Lightning (13 page)

Where was her guardian? Where?

Sheener shoved his face close to hers, and terror seemed to sharpen her senses, for she was acutely aware of every detail of his rage-wrenched countenance: the still-red suture marks where his torn ear had been reattached to his head, the blackheads in the creases around his nose, the acne scars in his mealy skin. His green eyes were too strange to be human, as alien and fierce as those of a cat.

Her guardian would pull the Eel off her at any second now, pull him off her and kill him. Any second now.

“I got you,” he said, his voice shrill, manic, “now you’re mine, honey, and you’re gonna tell me who that son of a bitch was, the one who beat on me, I’ll blow his head off.”

He was holding her by her upper arms, his fingers digging into her flesh. He lifted her off the floor, raised her to his eye level, and pinned her against the wall. Her feet dangled in the air.

“Who is the bastard?” He was so strong for his size. He lifted her away from the wall, slammed her against it again, keeping her at eye level. “Tell me, honey, or I’ll tear
your
ear off.”

Any second now. Any second.

Pain still throbbed through her back, but she was able to draw breath, although what she drew in was
his
breath, sour and nauseating.

“Answer me, honey.”

She could die waiting for a guardian angel to intervene.

She kicked him in the crotch. It was a perfect shot. His legs were planted wide, and he was so unaccustomed to girls who fought back that he never saw it coming. His eyes widened—they actually looked like human eyes for an instant—and he made a low, strangled sound. His hands dropped away from her. Laura collapsed to the floor, and Sheener staggered backward, lost his balance, fell against the dining-room table, folded to his side on the Chinese carpet.

Nearly immobilized by pain, shock, and fear, Laura could not get to her feet. Rag legs. Limp. So crawl. She could crawl. Away from him. Frantically. Toward the dining-room archway. Hoping to be able to stand by the time she reached the living room. He grabbed her left ankle. She tried to kick loose. No good. Rag legs. Sheener held on. Cold fingers. Corpse-cold. He made a thin, shrieking sound. Weird. She put her hand in a milk-soaked patch of carpet. Saw the broken glass. The top of the tumbler had shattered. The heavy base was intact, crowned with sharp spears. Drops of milk clinging to it. Still winded, half paralyzed by pain, the Eel seized her other ankle. Hitched-twitched-dragged himself toward her. He was still shrieking. Like a bird. Going to throw himself on top of her. Pin her. She seized the broken glass. Cut her thumb. Didn’t feel a thing. He let go of her ankles to grab at her thighs. She flipped-writhed onto her back. As if
she
were an eel. Thrust the jagged end of the broken tumbler at him, not intending to stab him, hoping only to ward him off. But he was heaving himself onto her, falling onto her, and the three glass points speared into his throat. He tried to pull away. Twisted the tumbler. The points broke off in his flesh. Choking, gagging, he nailed her to the floor with his body. Blood streamed from his nose. She squirmed. He clawed at her. His knee bore down hard on her hip. His mouth was at her throat. He bit her. Just nipped her skin. He’d get a bigger bite next time if she let him. She thrashed. Breath whistled and rattled in his ruined throat. She slithered free. He grabbed. She kicked. Her legs worked better now. The kick landed solidly. She crawled toward the living room. Gripped the frame of the dining-room archway. Pulled herself to her feet. Glanced back. The Eel was on his feet as well, a dining-room chair raised like a club. He swung it. She dodged. The chair hit the frame of the archway with a thunderous sound. She staggered into the living room, heading for the foyer, the door, escape. He threw the chair. It struck her shoulder. She went down. Rolled. Looked up. He towered over her, seized her left arm. Her strength faded. Darkness pulsed at the edges of her vision. He gripped her other arm. She was finished. Would have been finished, anyway, if the glass in his throat had not finally worked through one more artery. Blood suddenly
gushed
from his nose. He collapsed atop her, a great and terrible weight, dead.

She could not move, could barely breathe, and had to struggle to hold fast to consciousness. Above the eerie sound of her own strangled sobs, she heard a door open. Footsteps.

“Laura? I’m home.” It was Nina’s voice, light and cheery at first, then shrill with horror: “Laura? Oh, my God,
Laura!”

Laura strove to push the dead man off her, but she was able to squirm only half free of the corpse, just far enough to see Nina standing in the foyer archway.

For a moment the woman was paralyzed by shock. She stared at her cream and peach and seafoam-green living room, the tasteful decor now liberally accented with crimson smears. Then her violet eyes returned to Laura, and she snapped out of her trance. “Laura, oh, dear God, Laura.” She took three steps forward, halted abruptly, and bent over, hugging herself as if she had been hit in the stomach. She made an odd sound: “Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.” She tried to straighten up. Her face was contorted. She could not seem to stand erect, and finally she crumpled to the floor and made no sound at all.

It could not happen like this. This wasn’t fair, damn it.

New strength, born of panic and of love for Nina, filled Laura. She wriggled free of Sheener and crawled quickly to her foster mother.

Nina was limp. Her beautiful eyes were open, sightless.

Laura put her bloody hand to Nina’s neck, feeling for a pulse. She thought she found one. Weak, irregular, but a pulse.

She pulled a cushion off a chair and put it under Nina’s head, then ran into the kitchen where the numbers of the police and fire departments were on the wall phone. Shakily, she reported Nina’s heart attack and gave the fire department their address.

When she hung up, she knew everything was going to be all right because she had already lost one parent to a heart attack, her father, and it would be just too absurd to lose Nina the same way. Life had absurd moments, yes, but life itself wasn’t absurd. Life was strange, difficult, miraculous, precious, tenuous, mysterious, but not flat-out absurd. So Nina would live because Nina dying made no sense.

Still scared and worried but feeling better, Laura hurried back to the living room and knelt beside her foster mother, held her.

Newport Beach had first-rate emergency services. The ambulance arrived no more than three or four minutes after Laura had called for it. The two paramedics were efficient and well equipped. Within just a few minutes, however, they pronounced Nina dead, and no doubt she had been dead from the moment she collapsed.

One week after Laura returned to McIlroy and eight days before Christmas, Mrs. Bowmaine reassigned Tammy Hinsen to the fourth bed in the Ackersons’ room. In an unusual private session with Laura, Ruth, and Thelma, the social worker explained the reasoning behind that reassignment: “I know you say Tammy isn’t happy with you girls, but she seems to get along better there than anywhere else. We’ve had her in several rooms, but the other children can’t tolerate her. I don’t know what it is about the child that makes her an outcast, but her other roommates usually end up using her as a punching bag.”

Back in their room, before Tammy arrived, Thelma settled into a basic yoga position on the floor, legs folded in a pretzel form, heels against hips. She had become interested in yoga when the Beatles endorsed Eastern meditation, and she had said that when she finally met Paul McCartney (which was her indisputable destiny), “it would be nice if we have something in common, which we will if I can talk with some authority about this yoga crap.”

Now, instead of meditating she said, “What would that cow have done if I’d said, ‘Mrs. Bowmaine, the kids don’t like Tammy because she let herself be diddled by the Eel, and she helped him target other vulnerable girls, so as far as they’re concerned, she’s the enemy.’ What would Bovine Bowmaine have done when I laid
that
on her?”

“She’d have called you a lying scuz,” Laura said, flopping down on her sway-backed bed.

“No doubt. Then she’d have eaten me for lunch. Do you believe the size of that woman? She gets bigger by the week. Anyone that big is dangerous, a ravenous omnivore capable of eating the nearest child, bones and all, as casually as she’d consume a pint of fudge ripple. ”

At the window, looking down at the playground behind the mansion, Ruth said, “It’s not fair the way the other kids treat Tammy.”

“Life isn’t fair,” Laura said.

“Life isn’t a weenie roast, either,” Thelma said. “Jeez, Shane, don’t wax philosophical if you’re going to be trite. You know we hate triteness here only slightly less than we hate turning on the radio and hearing Bobbie Gentry singing
Ode to Billy Joe.”

When Tammy moved in an hour later, Laura was tense. She had killed Sheener, after all, and Tammy had been dependent on him. She expected Tammy to be bitter and angry, but in fact the girl greeted her only with a sincere, shy, and piercingly sad smile.

After Tammy had been with them two days, it became clear that she viewed the loss of the Eel’s twisted affections with perverse regret but also with relief. The fiery temper she had revealed when she tore apart Laura’s books was quenched. She was once again that drab, bony, washed-out girl who, on Laura’s first day at McIlroy, had seemed more of an apparition than a real person, in danger of dissolving into smoky ectoplasm and, with the first good draft, dissipating entirely.

After the deaths of the Eel and Nina Dockweiler, Laura attended half-hour sessions with Dr. Boone, a psychotherapist, when he visited McIlroy every Tuesday and Saturday. Boone was unable to understand that Laura could absorb the shock of Willy Sheener’s attack and Nina’s tragic death without psychological damage. He was puzzled by her articulate discussions of her feelings and the adult vocabulary with which she expressed her adjustment to events in Newport Beach. Having been motherless, having lost her father, having endured many crises and much terror—but most of all, having benefited from her father’s wondrous love—she was as resilient as a sponge, absorbing what life presented. However, though she could speak of Sheener with dispassion and of Nina with as much affection as sadness, the psychiatrist viewed her adjustment as merely apparent and not real.

“So you dream about Willy Sheener?” he asked as he sat beside her on the sofa in the small office reserved for him at McIlroy.

“I’ve only dreamed of him twice. Nightmares, of course. But all kids have nightmares.”

“You dream about Nina, too. Are those nightmares?”

“Oh, no! Those are lovely dreams.”

He looked surprised. “When you think of Nina, you feel sad?”

“Yes. But also... I remember the fun of shopping with her, trying on dresses and sweaters. I remember her smile and her laugh.”

“And guilt? Do you feel guilty about what happened to Nina?”

“No. Maybe Nina wouldn’t have died if I hadn’t moved in with them and drawn Sheener after me, but I can’t feel guilty about that. I tried hard to be a good foster daughter to them, and they were happy with me. What happened was that life dropped a big custard pie on us, and that’s not my fault; you can never see the custard pies coming. It’s not good slapstick if you see the pie coming.”

“Custard pie?” he asked, perplexed. “You see life as slapstick comedy? Like the Three Stooges?”

“Partly.”

“Life is just a joke then?”

“No. Life is serious
and
a joke at the same time.”

“But how can that be?”

“If you don’t know,” she said, “maybe I should be the one asking the questions here.”

She filled many pages of her current notebook with observations about Dr. Will Boone. Of her unknown guardian, however, she wrote nothing. She tried not to think of him, either. He had failed her. Laura had come to depend on him; his heroic efforts on her behalf had made her feel
special,
and feeling special had helped her cope since her father’s death. Now she felt foolish for ever looking beyond herself for survival. She still had the note he had left on her desk after her father’s funeral, but she no longer reread it. And day by day her guardian’s previous efforts on her behalf seemed more like fantasies akin to those of Santa Claus, which must be outgrown.

On Christmas afternoon they returned to their room with the gifts they received from charities and do-gooders. They wound up in a sing-along of holiday songs, and both Laura and the twins were amazed when Tammy joined in. She sang in a low, tentative voice.

Over the next couple of weeks she nearly ceased biting her nails altogether. She was only slightly more outgoing than usual, but she seemed calmer, more content with herself than she had ever been.

“When there’s no perv around to bother her,” Thelma said, “maybe she gradually starts to feel clean again.”

Friday, January 12, 1968, was Laura’s thirteenth birthday, but she did not celebrate it. She could find no joy in the occasion.

On Monday, she was transferred from McIlroy to Caswell Hall, a shelter for older children in Anaheim, five miles away.

Ruth and Thelma helped her carry her belongings downstairs to the front foyer. Laura had never imagined that she would so intensely regret leaving McIlroy.

“We’ll be coming in May,” Thelma assured her. “We turn thirteen on May second, and then we’re out of here. We’ll be together again.”

When the social worker from Caswell arrived, Laura was reluctant to go. But she went.

Caswell Hall was an old high school that had been converted to dormitories, recreational lounges, and offices for social workers. As a result the atmosphere was more institutional than at McIlroy.

Caswell was also more dangerous than McIlroy because the kids were older and because many were borderline juvenile delinquents. Marijuana and pills were available, and fights among the boys—and even among the girls—were not infrequent. Cliques formed, as they had at McIlroy, but at Caswell some of the cliques were perilously close in structure and function to street gangs. Thievery was common.