Letting go of Grace (20 page)

THE NEXT DAY IS A
whirlwind of coordinating Aiden’s arrival to my house. I have people coming and going. Shane and Annie left last night but the house still feels full. When the night ends I find us all around the TV watching a Disney movie. Of course it’s the kid’s choice, but Grant and Aiden were fine with watching it as well. I lie back in the oversized chair in my living room with Ella tightly tucked next to me. I look over at Hunter sitting between Grant and Aiden and a smile comes to my face. Hunter’s eyes are heavy and he starts to lean on Grant. In seconds he is sound asleep and Grant lays him across his lap without looking away from the movie. Soon I feel Ella’s small body fall into a slumber against me. I go back to watching the kid’s movie with two grown men while the children sleep. When the credits start to roll, I glance over at Grant and he is gently picking Hunter up.

“I’ll take him up to bed then come back for Ella,” he whispers. I stand up and pick up Ella.

“I got her.” I follow behind Grant and place Ella in her bed while Grant settles Hunter down in my bed. We meet in the hall and I smile as I walk past him to go check on Hunter and Grant ends up checking Ella. We are becoming more like a family and I need to be happy about this and stop thinking about when he will get bored and leave us. It’s my own insecurities that will ruin us in the end. I need to let go and trust Grant. I kiss my sweet little boy and meet Grant back in the hall.

“Now we need to get the last kid in bed.” Grant lets out a half laugh. I look toward the stairs.

“Hannah,” he says, making me pause as I take a step to go down.

“I don’t like that he will be sleeping across the hall from you.” I peer back at Grant and notice his worried face. He is truely uneasy about Aiden being here.

“Grant,” I begin, but he stops me.

“I’m just being honest with you. I trust you babe, it’s him I have always had the issues with. I know you wouldn’t do anything, but I still don’t trust that he wouldn’t try. I just don’t want him to put you in a position like that.”

“Hey, nothing will happen. He can barely move without getting out of breath. I think I will be safe tonight. I’ll even lock my door if it makes you happy.” I offer the last part with a small laugh.

“Hannah, I don’t think he will try anything, it’s just…” I watch Grant try to formulate his words and it seems he can’t get the right words together to explain to me what he is trying to say.

“I know,” I finish for him, because I know he is afraid that Aiden will take me away from him. There isn’t a chance in hell that would happen. I love Grant, not Aiden, this time around. Just because I think about Aiden and feel the pull between us, that doesn’t mean that he’s the right guy for me. I see it better and I feel it more with Grant because he shows me he wants to be with me in all aspects of my life. He’s great with my kids and that’s what I always wanted. Aiden’s face pops into my head. Can I let him go? A distant thought of our fight runs through my mind. He didn’t come for me. Fight for me. Grant did. I’m not trying to make myself feel this way anymore, I do feel this way. I do love Grant. I think he’s capable of giving me the stability that I need. The safety I once had with Chase.

“Two nights and he will be gone,” I assure him. I step closer to him and get on my tiptoes to brush his lips with mine.

“I love you,” he whispers against my lips.

“Hmm, I love you too.” He ends our kiss and takes my hand leading me back down the stairs. I see Aiden standing in the kitchen with a weird expression on his face. I don’t know if it’s the strong pain killers or if something is wrong. I break from Grant and walk over to Aiden who doesn’t notice me standing next to him.

“Hey,” I say softly as I glance in the direction he is looking at. He is looking down the hallway at the office door that is slightly open.

“Aiden,” I say louder and he snaps out of it.

“You OK?” I ask him.

“Yeah, I’m just really tired. I don’t think I want to walk up the stairs. I’ll just crash on the couch.”

“No, take my bed Aid,” Grant offers, then walks down the hallway to change into his pajama bottoms. He comes out shirtless and I have to stop myself from drooling. He gives me a knowing smirk and I roll my eyes at him. He knows what he does to me. The way his pants sit perfectly under his strong, deep V, makes my breath hitch a little. I breathe out slowly.

“Night,” is all Aiden says as he walks down the hallway. I hear the door close and turn to look at Grant.

“Looks like I get to sleep across the hall from you tonight.” He raises his eyebrows at me.

“Then I am definitely going to lock my door.” I start to run to the stairs and he catches up to me.

“You think I would sneak into your bed with Hunter there?” I laugh at his question.

“Nope, I’m putting Hunter back in his bed. This way there is no sneaking around.” I kiss him once and grab his hand leading him up the stairs. We enter my room in silence and Grant carefully picks up Hunter while I go and open his door and pull down his blankets. We tuck him in then both stand there staring at him.

“We make a good team,” Grant says, breaking the silence. He places his arms around me and leads me out of Hunter’s room, gently closing the door. I feel anxious to have Grant in my bed. The bed I shared with Chase for so many years. Now I am about to share it with Grant.

“Grant,” I begin when we are in my room. I watch him get into bed, on Chase’s side, and he stops and looks at me.

“We don’t have to do anything, Hannah, we can just sleep,” he responds, knowing what I’m thinking. I shake my head at him with a smile on my face. He knows me better than I give him credit for. I climb into bed over him and we spoon. My back, to his chest. His hand comes over me and he tucks it under my breast, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Good night Hannah, sweet dreams.”

“Night Grant,” I say yawning and then I close my eyes and sleep takes over.

I’ve stopped dreaming of the day Chase died and the weeks that followed it. Instead, lately, since Grant came back into my life, I dream of him walking past me. I always follow him but I never catch up to him like I did in the hospital the day of the accident. Something wakes me a few short hours later and I sit up in bed to find Chase sitting at the end of the bed.

“Took you long enough,” he laughs. I blink a few times and realize the mirage is really there.

“What are you talking about?” I respond. Grant rolls over and I stare at Chase. I feel like I have been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

“He fits, don’t you think?” he says, eyeing Grant.

“I guess.”

“Hannah you need to stop fighting it. He is right for you… and the kids.”

“Chase, how do you know? How can you be sure?”

“Because I brought you together. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t enjoy seeing him where I should be, but you deserve to move on and have a wonderful life. He will give you that, if you would just give him a chance.”

“Chase, I…” I rub my head and I look up at him again, but he is gone. I sigh heavily. Why? Why does he keep coming to me like this? I get out of bed and head down the stairs to get some water and away from the room that Chase now haunts. I press the button for water on my fridge and the light turns on, blinding me for a moment. I blink a few times, trying to adjust my eyes to the bright light.

“Hey,” I hear from the living room. I can spot Aiden’s silhouette outlined by the moon’s light shining through the sliding glass door.

“Having trouble sleeping?” I ask him.

“Yeah, something like that,” he mumbles.

“You want some water?” I ask, walking closer to him.

“Sure,” I reach him and hand him my glass. He takes it and empties it in a few, quick gulps.

“Thanks.”

“Do you need help getting back into bed?” I sit next to him. I survey his half-naked body. He is still bruised and swollen, but it has gone down a considerable amount and the colors have morphed from purples and blues to greens and yellows.

“Could you?” I stand up and offer him my hands. He takes them and I watch as my smaller hands get lost in his. I pull him up the best I can.

“Come on,” I whisper. I wrap an arm around his waist and he slowly wraps his good arm around my shoulder. We walk side-by-side into the office and I ease him onto the bed. I grab a few pillows and fuss around him till he looks comfortable.

“Good?”

“Much better, I should have had you tuck me in earlier.” A smile comes to his lips and I can’t help but return it to him.

“Thank you, Hannah… for everything.” I run my hand down his cheek without thinking. Then quickly withdraw it like his skin burned me.

“Anything for a friend, Aiden.” I say the words and we both know that they sting a little. I retreat back up to my bed, and when I get into bed Grant snuggles back around me, still fast asleep.

I awake to jumping on my bed and when I open my eyes I see Ella and Hunter bouncing around me. I look over to see if Grant is still in bed and his side is vacant. I suppose it’s for the best. Then I hear the bathroom door open and Grant comes running into bed tackling Hunter down.

“Daddy,” Hunter shouts in a fit of giggles and all falls silent. My eyes are wide opened now. It was a regular occurrence for the kids to jump Chase and I awake, but hearing Hunter call Grant “Daddy” makes me sad and happy at the same time. I push back the tears and break the silence by getting up and jumping on the bed. Ella starts to jump again and Hunter gets up and jumps on Grant’s back, then Grant starts to jump around us. We look like one big happy family if someone were to look into my window, but what they won’t see is Grant is not in fact their father, but a man who is just entering our family. It will take time, and he will have to earn our trust before he will earn the title of “Daddy,” even if my children want to give it to him freely.

Once I get out of breath, I leave the bed to use the bathroom. When I return, I see all three of them lying down watching TV. Grant, of course, lets the kids pick the channel, but he seems interested in the little girl who is playing doctor to her stuffed animals.

“Who wants breakfast?” I ask, and all eyes shoot to me.

“Pancakes, and I want to crack the eggs,” Ella shouts excitedly as she hops over Grant to get to me.

“Sounds good to me,” Grant adds, following Ella down the stairs. He stops me to give me a kiss.

“Stay in bed, Ella and I have got this.” I notice his eyes sparkle and then his beautiful shirtless body walks past me. I give my body a stretch then hop back in bed with Hunter.

“Mommy, are you mad at me?” Hunter’s small voice asks.

“Bud, why would I be mad at you?”

“Because I called Grant, Daddy. I didn’t mean too it just came out because Daddy used to wrestle with me in bed.”

“No, sweetheart, I’m not mad.”

“Can I start calling him Daddy?” He looks at me with hope while asking permission.

“Well bud, I’m not sure about that.”

“OK,” Hunter answers, turning his full attention back on the TV as if we never talked about this. When I start to smell breakfast, I get out of bed and tell Hunter to come down once the show is over. When I reach the kitchen I can hear Grant, Ella, and Aiden laughing. It isn’t until I enter that kitchen that I know why.

“Mommy they said it was OK,” is the first thing out of her mouth. I look up at the ceiling and see the pancake stuck to it. I look back at Ella and smile. Then I peer over at Grant who puts his hands up and points to Aiden who is pointing back at Grant.
Oh Boy
.

“OK, rules, you don’t let a six year old flip pancakes. Got it?” I look at both of the adults in the room and they both smile and nod at me.

“I’ll finish breakfast,” I say, eyeing the pancake on the ceiling that looks like it might fall off any minute. Then I hear a chair scrap on the floor and Grant get up on a chair with a paper towel to clean it up.

“No harm done, right?” he questions as he steps off the chair.

“This time,” I mumble under my breath, but he catches it. His hands slip around my waist and he rests his chin on my shoulder.

“Sorry, she really wanted to try. I turned off the flame when she was in front of the stove. I thought it would be OK.” He kisses my neck gently and pulls away. I turn and face him, trying to hide my grin.