Life Unaware (Entangled Teen) (18 page)

Blake shook her head. “I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t let more people get hurt because of them. And what better way to teach bullies about the consequences of abuse than for them to experience firsthand the very bullying they dished out on others? That’s where the idea for
Life Unaware
was born. In order for the experiment to work, we needed the bullies to become targets. We knew that wouldn’t be difficult. It’s high school after all—everyone has secrets.”

I couldn’t breathe. I felt as if invisible hands held me by the throat and were slowly strangling me. I had only a moment to wonder what Blake had meant before the setting changed to a green bedroom I knew all too well—Payton’s bedroom, only Payton was nowhere to be seen. Nolan sat at her white desk and flipped open her laptop.

“Do you feel bad about what you’re about to do?” Blake asked from somewhere behind the camera.

Nolan arched an eyebrow. “I’d feel bad if I didn’t do it. If this documentary saves even one life, it’s all been totally worth it.” He spent several minutes typing and navigating the mouse before he finally smiled. “Bingo,” he muttered. He clicked the mouse several more times and the printer came to life with a whirl. Several sheets of paper shot out. Nolan grabbed them and pulled his car keys from his pocket. “Now to get this to a FedEx store. We’re going to need
a lot
of copies.”

“Copies of what?”

Nolan flipped the pages around. The video had been edited so the names on the pages were blurred, but I could make out enough to know it was a printout of private messages.

My
private messages.

Chapter Twenty

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

I rubbed my eyes, hoping my mind was playing tricks on me. But no. The papers Nolan held in his hand were the same ones that had been taped to my locker. All this time I thought Amber had been behind the messages, that I’d done something to piss her off and it was her retaliation. Now I realized that wasn’t the case. Blake and Nolan had been behind the messages all along.

Nolan—
who’d held me in his arms, who’d kissed me, who’d…lied to me this entire time.

The floor slid out from underneath me, and I grasped both sides of my desk as if I could somehow anchor myself. I thought I’d been falling for Nolan, but in reality I was just falling further apart. He told me he cared about me, he’d held me in the bathroom when I couldn’t stand, he’d kissed me—had all of it been an act so he could get footage for his documentary?

My stomach clenched painfully tight. My cheeks flushed hot and tears burned in my eyes. I quickly blinked them back before they could fall.

The screen went black as words scrolled across:
We took incriminating messages from one of the offenders and taped them to all the lockers in school. Would the bullies come out of their own social downfall more empathetic?

A girl appeared onscreen. Her face was blurred out, but the second I saw the purse she carried, I realized with horror I was watching a video of myself. It was the video of my arrival the morning the notes were posted. The girl with the asymmetrical hair whirled around as I tried to pass. Our conversation couldn’t be heard over the buzz of students surrounding us. A second later, she smacked the coffee cup out of my hand.

Even now, sitting at my desk, I gasped just like I had that morning. Humiliation washed over me just like it had during the original encounter. The familiar cords of anxiety roped around my body.
Please, God. Let the video be over soon.
I glanced at Mrs. Murphy to find her watching with a strange look of fascination and horror—obviously she wouldn’t be turning it off anytime soon.

The students around me sat wide-eyed and rigid in their seats, more awake than I’d ever seen them at eight in the morning.

The scene cut again, and this time I stood in front of Julie Sims’s locker as she stared at me with papers clutched in her hands. “Julie, even if you don’t believe me, I want you to know I’m very sorry I said those things,” Recorded Me said. “I didn’t mean them. I was just…being an asshole.”

I disappeared from the screen and another girl appeared. Even though her face was blurred out as mine had been, there was no denying who the girl with the hiked-up skirt and stiletto heels was—
Amber.
Words scrolled across the top:
If they learned nothing, would they succumb to the very abuse they dished out?
Amber ripped the pages off a locker and after reading it, tore it into several pieces and threw them across the hall. She marched down a row of lockers and tore the pages off before stuffing them in a trash can.

Would they turn on each other?
the scrolling words asked. This time Amber, Payton, and I were onscreen. Amber’s shoulders were tight and her fingers curled into fists. “You can drop the innocent act now,” she practically spit at me. “I told Payton what you told me—that you thought she was annoying and you were only friends with her because she was good at digging up dirt.”

“That’s a lie,” Onscreen Me shouted.

Another black screen followed by the words:
Would the experience change them? Would they be forced to face their own demons?

I was back onscreen, my face still blurred—only this time I sat on Nolan’s stool in front of the green-screen row of lockers. “I have to be perfect. So
f—king
perfect all the time. Not just at home but at school, at church, at the f—king
grocery store
because everyone’s watching. Like the entire world is just waiting for me to screw up. And I’ve been holding my breath for years because I knew it was only a matter of time before the day came when I slipped up and everything fell apart.”

The angle of the camera widened, making me look so small, so frail, among the seemingly never-ending row of lockers. “Some days I think the only thing holding me together are these pills. It’s so pathetic. Even more pathetic than the pills, though, are the horrible things I said about other people—the awful things I did. I’m not trying to make excuses because there are none. I just wanted to say I’m sorry for everything—just
everything.
High school is hard enough without other people making it worse, and I’m really sorry I was one of those people.”

I disappeared, replaced by the words:
Or would they learn nothing? Would they be so afraid to face the truth about themselves that they would keep on hurting everyone around them?

These words were replaced with others—blurry, black, and handwritten. Gradually the camera lens focused until the words became readable:
Delaney Hickler is a fucking whore.

It took me a moment to realize where I’d seen those words before—they were written inside the handicap stall in the girls’ locker room. The same stall where I recorded—
Oh my God.

“No.” I stood, but no one appeared to notice my outburst. Every eye remained transfixed on the screen. Nolan had taken the footage I’d stupidly left on his camera, and now was about to ruin two lives with it. I whirled around and faced the class behind me. “Please don’t listen.” I turned to Mrs. Murphy. “Turn it off. Hurry.”

She frowned at me and glanced at the remote in her hand, her brow creased in confusion. “Miss Flay, what on earth—?”

Even though I hadn’t caught Amber on film, her voice was unmistakable. “I’m sorry,” she said.

My heart plummeted to the floor and I realized I was too late. Even if I could stop the video from being shown in my homeroom, I couldn’t stop every other class in this school from watching it.

“But not sorry enough to dump that prick Jer—” Christy’s voice replied.

Amber sighed. “Jer––’s just for show. You know I couldn’t care less about him.”

“But that’s not what he thinks,” Christy countered. “What everyone thinks.”

“Fu— what everyone else thinks. We only have to do this for one more year, and then we’ll be in college and able to do whatever the fu— we want. One year.”

“I guess. The Snowflake Ball is coming up. I just wish—”

“Look,” Amber said, “I need to go. We shouldn’t risk being caught together like this—especially not at school.”

The screen went dark and I waited, with my breath held, for more to come. When it didn’t, I turned to discover Mrs. Murphy holding the remote up with a shaking hand, her thumb pressed on the power button. She appeared several shades paler than she had moments ago. “I’m not sure that was appropriate.” She said it so softly, I wasn’t sure if she was talking to us or herself.

The intercom beeped, making all of us jump.

“I would like Blake Mitchell and Nolan Letner to
immediately
report to my office,” Principal McDill announced. Even over the intercom, her anger was unmistakable. “I would also like to personally apologize to all of you for the video just shown. It was in no way authorized by myself or any of the school faculty. The responsible parties will be dealt with. In the meantime, please resume with your classes as scheduled.”

Mrs. Murphy dropped the remote onto her desk. “I suppose you should take your textbooks out.” Nobody moved. She glanced at me. “Miss Flay, you may take your seat now.”

My heart ricocheted off my ribs. Never in my life had I disobeyed a teacher. Still, my legs refused to comply with her request. This video hadn’t been an attack on me, but
Amber.
There was no way she hadn’t seen it. I knew what it felt like to have your secrets exposed to the entire school.

“Miss Flay. Just where do you think you’re going?” Mrs. Murphy demanded. “Return to your desk at once.”

Confused, I blinked. Somehow I’d found my way to the classroom door without realizing I was moving. Apparently, on a subconscious level, my body already knew what I had to do. I glanced over my shoulder to find the entire class staring at me in wide-eyed shock. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Murphy. I have to go.” I knew I was asking for a detention, but I had to find Amber. Even though she’d played a big part in trying to ruin my life last week, I had to find her—to let her know she wasn’t alone in this. After all, how could I expect the school to forgive me my wrongdoings if I wasn’t willing to do the same?

I pushed the door open, ignoring Mrs. Murphy’s call for me to come back, and dashed out into the empty hallway.
If I were Amber, where would I be?
I couldn’t imagine she’d remain in her homeroom, not after her biggest secret was exposed to the entire school.

I raced down the hall, not sure where I was going—all I knew was I
had
to find Amber.

“Regan.” Nolan’s voice pulled at my body like the strings of a marionette. I slid to a halt but refused to turn around. I couldn’t bear to look at the person who’d manipulated and lied to me.

“Regan,
please.
” There was an edge of desperation in his voice. His footsteps drew nearer until they stopped directly behind me. “I had no idea Blake was going to switch the videos. She was supposed to show just your footage—the one we worked on.” A hand grabbed my shoulder. “Blake lied to me. She used me.”

“Like you used me?” I jerked out of his grasp and whirled around. My hands shook in anger as tears burned the corners of my eyes. My brain couldn’t decide if I should scream or cry first. “Like you’ve been using me this entire time? Setting me up for the big reveal?”

“No.” His eyes widened and he took a step backward. “It isn’t like that. I mean—yes, maybe it started out like that. After what happened to Jordan, I was so angry. I wanted justice for her. That was before I realized that what Blake and I were doing was no different than what was done to Jordan. I told her I wanted to abandon the project. I thought she agreed. She must have gotten the footage of you and Amber the night I went to your house and she stayed behind to
edit.
” He rubbed his face with his hands. “God, I’m such an idiot.”

That much was true—the rest of it, who knew? It wasn’t like I could trust anything he said. “Whatever, Nolan. I don’t have time for your bullshit right now, okay?”

Hurt flashed across his eyes, and he jerked back like I’d struck him. “I’m telling you the truth. Blake lied to me. We agreed never to show the original video.”

My fingers tightened into fists and I shook my head. “Don’t you get it? So what if she lied to you—you lied to
me
. All this time you never said a word when I accused Amber of posting the messages. It doesn’t matter that you changed your mind about showing your stupid documentary. The point is you deliberately set out to ruin my life.”

He raked his fingers through his hair. “I know. God, Regan, I’m so sorry. When we started filming I was so angry, so hurt…I realize now that’s no excuse. I never meant for this to happen. I stopped the documentary when I realized how out of control things were getting. You have to believe me that, in the beginning, I honestly thought I was helping people—helping you, even. I never meant for any of this to happen. I swear. Regan, you’re the last person I would ever want to hurt.”

I balled my hands into fists. “You’re a fucking saint.”

“Okay, I deserve that.” He held a hand out to me. “You’re angry and you have every right to be. We had something really amazing, and I’ll never forgive myself if I ruined it. Please, Regan, can we talk about this? Can you just give me a chance?”

“I don’t have time to talk.” I brushed past him. “I need to find Amber.”

His footsteps pounded after me. “I’ll help you.”

Refusing to look at him, I shook my head. “Don’t you have to go to the office?”

“I have to do a lot of things. Right now, you’re my number one priority.”

I rolled my eyes and continued down the hall. He could say whatever he wanted, but it didn’t change the fact I now knew the real Nolan. Whatever act he put on from here on out, I wouldn’t be fooled.

I darted around a corner and nearly bumped into Christy. Her face was red and her cheeks wet with tears. She looked between Nolan and me before pointing a shaking finger at us. “
You.
You were working together.”

“No. You have it wrong.” Nolan raised his hands. “This is all my fault. Regan had nothing to do with this.”

Christy grabbed a fistful of his shirt and for several agonizing seconds, I was sure she was going to hit him. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” she spat between clenched teeth. She shoved him, releasing his shirt.

He barely budged. “Please, Christy, none of this was ever my intention.”

“Fuck you and your intentions,” she answered. “I have to find Amber.” She brushed past him, bumping his shoulder.

“Do you know where she went?” I called after her.

Christy stopped and shook her head. Fresh tears spilled down her cheek. “No. We’re in the same homeroom together and after the video…” She swallowed hard. “Amber totally lost it. I’ve—I’ve never seen her like this. I’m worried.”

“Okay.” I chewed on my lip, racking my brain for places Amber might have gone. “Why don’t you check the parking lot and see if her car is there—if it isn’t, she probably went home. I’ll keep looking here.”

“Okay.” Christy nodded before jogging down the hall.

If Amber hadn’t left the building, she’d want to go someplace she could be alone where nobody could bother her. Someplace like…the second-floor bathroom. I made a right and started up the staircase with Nolan close at my heels. I prayed I wouldn’t find her—that she’d be at Starbucks drowning her sorrows in a mocha latte, or at the MAC counter in Macy’s buying away her pain with lipstick and eyeliner.

The intercom crackled as soon as I stepped foot on the second floor. “Nolan Letner
and
Regan Flay, please report to my office at once,” Principal McDill ordered.

Apparently Mrs. Murphy had alerted her to my escape. Just what I needed, more trouble. My breath hitched inside my throat, and I reached for my pill bottle hidden inside my purse only to realize I’d left my purse and backpack in homeroom. “Shit,” I muttered.