Life Is A Foreign Language (19 page)

Sophie shaded her eyes against the glare of the sun. “Yes. Call me.”

Deep in thought, Nina took her time walking home. She had said that Sophie’s affair with Michael didn’t matter, but that wasn’t quite true—it rankled. Images and thoughts of them together bombarded her mind. With some difficulty she kept them at bay, refusing to give in to her insecurity. There was no comparing him to André—Michael had been single, a man in need of companionship and intimacy. It was natural that he had women friends, nothing like the string of women who passed through André’s bed. If she brooded on their affair she would ruin her friendship with Sophie and the beautiful budding feelings between her and Michael, and Nina was determined not to let that happen.

Sophie was right; this was Nina’s time. She had wasted enough years, but a voice cautioned her to hold back. She wished she could grab what life offered, not squander one more minute, but another disappointment would be devastating. And there was Cindy. Nina couldn’t quite figure why she felt threatened by her.

At home Nina wandered from room to room, too restless to settle down. If she couldn’t cram some activity into every moment, she grew fidgety. She almost felt guilty for being idle, and she hadn’t yet learned to be alone. During her career she’d been busy, every minute accounted for, results to show at the end of the day, always surrounded by people. She found a more sedentary lifestyle difficult. Her new life was filled with conflict, demanding a daily effort on her part.

Today’s paper in hand, Nina stood by the door to the lanai, hesitant if she wanted to settle on the couch or the lounge chair outside.
In or out?
When the phone rang, she sprinted to grab the handset.

“Hi sweetheart.”

“Hi Michael. I’m glad you called.”

His quiet laughter warmed her. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing. I was trying to make the earth shattering decision whether to read the newspaper in the den or on the lanai.” She sighed. “I usually don’t lack the ability to make decisions.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

“You’re right, of course.” Relief flooded her like a gust of fresh air. “I was wondering what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing’s wrong with you that can’t be cured by an afternoon on the beach. How about it? I could fetch you in about half an hour.”

Her heart started hammering, excitement coursing through her body like busy fireflies.
The beach. With Michael.
“Oh yes! Sounds wonderful. I’ll be ready.”

The smile was in his voice. “Let’s plan on spending the afternoon and having dinner at a quaint place I know, ‘The Laughing Dolphin.’ See you in a bit.”

Placing the handset on the base, Nina took a few dance steps into her bedroom. Bikini or one piece bathing suit, that was the question. Without hesitation she made up her mind to be bold; she choose a bikini. In the bathroom, beach bag at her feet, she dropped in sun screen, glasses, hairbrush and a wrap to wear at dinner. In the corridor as she reached for a towel the phone rang again. She glanced in the direction of the shrill sound, shrugged her shoulder and continued preparing her bag. The ringing persisted; the caller wasn’t going to give up. Taking long strides, she ripped the handset from the socket, barking into the phone.

“Hello!”

“Nina, I was afraid you were already waiting for me in the driveway and didn’t hear the phone.”

“I wasn’t going to answer in case it was somebody who would keep me and make me late.” Breathless, she pushed hair from her eyes. “What’s up?”

Pause on the line. She heard Michael breathing. “I’m afraid something’s come up. We can’t go to the beach today.”

“Oh.” A heavy cloud obscured the sun, although it still bathed the yard in its warm yellow light. “That’s too bad.” She hoped he didn’t hear her voice breaking.

“Yes. I’m sorry. Only minutes after I talked to you, Cindy called that she has a flat tire. She’s stuck on the express way, some thirty miles from here.” He signed. “I have to go help her.”

Nina’s limbs grew heavy, her shoulders sagged.
Cindy! I knew she was going to be difficult.
“Can’t one of your sons go? How about their wives, Ally or Linda.”

“Sweetheart, they’re at work. I have to go. I’m so sorry, but we’ll go to the beach another time, soon.”

Leaning elbows on the kitchen counter, Nina stared unseeing at a poster of a shocking pink orchid. “Fine.”

As she emptied her beach bag with slow deliberate movements, a heavy lethargy settled over her. When Michael suggested going to the beach she had been like a child with a present. When he cancelled, she came down from that pink cloud with a crash that rattled her entire being.
I have to watch out not to let Michael influence the color of my day.

What am I going to do now?
Writing would be a waste of time in her present frame of mind. She grabbed her sports bag and drove the short distance to the gym, spending her energy on a vigorous workout. On the treadmill, she ran five miles in record time, punishing each machine she used for her disappointment and frustration.

On her return home, Nina settled on the lanai, determined to read for at least an hour. The warm air, the comfortable lounge chair and the quiet lulled her to sleep. When she woke it was late afternoon; she’d slept long and deep. Amazing, since she rarely napped in the afternoon.

Nina stretched, drawing fingers through her hair. She stood and entered the house. The phone rang when she was pouring a glass of white wine in the kitchen.
The phone. Always the phone. Blast that invention!
Taking a sip of the cold drink, she grabbed the handset and answered as she walked to the den and sat in her usual corner on the loveseat.

“Oh Lillian, hi. How are you, chérie?”

“Mami. I’m glad you’re home.”

“How’s everybody?”

“We’re all fine. Listen, Jean-Luc said you’d called the other day.”

Pause. Nina heard Lillian breathe hard, waited, giving her daughter time. Whatever it was she wanted to say couldn’t be easy.

“He, Jean-Luc thinks it would be good for the twins to spend part of their summer vacation with you, improve their English, be by the sea, and . you know, be with you.”

Nina’s breath caught in the throat from surprise and delight, but she didn’t quite dare to believe Lillian had a change of heart. “How do you feel about them coming?”

“I was angry and said some awful things to you. I didn’t mean it. Please forgive me, Mami.” Lillian’s voice tapered to a shaky whisper.

Not so long ago Lillian had said Nina was a bad influence. Nina wasn’t resentful by nature, but that barb still hurt. Now Lillian asked for forgiveness. Because Nina loved her daughter, the answer was simple.

“Certainly, I forgive you. I know you’re hurt.” Nina inhaled, a shuddering intake of air.

“I still find it difficult to believe that Papa could behave like that. Why did he do it? Why that other woman? I thought you were happy?”

A muffled sob.

“He’s always been my hero. And now—this. I’m so furious with him for having hurt you. He’s broken up our home, chased you away. I don’t care if I ever see him again.”

This too shall pass.

“Naturally, you’re hurt. So am I. But don’t judge Papa without a hearing, chérie. He’s been a good father to both you and Danny. I often thought he could be a more present father, but I know he loves you very much, nothing can change that. It would be cruel to just shut him out of your life because he’s hurt you. I’m sure he didn’t want to cause you pain. And Lillian, there are the twins to think about; they love him, too.”

“Oh Mami, everything is so complicated. I would like for things to return to the way they were.”

“I wish I had the power to change that for you, but we just have to make do with what is. Plod on. It’s by getting through the tough stuff that we get out of it.”

“But I’m so furious with Papa. Does he know what he’s done to us all? Nothing will ever be the same. Why did he do it in the first place?”

“I can’t answer that.”

“Yes, but as a psychotherapist .”

“I don’t treat members of my family, you know that. I’m your mother, I can’t be your counselor. If you need help I’ll give you the names of several good therapists, but let’s not confuse the issues.” Nina drank the last drops of wine. “You’ve heard me say it often; if I’m your friend, who’s going to be your mother? It goes for therapist, too.”

Silence on the line. “I know, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. You’re a great mom, always have been. I don’t say it often enough, but I mean it.”

“Thanks. It’s good to hear it now and then.” Her hand holding the receiver was going to sleep; Nina moved it to the other hand. “Now we’ll have more quality time together than we did in Annecy when you and I had full-time jobs. We’ll visit on vacations and holidays, do things together, really be together.”

“But I’m not sure I’m fond of the idea of the girls visiting this year. I mean, you have a new life, you live in a culture that’s foreign to them. Possibly next year. What do you say?”

Nina was getting cold in the air-conditioned house. “I think it’s an excellent idea for them to come this summer. They miss me and I them. As to a new culture, they’re almost sixteen. It’s time they started seeing new horizons, learning about a world other than their own little sphere.”

“That’s what Jean-Luc said, he is for it. But I’m not sure.”

“Consider this, Lillian. Last time we spoke you worried about Jean-Luc and your marriage. With the twins safely with me for a month or six weeks you two would be able to spend time together, catch up on each other. Like a second honeymoon.”

Silence on the line. “You sure know the right arguments. I’m very tempted.”

“Good. I take this as a positive answer that the twins will come stay with me.”

“Okay, yes. Will you talk to them? They’ll be thrilled to hear the good news from you.”

“Sure, I’ll call them in the morning before they leave for school. Thanks, Lillian, this means a lot to me.”

“Sorry I was so brusque. I’m glad you’re not angry. Love you, Mami.”

“Lillian, take it easy. Don’t let your anger dictate your behavior where Papa is concerned. I love you, too.”

Nina pressed the receiver to her chest, cherishing the gladness and relief welling inside. Her lips stretched into a broad smile; what a gift! Overcome with excitement, she almost danced as she went to the kitchen to prepare a salad and to warm some leftovers for dinner. Eating alone was a little easier now that she had the twins’ visit to look forward to. Right now she didn’t feel quite as lonely as usual.

It turned dark. Nina poured another glass of wine, sauntered to the lanai and watched the star-kissed water in the pool. She put the glass on the table and returned inside. In the bathroom she undressed and grabbed a towel, then entered the lanai again. She dropped the towel next to the pool with her glasses on top and slipped soundlessly into the water. She floated on her back, arms loose at her sides. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness, and she gazed at the infinity of twinkling stars.

After the swim, Nina dressed in a long T-shirt and sat on the lanai, the glass of wine in front of her. Peace enveloped her, something she hadn’t known in a long time. Despite her disappointment over the cancelled outing with Michael, today had been good—one of the first days with moments of peace since that day in March. If happiness was peace of mind, this very moment she was happy. Or perhaps happiness was the absence of pain, in which case she was happy because she didn’t hurt. Stretching her arms over her head she whispered “Thank you” to whatever Higher Power there was.

Perhaps she was healing.

Chapter 20
 

Nina wanted to catch the twins before they left for school, so she had set the alarm. When it rang, she was instantly awake. Turning on a light, she put on her glasses and dialed, excitement building inside as she waited. Jean-Luc answered and after exchanging greetings, she heard him call the girls’ names.

“Hurry up. Mami’s on the phone.”

“Hey Mami.” It was an echo when each girl took an extension.

“You’re in a hurry, so I’ll be short. Mama and I talked yesterday, and we all agreed—your Papa too—that you’ll both visit me when school’s over this summer.”

“Are you serious? Can we really come?”

Nina’s laugh was soft. “Yes, chérie, it’s true; you can really come. Talk to Mama and Papa, fix the dates, make the reservations and then let me know. I hope to see you in July.”

They sounded so happy. Nina had to remind them of the time to get them off the phone.

It would be a treat to have them to herself. When Lillian and Danny were growing up Nina, like so many women of her generation, was busy finishing her studies, getting a foot in the job market. There wasn’t much time for mothering, at least not the way she would have preferred. When the twins were born Nina had a position and a name. She made up her mind not to waste the opportunity to bond with them. She lavished attention and love and time on them, and the girls returned her affection and fondness in equal measures.

That afternoon, Nina examined the yard and discovered weeds, lots of them. She looked forward to working in the soil after being laid up with the sore ankle. Taking her tools from the garage, she started weeding in the farthest corner of the garden, where the areca palm grew.

From there she moved to a flowerbed. The birds were singing their sweetest song, mad with spring fever at mating time. She never tired of listening to their ode to life.

Nina pulled weeds and dug with bare hands, relishing the feel of soil, though here it was mostly sand. She missed the wonderful heady smell of wet earth from home.

A shadow fell across the patch she was working. Turning, she shaded her eyes and smiled at Michael. “Hi there.” She dropped her trowel, and flopped to a sitting position.

He sat next to her on the grass. “Hi yourself. I came to see if you’d like another frangipani. You have several on your front lawn, but this is special. The flowers are strawberry red. Quite unusual.”

He wore shorts. The sun made the hairs on his legs shine golden against his tan. For an instant she wanted to run her hand slowly up and down the length of his legs, feel his skin against her palm. With effort she focused on the small shoot of a plant he’d brought.