Linda Ford (3 page)

“Have you asked her?”

“I did. All she said was she couldn’t bear the thought of me living on the edge of town with no friends. Though from what she says, I think she’s as
lonely as I am. She’d like me to go to church with her but I can’t. If I let myself care about people and what they think, it only hurts the more when they discover the truth.” Her eyes hardened. “Someone is likely to, now that you’re here. Once they realize our father was—” She clamped her lips together as tears swelled in her eyes.

He filled in the blank she’d left. “A murderer.” Saying the word forced him back to reality. “Don’t worry. I won’t be around long enough for anyone to take notice.” Though he wished things could be different. Wished he could offer Joey a real home. Wished he could belong somewhere. With someone. A forbidden dream flashed through his thoughts of home and a woman. He’d had the thought before, and always the woman was faceless. Just a presence. But this time she had a face and voice…those of Kathleen Sanderson. “I will leave as soon as Joey is rested. Before people find out and drive us out of town.” He knew his voice had grown hard. Rosie would understand why. They shared a secret with the power to destroy their lives. He understood why Rosie would be cautious about making friends. A person needed to be able to leave when the time came with no regrets, no glancing back over one’s shoulder.

Yet he rose the next morning wondering if Kathleen would return as she had promised Rosie.

Rosie noticed how many times he glanced out the window and laughed. “She won’t be along for a bit. She never comes until after lunch when her mother is napping.”

“I wasn’t looking for her.”

“Sure you were.”

“Only because I wondered if she would come as she promised.”

Rosie grew serious. “I always wonder the same thing, but every time she’s said she’d come, she has.”

Joey sat at the table spooning in thin porridge. “Buck, who you waiting for?”

He turned away from the window. “Nobody. Just checking the weather.”

Rosie snorted. “She’s not your sort.”

“No one is.” They both knew what he meant, and he sat at the table to consider his two nephews. Sturdy-looking boys. Made Joey look as thin as he was. “Your boys appear well fed.”

“Bill left us with adequate supplies. He’ll send money from time to time. We won’t go hungry.”

“Didn’t think we were, either.”

“I not hungry.” Joey put his spoon down as if to prove he only ate because the food was before him.

Buck smiled. He appreciated Joey’s devotion, but not to the extent of him choosing to go hungry. “Finish it up.”

Joey hesitated only a moment before returning his attention to the food.

Rosie stood beside Buck. “He seems a little better today.”

“I hope so.”

But an hour later, after playing with Mattie and Junior, Joey curled up on the floor, exhausted. Buck carried him to bed and sat at his side, watching him.
Surely he would regain his strength in a day or two and they could move on. But to where? And what did it matter? One place was the same as the next.

Joey slept through a lunch of soup and freshly baked bread. He was still asleep when a gentle knock sounded.

Buck sat at the table pretending a great interest in the pencil Junior had given him to sharpen, but every sense tingled with awareness as Kathleen stepped into the house, laughing about the wind tugging at her fine woolen coat. She shrugged out of it and hung it on a nail. “Hello, everyone.” She smiled at Rosie who held Lilly, leaned over and kissed the baby’s cheek, squatted to kiss Mattie’s forehead, hugged Junior and then finally lifted her attention to Buck. “Hello to you, too.”

“You’re a breath of sunshine.” He hadn’t meant to sound so adoring. He only meant she made everyone smile with her greeting.

Her cheeks flushed a very becoming pink, reminding him of summer sunrises. “I’m just passing on my own feelings of happiness.”

Rosie waggled her hand toward Buck. “He meant it as a compliment.” She gave Buck a scolding look. “We’re all glad to have you visit.” Silently she warned Buck not to ruin things for her. As if his very presence wasn’t enough to do that.

“I’m relieved to hear it.” Kathleen glanced about. “Where’s Joey?”

“Still sleeping.” Worry grabbed his gut. “He’s been sleeping a long time.” He rushed into the bedroom,
pressed his hand to the boy’s forehead, but even without feeling his hot skin he knew the boy was again fevered. “I hoped he was getting better.”

Rosie brought in a basin of water, and both women hovered at the bedside while Buck stripped the boy to the waist and sponged him.

“I don’t think this is a good sign,” Rosie murmured. “Fevers that return every day generally mean something like lung fever.”

“No.” Buck wouldn’t allow it. “He’s just run down. He’ll be fine.”

“Let’s pray for God to strengthen his little body.” Kathleen reached for Rosie’s hand.

Buck understood Rosie’s hesitation. Hadn’t their ma prayed for God to intervene? It hadn’t happened. Instead she’d died, and he and Rosie had been on their own. But for Joey, his son, he’d storm the gates of heaven if he must. He reached for Kathleen’s hand, saw her start with surprise and likely shock, and he pulled back. But she reached out and clasped his hand on one side and Rosie’s on the other. From her flowed confidence and faith that poured into his heart. God could heal his boy. He knew it. He believed it. He bowed his head.

“Dear Heavenly Father.” Kathleen’s voice rang with love and joy. “You love us so much. You are the great healer. Touch Joey. Stop the fever. Show us what part we need to play, that Your name might be glorified. Amen.”

He pulled his hand to his knee, kept his head tilted
down. He’d never heard such a simple prayer, and yet he felt he had stepped into the throne room of God.

He picked up the wet cloth and continued to sponge Joey. But no longer did his spirit fret.

The fever slowly abated as it had done before. He almost dared believe this might be the last time.

Joey opened his eyes and smiled. “Hi, Buck.”

“Hi, buddy. How you feeling?”

“Maybe a little hungry.”

Buck’s laugher was joined by Rosie’s and Kathleen’s. “Surely he’s on the mend.” He turned and gripped Kathleen’s shoulder. “Thanks to you.”

“No.” She shook her head. “Thanks to God.” Her look of assurance filled him with a sense of wonder. God actually might care about him. Amazing. Or was it only Joey God cared about?

It was a question he didn’t care to answer at the moment.

K
athleen couldn’t believe her boldness at taking Buck’s hand to pray. Praying came naturally enough to her. But what made her think it required holding a hand as solid and firm as the ground beneath her feet? Her palm still felt warmer than normal.

But she had no doubt God intervened for Joey’s improvement and would continue to do so. She silently prayed it would accomplish much more…that Rosie and Buck would find healing for whatever made them so fearful and kept them away from each other.

Joey ate a bowl of soup, played with the toys for a few minutes, then crawled into Buck’s lap and closed his eyes.

Kathleen watched the play of emotions on Buck’s face—worry, love, hope. He lifted his eyes to hers and allowed her to see the depth of his feelings. They caught at her heart. Then he ducked his head, pressing his cheek to Joey’s black hair.

Emotion clogged Kathleen’s throat. This kind of love awed her. Filled her heart with yearning.

She drew in a shaking breath, wondering at the lightness of the air she sucked in, which did little to relieve her need for oxygen.

Lilly slept in Rosie’s arms. Young Mattie whined.

“I need to put the little ones down for their nap.” Rosie pushed to her feet. “Come along, Junior. Time for you to have a sleep.”

“Mama, I want to play with Joey.”

Buck looked at his son. “I don’t think Joey feels much like playing at the moment. When you wake up he’ll likely be ready.”

Rosie took the children to the bedroom to settle them.

Kathleen expected Buck to do the same with Joey, but he stayed seated. She forced herself to remain still, though she longed to jump to her feet and pace the room. A crack in the wooden table caught her attention and she ran a fingernail along it.

“Is he asleep?” Buck whispered.

She looked. “I would say so.”

“Then I’ll put him down now.” He shifted the boy and carried him to the bed, covered him carefully, smoothed his hair from his forehead…all ordinary things, yet watching him made her heart ache.

He stepped back, watched his son a moment, then tiptoed from the room and pulled the door part way shut. “I didn’t want to put him down until he fell asleep. Seems like the least I can give him is lots of assurance of safety.” He returned to the chair he oc
cupied previously and rubbed his hand across his face. “I fear I am an inadequate parent, but I’m all the poor little guy has.”

Such hope and desperation filled his voice, she couldn’t bear it. “From what I’ve seen, you are an excellent father. The way he adores you is proof enough.”

Brown eyes met hers, brimming with hunger and longing. “Do you think so?”

He loved the boy deeply and wasn’t afraid to show it. The knowledge of such love—human love—gave her the feeling she missed something vital in her life. She feared it would show in her eyes but lacked the strength to tear her gaze away. “I know so.”

A slow, intense smile filled his face. “I perceive you are a most generous person in every way.”

It was her turn to be surprised. “How nice of you to say so.” But how could he know? He’d only just met her.

His chuckle tingled along her nerves like music rushing up her veins. “You’re thinking I couldn’t possibly know, seeing as we’ve only met. But yet, I think I am correct.” He leaned closer drawing her into an intimate invisible circle including only the two of them, excluding everyone and everything else. “I know you’ve gone out of your way to make friends with Rosie, and I’m certain it’s more than what most women in your group of friends consider ordinary.”

She tried to pull her thoughts into order, but all she could think was he admired her for doing something
that had indeed brought criticism from others, even beyond her parents.

“You know, I haven’t given God much consideration or due in a long time. Since…well, never mind that. But from the moment I stepped through that door—” He tipped his head in the general direction. “I’ve thought of Him several times. I think it is due to you.”

“How can that be?”

“You bring God’s presence into the house.”

“I—” She didn’t know how to answer. “If so, then I am happy to hear it.”

His soft smile thanked her. “If only more people were like you.” He sat back. “Maybe you can help me.”

“I will if I can.” Perhaps he would ask her to assist him and Rosie in sorting out their differences.

“I’d like to know if Rosie needs anything. Is she managing okay on her own?”

Not the direction she’d hoped he’d go, but to know he cared so about others filled her with sweet admiration. “She has her hands full, especially when she goes shopping.” She told about her first meeting with Rosie and how his poor sister couldn’t keep a hand on everything. “Mattie saw the bucketful of shiny shovels, and I suppose he thought they would make good toys. What a clatter when the bucket tipped and they all fell to the ground. The storekeeper came rushing out to see what the racket was. I think everyone stopped what they were doing to look.” She laughed. “Poor Rosie didn’t think it very amusing, I’m afraid.”
She thought of what Rosie really needed—to become more a part of the community instead of keeping so much to herself. But before she could voice her thought, Rosie tiptoed from the bedroom.

“Were you two talking about me?” she asked.

Buck sighed. “You were the furthest thing from my mind.”

Rosie considered them suspiciously. “I heard you talking while I got the children to sleep, yet the minute I step into the room you are quiet as mice.”

Buck grinned. “If you insist on knowing, I was telling her all the family secrets.”

Rosie drew up hard and stared at her brother. Then she laughed, a nervous twitter of a sound. “I know you’re joshing. Serves me right for being so suspicious.” She turned to Kathleen. “Were you serious about helping me stitch a quilt top?”

At last, something to do with her hands so her thoughts wouldn’t continually run off in silly directions. “Of course. Are you ready to get started?”

Rosie fetched a basket of fabric pieces. “I thought to make one for Junior’s bed, but I don’t intend to take advantage of your generosity or anything.”

Kathleen rubbed her hands together. “We can do this. Do you have a pattern in mind?”

The women pulled out fabric and discussed different arrangements. Once they’d chosen a pattern, they cut out a number of squares, then Kathleen started stitching them together while Rosie continued cutting.

“Where did you spend Thanksgiving last year?” Kathleen asked him.

Guess it was too much for Buck to think their project would keep them occupied and allow him the privilege of watching the subtle changes in Kathleen’s expression as she chose colors and patterns and aligned the pieces. But he realized he didn’t mind talking about the past year. In most ways it was one of the best in his life, with Joey to look after and love. “The two of us spent it in a settler’s shack. The pioneer family had moved to town for the winter, and they were glad enough to have someone occupy their place.” No doubt such simple accommodations were something she would not rejoice over, but he’d been grateful.

Kathleen and Rosie continued to work, but he felt their keen interest. “I really never gave Thanksgiving a thought until the owner of the place rode out with a bundle. Said his wife insisted he bring it to the two of us. I let Joey open it. You should have seen his eyes. I don’t think he could remember receiving gifts before. Inside was enough turkey for the both of us and plenty of mashed potatoes and gravy. There were two oranges and a toy whistle. We had us a real good day. Just the two of us.” He wasn’t sure why he kept saying it was only he and Joey, except he wanted to believe it was how he wanted things to be. Even to his own ears it sounded lonely. But he really did have something to be thankful for—a little son and a warm house, even though the latter was temporary.

Thanksgiving was three weeks away. He should
be gone again by then, but only if he remained would Joey know a true family celebration. The temptation to stay was strong.

“It sounds sweet,” Kathleen said, although her voice seemed tight, as if the words didn’t want release.

“It sounds lonely.” Rosie, as always, was bluntly honest. They studied each other. He wished he could stay awhile. Perhaps she did, too, but they both knew the risks. People were less than welcoming when they discovered whom their father was. He and Rosie had been driven from more than one place by a violent crowd.

He and Joey must move on.

Kathleen’s gaze had not left him all the while he and Rosie shared their silent communication, and now he shifted and met her blue, intense look.

She smiled. “The church is having a special Thanksgiving service. There will be a community dinner to share the bounty of the year. It would be nice if you would attend. I think you’d enjoy it.”

Her words fell into a silence, sending ripples through his thoughts. He hadn’t been to church since Ma died. He wondered if Rosie had. He’d attended her wedding, held in the parsonage. It was the last time he’d seen her before yesterday, though he sent her an occasional letter. She wrote to him regularly so he knew she and Bill had moved to this town. Bill knew enough to keep one step ahead of the cruel truth of his wife’s past. “I doubt I’ll be here.” Regret deepened his voice but he hoped no one would notice. “Rosie, you should go. It would be good for you and the kids.”

Rosie allowed him the briefest glance, but enough for him to see her longing ran every bit as deep as his. “I’ll think on it.”

“I’ll keep asking,” Kathleen said.

Buck wondered how she managed to sound so serene, so confident. Not for the first time, and likely not for the last, he wished things could be different so he could get to know her better and discover who she really was.

It wasn’t possible. He shifted his thoughts to other things. Like the children. Rosie’s were happy and full of spirit. Was Joey on par with them? Was he suffering because of the way Buck lived? Not that he could do a thing to change it.

The children woke and the women put away the sewing. Rosie brought Lilly from the bedroom with her two boys following her. At the same time, Joey came from the other room. The boy’s color had improved.

Rosie put Lilly in her chair and the other children sat around the table to eat bread and jam.

“Good food and rest are giving Joey back his strength,” he said.

Kathleen’s gentle gaze brushed him. “God has given us so many reasons to be thankful.”

He nodded. She made it easy for him to believe in God’s bountiful blessings.

“I must return home. I promised Mother and Father I wouldn’t be as late as I was yesterday.”

Buck scrambled to his feet. “I’ll walk you home.”

“It’s not necessary.”

Did he detect a hint of something in her voice he was loath to admit? Was she embarrassed to have him walk her home? “My mother, God rest her soul, would expect no less of me.”

She considered him briefly then nodded. “Very well, though it really isn’t necessary.”

He bent to face his son. “Joey, you stay with Aunt Rosie. I’ll be back in a few minutes. Okay?”

“You be back for sure?”

“For sure.”

“Okay, then.” He returned his attention to the slice of bread.

He slipped into his coat and buttoned it, then held the door for Kathleen, who had already said goodbye to everyone in the room. They tramped along the hardened path.

“Do you realize that’s the first time I’ve heard mention of your mother?”

“Even the likes of Rosie and me have a mother and father, though they are both dead now.” He regretted his words as soon as they were out and hoped she wouldn’t ask about his father.

“I’m sorry for your loss, but you know I didn’t mean you wouldn’t have parents.” She scowled at him, making him feel like a small boy.

“I’m sorry. Sometimes I am too defensive.”

“Both you and Rosie. It’s like you expect someone to kick you in the teeth for no reason.”

Oh, they thought they had reason enough, but he wasn’t about to tell her so.

Kathleen turned to him, her expression a mixture
of amusement and something more—perhaps regret? “Rosie’s very fond of you.”

“Like you said, she hides it pretty well.”

Her sweet laugh filled his senses. “Tell me what it was like to have a sister growing up.”

Her questions almost stopped him in his tracks. It took every bit of his well-developed self-control to move forward, to keep his voice steady, as if the memories weren’t filled with a bittersweet taste. “Life was very different then. My parents were alive.”

She didn’t speak, and he wondered how aware she was of the tension gripping his heart.

“There was a time…” He slowed his words to cover his regret. “When my father laughed with joy and said we had much to be grateful for.” How quickly his attitude had changed.

“It sounds nice.”

“It was.” How long since he’d remembered those better days? Far too long. And he vowed right there in the middle of the trail he would give Joey some memories of good times, and he’d find a way to remind Rosie of those happier days when being thankful didn’t require an effort.

“Having a sibling is special.”

Did he detect a lonesome note in her voice? He couldn’t think it was true. She came from a secure, stable, safe family.

They passed the business section of town and climbed a slight hill to a cluster of large houses.

Kathleen stopped walking. “This is where I live.” She indicated a house dominating those around it.

The place was huge. Buck could see why they might need someone to dust and clean. “Just you and your parents live here?” He failed to keep awe from his voice.

“Our cook has quarters here, too.”

“Oh, then that explains why you need such a large house.”

She grinned. “You know it doesn’t. We don’t need a big house, but my father thinks it’s in keeping with his station in life.” Her smile seemed slightly lopsided. “My father has very well-formed ideas of right and wrong.”

“And always does what is right?”

“Always.”

“That’s something to be grateful for, isn’t it?” He knew his voice revealed far more than he wanted to. If his own father had always done what was right, not let his anger and frustration drive him to taking things into his own hands in such a gruesome manner…well, his life and Rosie’s—and now their children’s—would be much different.