Lifesong (12 page)

When I didn’t reply, Luna continued, “I know I love you.” Her ears lowered, and I could feel her cowering beside me. “The pack wouldn’t understand, but—”

I leaned over to kiss Luna on the muzzle. “Please don’t cower. I do love you, I do. I just wasn’t sure what you meant by it. There are many kinds of love, Luna.”

“How do you love me, Emma?”

“With all my heart.”

“Like Tucker?”

I nodded. Damn, I was going to get in trouble for this, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t sure how it was possible, but the love I felt for Tucker when I was back at the ward was the same way I felt towards Luna. My relationship with them may have been different, but they were almost like two halves of a whole. Tucker touched me in ways no other could, and the knowledge Luna shared covered things Tucker hadn’t learnt. Together, Tucker and Luna complemented one another, and up until now, I hadn’t even thought about it.

“Is it possible to have two loves?” I asked, peering into Luna’s calm eyes. “I’d expect to feel torn, but I’m not.”

Luna nuzzled up under my chin. “I think it is. A wolf can love her mate, and then have a love equal to that for her pups.”

“But you aren’t my pup, Luna. You’re like a sister.” I shook my head. “No, that isn’t right either.”

Luna laughed. “It’s okay, Emma. I knew what you meant. I just wanted to hear it.”

She curled around me, and I dug my fingers into her white fur. Love had always been a confusing emotion for me, especially when my parents tossed me aside. But now? Now I had so many others to love, it was hard for me to feel anything else. Acceptance? That’s what it was. Guilt, as well. Guilt for even thinking about it.

“Emma?” Luna’s voice thrust me from my thoughts. “Can I share something with you?”

“Of course.” I touched my forehead to hers. “Not as much as last time, okay? I got a little drunk after that.”

Luna rumbled, and we closed our eyes. The process of sharing memories was something I’d gotten used to over the past week or so, and Luna had a lot so share. The last time I’d linked minds with her, there’d been so much information I’d had a hard time wading through it all. Between the guardians, the songs they sang, Tucker as a boy, and even seeing Ika through Luna’s eyes, it was no wonder I was a little drunk afterwards.

For that reason alone, I was glad we were sitting down, otherwise I would’ve lost my balance. Exhaling, I opened my mind to her, focusing on the images as they came into view. She shared a single image. Just one. It wasn’t of Tucker, the pack, the guardians or the Earth. It was just Luna. I furrowed my brow, but something told me we weren’t finished.

The she-wolf struggled to express her thoughts through pictures, and I waited patiently as she tried to gather her thoughts. The image slowly shifted from a wolf to a girl around the same age as me, her sun-bleached hair seeming out of place when compared to the white fur. The image was then joined by another—me, my form just as naked as Luna’s.

I had to admit, it was something I’d been curious about ever since the pack had moved into the house. And now, to see that Luna shared my thoughts, I wondered if I’d accidentally let mine slip into her mind during one of our imprinting sessions. No one had told me how to do it, so maybe it had happened without my meaning to. When Luna was sure I’d seen the images, she moved on to smells, her scent. If I could pull away the fur, the pine and mud, the scent Luna had as a wolf would be like this. Almost like honeysuckle. Then there was a warmth, one that was so strong I was sure we’d moved in front of the fire.

I suddenly wanted to touch her, smell her and be with her—to be with that girl, along with Tucker and the rest of the pack. My lips were dry. I swallowed around the emotion, certain that wasn’t what Luna wanted to show me.

“Do you love me?” Luna asked again.

“I—” I choked on the words. “Yes.”

“Open your eyes.”

I pulled my forehead away from Luna and took a breath, knowing what I’d find even though I hoped I’d got it wrong. Things were complicated enough without having a second guardian shifting inside the house. How am I going to explain this to Tucker? I wouldn’t have to. Even if she had shifted, I didn’t have to explain myself to anyone, not as the alpha.

I opened my eyes. There, sitting beside me, was Luna, her human form terribly naked. Beautiful. My hands shook—hands I wanted to place on her face, her lips and breasts. She was just as thin in human form as she’d been as a wolf, her ribs slightly visible when she sucked in a breath of air. My clit throbbed, and I bit at the inside of my cheek.

Luna’s gaze met mine, her green eyes wide, and for a brief moment, icy panic swept through my veins. Tucker was my mate, my bonded. I’d known this since my parents admitted me to the ward, and now, the same emotions I had for him were just as strong for Luna. Too many damned emotions. It isn’t sexual. Like hell it wasn’t!

Even though she was very human, I could still sense her ears going back and her tail tucking under her stomach as she cowered. I hugged an arm around the shivering female, leading her over to the fireplace. Luna glided effortlessly across the floor as if she’d been human this entire time. Though not quite as confident as Tucker, she was beautiful all the same.

After setting her in front of the fire, I placed my hands on Luna’s cheeks, brushing her tears away with my fingertips. “Why do you cry?”

“Because I am happy,” Luna replied, leaning in to my caress.

My heart felt as if it were about to fall through the floor. The way Luna looked, how happy she was—it almost appeared that she were in pain. Opening my robe to reveal my own form, I wrapped the fabric around Luna’s back, our breasts touching as I took the she-wolf in my arms. It felt so wrong and so very right at the same time, and as I leaned in to kiss her, our secret world came crashing down around us.

Chapter Sixteen

Tucker

Anger. It was the first thing that came to my mind when I opened the front door, nearly falling back into the rest of the pack. Instinct told me to growl and foam at the mouth, but once I saw Luna shift in front of Emma, I thought better of it. Emma lifted her gaze to greet me, her cheeks red. She averted her eyes before I could speak, and when she didn’t move away from the white wolf, I glanced back at the other guardians.

“Wait outside.”

The other wolves inclined their heads, knowing better than to get involved and probably thankful for the release. I waited for them to disperse amongst the trees before stepping inside the house. They didn’t need to hear what I was about to say. My fur bristled as I loped over to Emma’s side, growling at the she-wolf hidden beneath Emma’s robe.

“What’s the meaning of this?” I glared at her until she looked back at me, her eyes glazed over with something that should’ve only belonged to me. “Don’t tell me you love her!” It wasn’t a question.

Emma looked as if she were about to argue, but instead, she pressed her forehead against Luna’s. I snarled and tugged at Emma’s robe, removing the fabric from around both females, leaving their naked forms out in the open.

“She shifted,” I barked, snapping at Luna’s legs. The she-wolf jumped back, shifting into her wolf form. “How?”

Emma knelt down in front of Luna, hugging her arms around the she-wolf’s neck before patting her on the haunches. “Go on outside.” Her voice was gentle, accepting, which surprised me even more, and as soon as the white wolf was out of sight, her eyes hardened. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

I opened my maw to protest, but I was still struggling with the idea of having a second
human
female in the house. “Wrong with
me
? Emma, did you not just see what happened?”

“Another wolf shifted—so what?”

“Emma, this isn’t supposed to happen. You know that.” I paced the length of the room, my nostrils flaring, filling with the she-wolf’s scent. “A guardian doesn’t shift without a human, and not until they’ve imprinted.”

“And what do you think I’ve been doing with the rest of the pack while you moped around the house? They show me things, Tucker. Things you could’ve shown me yourself.” Emma strode over to where her robe lay on the ground and picked it up, tying it around her body. “And why can’t a human have two guardians? Why can’t I love you and her the same?”

“Love?” The word came out in a low growl, and I stared into the fire. “Are you listening to yourself?”

“Are you?”

I clenched my jaw and shifted into my human form—hands turning into fists as I stood in front of her. “I imprinted on you first,” I argued. “I protected you. I brought you home. Gods. You should love me, not her!” I gestured at the front door.

Emma’s eyes softened, and once I’d calmed down, she placed her hands on my shoulders. “It isn’t that kind of love.”

“But you kissed her.”

“So? It was a kiss. That doesn’t mean I’m going to invite her into our bed.” Emma bowed her head, and when she looked at me again, I wished she hadn’t. Tears had filled her eyes, and she struggled to speak. “You don’t share your memories with me the way she does.”

“Guys like to be a little more private than that. Would it help if I shared my memories with you now?”

Emma shook her head. “It seems pointless now, doesn’t it? You showed me your last memory with Ika, so why not everything else? What about your family? What about before Ika stole you away from them?”

“Because that’s not what I wanted you to think I did to you, and also because some things are meant to be private. I did everything right. I imprinted when you were young, and when I brought you here, I didn’t force you to do anything you didn’t want to do. I wasn’t going to tell you about Ika at all, but I decided that by showing you my pain I’d save you from it later on. I did everything right, Emma!”

Emma clasped her hands around mine, prying at them until my palms were flat. “I know. I know you did. You did everything right, and I still love you, but I also love Luna. It isn’t the same.”

Emma guided me over to one of the chairs, the same one she’d had Luna sitting on moments earlier. I flinched, swallowing the growl that threatened to burst through my chest. The process of ignoring the other wolf’s scent and her link to Emma was the worst kind of heartburn—unpleasant, and barely manageable.

“She’s the other half of my song—our song,” Emma began, her eyes on the front door. “And the pack is our choir. We need the entire pack. Ever since you told me what happens after a guardian sings, something’s been missing. Luna is that something.”

“How can you be sure? You could lose both of us.”

“I know she gains the same risk as you just by loving me and me loving her back, but I can’t help it, and neither can you. She showed me, Tucker, what happened between you when you were a new guardian. Why push her away now?”

My voice was lost under the weight of her words. There was a time when I would’ve taken my moments with Luna, but not now. Not when I had Emma. The way I felt for the she-wolf had come and gone. My feelings for Emma were still there.

“You please me in ways no other can, and you should,” Emma continued. “But I love Luna on more of a mental level. She’s shown me everything. She trusts me completely with her memories. By seeing everything she’s seen and felt, it’s almost as if I’ve been at her side this entire time.”

I nodded. “That’s what imprinting does—it fills the gaps of memory so that we don’t have to.”

Emma frowned. “Then why keep it all to yourself?”

“Because I wanted you to fall in love with me on your own. I wanted it to be your choice. It’s one thing Zarrius and I could never agree on. Damn it, Emma. If he’d gotten to you, he would’ve imprinted, forcing you to trust him without actually knowing him. In a way, Luna’s done the same thing.”

“But she isn’t a threat to us. Just like the pack isn’t a threat to us. They’re family.” She sighed and sat in my lap, curling against my chest. “By keeping me to yourself, you push that family away from me, and I need them. If you’re going to leave me, I have every right to know my family before that happens. Not after.”

“You’ve put her in danger by letting her shift, Emma.”

“I couldn’t have stopped her even if I’d wanted to. That’s almost like asking you not to breathe. And I don’t think I’ve endangered either one of you at all. Not any more than you already were.”

“I wish I could share your confidence.” I drew in a shaky breath and let it out, resting a hand against the small of her back.

“I’m sorry, I just feel like there’s some other way, and if there’s a way to make this, to make
us
last a little longer, shouldn’t we take it?”

I combed a hand through her hair, and when Luna padded back into the room, I silently coaxed her to my side. Her fur was raised, and I pressed the tips of my fingers between her shoulder blades to release the tension. I might not have been a wolf, but I could sense her attraction to Emma.

In the end, it didn’t matter what I wanted. Emma, my mate, was the pack’s alpha, and it was her responsibility to protect us. If that meant she had to love Luna just as much as she loved me, I had to obey.

Chapter Seventeen

Emma

Words jumped off the page as I skimmed over what I’d written in my notebooks, going as far back as when I was first admitted to the ward. Nothing I read gave me any ideas or images that could possibly help with the song Tucker and I would have to sing. He’d brought my books down to the living room so I could read them during the day when the pack was out on a hunt.

Most of the old entries were by a girl infatuated with the idea of being in love with a wolf. Then there were the ones I’d written after reading romance novels, or the ones when I cursed the world for sending me to the ward in the first place. Every book had a different emotion and none of them fit into how I felt now.

The love I thought I’d felt back then wasn’t real. It was exaggerated, based on dreams I’d had or words that had somehow popped into my head. A few of the entries even made me think I’d actually belonged in that place.