Lifesong (15 page)

Stepping away from the house, I delighted in the sun on my back, its warm fingers digging through my fur to reach the skin underneath. The ground was harder than I remembered, almost as if it were covered in ice. But looking between my paws, there was no frost, ice or snow against the sides of the house.

After taking a handful of steady breaths, I filled my wolf lungs, the cold intoxicating me like a drug. While breathing in the icy air as a human caused my lungs to ache, it did just the opposite when I was a wolf. Once I was sure the front door was locked, I took a single leap forward, followed by another, then another, until I was loping across the lawn.

The pines called to me, urging me to run into their shade. I took their invitation willingly, howling into the sky in submission to everything I was. Panting at the air as it rushed over my tongue, I headed east, far from where I’d last seen Zarrius, and farther still from any human.
Emma’s human.
You’re human.
No, that was only half of who I was, and Emma was better than any of the others.

She was our alpha, my mate and the head of the pack. She only wore a human skin. Everything else about her screamed guardian—wolf.

“Tucker, wait up,” a small voice called. Luna’s white form chased after me.

I slowed my pace so she could catch up. A howl billowed up through my chest and she joined in. She met my gaze, and I sent her an image of Emma, my question of where she was hanging in the air between us. Luna replied with a second image, of Emma and the pack. She was safe.

I bowed my head between my paws and closed my eyes, using my mental map of the woods to find my way. And as Luna ran at my side, I couldn’t shake the ache around my heart, a pain for what we’d once shared along with the fact that Emma could never run with us as a wolf.

“It isn’t wrong,” Luna said between breaths, her paws barely hitting the forest floor. “It’s part of who we are.”

I flashed my fangs in her direction. “You pushed me away.”

“You were a pup. You were inexperienced.”

Luna pulled back, keeping her pace a few leaps behind me. It was a part of my past I’d thought I’d buried long ago, beneath all the bones and green grass. It had been a mistake to fall for the only she-wolf in the pack. Even worse, she could’ve had any of the other guardians, and she’d had the balls to reject every single one of us. When any of the wolves approached her, she’d pushed them away. She’d left the pack, but was always waiting on the outskirts of it because it was her place, but in the end, I kind of knew she’d never belonged. And in that sense, we were the same.

Zarrius had moulded me to be what he had wanted, but that wasn’t who I truly was. Once I’d imprinted on Emma, I’d distanced myself from the pack.
The same way Luna did.
I understood now. It wasn’t the wolf Luna had rejected, it was the other part of me, the half I had become.

I halted, leaving deep furrows in the ground before leaping back in Luna’s direction. The white wolf skidded to the side, but she was one second too late. I had my fangs around her scruff in an instant, shifting into human form moments later.

Luna struggled, and I wrapped my arms under her forelegs.

“You aren’t yourself,” Luna yelped, surprised.

“No, I am. I understand now,” I said, easing the grip I had on the she-wolf. I tilted my head to the side and shivered from the cold. “Emma’s right. Loving me is only half of who she is, and being human is only half of who we are—the half you needed me to find. I’m human now, but I’m also wolf. It’s wrong for us not to embrace one another.”

“It’s puppy love. It’s just a memory. It wouldn’t be right for us to give in to that love now. Not without Emma.”

She rolled to the side, and I released her, getting onto my hands and knees before changing back into a wolf. My eyes searched the trees for Luna’s form. A white streak zigzagged between them. I smiled when I saw her tail was raised. She wasn’t rejecting me, not this time. But she wasn’t going to make it easy for me either.

Her last words played in the back of my mind.
Not without Emma.
Was she suggesting what I thought she was? Better yet, was it something Emma would be open to? She’d been willing so far.
But everyone has their limits.
And she wasn’t a wolf.

My heart screamed for one thing while my mind insisted on another, and every ounce of my being felt just as frustrated as it had when I’d first become a guardian. Everything was new again, foreign and strange. I stopped the chase, turning in a circle in the middle of the forest, but no matter which way I looked, every direction seemed to hold the same amount of promise.

I was in love with Luna, with the half of me that was a wolf, and I was in love with Emma, with the half that most of the time refused to acknowledge I was still human. Now I understood why Emma had struggled when I’d asked her when she’d first fallen in love with me. Falling in love and being in love were two entirely different things, and as I tried to find balance, so did the one I’d claimed as my mate.

This would’ve been a lot easier if you had become alpha when you had the chance.
And I’d had plenty of chances. All it would’ve taken was one swift bite against the throat, and yet Emma was the one who’d given the final blow.
You were going to let him bleed out and suffer. Emma saved you from that pain. That’s why she’s the alpha now, and that’s why accepting you and Luna has been so easy for her.

No
. I knew she would’ve accepted Luna either way. She was the most expressive wolf within the pack, and without her, Emma would’ve been blind to most of what we had done.
She would’ve learnt the truth eventually.
At least now, she had a choice in the matter. Luna had shown Emma her memories for the same reason I’d told her what happens when a guardian sings. She was protecting her.
Protecting Emma.
Just like I’d asked.

“While I’d love to watch the rest of this internal monologue, I think it’s better if I just put you out of your misery,” came Luna’s voice, not five hundred feet behind me. I turned to face her, eyeing her human form as she rested her back against a tree. “Would you like to know how it ends?” She canted her head to one side, and for some reason, that movement alone was enough to send me over the edge.

I loped towards her, shifting once I was an arm’s length away. “Was I projecting?” It almost seemed as though we were falling, without anything to grab on to for balance.

Luna placed her hands on my shoulders. “Only loud enough for the entire forest to see. You really are a lost pup, aren’t you?”

The words sounded so wrong coming from her lips. She may have had more than a century on me, but her form, her voice and even her mentality seemed younger, but in the most wonderful of ways. She was experienced, more than I could ever claim for myself. And she was open.

“I’m sorry I ever pushed you away,” Luna began, her body shaking from the frigid air. Her rounded breasts perked, the pink buds looking more purple in colour. “I didn’t want to involve you in something you weren’t ready for.”

“I know,” I said, a ribbon of vapour escaping through my lips. “It’s the same thing I did with Emma.”

I took a few steps forward, cupping one of her breasts with my hand. She flinched, but she didn’t back away. Her eyes widened, attentive as I traced the curves of her body.

“She knows more than we give her credit for,” Luna said, her teeth chattering.

“We all do,” I said in agreement, lacing my fingers with hers. If it hadn’t been so damned cold outside, I would’ve felt a warmth against the insides of my legs. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

Luna’s eyes glazed over, and she arched her back away from the tree when I pressed my lips to hers. The small female whimpered, hugging an arm around me, drawing us closer together. I pierced her lips with my tongue, tasting her. She was sweet, almost as sweet as Emma, but there was a bite to the kiss as well.

Her hands wandered down to my thighs, stopping just shy of my cock, which hung limply between my legs. Luna traced circles around the head with her thumb, placing her fingers around my entire length as my body pulsed to life. She tightened her hold on me, and I tilted my head back, a moan snaking past my parted lips.

Luna thrust her hand down to the base of my cock in long, fluid strokes. She might have been a wolf for over two centuries, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t familiar with the human body. She had in fact been human before. She was attentive, curious, but also cautious. Just like Emma.

I steadied myself and bit at the side of Luna’s neck, growling when she cried out.

“Emma showed me this—of us—the three of us being together,” Luna said, licking my cheek. “A dream. It was only a dream.”

“Then it is a good dream,” I said, as I trailed my hand down the contour of her stomach.

I smiled when her body shook. The bitter air seemed so far away now, our bodies like a pair of flames under a bit of glass. The wind couldn’t touch us, and as her blue fingers explored my body, our warmth grew even more.

I squeezed her hand, placing my lips over hers as I prised her legs open with a knee. She gasped, her free hand gripping my shaft until it hurt. I bit back the pain, ignoring everything else except for her touch.

“Not to rush,” Luna chattered, “but unless you want to lose an appendage—”

She sucked in a breath of air when my finger penetrated her folds. The inside of her body felt like magma against my almost-numb digits, and I moaned with pleasure. Releasing her hand, I positioned my free arm along her back, wincing when the tree bark bit at my bare skin.

My grip on my human form was gently leaning towards that of a wolf, and I fought against it. Luna was fighting against the shift as well, her eyes changing shape even as the rest of her stayed the same.

“Stay with me,” I whimpered.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

I pulled out my finger, adding a second one before pressing back into her depths. Luna’s body shuddered, and I withdrew my fingers again. She rubbed her clit against my palm, her stance widening as she did. The world spun around us, and I fought to keep my balance. Gods, how I wanted her! Just to throw her to the ground and take her. I had to hold back when she wrapped her arms around my neck.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Luna asked, her eyes as wide as they were dark.

“Always have,” I replied, pressing the top of my shaft against her opening.

I closed my eyes, focusing on the sensations as I inhaled the she-wolf’s feral scent. My hips bucked in an upward motion, my cock pressing against the soft tissue. Luna adjusted herself and wrapped her legs around the outside of my hips. I knew the tree was biting into her shoulders just as much as it was tearing through my arm.

I tried to take a step back, to possibly set her on the ground, but Luna held on to me even more. Wide-eyed, she shook her head.
Ignore the pain.
It didn’t matter. I thrust again, moaning when she took me in the entire way.

Unable to feel my toes, I thrust again, the motion nearly knocking both of us to the ground. Luna groaned, and I held her hips in place. Luna’s walls fitted me perfectly. She rode down on me, standing on her tiptoes whenever I pushed back. Together, we found the right rhythm.

She clawed at my skin, her breath hot against my neck as she bit down. I hissed, the sudden pain sending a tremor throughout my body. It was followed by a second tremor moments later, and I held back, slowing my pace as Luna’s body tightened around me.

“Now,” Luna breathed, her eyes wild. “Now!”

Holding both hands against her hips, I bucked into her, one quick stroke right after another. We were fighting back the shift, holding back time. Time wasn’t something either of us had.
Hurry. Hurry.
I focused on the words, on our needs. Shifting now would’ve set us back to zero.

“Gods, Tucker, I—”

She bit at my collarbone. I wanted to say something. I wanted to tell her… I wanted to say—
oh, Gods
. My body quivered. One. More. Thrust. My body tensed, and I hissed words neither of us could understand. I exploded inside her, and Luna’s body trembled as she rode out her climax.

By the time we’d finished, we’d shifted back into wolves, our bodies shaking from the cold. I licked her muzzle, feeling more awake than I’d thought I would after my run.

My ears perked forward when another wolf approached us, the he-wolf’s scent alerting me. Placing myself in front of Luna, I bared my teeth, growling a warning until the wolf appeared in front of me, red in colour.

“Balnor,” I breathed, forcing the hairs on the back of my neck to lower. “What are you doing out here? I thought you were with Emma.”

The red wolf bowed his head and lowered his ears. “The alpha wants us all back at the house. Says it’s urgent.”

Luna and I looked at one another, exchanging images of alarm—mine showing Emma with fever whereas Luna’s involved the entire pack.

“Go on,” I said, wincing at the pain in my paws, my body still feeling very human. “We’re right behind you.”

Chapter Twenty-One

Tucker

The house smelt the same as it always did. No illness, blood or broken glass. No rogue wolf. Taking a breath to steady my nerves, I stepped inside. Luna followed close behind me. The living room was empty, and a hand clutched around my heart. It skipped a handful of beats, and a headache pounded between my eyes when it came back to life.

A thick haze crowded my vision, and Luna nudged me towards the stairs. Her eyes were full of worry. I refused to surrender to the fear scratching inside my stomach. Our claws clicked against the hardwood flooring as we approached the stairs. There was only one place we had to look.

The other wolves had already gathered in the bedroom, and when we joined them, I was relieved to find Emma right where we left her, very awake and looking a little better than before.

I eyed the empty plate of foodstuffs on my side of the bed and closed my eyes, willing the headache to the back of my mind. It took a moment, but the discomfort passed.