Lights Out (11 page)

Jake was telling Jay some long story about something that had happened on his flight to LA. Ryan didn’t think it was funny, but Jay and the audience were cracking up. Jake’s fake smile and cockiness, the way he was acting like he was Jay’s best friend, made Ryan nauseous, and he had to change the channel.

It was past midnight now - too late to call Christina again. Somehow seeing Jake acting like a jerk on TV had made Ryan feel better about everything. Jake was an asshole, and Christina knew it. She complained about him all the time, talking about how she felt like an idiot for getting engaged to him, and there was no way she’d ever stay with him. Sure, the thought of being married to a multimillionaire famous baseball player had to be tempting, but she wouldn’t have fallen in love with Ryan in the first place if money were so important to her.

Ryan was glad that he’d restrained himself, that he’d left only one message on Christina’s cell, and that he hadn’t gone over there. He was also glad that her cell phone had been off so she wouldn’t see any missed calls on her display and know how many times he’d tried to contact her. In the morning she’d probably call him and apologize for not getting in touch. She’d explain how Jake had broken down crying when she dumped him and how she felt like she had to stay with him until he was in shape to go home. And she’d say that she’d shut her phone off only because she didn’t want to cause any big scene. Christina was always like that - caring about other people’s feelings. Then Christina would say that Jake was officially out of the picture, and she was ready to spend the rest of her life with Ryan. Ryan would make a reservation for next Friday night at her favorite restaurant - Luna in Little Italy. He’d hold her hands and lean over the table, then look into her eyes and say, ‘There’s something I have to ask you.’ She’d say, ‘What?’ and then he’d get on one knee, in the middle of the restaurant with everybody looking at them, and she’d start trembling. Then he’d pop the question and she’d say, ‘Yes, yes, of course!’ and she’d be smiling, the happiest girl alive.

Ryan flicked off the TV and went back up to his room. He stirred for a long time, unable to get comfortable.

Around two in the morning, he fell asleep.

Ryan was jolted awake by his alarm clock at the usual time - 8:25. After putting on basketball pants and an old Ronnie Lott jersey, he went downstairs. His mother was in the kitchen, having coffee, watching
Good Day New York
on the little set on the table.

‘Morning,’ Ryan said.

Rose-Marie didn’t answer right away, then said, ‘Oh, good morning,’ distracted, her gaze focused away from the TV, toward her mug of coffee, or at something near it.

‘So what happened last night?

’ ‘What?’ Rose-Marie said, lost.

‘With Dad . . . after I went upstairs. Did he calm down?

’ ‘Oh, everything’s fine. Don’t worry about it.’

Ryan could tell that Rose-Marie was lying.

‘Did he hit you?’ he asked.

‘No,’ she said.

‘Tell me the truth, Ma.

’ ‘He didn’t hit me - I swear. Why don’t you take some leftover lasagna for lunch? There’s a whole tray of it in the fridge.’

‘I’m gonna call his sponsor today,’ Ryan said.

‘What good’s that gonna do?

’ ‘What’s his name . . . Joe? No, Jim . . .

’ ‘Don’t call anybody.

’ ‘I’m not gonna let him hurt you again.

’ ‘Promise me you won’t call anybody. That’ll only make things worse.’

‘All right, whatever . . . but I’m not gonna let him hurt you again - I promise you that.’

Ryan kissed his mother on the forehead, then said, ‘See ya,’ and left the kitchen.

It was a perfect morning - probably fifty degrees, without a0020cloud in the sky. Ryan walked up the block toward where he’d parked his car yesterday evening, around the corner on Flatlands. There was a small crowd of about twenty people in front of Jake’s house. Passing the
WELCOME HOME JAKE, OUR HERO
banner, Ryan didn’t feel the slightest pang of bitterness or jealousy. Who cared if Jake Thomas had a great baseball career and was loved by everybody? Ryan had Christina, and that was all that really mattered.

In his car, before he pulled out, Ryan put his cell phone earpiece in, and then, as he drove, he called Christina. A few seconds later her voice mail answered, but this wasn’t unusual. She usually had her phone off in the morning, and she and Ryan talked to each other at some point later on, after she arrived at work.

Ryan clicked off without leaving a message. He double-parked in front of the deli on Flatlands, then went inside and ordered his black coffee with four sugars and ham-and-egg on a roll.

At the counter, Andre said to him, ‘You were at the party yesterday, man?’

‘Yeah,’ Ryan said.

‘I got Jake Thomas’s autograph,’ Andre bragged, ‘right on the barrel of my bat - Louisville Slugger. Gonna put that shit away in a case - shit’s gonna be worth money someday, yo.’ He gave Ryan his change from a five. ‘But, you know, man, he wasn’t like what I thought.’

‘Yeah?’ Ryan said. ‘Why’s that?

’ ‘Dunno, man. I mean, you’d think some big-time baseball player’s gonna be all into himself and shit, but he was like a normal, regular guy, know what I’m sayin’? I mean, you can talk to him and shit.’

Ryan didn’t want to tell Andre that he had the totally wrong impression of Jake, that Jake was a big time dick and nothing like the great guy he pretended to be in public. If Andre wanted to go through his life thinking Jake was some big hero, why bust his bubble?

‘Yeah, I know exactly what you mean,’ Ryan said.

Driving toward Mill Basin, with the front windows open all the way, letting in the cool ocean air, Ryan’s phone started ringing. The display read, CHRISSY.

‘Hey,’ Ryan said into the phone, but there was no one there. Figuring the call had been lost, Ryan called her back but got her voice mail. He tried a few more times, continuing to get her voice mail, and he figured she was probably on the bus, in an area where she couldn’t get service. He figured she’d call him again when she got to work, probably in another ten minutes or so.

In a parking space on Whitman Drive, Ryan ate his breakfast, imagining seeing Christina later. It would be so different with Jake out of the picture. All the tension would be gone, and Ryan could make love to her,
really
make love to her for the first time. They could do it slow and relaxed, looking into each other’s eyes, with no pressure, knowing that they were in love and would be together forever, and that nothing could ever tear them apart.

‘What you doin’ in outer space, man?’ Carlos said.

Ryan turned and saw Carlos looking into the car, smiling.

‘How’s it goin’?’ Ryan asked.

‘All right, man. Yo, I brought that ball in my trunk for you to get signed. You’re gonna hook me up, right?’

Ryan doubted that Jake would want to do him any favors, but he didn’t want to let Carlos and the other guys down. He figured he could get his mother to ask Jake’s mother to have Jake sign the stuff. As long as Jake didn’t think it had anything to do with Ryan he’d do it.

‘No problem, man,’ Ryan said.

‘That’s cool, yo,’ Carlos said. ‘I’m gonna owe you one now. Gettin’ Jake Thomas’s autograph on a baseball - my little cousin’s gonna think I’m a superhero.’

Carlos went into the house. Before Ryan left the car, he called Christina at work.

‘Hi, Allison, how’s it going? Is Christina there?’

‘Oh, hi, Ryan,’ Allison, the receptionist, said. ‘Nope, she’s not here yet.’

‘Oh, okay,’ Ryan said. ‘Can you tell her to call me when she gets in?’

‘Yeah, okay.’

As Ryan went into the house, he was getting the feeling that something wasn’t right, but he tried not to pay any attention to it.

He changed into his painting clothes upstairs, then joined Carlos and Franky in the kitchen.

‘Hey, so how was it?’ Franky asked.

‘Pretty good,’ Ryan said.

‘I read in the paper they had a lot of people there, huh?’

‘Yeah,’ Ryan said.

‘I shoulda gone,’ Franky said, ‘but I don’t like that crowd shit.

I get claustrophobic, you know?’

‘So you hang out with Jake Thomas last night or what?’ Carlos asked.

‘Little bit,’ Ryan said.

‘He say he gonna come play for the Yanks next year?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Hey, you see him on Leno last night?’ Franky asked.

‘Yeah, I did catch some of that,’ Ryan said.

‘Shit cracked me up,’ Franky said. ‘You know, he had a good personality on TV. I bet he could make it in movies if he wanted to. He ever talk about doing anything like that?’

‘Not to me,’ Ryan said.

‘Yeah, I could see him up there on the screen,’ Franky said. ‘He’s a good actor, you know? Ever see him in that Pizza Hut commercial?’

‘Where the girl orders the pizza and J.T. is standin’ there behind the counter,’ Carlos said.

‘And that girl gets that look on her face, like, “Holy shit.” ‘

‘And J.T. is just standing there, actin’ like it’s no big deal.’

‘He’s good,’ Franky said. ‘I mean, in a Pizza Hut commercial you can’t tell if the guy’s gonna be the next Bobby De Niro, know what I mean, but you can tell he knows how to act. He’s got that whatchamacallit, too. Star quality. The guy’s definitely got star quality.’

‘Hey, you hear he’s gettin’ married?’ Carlos asked.

Ryan had climbed to the top of a stepladder, and now he stumbled, nearly falling off it.

‘Whoa, you okay?’ Franky said.

‘Yeah, man,’ Carlos said. ‘You all right?’

‘The fuck’re you talking about?’ Ryan said to Carlos.

‘What?’ Carlos said.

‘Who’s getting married?’ Ryan said.

‘J.T.,’ Carlos said. ‘It said so in the paper. He’s marrying his high school sweetheart or some shit.’

Ryan’s legs buckled, and he felt light-headed. He started losing his balance again, and Franky had to rush over and grab him by the waist to keep him from falling.

‘Whoa, what’s wrong with you, man?’ Franky said.

‘Where?’ Ryan said to Carlos. ‘What paper?’

‘Daily News,’
Carlos said. ‘Hold up - I’ll show you.’

Carlos went into the dining room and returned with a folded newspaper. Ryan got off the stepladder and took the paper from him. First he looked at the picture of Jake picking up Christina and kissing her, taken when Christina arrived at the party last night, and then he saw the headline: ‘J.T. to Wed!’

He stared at the short article for several seconds, unable to think or see clearly. He felt like he’d just left the eye doctor’s office with his eyes dilated and then someone sneaked up behind him and hit him on the head with a sledgehammer. Finally he was able to read random portions of the article - ‘a sad day for single girls,’ ‘bachelor days behind him,’ ‘announced he will wed his high school sweetheart, Christina Mercado, next winter,’ - and portions of quotes from Jake - ‘both very excited about this,’ ‘our wedding is going to be magical,’ ‘we hope the public respects our privacy.’

Ryan was outside, calling Christina at work. He was so frazzled and dazed that he didn’t remember anything about the ten or so seconds it must have taken him to leave the house and make the call. He kept telling himself that there had to be some mistake; the article couldn’t be true. Even if something had happened between Jake and Christina last night, if they had decided to stay engaged, the news about their wedding plans couldn’t have made it into the papers so quickly.

‘Hey, it’s Ryan. Is Christina there?’

‘Urn, no,’ Allison said, ‘not yet.’

Ryan knew she was lying.

‘Just put her the fuck on

’ ‘But she’s not here.

’ ‘Put her on the fucking phone,’ Ryan said, nearly screaming.

‘It’s a fucking emergency, all right?’

After a pause Allison said, ‘Hold on.’

Ryan started pacing back and forth along the sidewalk. He kept telling himself,
Stay calm,
but he couldn’t.

Allison came back and said, ‘I just checked. She’s not here yet.

’ ‘Did she tell you to screen my calls?

’ ‘What?’

Ryan clicked off and headed toward his car. He reached into the pockets of his painting pants, so angry and distracted that it took him a few seconds to realize that his car keys were in his jeans, inside the house.

He returned to the house, going right upstairs and changing back into his jeans and Lott jersey.

Franky came into the room and said, ‘What’s the matter?

’ Ryan pushed past him, heading toward the stairs.

‘Hey, where the hell you goin’?’

Ryan left the house, got in his car, and sped away.

He ran a red on Avenue U, just missing a laundry truck. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, and his heart was pounding.

He zipped along the Belt Parkway, weaving in and out of traffic, almost crashing into the railing and into other cars several times. He excited at Bay Parkway. Several minutes later he arrived at McDonald Avenue and left the car double-parked in front of the dental office where Christina worked.

The office was on the second floor, above a pizza place. He took the stairs two at a time, then pressed the button on the intercom. When he was buzzed in he bypassed the waiting area and the desk where Allison was seated. ‘Hey, wait, where’re you going?’ she said, but he ignored her and went down toward the short hallway, toward the examination rooms.

He opened the door to one room where Dr Hoffman, the dentist, and Lisa, another hygienist, were working on a patient. They were wearing surgical masks and Dr Hoffman had goggles on.

Dr Hoffman, who knew Ryan, said, ‘Yes?’ looking surprised and sounding angry.

‘Where’s Christina?’ Ryan asked.

‘Look, I’m busy here,’ Dr Hoffman said. ‘You can’t just come in here and—’

‘Ryan.’

Ryan turned around and saw Christina standing there. He knew, just looking at her, that it was all true.

Dr Hoffman said, ‘Christina, you’re gonna have to take this outside.’

‘Sorry,’ Christina said.

‘What’s going on with this shit?’ Ryan said.

‘Ryan, please—’

‘What the fuck happened last night? Did you fuck him? Is that what happened? Did you fuck that asshole?’

The patient, a middle-aged woman who seemed out of it, was looking over.

‘Christina,’ Dr Hoffman said angrily.

Christina pulled Ryan away by the arm, and then Ryan jerked free.

‘I want you to say it to my face,’ Ryan said. ‘Say it’s all true.’

‘Let’s go outside.’

‘Say it. Say it right here.’

Christina stared at Ryan. She was crying.

‘I can’t believe you did this to me,’ Ryan said. ‘Why? What the hell is wrong with you?’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘You’re sorry?’ He was yelling. ‘You lie to me, you tell me all this bullshit, saying you love me, saying we’re gonna be together—’

‘I do love you.’

‘Bullshit! You lied to me! You lied to my fucking face!’

Dr Hoffman poked his head out of the office and said, ‘I want this outside - right now.’

‘You’re gonna get me fired,’ Christina said.

‘What do you care? You got Jake’s money now. What do you need this stupid job for?’

‘Let’s go,’ Christina said, then walked ahead of Ryan toward the waiting room. She left the office and started toward the stairs that led to the street, when Ryan grabbed her arm from behind at the top of the landing.

‘What did he say to you?’ Ryan said. ‘What fuckin’ lies did he tell you?’

‘He didn’t tell me any lies.’

‘Something must’ve happened last night. He must’ve laid it on real good, but you can’t believe anything he tells you. You know how full of shit he is. I know you wouldn’t fall for that. You’re way too smart for that shit.’

‘It’s complicated.’ More tears dripped down her cheeks.

‘What’s complicated? You were supposed to break up with him and stay with me. Is it money? Because if you’re worried about money, I’m telling you I’m gonna make it someday. I don’t know how I’m gonna do it, if it’ll be my painting business or something else, but I know I’ll have money someday. I won’t have as much as Jake, but I’ll have enough to—’

‘It’s not about money.’

‘Then what is it? I know you don’t love him.’

‘That’s not true, I .. . I mean, we’ve been together for a long time and it’s not easy to .. . I mean, I feel like I have to give it a chance to—’