Life Unaware (Entangled Teen) (12 page)

My gut clenched and I closed my eyes. Nolan stared at me from the darkness, his face full of disappointment. I wrapped my arms around my stomach.

Christy took a step back. Like maybe she thought I’d throw up on her. “Are you—are you okay?”

Not even close. But maybe, if I could figure out who the real me was, I would be. “I won’t say anything.”

Christy sucked in a deep breath. “Are you serious?”

Apparently the real me was all about sacrificing my social standing based on the opinion of a boy I’d hated until very recently, because I nodded. I hadn’t completely lost my mind, though. I was at least going to give myself some insurance. “I have a condition,” I told her. “You tell Amber I promise to keep your secret so long as she and her band of assholes leave me alone. That means no Facebook posts, no hallway threats—hell, I don’t want them to even
look
at me. Tell her that.”

Christy bit her lip. “She’s going to be so pissed once she finds out you know. She’s going to blame me.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, other than to ask the question that had been plaguing me since I figured out what they were talking about. “Why are you with her? If things go bad between the two of you, or Amber thinks someone might find out, she’ll destroy you. She’s already proven she has no problem hurting you for her own gain.”

“She wouldn’t really hurt me.” The uncertainty in Christy’s eyes told a different story. “She cares about me.”

I shook my head. I wasn’t trying to be cruel, but I had to tell the truth, even if she didn’t want to hear it. “Amber only cares about herself.”

I expected her to argue. Instead, Christy’s shoulders slumped and her chin dropped to her chest, defeated. “I keep hoping…” she murmured. She didn’t have to finish her sentence for me to understand. Wasn’t I hoping for the same thing, only with my mother? To be loved for who we were instead of what we provided?

Before I could stop myself, I reached out and touched her shoulder.

She flinched but allowed my hand to remain.

“I’m so sorry that I ever thought about hurting you, Christy. I can’t imagine what it’s like having to hide who you are because you go to a school like this. Good job, by the way. I totally had no idea.”

She smiled weakly.

“Anyway,” I continued, “that doesn’t mean settling for less than you deserve. And you deserve a whole lot better than Amber.”

She eyed me skeptically. “It’s because you’re unpopular now, right? That’s why you’re being nice to me? You want back on the cheerleading squad?”

“No.” I dropped my hand from her shoulder. “I’m not even trying to be nice, really. I’m just trying to be…” I paused, searching for the right words. “I’m just trying to be who I think I am—or at least who I wanted to be, before everything got so damn confusing, you know?”

“Yeah.” A sad smile pulled at her lips. “Fuck this high school bullshit.”

I smiled back. “Fuck it.”

“Well, I guess we should get going.” She inclined her head toward the exit.

“You go on ahead,” I told her. “There’s something I have to do.”

She gave me a questioning look. “All right. I guess I’ll see you around.”

“Hey, Christy?”

She paused by the door. “Yeah?”

“For what it’s worth, I had already decided not to tell anyone about you going to rehab when those messages were leaked. I wasn’t the one who told Kiley. Think about what that means, okay?”

She frowned, then nodded. I waited for her to leave the locker room before rummaging through my backpack for a pen. Once I found one, I returned to the handicap stall and scribbled over
Delaney Hickler is a fucking whore
until it was a mass of black lines. When I finished, I wrote a new message above it.

Christy Holder is fucking awesome.

It was a single line amid a wall of hate. It barely made a difference.

But it was a start—and that was all that mattered.

Chapter Thirteen

If I closed my eyes, I could almost convince myself the soft sand in the arena was actually a cloud beneath my feet—that the horse I led around in circles was a Pegasus, come to fly me away to adventures untold.

As if he could read my thoughts, Rookie snorted. I smiled and opened my eyes. While my life was far from perfect, there were moments I didn’t need to escape from, and this was one of them.

I looked up at Tamara, the little girl clinging to Rookie’s mane. Black curls spilled out from beneath her riding helmet. Her eyes glistened with excitement, yet her mouth was tight with concentration. I didn’t know her background, but it didn’t matter to me if she struggled with a disability or came from a broken home. All that mattered when I volunteered my and Rookie’s time was that the kid on his back wanted to be there. And I could tell from Tamara’s face there was no place she’d rather be.

We approached a piece of PVC tubing on the ground. “Two-point,” I called out.

Tamara complied. She braced her hands on Rookie’s neck and rose out of the saddle as I guided Rookie over the pole. Pretty soon she wouldn’t need me on the other end of his lead rope—she’d be taking small jumps all on her own. I wondered if she’d close her eyes and pretend to be flying like I used to do.

The thought startled me. I couldn’t remember when I stopped.

“Do you ever pretend the horses are unicorns or have wings?” I asked as we rounded the corner and began another lap.

Tamara made a face. “I’m not a baby. That stuff isn’t real. I like regular horses. They’re real.”

Rookie chuffed as if in agreement.

I couldn’t help but smile. “You’re right.” I gently pulled back on the lead rope and Rookie came to a halt. “I think we’re all done for today, Tamara.”

“Aw.” Her face crumpled. “But we just started.”

“An hour ago.” I laughed. “Tell you what, how about you dismount, I’ll take his saddle off, and then you can brush him for a bit, okay?”

Her face lit up. “Okay.”

I held my hand out to her, and she fell into my arms. I lowered her to the ground. Looking past me, she asked, “Who’s that?”

“Who’s who?” I turned and found Nolan standing outside the arena gate. The shock of seeing him was so sharp, I nearly tripped over my own feet. He wore faded jeans that hung low on his hips, and his tattered gray T-shirt hugged his arms and shoulders in all the right places. His hair, never tame on any day, looked even wilder in the breeze.

I had the horrible urge to run my fingers through it.

I cleared my throat, as if that would purge the disturbing thought from my mind. I blinked to make sure I was seeing clearly through the arena dust. He held a different video camera, larger than the one he let me borrow. What was he doing here? I thought he didn’t want to talk to me—especially after the way things had gone between us at school.

The lead rope slid from my hand and fell to the ground. Rookie immediately set his nose to the sand in a hunt for loose hay. I grabbed a brush from a bucket beside the wall and handed it to Tamara. “You can brush him until your mom gets here. I’ll keep an eye on you. Just remember to stay away from his back legs.” In all the years I’d owned Rookie, he’d never once tried to kick me, but it wasn’t too early for her to learn to be cautious.

“Duh.”
Tamara rolled her eyes and snatched the brush from my hand.

“I’ll be right over there if you need anything.” I pointed to Nolan.

She ignored me and began brushing Rookie’s front legs. “You’re such a good pony, aren’t you?” she cooed.

I dusted my hands on my breeches and made my way across the arena. Nolan followed my trek with his camera lens. My steps faltered as I became suddenly conscious of the barn grime beneath my nails and the helmet hair from my earlier trail ride. “What are you doing here?”

He kept the camera trained on me. He grinned. “Nice pants.”

A blush warmed my cheeks and I self-consciously ran my hands along the skin-tight fabric of my breeches. “You came here to discuss fashion?”

“No. I want to know what you’re doing here.”

I frowned. “This is a horse barn.” I nodded to Rookie. “And that’s my horse.”

“That’s not what I mean. What are you doing here
today
?”

“I volunteer for a horse-therapy program every Saturday.”

His camera didn’t budge. “Why?”

I sighed. Apparently I was dealing with the old, annoying Nolan again. I glanced over my shoulder to check on Tamara. She giggled while stroking Rookie’s nose. I couldn’t help but smile. “That’s why. When she first started the program, she was so angry, but Rookie worked his horsey magic and now she’s actually laughing.” I hugged myself. “I never thought I’d see her smile, much less laugh.”

Nolan lowered the camera. “What happened to her?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know and I don’t want to. Some of the kids in this program have backgrounds bad enough to keep you awake at night.”

He was quiet a moment, his jaw tight. “God,” he said softly, “that’s awful.”

“Yeah.” I continued watching Tamara and Rookie. “That’s why the program is important.” And then another thought crossed my mind. I turned back to Nolan. “How did you know I was here, anyway?”

He tucked the camera into the messenger bag strapped diagonally across his chest. “Your dad told me.”

I jerked back. “You were at my house?”

“Yeah. I thought we made plans to work on the picture book. Apparently you decided it was more important to stand me up so you could help kids. You can be such an ass sometimes.” He winked.

“But you weren’t talking to me after what happened yesterday. I didn’t think you wanted to work together anymore.”

He leaned across the gate and folded his arms over the metal bar. The amusement left his eyes. “Look, I’m sorry I was an asshole. You frustrate the hell out of me, Regan Flay. I just can’t figure you out.”

“Me?”
I laughed sharply. “What about you? You’re in my face one minute and then you’re…”
Grabbing my shoulders and pulling me against you.
My throat tightened, and I pushed the image from my mind. “You gave me your jacket.”

His eyes hardened. “I guess neither one of us is who the other expected.”

I licked my lips, suddenly unable to speak. It was no wonder, with how intently he was staring at me.

His fingers dangled from the gate, long and lean. For a brief moment, I could feel them on my arms, tightening while drawing me in. I inhaled sharply and looked away.

“How did it go after school?” he asked. “In the locker room? You’re still here, so I’m assuming Amber didn’t get the drop on you?”

“No.”

“Did you get ammunition for your revenge scheme?”

I dug a hole in the sand with the toe of my boot. “Yes and no.”

His brow furrowed. “What does that mean?”

I stopped digging and shrugged. “I caught her on film making an admission—something that would get her kicked out of school. She doesn’t know about the video—no one does—and it will stay that way as long as Amber stops harassing me.”

“What?” Nolan pulled back from the gate. “You’re not going to upload it to YouTube or something?”

I kicked up a cloud of sand. “If I post the video, someone else could get hurt in the process.”

“I’m really impressed, Flay. Way to be the bigger man.”

Warmth spread through my stomach, and I made a point to keep my eyes locked on the tops of my boots. “Whatever. Can you please not make a big deal about it? Besides, it’s not like I’m a saint. I’m not going to delete the video or anything stupid. I’m keeping it for insurance. I was going to upload it onto my computer last night, but I don’t have the right size cord. I was hoping you’d upload it and send me a copy? First, you’d have to promise me to not share the video with anyone.” I knew it was a big decision to trust Nolan with the video that could ruin Amber’s and Christy’s lives, but I also knew he’d been nothing but honest with me from the start. While it was startling for me to admit, I trusted him.

“Scout’s honor.” He held up three fingers. “Does this mean your grand schemes for revenge and social climbing are over?”

I didn’t answer him right away, because I didn’t know how to. It was high school, after all. It was only a matter of time before someone else did something equally awful, and while the wrath of the school fell on them, I could fade into the backdrop. Without the spotlight of popularity, I would become just another faded graffiti name on the bathroom stall—forgotten. But was that what I wanted? To be remembered as the girl who said horrible things about people and then disappeared?

No.

Before I could say as much, a woman’s voice called out.

“Tamara?” Behind Nolan, Tamara’s mother approached the gate. Exhaustion hung in dark circles around her eyes, and ketchup and mustard stains decorated the Steak ’n Shake apron still tied around her waist. “You need to come right now. I only have an hour to get you to Gi-Gi’s before my shift at Home Depot.”

“Aw!” The brush fell from Tamara’s fingers onto the sand. “But I don’t want to go to Gi-Gi’s. Her house is so boring. She doesn’t even have a TV.” She wound her small fingers into Rookie’s mane. “I want to stay at the barn with Rookie.”

“Tamara, please!” He mom sighed, her shoulders slumping. “I don’t have time for this. Say good-bye to the horse and let’s go. I have to work.”

Tamara held fast to Rookie’s hair, her eyes welling with unshed tears. “But you always have to work.”

Even though our lives were different, I knew what it was like to have a mother working all the time. My heart bled for both the woman and child, and I racked my brain for a way to help. “I’ll tell you what, Tamara, if you go with your mom right now, I’ll give you a two-hour lesson next week.”

Her mom shot me a grateful look.

Tamara’s mouth twitched. “Why can’t you let me ride for another hour now?”

“Because your mom needs to get to work.”

The gate squealed as Nolan opened it and entered the ring. “You can’t have another lesson right now because Regan promised
me
a lesson, and it wouldn’t be fair for you to cut into my time.”

“Wait, what?” I asked.

Tamara folded her arms. “The riding program is for kids.”

“One could argue I’m very childlike,” he replied.

“Kids who have problems,” she added.

“I have problems,” he said.

She made a face. “Like what?”

“Girls are really mean to me.”

Tamara cracked a grin. “Where’s your helmet?”

“Uh.” Nolan looked around the barn and pointed to a pink helmet hanging on the wall. “Right there!” He strode over to it and fastened it to his head. “I’m all set. How do I look?”

Tamara giggled.

“That boy really does have problems,” Mrs. Wells said, laughing.

I’d known Mrs. Wells for several years, and in all that time, I’d never seen her crack a smile, let alone laugh.

“Okay, so we’re all agreed I look fabulous,” Nolan said. “What next?”

Tamara let go of Rookie’s mane and pointed to the saddle. “You have to get on the horse.”

“Right, the horse.” Nolan rubbed his hands together and started toward Rookie, the pink helmet bobbing on his head.

I brought my hand to my mouth to muffle a giggle. “You don’t have to do this, you know.”

He paused. “It’s my first lesson and you’re already giving up on me? What kind of teacher are you?”

The kind that’s about to laugh her ass off in five seconds
, I thought. I waved him forward. “You’re right. Please mount the horse.”

Mrs. Wells, who’d been so eager to leave only moments ago, leaned against the gate. “That boy’s going to hurt himself.”

“We could only get so lucky,” I said.

She laughed in response.

“Okay.” Nolan grabbed the front of the saddle while Rookie continued to search the ground for hay. “Here goes nothing.” He grabbed the front and back of the saddle and pushed himself up only to slide off the leather and land on his butt in the sand on the other side.

Rookie jerked his head up and snorted while Tamara, Mrs. Wells, and I burst out laughing.

“It looks a lot easier in the movies,” Nolan muttered, picking himself up and dusting off the back of his jeans. “Should I try it again?”

“No,” I answered when I could finally breathe. “I think that’s enough of a lesson for one day. We’ll work on actually getting on the horse next time.”

As if in response, Rookie flicked his ears back and wandered to the far end of the arena, dragging the lead rope beside him.

“Hey.” Nolan pointed after Rookie. “The horse is leaving. That’s a bad sign, right?”

“It’s not a good one.”

Tamara shook her head. “You’re really, really bad at this.”

Mrs. Wells chuckled. “Lord, I haven’t laughed like this in years. C’mon, Tamara. I’m going to be late, but boy was it worth it.” Meeting my eyes, she lowered her voice and added, “He’s a good one.” Her eyes flickered to Nolan. “There aren’t many of them left. Remember that.”

Stunned, my cheeks flushed fire-hot.

Tamara paused just outside the gate. “Will you be here next week?” she asked Nolan.

“I’m not sure.” Nolan turned to me with his eyebrows raised. I pretended not to notice as I quickly looked away.

“I hope so,” the little girl said.

“Me, too,” he replied.

Smiling, Tamara took her mother’s hand, and they left through the sliding barn door.

Once Nolan and I were alone, my heart sped up.

He closed the distance between us, stopping so close that I had to look way, way up to meet his eyes. He still wore the helmet, and I had to admit, pink was a good look for him. The color made his hazel eyes practically glow gold. The effect was dizzying, and it wasn’t until he chuckled that I realized I’d been staring.

“You look ridiculous,” I said in an attempt to save myself.

He grinned as he unfastened the helmet. “Yeah, well, I’ll do almost anything to make a girl smile.” Once he removed it from his head, he shook his hair until it fell across his face in a mass of waves that he had to shove back.

He handed me the helmet, and our fingers touched. A spark of electricity jumped from where his skin met mine and I jerked, startled.