Life Support: Escape to the Country (24 page)

As quickly as the fire built, the tears which formed extinguished the flames and ran down Emma’s face.

“Tom, I don’t understand. What are you talking about? I love you. From the time I was sixteen, I wanted to be yours. Wanted to be with you. I want to have a family with you, even if that means—” She was crying in earnest now.

“NO.”

She stepped back in shock. She’d never heard him raise his voice like that. Another tear slipped down her cheek and she brushed it away.

“Are you going to tell me why? Tell me what this is all about? Is this because I was joking with your ex-wife about something stupid? Don’t you think you’re overreacting?”

“Don’t talk to me about overreacting. I know all about that. I know exactly what would happen if you found out you couldn’t have kids of your own. I’ve seen it happen before.”

He made a clicking sound in his mouth and yanked at the lead rope. He dragged the poor pony into the stables without a backward glance.

“You jerk,” she called after him, before spinning on her heel and running in the opposite direction.

He didn’t bother to try to stop her.

For the next two weeks, Emma stumbled around, somehow managing to go through the motions at work. She avoided her family as much as she could because she had no answer to their questions. She was numb with loss. She hadn’t heard from Tom once, but judging by the anger in his parting words, she wasn’t expecting to hear from him for a long time, if ever.

It was preposterous that the man who’d held her while she’d shared the story of her disastrous marriage, the man who’d clung to her and wept after his mother died, the man who had told her how much he wanted her, would walk away, but that’s exactly what he did. With each passing day and every unanswered message, voicemail or text, the urge to fight for what she thought they had faded. Perhaps he hadn’t been worth that second chance after all.

She worked hard, picking up extra shifts at the hospital, trying to bury her hurts. The manager he’d employed to run the property stayed in regular contact and when necessary, Tom communicated things regarding Lexton Downs through the manager to her. The last email advised her that the accommodation was fully booked through Christmas until Easter.

One day she’d had enough of Tom’s silence and decided to confront him, but when she went out to Lexton Downs to talk to him she was shocked to find Bluestone Cottage lay dusty and empty. She moved in herself the next day. It was, after all, her house and living with her parents was driving her crazy.

Two weeks before Christmas Emma arrived home from work to find Christine’s Audi parked out the front of the cottage. Christine sat on the front step waiting for her. The air was heavy with humidity, not letting the temperatures drop. It was the first time Emma found she missed Melbourne’s afternoon sea breezes and coastal climate.

“Can we talk Emma?”

Emma pulled her keys out and waited for Christine to move aside so she could unlock the door to the cottage.

“I’m not sure we have anything to talk about.”

After their last conversation at Ruby’s party, Emma wasn’t sure she could trust her.

“I think we do.”

Emma noticed Christine’s red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes. “What’s happened? Is everything okay? Ruby? Tom?”

Christine’s lower lip trembled. “He’s leaving. He said he can’t stay here anymore. Ruby is beside herself. She’s not sleeping or eating.”

Emma sighed. “That’s ridiculous. I told the manager to tell him he can stay in his cottage as long as he likes. And he’s still got a job.”

“It’s not that.”

Emma pressed two fingers to the bridge of her nose, right where it met her forehead willing the headache not to form. “What is it then?”

“He’s not only leaving Lexton Downs. He’s leaving Australia.”

“That’s drastic. Maybe he just needs to start fresh,” she suggested.

“No. That’s not it. He’s running, Emma. Don’t you see?”

“Perhaps he needs to run, did you ever consider that?”

Emma stiffened when Christine grabbed her arm. “You don’t get it. He’s running because he thinks it’s going to be like Nicola all over again.”

“
Nicola?
” Who the hell was Nicola? Emma took a slow and steadying breath. “Who is Nicola?” she asked, each word deliberate and measured.

Christine took a deep breath. Emma wasn’t sure she wanted to hear this. “Tom’s second wife.”

“His second wife,” she stammered.

“He didn’t tell you, did he?”

Emma shook her head.

“He’s so bloody stubborn. I told him he had to tell you.”

Pieces of the jigsaw floated in the air above her head. Emma tried to grab them but couldn’t. She stared at Christine while trying to process what she was saying. Tom had been married twice? That fact wasn’t so unsettling, the fact he’d never told her was. How many more secrets was he hiding? He’d never breathed a word of anyone important in his life since Christine, let alone another wife. In fact, she’d even asked him about it and he’d lied.

Emma sighed. “I suppose you should come in for a cuppa.” A cup of tea or coffee seemed the least she could offer.

Christine shook her head. “No thanks. I came here to ask you to come with me to go and see him.”

“I don’t even know where he is.”

Christine dipped her head. “He’s been staying with me and Rick. Rick’s had enough though and told him he has to sort this out or get out. That’s why he said he’s leaving.”

Tom was stubborn all right. And stupid. And a jerk. And it looked like nothing would change that.

“I’m sure he doesn’t want to see me,” Emma said. “In fact, I’m quite certain those were his parting words last time we spoke.”

“He doesn’t want to see anyone.”

Emma folded her arms across her chest and glared at Christine. “And what am I supposed to do about that?”

“Maybe if you tell him you love him.”

It felt like someone had suctioned the air from the room. Emma blinked fast, trying to breathe.

“If you tell him, maybe he’ll realize how much he has to lose. And how much he loves you too.”

For a brief second Emma almost believed her. She sighed. “I see what you’re trying to do and I understand having Tom around isn’t the best for you and Rick, but it’s none of my business. Getting involved isn’t a good idea. He doesn’t love me. If he did, he wouldn’t have kept this secret from me. Or lied.”

Emma strode down the hallway toward the kitchen. The cottage felt damp and dark. Without Tom it also felt hollow and empty.

“I
know
he loves you Emma.” Christine followed her into the kitchen.

Emma dumped her bag on the bench and spun around to face her again. She crossed her arms. “No. NO. I won’t be that woman who sticks around while her man keeps secrets. I’ve been there and done that and I’m not going there again.”

“This isn’t about you. It’s about Tom.”

Emma took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “You’re right. This isn’t about me and that’s why I’m not getting involved. Tom needs to sort out whatever’s going on in his head.”

Christine licked her lips. “Maybe I should explain.”

“No. You know what? I don’t want to hear any more. I’m tired of this. Have you ever stopped to think the reason Tom’s in this mess is everyone’s been keeping his secrets? He doesn’t want Ruby to know about us and now you’re telling me he doesn’t want me to know he’s been married before? How many more secrets are there? Am I going to open the door one day and they’re all going to tumble on top of me?”

Christine started to say something but Emma held up a hand.

“Don’t you understand that’s the single reason Tom and I are no longer together? If he insists on keeping secrets between us, we have no future.” She was yelling now and didn’t care. “My ex-husband was like that.” The bumps under the carpet tripped her over with every step she took. “Everything was a secret and I can’t – I
won’t
– be with someone like that again. Do you understand?”

“I understand. But—”

Emma threw her hands in the air. “How can there be a ‘but’?”

“If you’d let me explain.”

“I told you Christine, it’s not up to you to explain. It’s up to Tom.”

“So come and see him and ask him to explain.” Christine was yelling at her now.

“And there we go again. Around in circles. He doesn’t
want
to see me.”

Emma grabbed the kettle. She refilled it with water and set it back on its stand. She flicked the switch and stared at it. After long beats of silence she drew in a ragged breath and let it out again. She was furious with Tom, but Christine didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of her anger. She was only trying to help.

Emma rubbed her forehead again, trying to ease the tension that had formed over the bridge of her nose. “I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“Coffee?”

“White with one.”

Emma didn’t say anything as she pulled out two mugs. Once the kettle had boiled and she’d made their coffees she handed Christine hers as a sign of truce.

“Tell me.”

It was Christine’s turn to sigh. She put her cup down on the coffee table and faced Emma. “Nicola and Tom got married when Ruby was three. Before they married, Nicola acted like she couldn’t wait to be Ruby’s step mum and she went out of her way to buy Rubes gifts and shower her with stuff, but once they were married, all Nicola wanted was a baby of her own. She refused to let Ruby visit. It broke Tom’s heart. After a year, when Nicola hadn’t fallen pregnant, she blamed Tom on her infertility and left. It was around then he took over Lexton Downs.”

Emma’s heart felt heavy in her chest. She hadn’t expected to feel sorry for Tom.

The old grandfather clock chimed the hour.

“So now do you see? Do you understand? You have to come and see Tom and talk to him. Tell him you’re not Nicola.”

*

The drive back into Birrangulla following Christine’s taillights felt endless. Emma couldn’t forget the last time she’d seen Tom and the anguished look in his eyes after he’d told her to leave. His words had pushed her away, and yet here she was, going back to him for more. Was she stupid? Emma gripped the steering wheel as Christine’s words came back to her.
Tell him you’re not Nicola
.

She arrived at Christine and Rick’s house, pulling into the driveway behind Christine’s car. Rick’s head peered through the front curtains and disappeared. A moment later the front door opened.

“He’s around the back chopping wood.”

Emma cocked her head. “Chopping wood? In summer?”

Rick shrugged. “Says he’s getting prepared for winter. I think he needed something to do when I told him he needed to sort his life out.”

Emma smiled sadly at Rick. He was a good man.

With leaden feet, she followed the thud-thud sound and found Tom in the backyard. She drank in the sight of him, his belted jeans riding low on his hips, shirt off, an axe in his hands held above his head. Her breath caught in her throat as the axe came down on a log with a thwack, splitting it clean in two. His tanned back glistened with sweat, the last rays of afternoon sunlight catching and turning his skin golden bronze. When he raised his arms again, the muscles in his back rippled. How had she forgotten how incredibly sexy he was? He brought the axe down again and again and again, each stroke steady, strong, sure.

She caught sight of his profile at one point when he reached to grab another log from the pile. His forehead was carved with deep lines that hadn’t been there last time she’d seen him. His face was taut with concentration and etched with pain. Or anger, she couldn’t tell which.

Her heart constricted. She’d missed him so much. He was oblivious to his surroundings – didn’t notice her standing there. She swallowed over the lump trapped in the back of her throat. She still loved him, but if he turned around, she didn’t think she’d be brave enough to tell him.

He stooped and picked up another large log and laid it on top of his splitting block. With the same steady rhythm, he raised and lowered the axe, sending the two pieces of wood flying in opposite directions. He bent to collect the smaller pieces of firewood, saw her, stumbled.

Time froze. “What are you doing here?” Fire blazed in his eyes, stealing the air from her lungs.

She took a deep breath. “What am I doing here?” she repeated, hands balled into fists at her side. “I didn’t have a choice. Christine made me come.”

His jaw tensed as he dropped the axe and picked his red polo shirt off the ground. Did she imagine the slump in his shoulders as he pulled the shirt over his head and tucked the front of it into the waist of his jeans?

She sighed. “I suppose I could lie and tell you I came to say good-bye. I hear you’re heading off overseas soon.”

This time she definitely wasn’t imagining the droop in his posture. He stood, framed by the setting sun, and she took tentative steps across the grass toward him. Behind her, a door slammed, and Ruby sprinted out, stopping when she caught sight of Emma.

“Emma.”

“Hi Ruby.”

“I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too sweetie.”

“Are you coming to take my daddy home?”

“Home?”

“Back to Lexton Downs.”

“Your daddy can come back to Lexton Downs anytime he wants to.”

Ruby looked up at Tom. “I told you Emma wouldn’t want you to leave.”

“Go back inside Ruby,” Tom said. “This is a grown-up conversation.”

“Actually, no, Tom, I want Ruby to hear this too.”

Tom stiffened.

Emma took another step closer to him so she didn’t have to yell. “Christine told me about Nicola.”

Tom’s eyes flicked to look at something or someone standing behind her shoulder. Emma spun around to see Christine standing on the back step. Christine shrugged and mouthed the word,
sorry
.

“Emma—”

“No,” she said firmly, turning back to face Tom. “I don’t want you to interrupt me. I’ve come to say this.”

“But Ruby—”

“Ruby is old enough to hear this.”

He tried to speak again but she raised her hand in the universal stop sign signal. “I’m not Nicola.”

Tom’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down several times as he swallowed. “Chris told you everything?” he asked, his voice gravel and gruff and deep with emotion.

Emma nodded and kept walking toward him. “Why didn’t
you
tell me Tom? Why didn’t you trust me enough to tell me?”

He shrugged. “I honestly don’t know.”

Ruby slid around in front of him and he wrapped his hands across her chest and hugged her to his hips.

“Nicola wasn’t nice to me,” Ruby said. “She said she wanted to be my mummy but she didn’t.”

Emma knelt to Ruby’s eye level. “No, Nicola wasn’t nice to you.”

“But you’re nice.” Ruby’s lower lip trembled.

Emma held out her arms and Ruby rushed into them for a hug. Tears pricked in Emma’s eyes and she struggled to swallow over the lump in her throat.

“Sweetheart, I love you as much as I love your dad and I’ll never push you away,” she said, trying to ignore the waver in her voice.

Christine appeared at her side and smiled at them. “Come inside Ruby, your dad and Emma need to talk now.”

Ruby gave Emma another tight squeeze, let go and followed her mum back inside. The door closed with a soft click.