anyone we know?”

“Hon, we know
everyone
who lives out here! Hold on, they are running the address now. It’s Robert Deason, Box 1198.”

“Robert Deason, . . . I don’t know him.”

“Yes you do! It’s Bob Deason! The man who lived with his mother, till she died!”

“And his daughter is Penelope?”

“Yes, that’s right. They say there is nothing they can do. The house is fully engulfed!”

“Was he at home?”

“I don’t know. They didn’t say. No, wait. They did say there were no vehicles in front of the house, where he usually parks. So I guess he wasn’t home, thank goodness!”

Janice hung up, not sure of what to make of this. It was so strange that the house burned so soon after she and Penelope had been there. Right now though, she didn’t want anyone to know she had even been there. She wished Travis were here.

24
 

T
he Doctor was right. It was going to turn into an all day thing, running tests at UAB. But Miranda didn’t mind, because she had nothing else to do. It took her mind off her ‘little problem’ waiting in her freezer. After doing the MRI, they walked down the street to Taco Bell for lunch. At one, they were back at the waiting room, watching other patients come and go. It was almost three when Dr. Thomas’ nurse called them into an examination room. They waited nervously for the doctor. Even Lennie’s conversation had dried up, which she thought would never happen. Finally the doctor came in, with a CD in his hand.

“I am sorry for the long wait, but I wanted to be sure with my diagnosis. Lennie, how do you feel?”

“I’m okay. Got a headache though.”

“That’s understandable. After I saw your MRI, I took the liberty to call your family doctor. He said he did an x-ray on you two months ago. Do you remember him doing that?”

“I remember him doing something.”

“Anyway, I got him to send me your x-ray on our computer link, and I have it here. Let me show you.” He put the CD into a wall mounted display screen. The image of two x-rays showed up. “These are your x-rays from two months ago. Allow me to point out what you are seeing. Here is the outline of your brain, and this dark spot here on the frontal lobe is the tumor. Now . . .”

“Tumor?” Miranda said. “He has a tumor on his brain?”

“Yes, Lennie knows about it. His doctor explained it to him two months ago.”

“Lennie, I thought you said you didn’t have cancer?”

“I don’t! I have a tumor, isn’t that right?”

Dr. Thomas was cleaning his glasses as he replied, “Well, the tumor is cancerous, and your family doctor explained all that to you, remember?”

“Oh yeah, I guess he did. I forget things a lot.”

“Anyway,” Dr. Thomas continued, “The MRI we did today only confirms what your family doctor feared. Here is your MRI from today.” He punched in a code, and the MRI appeared beside the x-rays. It was multi colored. “As you can see, the tumor is so intertwined with your brain fibers, that the only way to surgically remove it, would be to remove almost the entire frontal lobe. That would leave you with very little memory, and you would not be the same person at all.”

“Who would I be?” Lennie asked.

The doctor was taken aback by the question. “You would not be Lennie Kellerman any more.”

“Could I be George Clooney? I like George Clooney!”

The doctor looked to Miranda for help.

“Lennie, what the doctor is saying, is that if they operate, to remove the tumor, it will mess you up. You won’t even know who you are!”

“I don’t want that. So can I take pills for my headaches?”

“Let me show you what is causing your headaches, Lennie. See on the MRI where the tumor inside your brain has actually pushed your brain up against the side of your skull? That is what is causing the headaches.”

“Oh.”

“And let me show you something else. In two months time, the size of the tumor has grown phenomenally. Compare your x-ray with the MRI. It is growing out of control. At this rate, your brain will completely fill the cranial cavity, and then the pain will be unbearable.”

“So what can we do about it, Doctor?” Miranda asked.

“That’s the real kicker. There is not a whole lot we can do about it.”

“What about chemo-therapy?”

“Chemo would only prolong the agony, I am afraid. At the advanced stage this tumor is at right now, it is only a matter of time. I am sorry. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Lennie, you don’t have long to live.”

“That’s okay. We all got to die from something, my Mama used to say.”

“Your Mama was a wise lady.”

“How long do you give him?” Miranda asked.

“It’s hard to say, at the present rate of tumor growth. It could speed up, or it could slow down. The one thing I can do, is prescribe morphine to ease the pain, because there will be pain toward the end.”

“Is there any way this could have been caught sooner?” Miranda asked.”

“His family doctor did refer him to us two months ago, but he never showed up.”

“Oh yeah! I remember that!” Lennie said. I didn’t have the money for a taxi, and I clean forgot about it, by the time my check come in.”

“I seriously doubt that two months would have made any significant difference anyway. It was too far along, even two months ago.”

Miranda was in shock. She had not expected anything like this. But the main thing was how Lennie took it so well. She knew it was because Lennie simply didn’t worry about things he couldn’t control, and that was a good attitude to have. Something as abstract as death, was one of the things he couldn’t control.

As they drove home, Lennie seemed relieved that the days ordeal was over. All he wanted to do was get back home to the things he knew. Miranda didn’t really know what to say to him. What do you say to a man who knows he is going to die? She had never found herself in that position before. Though she was not close to Lennie, she was the closest thing he had to a family, or a friend. It troubled her that Lennie was apparently not surprised, or upset by the doctor’s news.

“Lennie, do you realize that what the doctor said to you is very serious? That you have a tumor that cannot be operated on, and cannot be treated?”

“Uh-huh.”

“And that you will
die
from it, as a result?”

“Uh-huh, I heard him say that. I’m not stoopid you know!”

“I didn’t mean to imply that you were, but it just seems that you don’t see the seriousness of this whole thing.”

“What’s to get serious about? Either I die, or I don’t. Don’t everybody die sooner or later?”

“Yes, but cancer can seriously shorten your life!”

“I been here 35 years. How long am I supposed to stay? Lots of folks that don’t have cancer, don’t live as old as I am!”

“Well, yeah, accidents happen, but you should want to live as long as you can.”

“Why? So I can get old and crippled, where I can’t ride my bike anymore? I don’t have nobody to take care of me now!”

“But you don’t want to die, do you?”

“Why not? I have heard that Heaven is a really nice place. My parents are there. Everybody that cares ‘bout me are there already, just waitin’ on me!”

“But what if there’s
not
a Heaven! What if this life is all there is?”

Lennie turned and looked at her, like she was crazy. “If this is all there is, I ain’t loosin’ much! I can tell you ain’t been to church much! You go there, and they’ll tell you all about Heaven!” They rode in silence for a few minutes, then he added. “The only bad thing about goin’ to Heaven is that you won’t be there. I’m gonna miss you, Miranda, because you the best friend I got here!”

Miranda gritted her teeth at that statement. Not so much because Lennie was implying that
she
wasn’t going to heaven too, but because he thought of her as his
best
friend
. She didn’t want to get too close to Lennie before, and she certainly didn’t, now that she knew he was going to die. But how could she put him down, knowing that she was the best friend he had? It would be very cold and selfish of her to drop him like a hot potato, especially after finding out that he was dying. That would make her the absolute worst kind of person she could imagine. Even worse than she already perceived herself to be. So it looked like she was stuck, being his ‘best friend’ for awhile. That, along with her other problems, was about to be more than she could handle.

“Miranda, you still want to be my friend, don’t you?”

“Of course I do, Lennie!” she lied.

“It’s just that, all my life, people kind’a stay away from me, because I’m not as smart as them. I guess that’s okay. It’s a free country. But I want you to be my friend, right up to the end. Okay?”

“Of course, Lennie! I wouldn’t think of abandoning you! Especially now!”

“That’s good to know. You really are my best friend, you know!”

“I am flattered, Lennie.”

“I wish I could do something for you, Miranda!”

“You can just be my friend, Lennie!”

“I’m already your friend! But I want to do something else for you too!”

“That’s not necessary, Lennie.”

“Oh, I don’t mind at all! I’d do anything you ask! Anything at all!”

He was starting to make her feel uncomfortable. “Really, Lennie, I don’t need for you to do anything for me. But thank you anyway.”

“I can help you do anything your friend was doin’, before he left.”

“What? What are you talking about, Lennie?”

“Your friend, the coal miner. I can help you do what he was doin’.”

Was
he
talking
about
Travis?
“I have no idea what you are talking about, Lennie!”

“Sure you do! The coal miner that works at Savage Creek #2 Mine. You and him were doin’ somethin’ at the Judge’s house, and then at your house. He hasn’t been back in awhile, but I can help you by doin’ the same thing he was doin’ for you!”

“He wasn’t ‘doing’ anything for me, Lennie!” She bit her lip. Lennie had backed her into a corner, and she had admitted the existence of this ‘coal miner friend’. She went on the offensive. “How do you know about any of this? Have you been snooping again, after I told you I didn’t like you snooping around my house?”

“I wasn’t snoopin’. I just keep up with what goes on down Kellerman Road.”

“Then how do you know about this coal miner?”

“I seen him pass my house. That ain’t snoopin’!”

“You watch with your binoculars, don’t you?”

“Uh-huh.”

“How do you know he is a coal miner?”

“Cause there’s a thing on his windshield that says ‘Savage Creek #2 Mine’.”

“Okay, but you are wrong in assuming that there was something going on between me and him, because there wasn’t! He’s a married man!”

Before she could realize that she had stuck her foot in her mouth again, he replied,

“So was the Judge. He was married, before you killed him!”

She was so startled by this bombshell, that the car swerved into the left lane, causing a trucker to lay on the horn as he blew past them. She pulled to the right shoulder of the road, and came to a stop.

“Isn’t it illegal or somethin’ to stop on the Interstate?” Lennie asked. But he knew that was the least thing on her mind, when he saw her insane look. She shifted to ‘park’, and turned in the seat to face him.

“WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT THE JUDGE? Say it again, Lennie!”

“I dunno, I think I forgot what I was sayin’!”

“Well, think real hard! What did you say about the Judge?”

“I think I said, he was married too!”

“And what is the significance of the Judge being married, Lennie?”

“I dunno! You’re the one getting’ up-set about it!”

“Nothing! There is no significance to that fact whatsoever!”

“Okay.”

“Okay? Is that all you have to say, after you accuse me of murdering the Judge, and carrying on affairs with both him and Travis?”

“So, Travis is who? The coal miner?”

She bit her tongue.
Stupid,
stupid,
stupid!
Just
keep
your
mouth
shut,
girl!

“I didn’t mean to make you mad, Miranda! I just said I could help you out, if you need help with somethin’.”

“I can assure you, Lennie, you are not going to have anything
resembling
a sexual affair, going on with me!”

“Oh, I wasn’t talkin’ about that at all.”

As the rush-hour traffic blew past them on the Interstate, Miranda sat with her face in her hands, wondering how this mental midget had been able to blow open her big secret. Had she done that bad a job in trying to cover it up?