Life On the Refrigerator Door (2 page)

I’m sorry, Mom. I had to tell Dad. He knew something was up because I started crying. Please don’t be angry with me.

xox
C   

Don’t worry. We have better things to do than get mad at each other. I’ve gone over to talk to him.

The clinic called today. They want me to come in tomorrow.

I do love you, darling.

Mom.

I’m sorry, Mom. I really didn’t mean to yell at you last night. I was just so worried when you went out for that walk and my head filled up with all these ideas of what might happen to you and … I can’t believe I yelled at you when you have all this going on. I’m really sorry.

Love and hugs,
Claire             

It might surprise you Claire to know that I remember being fifteen. I’m not so unsympathetic. Your note was nice to read, though. Would you like to come with me today—if you get back in time? My appointment is at 4:30pm. I’ll be leaving at 4pm sharp. If you can’t come today, why don’t you come on Friday for the lumpectomy? And after that, everything can go back to normal.

Good job with Peter’s cage.

Mom.

I’m sorry I missed your appointment, Mom. I can come on Friday, though.

Claire

Your allowance is on the counter. We should be ready to leave by 8:15 tomorrow morning.

Love,
Mom.

Mom,

I didn’t expect it all to be so serious and clean and so real at the hospital. When you wake up, I’m in my room. Come find me …

xox   
Claire

I’m OK, sweetheart, it wasn’t major surgery. Thanks for all those herbal teas …

Hi Claire,

Michael called for you. I thought you only went out with him yesterday. Is he someone special? Nice to see you this morning, darling.

Love,
Mom.

Gina called again, Mom. She wants you to call her.

I’ll tell you more about Michael later. I’ve just gone over to Dad’s for a bit. He wanted to do something together.

How are you feeling?

Love and hugs,
C                     

I haven’t got time to go to the store, Claire. Could you swing by on your way home from school tomorrow and get:

milk
bread
eggs
fruit—you choose
cucumber and tomatoes
spaghetti—we’re completely out

If you have time, could you water the plants too?

I couldn’t resist going to work! One of my patients is delivering triplets. Keep your fingers crossed.

Mom.

Mom,

I went to the store. See inside the fridge. I watered the plants. I cleaned out Peter’s cage. I tidied the living room. And the kitchen. And I did the dishes.

I’m going to bed.

Your live-in servant,
Claire                      

Claire!

I know it’s difficult with me out at work all the time but I used to help my parents around the house too.

Three beautiful babies born last night. Makes the world a better place. I’m feeling very positive. My appointment is next week. They’re going to talk about what happens next. I’d like to get it all over with quickly.

x       
Mom.

—Your allowance is on the counter.

MOM!

SORRY WE FOUGHT! I was only saying that I’ve been doing loads of stuff around the house. Then I feel bad because of everything else that’s going on. How are you feeling now?

Claire

Am Babysittig.

xox
C   

Peter has run out of carrots. Have you got any time to get some? We need bread too.

Mom.

Out with Emma.

xox
C   

MOM! I can’t believe you turned my shirt PINK! I CAN’T WEAR IT NOW.

I’ve got the doctor’s appointment today. Hopefully it’ll be the all-clear.

Love,
Mom.

—The dishwasher needs emptying.

We had a sad day at work today, Claire. Do you remember the preemie born in January? Maybe you don’t, you probably don’t, well, I’d been keeping an eye on that one, I suppose she was my little ray of hope through all this. She died this afternoon. She was so tiny.

Feeling a bit low. I’m going for a walk by the river.

It wasn’t good news yesterday. There seems to some be a sort of complication.

Mom.

What does “some sort of complication” mean? Is everything OK? Why won’t you tell me what’s going on?

I’d already arranged to go out with Michael tonight—I’m really sorry. Don’t worry, I PROMISE I won’t be late. I’ll be back as soon as possible.

Gina and Marcy called. They’re having a dinner party on the 5th. Call Gina when you get in.

Love and hugs,
Claire             

Michael called for you twice.
He sounds nice.

Mom.

He is nice! We’re going to a movie. See you when I get home?

C

Could you leave me an extra 10 dollars?
Pleeeeeeeaaaaase???

Hope last night was fun, darling. I’ve gone to Gina’s for a bit of female company. I would have preferred yours …

x
Mom.

Sorry I missed you, MOM! I was babysitting and then I went to Emma’s to study. Hope Gina was a good makeup for me. I have a BIG TEST tomorrow and AM KIND OF SCARED!!!!

xox
C   

Good luck with your test today, darling. Sorry I’m not here for breakfast. Twin girls on their way right now.

Peter’s cage needs cleaning.

See you tonight.

Love,
Mom.

—Don’t forget your key!

I’ve gone for a jog by the river, Mom, if you’re looking for me. It’s a beautiful day and I bet you haven’t even had time to notice. Your crocuses are all out and so are those little yellow ones that I forget the name of. They’re all smiling in the sun …

I feel like we haven’t talked about anything for weeks. I don’t even know what the doctor said to you about treatment stuff. Is everything fine?

My test went OK.

xox
C   

You looked tired last night, Mom, I was thinking about it when I went to bed. Should I be more worried than I am about this whole thing? It seems easier sometimes to ask you stuff on paper, like how you’re feeling and how things are going with the doctor and stuff.

I’m rushing off to school. Michael’s meeting me after so I don’t think I’ll be home for dinner.

xox

Hi Claire,

Why don’t you bring Michael for dinner here one of these days? We’ll have to choose a night when I’m not on call. It was lonely without you here this evening. Peter’s not a great conversationalist!

I know it’s easier to write those questions down. I’m trying to work out some of the answers.

Love you,
Mom.      

Nicole called. Did you call her yet?

x
C

I start radiation therapy today so I’ve gone for that. I’ll be going in the mornings from now on.

Mom.

Mommy,

When you get up, if you’re feeling better, come into the yard. There’s pomegranate juice for you in the fridge.

Love and hugs,
Claire-Bear      

How are you today, Mom? I just popped over to Emma’s to get the homework I missed. Call if you need anything …

Love and hugs,
Claire-Bear      

I’m fine, darling. Thanks for being so concerned.

Mom.

I’m just out jogging with Emma, Mom. I’ll be back in about forty minutes.

xox

Hi Mom!

Michael and I have gone for a drive. I’ll be home in less than an hour.

Nicole called. And Gina too—she’ll be here by 6ish and she’s bringing dinner.

xox

Morning Claire,

I’m going in to work after the radiation today.

By the way: how old is Michael if he’s taking you out for a drive? Perhaps we should have a talk about him—you’re still only fifteen, Claire.

Your dad called.

Mom.

apples
bananas
grapefruit
broccoli
zucchini
salmon
walnuts
avocados
milk
bread
eggs
turkey breasts

I suppose I should start with the super-food diet as soon as possible. Let’s hope it helps!? Thanks for getting this, Claire-Bear.

Mom.

I’m sooooooooo tired, Mom, so I’m just having a nap. I got a movie for tonight—To Kill a Mockingbird. It seemed like one you’d like. It’s black and white.

I didn’t make it to the store. I’ll go tomorrow PROMISE.

Peter was soooooooooo cute earlier, you should have seen him with the toy carrot Dad got him. He called for you, by the way. Dad—not Peter HAHAHA. (I’m so tired that I’ve gone crazy!!!!!!!!)

How was this morning?

Love and hugs and love and stuff,
C                                                

—I can’t find my key, by the way—have you seen it?

Hi Claire,

I know we both want to be eating healthily but one night of take-out won’t do any harm, right? I ordered Chinese—lemon chicken and chili beef. I felt like the drive so I’ve gone to get it.

To Kill a Mockingbird sounds good to me.

I feel a bit shaky. Hopefully some fresh air will make me feel better.

Love and hugs right back at you,
Mom.                                        

Claire–Bear,

I had to leave early today for work—I’ll go to the hospital from there. I’m a bit behind with things and I kept myself awake worrying about it. Silly—I know. Perhaps I shouldn’t be worrying about work so much with everything else going on, but I think I’m going to be fine. We haven’t even got a family history, remember.

Good movie, thanks. Thanks for everything you’re doing, darling.

Love you,
Mom.      

Hi Mom,

I’ve gone jogging. I’ve left the back door unlocked.

xox

Mom,

Michael said he didn’t want to hang out so much. He said—

I don’t want to write it. I feel horrible. I’m in the yard. I can’t believe he’d do this NOW …

xox

Movie night again tonight, Claire-Bear? I’m home at around seven. I hope last night together made you feel a little better?

Have a good day, darling. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s not your fault.

Love,
Mom.

—Your NEW key is on the counter.

I went for a jog, Mom, if you’re wondering where I am. School was awful today. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I don’t understand what happened? He’s so perfect for me and I thought I was so perfect for him?

See you later. Movie sounds like a good idea—again. Maybe I should stay in and watch movies with you forever. Do you think I should call him???? What if I called him to say that we could be just friends????

C

How was school today? A bit better?

Don’t be upset, Claire sweetheart. Let’s do something nice this evening. We could fix up Peter’s cage. In fact, I’ll do that now. I think it’s warm enough that we could sit in the yard and have some food. Maybe not. We can eat in the den if you want while watching another movie. Would you like that?

I love you,
Mom.       

I feel PATHETIC, Mom. I didn’t know I’d get so sad about someone. Sorry I’ve been in such a mood. It’s not fair to take it out on you, especially with everything that’s been happening—I should have gone with you to your radiation therapy appointments and not just been acting like I was the only person in the world.

I’m out jogging.

Your miserable girl,
Claire                    

Claire–Bear,

I ran in and ran out. I’ll be back in about twenty minutes.

You are most certainly not pathetic. Having your heart broken is tough. It’s difficult when a relationship doesn’t work out…. I think if you’re writing that you’re miserable you’re probably better than you were earlier this week—it’s like asking for food after you’ve been down with flu. It’s a good sign, darling. You’ll feel better soon.

We’ll talk when we’re both home.

Love,
Mom.

Mom,

Could we do something together? Like go to the mall????

New jeans

Flip-flops for summer so that when it gets hot I’m not stuck in sneakers

Swimsuit—probably a bikini, they have a nice one downtown at Isis

Tops

Earrings—Sirens have some nice hoops and they’re not expensive.

I know it’s ages ‘til summer but I’m getting in the mood. Maybe we could plan a vacation or something? OK, I know! I’m only dreaming!

MOM!

I can’t believe you think I’m so selfish! I wanted to go shopping for some new clothes. It doesn’t mean I haven’t remembered that you’ve got things going on like WORK and your DOCTORS’ APPOINTMENTS. You’re being TOTALLY unfair.

Claire

MOM!

You won’t talk to me about what’s going on with you so why should I tell you ANYTHING?

Claire

Michael called. I told him you would be back later. Was that the right thing to say? I was a bit surprised to hear from him after you said he told you he wasn’t going to call. Hope everything is all right.

Love you, sweetheart.
Mom.                        

—Could you please tidy the family room? Your schoolwork is taking it over.

Mom!

I’ve gone out with Michael for a drive!!!!!!
I’ll be back later. Don’t worry!!!!!!!
Hope everything went well this morning.

Claire
xox   

Claire,

I’ve gone to bed, but I waited up for you. It’s a school night. The family room is still a mess.

You’ll have to tell me tomorrow what’s going on. Where’ve you been?

Mom.

MOM!

Sorry I was so late home, I know it was a school night but it’s like the only time EVER. Michael and I got back together. He said he was wrong and he MISSED ME!!!!!

Love and love and more love!!!!!!
Claire                                           

Claire,

I’m going to Gina’s.

Take it easy with Michael. There’s no rush. You’re still young.

Love,
Mom.

Mom,

Emma wanted me to come over to help with some homework. I’ll be back later. Pleeeeaaaassssseeeeee let’s not argue about Michael again, OK? This morning was horrible. I don’t see why you have to be so stressed out about it. And I’m not THAT young. You were MUCH younger than Dad when you started dating—so what’s the big deal?

Nicole called.

C

Claire,

Last night was dreadful. You’re so overwrought, I can’t talk to you properly. What’s happened to my sensible girl?