Leverage (7 page)

The common room at Eastside Treatment Center was nearly empty, just a couple guys watching TV and a lady attempting to play Christmas carols on the piano in the corner. I sat close to the main entry vestibule that separated the reception area from the rest of the facility. The doors were locked to both sides, and entry or exit was strictly monitored and controlled by the guards at the check-in counter. Every time someone came or went, a loud buzzer sounded, and the doors whooshed open with a hydraulic hiss.

My knees bounced and my fingers twitched at my thighs as my eyes remained pinned to the door, waiting for them to open and for my mother to rush through. A hand grabbed hold of my drumming fingers, and I looked over at Ms. Gonzalo. She sat next to me with her back ramrod straight and her knees pulled together. The woman was far too uptight. I looked her in the eye and gave her an equally uptight smile.

She bent her head toward me and reminded me for the tenth time, “Relax, everything’s gonna be just fine.”

I turned away with a shake of my head. “Doesn’t feel fine.”

“Conner, we’ve been through this. You’re well-prepared. You’ve been through all the steps. You know all the exercises and the proper response to every conceivable situation. And you have support, lots of it, from your mom and stepfather, from the school, even your dad.”

“Ugh, my dad.” I rolled my eyes and tilted my head back to stare at the ceiling tiles.

“Yes. There’s nothing to worry about. He signed the lease papers last week, and I even went with him to check out the apartment. It’s only three blocks from campus and close to everything you’ll need. Your mom and Tyler will help you move your stuff from home to your new place. All you’ll need to do is attend class and get your work done. Okay?”

I dropped my gaze back to Ms. Gonzalo. “Yeah, but—”

“None of that, Conner. You’re ready,” she insisted.

“What about, you know, Katy? What if she comes back? I may be better now, but… I’m not ready for her. I’m not. I know it.” I clenched my hands together into one tight knot.

Ms. Gonzalo covered them with her own hand. “Katy’s not at the U-Dub anymore, Conner. She’s gone. No one’s seen or heard from her since you left. There’s no way she could find out where you’ll be staying as long as you don’t tell her.”

I stood up and paced the floor. What Ms. Gonzalo didn’t understand was that some part of me wanted to see Katy. I needed to. At least to know how she was doing. But I feared being sucked into her vortex once again. No matter what my counselor said, I wasn’t ready.

“I won’t,” I confirmed. “I can’t. She’ll eat me alive.”

“You’re strong enough to say no. Just concentrate on your schoolwork and find a job. That’ll help keep you focused. I put those job referrals I told you about in that envelope I gave you. Start there. I’m sure one of them will work around your schedule.”

Right then, the buzzer sounded and the doors slid open with a squeal. I swung around and spied my mom and Tyler walking through, hand in hand. They both smiled at me, but my mother broke free and ran the rest of the way with her arms spread wide. She wrapped them around my neck with a shriek of happiness. Ty stood behind her and caught my eye with a nod. I broke from my mother’s embrace and stuck my hand out.

“Ty,” I said, smiling, “it’s good to see you.”

His brow rose, obviously surprised at my abnormally affable greeting. He shook my hand then pulled me in for a fatherly hug. It felt sincere.

“And you, Conner.” He pulled back with a friendly smack to the shoulder. “It’ll be great to have you home for the holidays.”

Ms. Gonzalo interrupted with a tap to my elbow. “I’m sorry, I have to get back.” She turned to my mom and Ty. “I just wanted to give you all my best and let you know I’m here should you have any questions or concerns.” Then she turned to me and took my hand in both of hers. “You’re going to do great. I have all the confidence in the world in you.”

I nodded and looked at her, and I mean, really looked at her. She understood and gave my hand an extra squeeze before taking her leave. Mom hugged me again and Tyler grabbed my bag.

“Ready?” he asked.

Mom and I nodded to each other first, then to Ty. I waved at the guard through the security window and the doors squealed open one last time, closing behind us with a hiss.

Five days after Christmas, Mom and I packed up all my stuff, and Ty and I loaded it into the back of his pickup truck, along with some slightly-used bedroom furniture and a few other pieces my mom had purchased for me. Ty agreed to help me move in and set everything up, and Mom agreed to stay out of our way. I had a few things I wanted to discuss with him, and Ty seemed to concur. I got right into it as soon as we drove off.

“Okay, we’re alone. I want to know everything. Where the hell is Katy?”

He shook his head and shrugged. “There’s really not much to tell, Conner. Moody, my friend in the FBI, he searched for Katy all over campus, talked to other students, kids from her hall, from your hall. Nothing. Nobody knows anything.”

“Or maybe they’re just not talking,” I suggested.

Ty shook his head again. “I doubt it. Moody knows what he’s doing.”

“What about the school? Did he check with them?”

Ty’s fingers tensed around the wheel. “Yes, but they wouldn’t give him anything without a court order.”

“So, he’s a fed, right? Surely he got one.”

Ty’s knuckles whitened. He was hiding something, and I wanted to know why.

“Ty, what aren’t you telling me?”

He glanced over at me, an uneasy look in his eye. “Conner, did you ever have any classes with Katy?”

I thought back over the last eighteen months. “No, not that I remember. Why?”

“Because, son, she was never enrolled at the U-Dub. She never had a room at the hall you said she lived at. There’s no record of anyone named Katy Holender ever having been at the University of Washington. Period.”

“What? That’s crazy. I saw her access her dorm a thousand times. She had a passkey. She walked in. No one ever stopped her.”

“I don’t know what to tell you. Moody checked her out thoroughly. She lied to you, just like she lied to the police the night Leo died.”

“That makes no sense.”

“Look, Conner, I don’t know what her story is, but…she’s bad news, obviously hiding something. It’s a good thing she’s gone, that she’s out of your life.”

I tightened my jaw and turned to look out my side window. “I know. It’s just… I need to know what happened to her, if she’s all right, you know?” I turned back to Ty.

He glanced at me and agreed with a single nod. “I know,” he echoed.

“So…have you told my mom about any of this, about Katy, I mean?”

He stared at the road straight ahead and shook his head. “No. It’s pointless and would only upset her. She doesn’t need that right now.”

I snorted in disgust. “You like keeping secrets, don’t you?”

“No, actually, I don’t, but sometimes, it’s necessary.” He paused then put his hand on my shoulder. “Conner,” he said, catching my eye, “I need you to promise me something.”

“I know. I won’t get involved with her again.”

Ty raised his brow, silently asking if I was serious, if I was committed.

I lied and said I was.

It was two weeks into the winter quarter before I started to adjust. My classes seemed easy enough. I was committed to acing every one and proving I was healthy and stable. The health and stable part wasn’t as easy. I found it hard to fit in after everything that had happened last quarter. I’d become a pseudo-celebrity on campus, infamous, really, almost a pariah, someone everybody talked about and smiled at, but never approached. I felt isolated, especially since I no longer lived in the hall.

My apartment was small, but safe, and I began to feel at home, not that I had much choice. Other than class, it’s where I spent most of my time. My neighbors were primarily grad students, busy and overwhelmed with their studies. I had no real friends to speak of, though I was in a few study groups, and they were all friendly enough to invite me to join them on weekends. But I wasn’t ready for that yet. I didn’t trust myself.

So I sat at home most of the time, playing my guitars. I preferred my acoustic, but on days when I didn’t have class and everyone else was busy on campus, I hooked my electric up to my amp, my iPod to some speakers, and followed along with my favorite songs. It was a type of meditation my counselor had suggested, a place I could escape to, where there were hard-set parameters, yet I had total control. Some people went on walks. Others worked-out at the gym. I had my music. It inspired a whole new level of creativity in me. I even wrote a few original tunes in the vein of my all-time favorite band, local legend, Alice in Chains.

I was completely absorbed in playing AIC’s
Rooster
when I noticed two of my cheaply framed prints had fallen from the entry wall. I stopped strumming, turned off the music, and heard a loud pounding on my flimsy front door.

“Oh shit!” I disconnected my guitar, but left it slung over my shoulder. The pounding continued. The whole door rattled under the force. “Hold on!” I shouted as I approached.

I yanked the door wide, shocked by who I saw. It was a girl, hardly more than five feet tall and all of ninety pounds. How could something so small make such a racket?

“Do you mind?” she asked, her fists at her hips. “I’m trying to study.”

I stood there with what I’m sure was the most stupid look on my face, staring at her, my mouth slack. This little mouse was not only mighty, she was the cutest thing I’d ever seen, with stormy eyes, hazel and speckled with gold, and slashed above with perfectly arched brows. And her mouth, even pursed in anger, was adorable in a pixie sort of way, all red and sulky above of a stubborn chin. Her jaw was clenched tight, the lines sharp and defiant, perfectly matched to a well-proportioned nose, even with the smattering of faded freckles splashed across it. She was both fierce and delicate at the same time. I almost expected her to curse me with a magic wand then flutter away on fairy wings.

“Well?” she said, reminding me that I should probably reply.

“Oh…um… I’m…sorry?” I replied as if a question.

She stared at me, likely judging the inferiority of my IQ. But, for no real reason, her anger shifted to amusement as her eyes softened and her mouth turned up in a smile. She snorted a laugh as she dropped her hands from her hips and closed her eyes, her chin falling to her chest and her shoulders quaking with girlish giggles. When she looked back up at me, her eyes were kind and sweet. “You really are that clueless, aren’t you?” she asked.

The more intelligent part of me realized this was a rhetorical question, an insult even, but the rest of me felt utterly enchanted by this tiny imp of a woman, and ill-prepared to answer with any level of charm or sophistication.

“Um…okay. Too loud, right?” I pointed at her with both hands, and she giggled once more. “I’m sorry. I was just…kinda…I don’t know, zoned out, I guess. I apologize for the disruption. Won’t happen again.” I dropped my eyes to the floor, embarrassed.

She clasped her hands together, crossed in front of herself, suddenly transformed into a shy, hesitant girl. Her attention flicked from me, to my guitar, to inside my apartment, and back again. She smiled and shook her head like she’d made a mistake.

“It’s okay,” she said, then her brow scrunched together in a mocking way and she pointed a single finger at me. “I’m letting you go with a warning this time, mister,” she added then followed it up with another demure giggle.

I held out my hand. “It’s Conner, and I’m pleased to meet you, neighbor.”

She peeked up at me and placed the ends of her fingers in my hand, as if I should kiss them instead of shake it. So I did. I bowed and brought them to my lips in what I hoped was circumspect, but my mouth lingered against her flesh a little too long. She gently tugged them away with a grin that lit up her face, and her shoulders swung side to side in that way girls do when they flirt.

“I’m Nova. I live next door,” she said and pointed down the hall. “You’re new. I only noticed because we don’t normally have people move in mid-year.”

She paused and graced me with another smile. And I stood there, dumbfounded, with no fucking clue what I should say. So she dipped her head in a sort of bow, waved, and turned back toward her place.

“Okay then, I guess I’ll go. If you could just…keep it down, I’d appreciate it.” She took five steps down the hall.

I stepped after her and blurted, “Wait!”

She stopped and bounced back, her eyes all lit up. “Yeah?”

“Um, maybe you’d like to come in? I can make some coffee.” I swiveled toward my front door. “My mom bought me this espresso thingy, but…I haven’t been able to figure out how to use it.”

She sprang up on her toes. “I can teach you. I’m a barista.”

“Awesome. I’ll go fish it from the cupboard.” I walked back through my front door and drew my guitar over my head, resting it against the sofa and calling for Nova to follow.

While I wrestled with the espresso machine, the coffee beans, and the grinder, she wandered around my tiny apartment, fingering the few things I had lying around. She seemed especially interested in my acoustic guitar. She let her hand run up the neck and along the smooth curves of the body.

“Would you play something for me?” she asked. “On this one, so it won’t bother anyone else.”

“Tell you what,” I said, my hand on the coffee machine, “you take over with this bad boy, and I’ll take over with that.”

With my acoustic in hand, she skipped over to the kitchen counter. “Here you go. Now you go over there,” she said as she pointed toward the sofa. “Play me something dark and mysterious, kind of like you.”

She dropped her attention to the espresso machine, but I saw the hint of something in her eyes, the way her teeth nibbled at her bottom lip. She plugged in the machine and fiddled around the kitchen, gathering water, then measuring and grinding the beans. I settled against the edge of the sofa, the guitar at my knee and the pick between my fingers. I chose Alice in Chain’s
Down in a Hole
, probably the darkest song I’d ever heard. I strummed the chords and fingered the strings. Nova stopped what she was doing and studied me, her face a mysterious web of emotion.