Lilah's List (16 page)

L
ilah turned around in a complete circle trying to process the circumstances. Reggie was gone. Tyler was here.

“What are
you
doing here?”

He stood and started toward her. “I need to talk to you. Reggie called. He said you seemed pretty upset with me.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “You think? Tonight I discovered that this entire time that I've been in the city, you've been pretending to help me, when actually you've been working against me.”

“Look, I know it seems that way on the surface, but that's not really the case at all.”

Lilah's entire body felt cold. Numb. Her emotions had completely shut off. She didn't know who this man before her was at all. “I'm listening.”

“My brother really is pretty flaky. I asked him to meet us at Sapa for dinner and he blew us off. He resents how much he has to rely on me, so he can be passive aggressive at times.”

“And just what does that have to do with me?”

“When I got into the studio with him, I found out that he didn't show up on purpose. We'd already established that there was an attraction between us. I started to think he'd never be able to appreciate a woman like you.”

Lilah's anger sparked up again. “So what if he can't? You knew from the start the ‘date' had more to do with completing The List than any hopes for a real relationship.”

“No, I didn't know that, Lilah. You forget that I was there when you were in high school and you had a huge crush on him. You, like so many women, were under his spell. Completely blind to his faults,” Tyler said.

“So what…you felt that you needed to protect me from him. You think I don't have sense enough to make my own judgment calls? Did you honestly think that I hadn't learned a thing or two between sixteen and twenty-nine?”

“To be honest with you, Lilah, it had more to do with what I wanted. I realized that I wanted you. And I didn't want anything to stand between us.”

“You do realize that you sound like a stalker, don't you?”

“I know my behavior was illogical, maybe even irrational. But that's how love can be. It makes you do things and feel things that don't make sense.”

Lilah shook her head. A wave of déjà vu washed over her. “You sound just like my ex-husband. He used to think that love was a good excuse for being needy and controlling. He was constantly jealous of any time I spent away from him. It didn't matter if it was a coworker, my family or even my best friend. He thought all my time should be for him alone. I can't believe I almost made the same mistake again.”

“Lilah, you know our relationship isn't a mistake. This is just an argument. It's not something that has to end things between us.”

“Oh things are definitely over between us. They were over the second you started lying to me.”

“I may have misled you, but I don't think I ever lied.”

“Really? What about that night at the country-western bar? I asked you point-blank if you had told your brother about me. You swore to me that I was mistaken. This wasn't a situation that got out of hand. You set out to manipulate me so you could have what you wanted. Never mind that it might not be what I wanted.”

Tyler's eyes went cold and hard in a way she'd never seen them. “Oh, it's clear what you wanted. Reggie asks you to come home with him and you follow behind him without any hesitation. You think just because you're hiding under the disguise of a schoolmate that it makes you anything other than what you really are…a groupie.”

“You have your nerve. I came here because I was angry, and I wasn't thinking about anything other than how upset you'd be when you found out I'd been here. I never had any intentions of doing anything with Reggie.” She paused. “Why am I explaining myself to you?”

She spun around and headed for the door.

“Lilah, wait!”

She ignored him, closing the door behind him.

Tyler sank to the sofa, head in his hands. He'd been afraid of this. Now what was he going to do? Lilah was only in town for a couple more days, he didn't have a lot of time to patch things up.

She thought he was like her ex-husband. It was possible she wouldn't ever forgive him.

The door opened and his head snapped up. “Lilah?”

“Sorry, bro, it's just me. I saw Lilah come through the lobby. She had the doorman call her a cab. I take it from the look on your face that things didn't go well.”

“They couldn't have gone worse.”

Reggie sat beside him. “I'm sorry, man.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.”

“Why did you call me? You've barely spoken to me over the last week. This was your perfect opportunity to screw me over.”

Reggie squinted at him. “Why would I do that to you? I know I can be self-centered sometimes, but at the end of the day, I know you've always got my back. It took me a few minutes to fill in the gaps. If I'd pieced things together sooner, I would have been able to cover for you. As it was, all I could do was give you the chance to talk her down off the ledge.”

“Well, she jumped anyway. But thanks, kid. It's nice to know I haven't completely screwed up every relationship in my life.”

“No, I don't have a right to be mad at you. I was actually kind of impressed that you finally decided to keep something for yourself. It wasn't until tonight that I realized how much you've been sacrificing for me.”

Tyler waved it off, as he always did.

“No, seriously, man. I think it might be good for both of us if I go down to Atlanta for a while.”

“You're still considering that? But Pernell Weathers—”

“It's never left my mind. I need this. And I think you need it, too. You need time to figure what you would be doing if you hadn't taken responsibility for my career. I need to be responsible for that from now on. All this glitz and glamour isn't you.”

“Yeah, but it's all I know anymore.”

“Now you'll have plenty of time to figure it out. We can talk in the morning. Do you want to stay here tonight?”

Tyler's first instinct was to say no, claim he was fine, and head back to his apartment. But the thought of the emptiness that waited for him there gave him pause. “Yeah, Reg. I think I would like to stay.”

Reggie clapped him on the back. “Then the couch is all yours.”

When Lilah got back to her hotel room, the first thing she did was call Angie. Now that the red haze that hung over her eyes had cleared, she realized she'd broken the girlfriend code. Never leave your friends to go home with a man.

After watching multiple mishaps between other girls in college the two of them had devised some rules between them. Never leave a friend who'd had too much to drink unattended. Never date your friend's ex. And most important, always leave with the girlfriend you came with—no matter how cute a guy might be.

Even if he's Reggie Martin.

“Hello?” Angie's groggy voice said into the phone.

“It's me. Were you sleeping?”

“Not anymore, what happened?”

“I'm sorry to wake you. I just wanted to apologize for leaving you tonight. I don't know what I was thinking.”

“I know what you were thinking, you wanted to get back at Tyler.”

“The List—”

“Trust me, I saw the look in your eyes, and The List was the last thing on your mind.”

“Are you mad at me? Of course, you have a right to be.”

“No, I'm not mad. Of course, I thought I was going to be sleeping on satin sheets tonight in your penthouse suite, but other than that, due to extenuating circumstances, you're pardoned for violating the girlfriend code.”

“Thanks.” Lilah sank down onto the satin sheets and let the tension out of her body like air escaping a balloon.

“You sound really sad. What happened after you left?”

“Reggie and I barely spoke on the cab ride back to his place, and I immediately started coming to my senses. You're right, The List was an afterthought. Mainly, I just wanted it to get back to Tyler that I found his brother without his help.”

“Oh my God, you didn't do anything crazy, did you?”

“I was angry—I wasn't out of my head. Once we got outside his apartment, I was about to tell him I wanted to go home, but instead he unlocked the door and shoved me inside.”

“Oh no,” Angie shrieked.

“Relax, he didn't come in after me because Tyler was there waiting for us. He must have called him. Clearly he figured out that I was mad because Tyler and I had been together.”

“Score points for Reggie. He did the decent thing. I didn't want to upset you, but I thought he was a real pig for rushing you out of there so fast. So, you and Tyler?”

“We talked. Or rather, we argued. I can't even remember everything that was said. Just that it's over.”

“Don't you think it's romantic that he wanted you all to himself?”

“No, I don't think it's romantic. I think it's psychotic.” Lilah realized too late that her voice was rising.

“Okay, sorry. I didn't mean to stir you back up. I just think the two of you could work through this.”

“No, he's just like Chuck—controlling, manipulative, too insecure to allow me room to breathe.”

“I don't think—never mind, this is still too fresh for you. Maybe tomorrow things will look different.”

“Yeah,” Lilah said curtly. She didn't want to talk any more and the last person she wanted to think about was Tyler.

After she hung up the phone, she got ready for bed quickly and pulled the covers over her head like she'd done as a little girl. As a child she'd been afraid of monsters in her closet, tonight, she was afraid of memories.

The next morning the world didn't look different, but the room sure did. It took her a moment to adjust to the fact that she wasn't back at her cute little boutique hotel Casablanca.

The bed was huge and the suite seemed cavernous with no one else around. Then all the memories of the night before trickled back into her thoughts and a heavy sadness overtook her.

Right now, all she wanted was to be home. Home was her Georgetown condo with its cobblestone stairs and the ice-blue shutters she loved so much. She wanted to be able to bury herself in work today, the way she'd done after her divorce.

She was divorced. She tested the words as she did sometimes, searching for the stabbing pain that accompanied the thought. Nothing. The good news was that, after a year and a half, she'd finally gotten over it.

And the bad news was that she was able to get over it because she found a new pain that cut much deeper. Tyler. Thinking of him brought back the physical pain in her chest that came with heartache. Was it because she loved him? Or was it just a case of the “fool me twice, shame on me” scenario?

After Chuck, she'd thought her relationship with Tyler was completely opposite the one she'd had with her husband. Now, she was discovering that she was still making the same mistakes. Lilah still could not trust herself to know what was good for her.

Overwhelmed with emotions, Lilah climbed out of bed. She needed to get out. Normally, when she felt the well spilling over, she emptied it by writing on her blog. But she couldn't do that right now.

What would she write? That meeting Reggie Martin again was one of the worst experiences of her life? There was no way to make sense of her feelings to another living person.

She just needed out. She needed to feel the sting of cold air on her face. She needed to see people milling in the streets. Lilah needed to see that life was going on even though her heart was breaking.

T
yler awoke, fully dressed, on Reggie's couch. His neck and back ached, but those pains were nothing compared to the emptiness in his chest. He had to talk to Lilah.

“Good, you're finally up,” Reggie called as he exited the kitchen.

“Yeah,” Tyler muttered as he stretched and cracked his bones. “Thanks for letting me stay—”

“Can we talk now?”

Tyler was tempted to put him off. All he could think about was getting back to his apartment for a hot shower and then patching things up with Lilah.

But he could hear a sense of urgency in his brother's voice that was uncharacteristic of his mellow, carefree style.

“Sure, what's on your mind? Atlanta?”

“Yeah…Tyler, I'm going. I've made all the arrangements. I'm going to stay with my buddy down there. He's got his own studio in his basement. And Jermaine Dupri has agreed to put his spin on any new stuff we write.”

Tyler ran his hands over his head. He felt like he'd just been ambushed. His mouth felt chalky and his eyes were doing their best to convince him to shut them for a few more hours. “And you want to go out there to write music?”

“Yes, like I was trying to explain last night, this will be good for both of us. It's more clear to me now how much of your life you've devoted to looking out for me. I've become dependant on that, even as I've resented it. You need to do whatever it is you would be doing if you weren't managing my career, and I need to sink or swim on my own. It's time.”

Tyler stared at his brother. There was no easy grin curving his lips. Reggie was looking back at him, straight in the eyes like the man he'd become while Tyler wasn't looking.

“You know, kid—I'm sorry.
Reggie,
as much as I may not like to admit it, you're probably right. You need to figure things out on your own.” His mind started working, and a list of details formed in his head. “Just make sure when you get out to Atlanta you set up a support team. You're going to need—”

Reggie held up his hand. “I've got it covered, bro. I've been watching you for years. Don't you think I've learned something by now?”

Tyler nodded. “So when are you leaving?”

“Next week. That gives me enough time to settle everything here. A friend is going to stay in the apartment while I'm gone.”

Tyler opened his mouth to caution Reggie about who he let watch his place, then closed his mouth.

“Don't worry, Tyler. I'm still going to call you for advice when I need it. But for the immediate future…you're fired.”

Tyler swore quietly under his breath. That last statement really put it in perspective. He needed to find something else to do with his life. Fortunately he had a few ideas.

Lilah let herself wander the streets outside her hotel, not really worrying about getting lost. She knew if she got too far afield she could call Sanjay and have him pick her up.

She tried to distract herself from her thoughts by letting herself get absorbed in the sights and sounds around her. New York was a busy place and it was filled with people rushing to their next destination.

Lilah had been in such a rush leading up to her thirtieth birthday, and now that it was a day away, she wasn't sure what all the fuss was about. It was just a number. One more year, on top of the last one.

As Lilah turned a corner, she found herself facing a crowd of people. They were all watching a podium in a town square where a man was speaking. There were several others milling about with signs.

Lilah moved closer, trying to figure out the cause of all the commotion. She listened as the man on the podium encouraged individuals to take ownership for one fraction of the homeless problem by offering time, effort and money. Then she followed the protestors as they marched down Madison Avenue with their signs protesting excess and waste while men, women and children went hungry.

By the time Lilah returned to her extravagant hotel suite that afternoon, she felt both invigorated and guilty at the same time.

Wasn't she guilty of the same thing? Her first fancy designer gown had been delivered that morning and she was preparing for an outlandish party. And at that very moment, she didn't want any of it.

Picking up the phone, she dialed Angie. “I know you're not going to want to hear this, but I want to call off the party. I'm going to head back to D.C. tonight.”

Lilah could only assume the lingering silence on the other end was because Angie had passed out from shock.

“I'm waiting for the punch line,” she finally said. “This is a very bad joke, isn't it?”

“No, it's not. My heart just isn't in this anymore.”

“But what about the rest of The List. What about your guests? There isn't time to contact everyone to call it off.”

“I don't care about The List anymore. It's served its purpose. It taught me how to go after things that I want. I don't need it now. And as for the party—have it without me if you can't call it off. I'll pay for everything. I just want to go home.”

“You can't go home. This is nonsense. Is this how you handle a spat with your lover? Just make up with him already and then we can party as scheduled.”

“It's not that simple.”

“Only because you refuse to let it be that simple. If you go home today, you've wasted all your time here.”

“It wasn't a waste. I learned a lot about myself. For one thing, I'm still making the same mistakes, trusting the wrong people.”

Angie sighed heavily into the phone. “Okay, well, I didn't want to lay this on you. But you can't go home because I need you.”

Lilah paused. Was something really wrong with her friend or was she saying the only thing she could to get her to stay? “You know if you really need me, I'm here for you. What's going on?”

“I lost my job.”

“What? When did this happen?”

“Wednesday. Remember the diva with the platinum buttons that I replaced with silver?”

“Yes? Well, she broke out in a rash and insisted I be fired. In my defense, it was supposed to be hypoallergenic silver.”

“Oh my God, Angie. Why didn't you tell me? Have I been that self-absorbed?”

“No, I've been in denial. It's been fun hanging out with you and planning this party. I thought I could go deal with my situation after you left town. If you leave today, I'm going to have to wallow in self-pity.”

“I can't believe you kept this from me. There's no way I'm leaving now. You have to get over here. We can update your résumé and start looking through the paper for—”

“This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. Now you're going to focus on propping me up. I'll work on my résumé later. Right now, all I really want is for us to have fun together.”

“We will have fun. I'll forget about my man troubles, you'll forget about your job troubles and we'll live it up for the next twenty-four hours.”

Tyler hung up the phone in frustration again. He should have expected this. Lilah wasn't taking his calls. The hotel must have been instructed not to put him through, because they were claiming she had checked out. And when he called her cell phone, it went straight to voice mail.

He knew she was upset, but what happened to second chances? What they'd started could really be something real. It was too important to throw away over one fight. He wasn't trying to downplay his mistakes, but Lilah was overreacting.

On the other hand, she was divorced, and she seemed to be drawing some heavy parallels between him and her ex-husband. He couldn't expect her forgiveness when she was still healing from the wounds of another relationship. All he'd done was come along and reopen them.

How could he make things right when she wouldn't even speak with him? Grabbing his coat, Tyler headed out the door. He needed to try to speak with her in person. Once she realized he wasn't going to let her run away from this, maybe he could win her back.

Stepping into the lobby of the Casablanca hotel, Tyler was tempted to just bypass the front desk and head up to Lilah's room. He knew the number, even though he'd never stayed over. But the guy on the phone had said she'd checked out. There was a small chance that she had been upset enough to head back to D.C.

He walked over to the front desk, praying that wasn't the case. “Excuse me,” he said to the pretty redhead standing there. “I was wondering if you could help me. I'm looking for Lilah Banks. My name is Tyler Martin and—”

“Oh wow, any relation to Reggie Martin?”

Whenever possible, Tyler denied it, but today he could see it getting him somewhere. “Yes, he's my brother.”

“Oh yes, I've seen you here before with Lilah. She must not have had a chance to tell you, she moved to the Grande hotel a couple of days early. We were sorry to see her go, but I'll be at her party Saturday.”

“The Grande? Thank you so much.”

“Hey, do you mind if I ask you if she ever got that date with your brother?”

“Uh—”

“You know what? Don't tell me. I'll ask her tomorrow. It's the big day, you know. She has to have everything done by then. I guess she's so busy running around she hasn't had time to update her blog. You'll be there, right?”

“I wouldn't miss it for the world. I guess I'll see you there.”

“That's right. When you see her, tell her Maureen at the Casablanca is expecting juicy inside details, okay?”

“I'll tell her.”