Linda Ford (15 page)

Ted held up a hand. “We’ll do our best, Miss.”

“I know you will.” The man had proven to be a diligent worker.

The preacher addressed her again. “Miss Sterling, have you given any thought to who will run the orphanage when you leave?”

Every pair of adult eyes studied her, awaiting her answer.

Her veins burned with the shock. They all expected her to leave. It was a foregone conclusion. She forced an answer from her tight throat. “I’m sure Pauline and the placement committee will take care of that.”

And she sat down before her legs buckled beneath her.

The food smelled heavy and greasy. Too much fried chicken. The clang of cutlery as the women gathered up the dirty dishes rang like a hammer against the inside of her head.

She was not part of this community.

Colton touched her shoulder. “It’s time to get back to work.”

“You go ahead. I’ll tend to Gabriel.”

“Rebecca, are you okay?”

She straightened her spine, grateful for the many lessons she’d had in disguising her emotions. “Of course. But Gabriel needs feeding.”

The men moved away. Hammers and saws provided a background noise to the women washing the dishes.

Rebecca and a few other women tended babies. She welcomed the warmth and comfort of Gabriel’s small body in her arms. But her insides were as icy as a November storm.

Beside her, Pauline sat down. “Do you mind if I join you?”

“Of course not.” She sensed this was more than a social visit and waited for the older woman to speak.

“You haven’t had any more correspondence or contact with our donor, have you?”

Rebecca managed a regretful smile. “No. I’m sorry.” The woman seemed determined to discover the source of the money.

“I see. Now, don’t you worry about finding someone to oversee the orphanage. The committee will arrange that.”

“I expected as much.” Good training be thanked for her calm words.

“However, we need to discuss what will happen to this baby when you leave.”

Rebecca thought her throat would bleed from holding back a groan. Were they so anxious for her to leave that they conspired to remind her at every opportunity? She had to snap out of this self-pitying state and consider what was best for Gabriel and Heidi. With far more calmness than she felt, she answered, “I’d suggest a foster home for Gabriel.” She studied the cluster of women. “Maybe Charlotte. She’s always wanted many children. If she took Heidi, too, she’d have help with the baby and Sasha.”

How could she turn the children and the orphanage over to someone else and walk away? But what was wrong with her to even question the decision? That had been the plan from the beginning. She set out with a job thrust upon her by her father. She had vowed to prove she could do something useful—and she had succeeded. Now she could return to New York with her head held high.

Only, the thought of returning now felt as unappealing as this trip had in the beginning.

She studied the orphanage. Found what she sought. Colton. Their gazes met across the distance. Her heart beat out a plea.

He smiled—a slow, sweet, powerful smile that deepened her sadness and emptied her heart. The hollowness echoed with two words.

She tried not to hear the words, but they rattled against her ears.

If only... If only... If only...

The afternoon passed in slow, painful minutes. Only one thing eased her distress and that was seeing the walls nearing completion.

The women served a hurried afternoon tea.

Ted didn’t even bother to sit down to drink his. “Everyone wants to finish up before supper so they can take their little ones home and prepare for Sunday.” He thanked the ladies for the cookies and tea and strode back to the building. The men followed him.

Colton paused only long enough to ask Rebecca if Heidi was okay.

“She’s playing with Sasha.” Rebecca had watched her closely all afternoon to make sure no one else teased her.

Two hours later the men gathered up their tools and took their families home.

In a few minutes, only Colton, Rebecca, Mason, Holly and the children remained. The adults studied the orphanage, its shell now completed.

“Many hands make light work,” Holly said.

“It looks lovely.” Rebecca knew her voice lacked enthusiasm and Colton picked up on it immediately.

“But what?”

“I’m wondering how long it will take to finish the inside.”

Colton turned to Mason. “How long until the children arrive?”

Mason’s face reflected his worries. “Wyatt has met with some challenges. The mine owner insists he has an ironclad agreement. He’s asked a judge to verify his claim.”

Rebecca grabbed Colton’s arm without thinking, and once she realized what she’d done, she could not let go. “You mean the children are still forced into labor?”

“Wyatt says he’s badly outnumbered or he’d kidnap the lot of them.”

“I trust there won’t be a very long delay,” Rebecca said. “I will pray to that end. But we need to be ready when they arrive.”

Colton cupped his hand over hers as it clutched his arm. “If today is any indication, we can count on the community to help.”

She set aside every other emotion and allowed herself nothing but gratitude. “They really pulled together. I am amazed at how much they accomplished in one day.”

“There is definitely strength in numbers,” Holly said, then turned to Mason. “We need to get Liam home and scrub off the dirt.”

They departed and Colton went to get the buggy for Rebecca and the children.

She stared at the orphanage. It would soon be finished. It was time to set aside her private, foolish desires.

She had accomplished what she had set out to do. Even Heidi’s future would be secure if Charlotte and Wyatt agreed to take her. She was pleased with her success.

She could not allow her inner pain to interfere with doing her duty.

Chapter Thirteen

T
he next morning, Colton rose with his heart alive with anticipation and anxiety. He felt that he and Rebecca had drawn closer during the work bee, shared a common concern for Heidi’s future. He hoped it might be enough to convince her to stay. Maybe they could work something out. But everything he considered ran into a dead end. Too many things conspired to keep them apart.

Both Heidi and Rebecca emerged from their room with swollen eyes. Rebecca refused to meet his gaze and Heidi kept her head down.

Ma and Pa exchanged troubled looks.

“Heidi, my dear,” Pa said, “what’s troubling you?”

Heidi’s shoulders rose and fell. “Can I bring Happy in?”

“We have to leave for church soon,” Pa answered. “But yes, you’ll have time to visit for a few minutes.”

Pa waited until Heidi left to ask Rebecca, “What’s happened to our little ray of sunshine?”

“She cried out for Jakob in the night. She misses her brother.”

“Poor child,” Ma murmured. “She has every right to feel sorry for herself, and yet, for the most part, she seems to love to help others.”

Everyone was quiet and watchful as Heidi returned.

Pa pulled the stool close to his rocker and Heidi sat there, quiet as she clutched the kitten to her face. The kitten licked her cheek and Heidi laughed, though she sounded close to tears.

Colton looked at Rebecca, certain he saw the same sorrow and regret he felt. This child deserved a loving home. As did Gabriel.

He planned to see that they both got that.

“Time to take the kitten back to its mama.” Pa spoke gently, as if he hated to end the peaceful moment.

They left for church soon afterward. Folks were in a joyous mood after a successful Saturday. Everyone except Heidi, who clung to Rebecca.

Reverend Turner’s text came from James, Chapter 1, Verse 27. “True religion is this—‘to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction.’”

Miss Ward, in her customary spot in the second pew, could be heard to sniff all the way to the back of the church, but Reverend Turner paid her no mind and continued, exhorting the congregation to apply the words of scripture at every opportunity. “Sheriff Mason tells me Wyatt Reed will soon be returning with orphans. We need to have the building ready. Agreed?”

A murmur of consent rippled across the congregation.

“Let us dedicate ourselves to the work.” The reverend gave the benediction and closed the service.

It took a few minutes for them to leave the sanctuary as so many wanted to talk to Rebecca and thank her for the work she’d done. Others stopped Ma and Pa to ask after their health.

Dr. Simpson approached Ma. “Mrs. Hayes, I’d like to pay you a visit, if I may. I think I might be able to help you.”

Colton half expected her to refuse. More than once she’d said she didn’t want to try any more dubious remedies. But Dr. Simpson waited, his gaze unblinking.

Ma finally agreed, “You’ll find us home anytime.”

In the buggy she said, “That man can be very persuasive without uttering a word.”

Pa chuckled. “But if he has something that helps you, you’ll be happy you agreed.”

She took his hand. “I would be for sure.”

Colton silently prayed Dr. Simpson could offer Ma relief. She’d suffered so many years...since his birth. And her suffering grew worse with the passing of time.

They returned home and had a dinner of sandwiches and milk. He wondered why everyone was so quiet. It made his nerves itch, as if he were waiting for a storm to burst.

Normally Ma and Pa rested after dinner. “Can I help you to bed?” he asked his father.

Pa shook his head. “Why don’t you take Rebecca for a walk and leave Heidi with us for a few hours?”

He stared at one parent and the other, then at Rebecca, who shrugged to indicate that she had no idea why they’d made this request.

Ma nodded. “We have something special planned for her.”

Heidi perked up. “For me? What is it?”

“Guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

Heidi shot Colton a look that hinted he should hurry up and leave. He laughed. He couldn’t think of anything he’d like more than to take Rebecca out for a walk. Just the two of them. “What about Gabriel?”

Ma looked unconcerned. “He’ll sleep for a bit. If he awakens, we can manage.”

“Mother has done this before,” Pa reminded him.

Colton laughed again. “Twenty-eight years ago.”

“Some things you never forget.” Ma hadn’t been so confident about doing anything for such a long time that he could barely imagine her suggesting this.

“You’re sure you can manage?”

Ma flapped her hands in a shooing motion.

Pa said, “Take Rebecca and go.”

“Hurry up,” Heidi added.

Colton wanted to cheer to the heavens. “We’re going. Come on, Rebecca.” He held the door open and bowed for her to exit.

“Where are we going?” She looked about eagerly.

Did it matter where they went or what they did? Not to him. “Would you like to walk?”

She tipped her head to the sky and breathed deeply. “A walk sounds lovely.”

He took her hand, hoping she would think he needed to guide her. In reality, the path was level. He only wanted to hold her close. Cherish this moment. He led her to his favorite spot, the one he’d shown her the very first time they’d walked together. He knew of a natural bench on the hillside and they sat down side by side, their shoulders brushing, their fingers entwined. He let her drink her fill of the scenery while he drank in her nearness, the warmth of her shoulder against his, the feel of her fingers braided with his. They were long and shapely, the fingers of a refined woman.

He faltered. Was he foolish to think she could belong in his world? She felt as duty-bound to please her father as he felt to care for his. But in her case, he wasn’t sure how far that duty went or exactly what it meant.

“It’s so calm and peaceful here,” she murmured. “Nobody rushing by or calling out.”

“You mean it’s noisy in New York?”

“It’s busy.”

Another blast of doubt attacked his confidence. But his idea made perfect sense. They could make this work.

“I hate to see Heidi so upset. She and Gabriel belong here.”

She didn’t answer, so he rushed on.

“Gabriel is somehow connected to the family and needs a real home. So does Heidi.”

She nodded. “Pauline and I discussed asking Charlotte to take them. We’d have to wait for Wyatt to return so they can discuss it.”

He jolted so hard that she mistook it for withdrawal and pulled her hand to her lap.

“It makes perfect sense.” She rushed on as if she had to convince him of the wisdom of the idea. “Charlotte has always wanted a large family and Heidi is very good with babies. She’ll be a great help.”

Stunned, he fought to find an argument or rather to shepherd the many he had into something convincing. “That’s an awful lot to ask of newlyweds, isn’t it? Sasha, Gabriel and Heidi.”

She faced him, her expression determined. “But wouldn’t it be ideal?”

“No.” He sprang to his feet. “No.”

The enthusiasm fled from her face. She pressed her lips into a tight line, then forced her mouth open. “Then what do you suggest?”

“You could stay at Evans Grove and keep them.” It wasn’t what he’d wanted to say, but the persuasive words refused to come.

“It seems that if I stayed it would make sense for me to oversee the orphanage.”

No. Not that. Why couldn’t he say what he felt? “Do you want to stay?”

She looked into the distance, her mouth tense, her fists curled in her lap. Finally, with a little sigh, she shook her head. “My father would not allow it.”

“And you must do what your father says?” His voice sounded harsh, critical, even to himself.

She rose and faced him, a good six feet between them. “I thought you’d understand. Don’t you live by the fifth commandment, to honor your father and mother? Can I do any less?”

He couldn’t face her. Or was it his guilt he couldn’t face? “It’s different for me. I owe it to them to care for them as long as they need.” His voice fell to a rumble. “It’s my fault Pa’s crippled.”

“Your fault? What do you mean?”

He stepped away a half a dozen strides and stared at the distant horizon, then spun about on his heel and returned to watch her face as he told his story.

She held his gaze steadily, revealing neither shock nor disbelief. For the first time, he was grateful that she could so expertly hide her feelings.

“I knew better. I let my emotions affect my behavior. Make me stupid.” And he was about to risk doing it again. “When I said you should stay, I didn’t mean in town or at the orphanage.”

Her eyebrows rose. “Then what did you mean?”

“I meant stay here. At the ranch. We could care for the children together.”

She stared, her mouth a little O.

He’d expected a little more enthusiasm for what he considered an excellent idea.

“Rebecca, say something.”

“Why would you want that?”

He thought he’d already explained his reasons. “Isn’t it working well?”

She took two steps backward and shifted her gaze to something behind him. “I can’t stay. My father needs me. It’s my duty.” She turned and fled.

It was a good thing he hadn’t asked her to marry him. It was what he’d wanted to do from the beginning, but he was too cowardly to ask. And now he could see that asking her would have been a waste of breath. She had no intention of staying.

He strode after her as she burst into the kitchen. The door would have slammed in his face except he caught it before it could. “Is everyone okay?” Her breathless words indicated that she’d beaten a hasty retreat.

Ma held Gabriel, feeding him. Heidi sat on the stool at Pa’s knees. For a moment he thought she held another baby then realized it was a doll wrapped in a tiny blanket.

“Your mama gave me a doll,” Heidi told Colton, her eyes gleaming with pleasure. “And this nice blanket she knitted.” She pressed the red-and-white blanket to her cheek, then turned her attention back to the doll.

“It was mine when I was a girl,” Ma said. “I’d hoped to give it to a daughter, but seeing as I never had one, I want Heidi to have it.”

“It’s like a real baby.” Heidi placed the doll on the table and unwrapped it, pulled off a white flannel nightgown to reveal a body made of white muslin. The head, made of the same material, had features embroidered on it and hair of black yarn.

“Mrs. Hayes, it looks like a very special doll,” Rebecca said, a note of surprise in her voice.

“My mother made it for me. And now I want Heidi to have it. A special doll for a special girl.”

Heidi re-dressed the doll, wrapped it in the little blanket and clutched it to her chest.

Colton looked at Rebecca. She looked everywhere but at him. He waited. Finally, she jerked her gaze to him. He regarded her with unblinking intensity, tipping his head toward the happy child.
Do you see her?
He silently demanded.
She’s so open and free here. She trusts Ma and Pa, and they’re so fond of her.

Why would you rob her of this?

Rebecca’s granite expression slid by him without softening.

* * *

Rebecca could not think of Colton’s suggestion that she should stay and take care of the children. Most of all she could not abide the accusation in his eyes at her refusal. He seemed to be saying that she was being selfish and hard-hearted.

She turned to his mother. “Do you want me to finish feeding Gabriel?” Her heart filled with gratitude when the woman allowed her to take the baby. If she hadn’t, Rebecca would have rushed from the room. Hidden in the bedroom.

She settled on the cot beside Mrs. Hayes and watched little Gabriel drink his milk. The little guy focused on her, his eyes full of innocent wisdom. As if he knew he was in safe hands.

The baby deserved a home.

But she couldn’t stay simply to provide security for Heidi and Gabriel. She glanced from one child to the other. Not that she didn’t see the benefits. Not even that she didn’t want to.

She rocked Gabriel, the motion an attempt to ease her inner turmoil.

What did she want?

She couldn’t allow herself to answer the question. Instead she asked a more important one.

What did God want of her?

Honor her father. That was one of the commandments. Not an option. Her duty.

She couldn’t remain in Nebraska, even if her heart cried out to belong here, to be part of the community. Besides her father’s disapproval, the community clearly did not see her as a one of them.

Her heart cracked open to reveal the truth she’d tried so hard to deny.

What she really wanted was to belong in this home. In Colton’s heart. Not as a caregiver for the children, but as the recipient of his love.

He had not offered that.

She wiped tears from Gabriel’s cheeks and realized the tears were her own. She secretly swabbed at her eyes and forced the tears to stop.

The minutes dragged by. She was saved from deep depression only by Heidi’s joy over the doll.

Finally, Colton, who had been reading the weekly news, folded the paper. “I’d better see to the chores. Anyone want to come see the kittens?”

Heidi bounced to her feet. “I do.” She took the doll to Mrs. Hayes. “Would you hold Dolly for me?”

Mrs. Hayes took the toy. “Dolly? Is that what you named her?”

Heidi stood before the woman, a worried look on her face. “Before the fire—” she touched her cheek to indicate the fire she meant “—I had a doll my mama gave me. I named her Dolly.” She rocked back and forth. “I hope you don’t mind if I use the same name.”

Mrs. Hayes patted Heidi’s shoulder. “I don’t mind at all.”

Heidi’s face cleared and she beamed. “Good.” She went to Rebecca and whispered, “I didn’t know if it’s okay to remember my mama and papa.”

Rebecca hugged the little girl. “Of course it’s okay.” Her heart cracked deeper. She loved this child who showed everyone the true meaning of courage and joy.

Heidi trotted over to join Colton, took his hand and they left the house.

* * *

Rebecca escaped the kitchen as soon as she could that night, pleading tiredness. The excuse was true. Her limbs were so heavy she could barely carry the baby. Her heart ached clear to her toes. She was too tired to even write her father. And he expected to hear from her on a regular basis.