Letting Go (Healing Hearts) (21 page)

“I asked Jesus into my heart.”

Katia squealed and hugged her again, bouncing on her toes. “I’ve been praying for you for so long. This is wonderful news.”

“Just let me tell everyone else when I’m ready, okay?”

“Sure. I won’t say a thing, except to Ken.” Katia chuckled and jabbed Ken in the ribs, making the guys look at her. “Though something tells me he already knows.”

Diane heard someone call her name and turned.

“I’ve been looking for you. How are you doing?” Rachel stepped away from her family and came to greet her. When their eyes connected, Rachel’s mouth opened. “You did it, didn’t you?”

Diane giggled. “Did what?”

“I knew the Lord would capture your heart someday.”

“Who told you?”

Rachel chuckled. “No one told me. It’s written on your face. You look at peace. I know that look when I see it.”

Diane’s eyes flooded with tears. She was amazed Rachel could tell she had accepted Christ without her even saying anything. Her new faith must be real since people noticed the change so easily. Thankfully, it wasn’t just a dream.

“This is so cool. You’re a believer now, just like me. You’re so beautiful inside and out.”

No one had ever paid her a higher compliment. Other than Katia, Rachel was the first female friend Diane truly cared for, and maybe even loved. God had used Rachel to soften her hard heart.

“I love you, Rachel,” Diane whispered as she pulled her into a hug.

“I love you, too, Diane. I’m so glad we met.” Rachel stepped back. “Why don’t you come over next weekend for dinner? We’d love to have you. Can you come Friday night at seven?”

“Okay. Sure, I’ll be there.”

“I’ll see you then.” Rachel turned back to her family.

Diane searched for Dave, who no longer stood in the receiving line. She finally spotted him in a secluded area at the side entrance to the church with a slender brunette in a flowing red dress and black leather overcoat with matching boots. The woman held Dave’s arm possessively and leaned close as she spoke to him.

Diane approached as fast as her spike-heeled boots allowed without giving away her sudden concern. The moment she stood next to Dave she touched his free arm.

The deep-set blue eyes of the woman next to him turned to slits as she stared at Diane.

Dave turned and loosened his tie. His smile lifted her spirits—until she saw the tension in his eyes.

“Diane, you won’t believe this, but guess who the court appointed as Joey’s attorney.”

She had a sinking feeling. “Who?”

Her question evoked a derisive snort from the woman who stood by his side.

Dave waved his hand toward her. “Joleen. My old girlfriend from high school. Can you believe it? What a small world, huh?”

Chapter 17

J
oleen and Dave had been a couple? Diane wondered how intimate they had been, but didn’t dare ask.

“Isn’t that a conflict of interest?” she asked when she finally found her voice.

The woman flipped her brown hair over her shoulders. “Not at all. I can be objective, but can you? Now, if bringing one’s attorney to a friend’s wedding isn’t a conflict of interest, I don’t know what is.”

The sarcasm in her voice made Dave wince.

Joleen didn’t notice, but Diane certainly did. “Why are you here? Do you know Ken?”

“My brother is his neighbor, and they’re good friends. I came with him. I’m not going to the reception. It was a nice wedding, but a little too religious for my tastes.”

For a few seconds no one spoke.

Diane smiled coyly and said, “The difference here is that Dave
hired
me. You’re court appointed.”

Dave stared, a smile slowly covering his face.

Joleen sniffed. “And your point?”

“I see nothing wrong with occasionally socializing with a client. We have some of the same friends. This town isn’t all that big. That’s why I live in Boise and not in Nampa or Caldwell.”

“True.” Dave paused. “I hired Diane to represent me because she’s so well respected in her field.”

Diane’s cheeks warmed. “Don’t start exaggerating about me.”

“I’m not. A friend from church highly recommended Diane. Said she was the best attorney in Canyon County.”

“Really?” Joleen drawled. “She was recommended by your church?”

What is that supposed to mean?

Dave encircled Diane’s shoulder with his arm. “No, by a friend.”

The woman’s behavior reminded Diane of the petty young women in the pageants she had competed in. She was so tired of trying to one-up every woman she met.

Joleen pouted at Dave and batted her lashes. “Would you take me to church if I got saved too, Davey? If I acted like a dumb blonde?”

He cringed and closed his eyes. “Don’t call me Davey.”

Reeling from the added insult, Diane tried to keep her cool. She had only known Jesus one day, and already someone who clearly didn’t know her was attacking her faith.

Maybe she assumed Diane had to be shallow because she was attractive. How Diane despised that assumption. If she were ugly, would people then believe her sincerity?

“Dumb blonde?”

Joleen sneered. “You’re pretty dumb to believe Dave likes you. If I were you—”

His voice grew stern. “That’s enough. You don’t know what you’re saying, and I’d appreciate it if you’d stop insinuating things about me in front of my friend.”

Diane slid out from under Dave’s arm. “You have nothing to worry about. As Dave said, we’re just friends. I don’t feel
that
way about him.” She shot him a quick glance and noted his surprised look.

“Really?”

“Oh, he’s good looking and a great guy, but I don’t think he’s the man God has in mind for me.” She shrugged. “What he does in his free time is his own business.”

Joleen laughed. “Well, I feel much better now that we’ve established Davey’s freedom to choose. The choice shouldn’t be too hard, right, honey?” She leaned into Dave’s side with her hip.

He took a step away from her. “Come on, Joleen. It’s been a long time since high school. You know I can’t get involved with you now. You’re my son’s attorney, for heaven’s sake.”

She gave him a coy smile. “Oh, I have no intention of crossing that boundary, Davey. At least, not before I’ve given the court my opinion about where Joey should live. If I were you, I’d treat me right. You hear what I’m saying?”

Dave sputtered but didn’t say a word.

Joleen’s cell phone rang. “Gotta go, guys. I’ll be calling you later to schedule a visit, so make sure you answer your phone.”

Diane wanted to yell after the woman. How dare she try to use Dave’s most vulnerable point to manipulate him? Playing that game would kill Dave and any chance they might have had as a couple.

He needed someone to support him and believe in him right now. Hopefully he knew she was teasing earlier and didn’t really mean what she’d said.

His frown made her heart pound. He was mad.

She nibbled on her lip to keep it from trembling. “I was just playing along so she wouldn’t think we were a couple. So is that all you want from me, Dave? Friendship?”

He grinned wickedly and peered around as if to make sure no one was watching. Then he leaned closer.

“Not at all.”

Her heart raced as she faced him, her mouth mere inches from his. “I didn’t mean what I said either.”

He slid his hands into the front pockets of his suit and rocked back on his heels. “Which comment? That you didn’t like me
that
way, that you think I’m good-looking and a great guy, or that I’m not the one God has in mind for you?”

She swallowed hard.

He freed one hand and lightly stroked her cheek with his knuckles. She leaned into his touch. His palm opened and he rested it on her cheek.

“You feel something for me, Di?”

She bit her lip. “Yes.”

“And you think I’m good looking?”

“Very.”

“So is it possible I might be the man God has planned for you?”

A teasing twinkle in his eye brought her back to reality. The voice of reason invaded her bliss, and she sobered.

You can never give him a child. Don’t be selfish, Diane. You always think of yourself first. Consider his needs for a change.

Watching her, Dave stiffened. “What is it? Why do you get upset every time I bring up the possibility of a future together?”

She attempted to turn away, but he wouldn’t let her. He cradled her face.

“Look at me. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

The warmth in his gaze made her heart squeeze. “I can’t have a family with you. I just can’t.” She avoided looking at him and cast her attention at the tree beside them.

He dropped his hands and rasped, “It’s because you’re going to want a baby just like my wife did.” He turned away.

“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She stepped in front of him.

“You know what I’m getting at.” His eyes dimmed and his lips pulled thin. “It’s right there in the home study. Didn’t you read it?”

She shook her head. “I never got a copy of your home study, just a summary.”

He winced. “This is totally embarrassing, so I’ll just come out and say it. I’m sterile, Diane. I can’t get you pregnant.”

Her mouth gaped.

He stepped away from her, clenching his fists as if he wanted to punch something. “You think that’s funny?”

At the anger in his voice, she held up her hand. “Wait. It’s not that. I swear.”

His face turned crimson. “What is it then?”

“I can’t believe this, but . . . I . . . Oh, this is so hard to say.” Diane took a deep breath and tried again, but tears of joy and pain poured down her cheeks. “All this time I thought you wouldn’t want me because
I
can’t have kids.”

He stared at her with a dumbfounded expression. Then a huge smile lit his face. “Wow, I never would have guessed.”

“No?” She wiped the tears from her face.

“Now I see why it bothered you when I kept telling you that you’d have your own family some day. How insensitive that must have sounded.”

She dissolved into tears. He pulled her against him, rubbing her back.

“I wanted a child so much,” she sobbed. “Why did this have to happen to me?”

Kissing her hair, he held her the way she needed him to. “I don’t know, Diane. I just don’t know.”

Chapter 18

O
n the drive home after the wedding reception, Dave thought about what Diane had said. She couldn’t have children. That meant no arguments about her wanting to bear his child. While the knowledge of her infertility saddened him, it also provided him with a huge sense of relief.

In less than two days she had met two of his criteria for a future mate. First, she had to be a believer; and second, she needed to be content with their inability to have a child by natural means.

His breath caught. When had he started thinking about marriage? Just months ago he had sworn he’d never marry again, and now he was considering proposing.

Even if he did have the courage to ask her, what would she say? At least they had a common faith now. He smiled when he reflected on her delight when he’d given her a new Women’s Study Bible after the reception. The twinkle in her eyes told him he had picked the perfect gift. Now she could study the Word on her own.

Then there was the issue of Joey. Would she be able to love his son as much as he did? And could Joey accept her as a true mom?

He certainly acted as if he wanted a mother. It was the little things he did, such as calling Katia Mommy when he wanted something. No doubt Joey had observed Alex calling his mom that so he copied him. But did Joey really understand what it meant for a woman to be his mommy? Or were all women Mommy to him? Dave wondered if desiring a mother was a true need Joey expressed, or just something Dave used to rationalize his desire for a woman in his life.

Clearly Diane had issues that needed to be addressed for her to feel safe and secure with any man. Now that she had Jesus in her life, he could foresee emotional healing, if she truly desired it. Her new dependence on Jesus for her self-worth gave him hope for their future.

His cell phone rang. “Dave’s Corporate Consulting. How may I help you?”

“Hey, it’s me, Joleen. Are you busy?”

“A little. I just had the car washed. I’m heading home to lay Joey down for a nap. Why?”

“Well, I have to meet with you soon. Since my schedule is fairly crowded next week and I’m available now, I wondered if you wouldn’t mind me stopping over to discuss the case with you.”

Did he have a choice? “I’m not sure today is a good day.”

“Come on, Dave. You know I have to do a home visit for court. It’s part of my job. Can’t you find a way to fit me in?”

“All right. I think I can slice an hour out of my day. When are you coming by?”

She chuckled. “I’m in your driveway.”

Dave turned the corner onto his street. A red Mini Cooper sat in front of his house. Joleen turned and waved at him.

“See you in a sec.”

He whispered a prayer. “Okay, Lord. You need to help me here. I have a bad feeling about this whole situation. Help me to say and do the right thing.”

As he parked in front of the garage, he groaned under his breath. He did not want to be alone with Joleen. Not with their history.

Joey had dozed off immediately after the car wash ended and now stirred again in his car seat. Hopefully he’d fall back asleep.

After Dave parked, he lifted Joey out of his seat and settled him on his hip. He grabbed the diaper bag with his other hand, backed up, and kicked the door closed.

Joleen grinned as she waited for him on his front porch steps. Her broad smile reminded him of their high school days. When he couldn’t get enough alone time with her. He didn’t want to be thinking about that now, but it was hard to forget the past.

“Is this the little tiger?” Joleen dipped her head to get a better look at Joey’s face, still slack with sleep.

Joey’s eyes peeped open, then drifted shut again. His mouth gaped as he drooled on Dave’s sleeve. While Dave balanced Joey and the bag on one arm, he attempted to unlock his front door to let them in.

Joleen didn’t even offer to assist him while he struggled with the door. Her inability to see Dave’s need for help reminded him of the old Joleen, the one who only thought of herself. He wondered why she represented children for a living when he had never known her to even like them.

Stepping into the foyer, he dropped the diaper bag on the floor and punched in the code that turned off the alarm system. He headed toward the stairs.

“I’ll be right back.”

“Take your time.” Joleen stepped past the diaper bag and sauntered around his living room, scanning his paintings and furnishings and stopping to stare for a moment at the portrait of Jesus. He studied her briefly before ascending the staircase. Her expression didn’t tell him anything about what went on in her mind.

When he returned downstairs he found Joleen occupying herself by flipping through the pages of one of the magazines lying on his coffee table. When she heard him approach she sat up straight. “Is this all you have? Just Christian magazines?”

“Yes. I’m a dad now.” He ignored her insinuation and smiled pleasantly.

“But why only religious magazines? I remember when you could have cared less about stuff like that. Heck, I even remember your collection of
Playboy
magazines and how we used to look at them together. Where did the Dave I remember go?”

His face heated and he frowned. Before he’d become a Christian he did a lot of things he now regretted.

Her undressing in front of him flashed across his mind, but he forced the image away. He refused to entertain the thought of engaging in the same behavior again.

Their graduating class had nominated them for favorite couple. Then they had gone to separate colleges and drifted apart. She’d always been an attractive woman. He had liked her feisty attitude, but he had never loved her.

Her gaze swept over him. “You’re still good looking, so that hasn’t changed. But what changed you, Dave?”

His words sounded strangled. “What?”

“What made you clean up your act? Was it your wife?” She eyed him curiously.

“I became a Christian in college the year before I met Merilee.”

“How long ago did she pass away?” She moved closer.

“About a year and a half ago.”

“Oh, that’s too bad, Davey. I’m sorry to hear that. You must be so lonely.” Her lower lip curved in a pout as she inched closer.

“Why should you be sorry? You had nothing to do with it.” He forced a chuckle.

She paused and stared at him with a blank expression. No doubt he’d thrown her off by his sarcasm.

“No worries. I feel better with every passing day.”

Her gaze drifted to his mouth. “Have you dated since she passed away?”

He grunted. “No. What does any of this have to do with Joey?’

“It has a lot to do with him if you plan to adopt. Believe me, all the questions I’m asking are relevant to the upcoming hearing.”

She moved even closer, as if testing him. His cell phone rang.

“Excuse me.” He answered the call, turning his back toward her. “Dave’s Corporate Consulting. How may I help you?”

“Dave, it’s me, Diane. What are you up to?”

Joleen grabbed Dave’s bicep and whispered in a sultry voice, “Who is it, honey?”

Dave gave her a tense smile. He did not want to be alone with her for long or things were likely to go south fast.

“Is that a woman’s voice?” Diane asked.

“Yes. I just got home.”

Joleen made him nervous with her cat-like smile.

“Oh no. She’s over there, isn’t she?”

“That’s true.”

“Don’t say another word. I’ll be right over.”

“But . . . ” The phone went dead.

Joleen studied him. “What was that all about?”

“I’m not sure. They hung up before I could ask,” he hedged.

She checked her watch. “I only have fifty minutes before I have to leave, so let’s get started.”

She lowered herself onto the soft leather couch and crossed her legs so that her leg brushed against his.

Snapping her briefcase open, she reached inside and pulled out a laptop. The majority of the questions she asked him were standard legal questions, but as she continued, the questions became increasingly personal.

“Why did you decide to adopt a child?”

He hated disclosing such embarrassing information, especially to an old girlfriend, but knew it was necessary. “I’m sterile. Isn’t that in the home study, or haven’t you read it yet?”

“I hadn’t. Wow. You’re sterile?”

He stiffened. “Why is that so surprising? It just means I don’t produce any sperm.”

Joleen grinned wickedly. “That explains why I never got pregnant.”

He gritted his teeth in frustration. “I’m sorry, but I’m really not in the mood for this.”

He wanted to conclude the interview, which should probably not even be taking place—without his attorney present, anyway. Then he recalled that Diane had said she would be right over.

“Can we take a quick break? I need to check on Joey.”

“Sure.” Joleen touched his arm, her eyes hopeful. “I’ll wait for you.”

“Good.”

Dave took the stairs two at a time. Joey slept peacefully, his favorite stuffed chicky tucked snug under his arm. Dave hated to wake him, but if he had to, he would.

The doorbell rang, and his chest tightened. Joleen would answer the door.

As he descended the stairs he overheard the women talking. And it didn’t sound like a friendly conversation.

“There you are.” Diane smiled up at him. “I was returning your Bible. Thanks for letting me borrow it.”

“You’re welcome. Have you had a chance to read the new one yet?”

Diane tucked her hair behind her ear. “Not yet, but it’s beautiful.”

Joleen rolled her eyes and returned to the couch. She made a show of typing something on her laptop.

Dave ignored her. “Read anything interesting last night?”

“It’s all very interesting.” Diane tapped her lower lip. “So far I think I like the story about the woman caught in adultery the best. I loved that her accusers dropped the rocks they held and went away while Jesus wrote in the sand, and how when they were the only two left, Jesus asked the woman who condemned her. When he said he didn’t condemn her either and told her to go and sin no more, that really touched me.”

Joleen sighed loudly.

Dave grinned. “That’s awesome. I love that story too.”

Diane winked at him.

He waved her toward the couch. “Have a seat. Can I get you anything to drink?”

“No thanks. I just had a coke.”

Joleen cleared her throat and raised her hand. “I’d like a drink.

“Didn’t I ask you if you wanted one?”

“No.”

“I’m sorry. What would you like?”

“Water’s fine.”

“Okay. I’ll be right back.”