Linda Ford (18 page)

The interruption enabled Linette to break from Eddie’s gaze. She sucked in air as if she’d forgotten to breathe. “I’ll get my things.” She rushed to the bedroom where she kept her supplies, but at the trunk she hesitated. She wanted to prove to Eddie how capable she was. He’d seen her failure at baking bread. Did he also need to see how she wasted her time drawing pictures? Though her skill wasn’t entirely wasted. She’d copied the sketch of Dorothy Farris for Grady and been pleased at the boy’s pleasure.

But she’d done that in her spare time while Eddie was away. Now she needed to prove she had some practical value on the ranch and she returned to the other room without the sketchbook.

Cassie and Grady had left.

“Couldn’t find it?” Eddie asked.

“What?” As if she didn’t know what he meant.

“The book you draw in.”

She shrugged. “It’s only something I do when there’s no work to be done.”

He pinned her with his dark gaze. “Are you refusing to draw a picture because I requested it?”

She shook her head. “That’s not why.”

“Then would you mind drawing a picture of the mountains for me?”

To refuse would be churlish. She returned to the bedroom and scooped up the sketchbook and her pencils then followed Eddie up the hill. She went immediately to the window while he built a fire in the round-bellied stove in the room that would serve as the family dining room and parlor. “Oh.” The word escaped her. “Beautiful. I can see why you want to capture the sight. But there is no way I could do it justice in black and white.” How she itched to pull out her canvases and oils. But she wondered if crowding the cabin would give Eddie the impression she didn’t put proper value on the comfort of others.

“My mind can fill in the details.” He joined her at the window.

She simply stared at the view as they waited for the fire to drive the cold from the room. Oh, how she loved this room. She wanted to be a part of this house, a part of this ranch, a part of this land. She wanted to be part—

She silently commanded her thoughts to stop. She did not want to be part of this man’s affections. She would not give up control of her heart. Not even to belong here. She would, instead, prove her value as a woman who contributed. “I’m ready to get to work.”

His gaze went to the sketchbook on the window ledge.

Her gaze went to the stack of wood next to the wall. “I’ll give you a hand with those first.”

He looked about to argue then nodded. “If you wish.”

For two hours she helped him measure, cut and nail the boards in place. While she worked she had no trouble keeping her thoughts in place except when her glance went to the window and she watched the changing face of the magnificent Rockies.

He cut another board, but rather than nail it, he straightened. “I’ll be back in a moment.”

She stared after him as he disappeared into the kitchen area.

A few minutes later he returned with a wingback chair and put it before the windows.

She gaped at the chair. It was green. Exactly as it had been in her imaginings.

“I’m done until you do what you promised.” His words jerked her back to his request.

“I don’t recall making any promises.” Not out loud to him.

“A drawing of the mountains.” He indicated she should sit.

She hesitated but only out of caution. Her insides burned to capture the sight. Giving in to her yearning, she dropped to the chair, pulled her sketch pad to her lap and started to work.

Peripherally she heard Eddie leave the room and return with a second chair matching hers. He parked it close to hers, facing the window, and sat quietly at her side as she worked. But her attention and imagination were on the scene before her. The lines flowed from her mind to the paper. The ruggedness of the mountains, the contrast between the snow and dark green pines, the neatness of the red farm buildings.

After a while her neck ached and she straightened and looked around. “How long have I been drawing?”

Eddie grinned. “More than an hour, I expect.”

She groaned. “I didn’t mean to waste your time or mine.”

“Let’s see the finished product.” He reached for the sketch pad.

“It’s only rough.”

He studied it. “This is not a waste of time. May I have it?”

“Of course.”

He carefully tore the page from the pad. “I’d like to frame it and hang it in this room.” He tried to close the pad. The pages stuck. He turned them one by one. And stopped to stare.

She stifled a groan. She hadn’t meant for him to ever see the drawing of him confidently riding his horse.

“This is me. I look like...a cowboy.”

She laughed as much from relief as amusement. He hadn’t seen anything extraordinary in her depiction of him. But even at the time she’d struggled to see him as only a means to an end—a way to gain escape from her father’s plans. Not as a strong, handsome, trustworthy, noble man. She jammed a log in the flood of his admirable qualities rushing to her mind. “Don’t you think of yourself as a cowboy? A good cowboy, from what the men say about you.”

“I ride because my tasks require it. Sure, I enjoy it, but that’s not uppermost in my mind.” He glanced about the room. “Just as I enjoy working on this house, but I don’t do it for that reason.”

She thought she understood his reason—build a house that would win Margaret’s favor. The pleasure she’d enjoyed as she sketched fluttered like a dead moth. Did she stand a chance against such devotion? How could she possibly hope to get him to change his mind?

He went on as if talking to himself. “It’s a job entrusted to me by my father and I am determined to prove I can handle the responsibility. Prove, I suppose, I am equal to the task. That my father was right in assigning it to me.”

“You feel the need to prove yourself to your father? Yet he must trust you a great deal to send you over here with the responsibility of finding land, purchasing a huge herd of cows and building a house that would make anyone proud.”

“It’s more of a test than a sign of trust.”

She thought it was an odd answer. “What sort of test would that be?”

He made a deep-throated sound. “To see if I’m fit to be a Gardiner.”

She shifted so she could study his expression. His smile was mocking, as if he’d said more than he meant to or perhaps regretted sounding so hurt. But the look in his eyes spoke volumes. She knew—just knew—his words revealed a lifetime of doubt and striving. She held his gaze as the knowledge slid sideways into her heart and burned a raw path. “Why do you need to prove such a thing?” Her words scalded her throat.

“Because I am not a Gardiner.”

“But your name—it
is
Eddie Gardiner. Yes?”

His smile tipped to one side. His eyes darkened. “I was born before my mother married my father. My real father was not in the picture. My mother has never revealed one detail of how I came to be. She said that part of her life ended when she married Randolph Gardiner and it was up to me to make sure he never regretted taking me as his son.” He seemed to do his best to smile widely, but she read in the set of his lips a world of wondering if he’d truly been accepted.

She curled her fingers into her palms to stop herself from reaching for him. Her circumstances were vastly different. She was her father’s biological daughter. Never once had she doubted her value in his world. As a commodity. A business advantage. A bargaining chip. She knew she wasn’t valued for who she was or what she wanted. This trip to Canada had been her first victory.

Her nails dug into the heels of her hands. Never would she give up the freedom she’d won. Never would she give up the independence she’d struggled so hard to win. But Eddie’s unspoken pain beat relentlessly at her thoughts. He ached from not feeling totally accepted. She understood he would not acknowledge it. Never admit anything more than a commitment to live up to Mr. Gardiner’s expectations. “I expect he is pleased with how well you’ve done.” She glanced around the room to silently emphasize his success.

He shrugged. His gesture seemed to indicate more defeat than indifference. He glanced about the room and then turned to look out the window. “Father does not understand how different things are out here. How I must make decisions based on the circumstances of the moment. Anything I do that differs from his plans is under suspicion.”

She turned the idea over in her mind, finding that it scratched at her insides. “How much has he planned for you?”

His laugh was short. “Every detail he could think of, because he doesn’t believe I can handle decisions on my own.”

“Does that include the woman you will marry?”

He refused to meet her look, instead stared steadily out the window.

“Ah. You don’t think I’d pass inspection?” Somehow that didn’t surprise her. Her father could be abrasive and had offended any number of people in his quest to claw his way to the top. Though she wasn’t sure what he hoped was at the top or even where the top was.

Eddie sighed heavily.

She guessed he felt a need to earn the favor he never felt he qualified for. She glanced about the room she had grown to love. “Did he design the house?”

“Certainly. Though I made a few changes to better suit the setting.”

“Like what?”

His grin was genuine. His eyes lit from within as if he spoke from a secret, joy-filled spot.

Her insides mellowed knowing she’d distracted him from worrying about his father’s expectations.

“This room. According to the plans, it should face the other direction, but that would have been a mistake, don’t you think?”

“Indeed. As I’m sure he would agree if he ever saw this view.”

Eddie sobered. “I hope so.” He studied the sketches before him as if they held some dark secret. “I have been entrusted with a job. I intend to do my best. I aim to honor my father for giving me his name and a family. I pray it will honor and please God as well.”

She waited, but he didn’t look up from his contemplation of the drawings. His commitment to his family and God was noble and honorable. “I think your father would be proud of all you’ve done.”

He stared at her drawing of him on horseback. Then with a deep sigh he set the sketches aside and jumped to his feet. “Enough of this. It’s time for lunch.”

When he reached for her hand, she didn’t refuse. Whatever his father required of him, the older man was far away, restricted to reports by mail. She said so to him and he laughed.

“Maybe so, but I can’t help feeling he’s watching over my shoulder.”

Chapter Twelve

W
hy had he revealed his insecurities to Linette?

She had been understanding and sympathetic, though.

But what did it matter what she thought? He would succeed. The house would soon be done. Margaret would come. Linette would accept defeat and leave. He shoved aside the questions as to where she would go and what would become of her.

Only one more thing he aimed to accomplish. Since he’d seen the Indians and their travois, he had been secretly working on a project that he hoped would convince Grady that men weren’t to be feared. At least, not all men. He eyed the boy as he ate his meal beside Linette. “How long does he nap?”

“About an hour.” Linette sounded puzzled by his question.

“Good. That’s just about right.” He spoke directly to Grady. “I’ll have a surprise for you when you wake up.”

“’Prise?” the boy spoke before he realized it was Eddie he addressed, and then he ducked his face into Linette’s shoulder.

It was enough to give Eddie hope. It would only take some fun together for Grady to forget his fear of men.

“I ready for sleep.” Grady scrambled down and disappeared into the bedroom.

The three adults exchanged looks and laughed. Linette followed the boy and a moment later came out chuckling. “His eyes are shut tight. Don’t suppose you can tell me what you have in mind?” Linette’s eyes filled with teasing lights.

“Nope. You’ll have to wait just like Grady.”

She laughed. “But I can’t spend my afternoon napping like Grady, so it’s harder for me to wait. Couldn’t you give me a little hint?”

He leaned back on his heels and scratched his head, pretending to be in deep thought over her question. “I don’t know if it would be fair. After all, I planned it especially for Grady. Of course, you’ll have to come with him or he won’t come.” Would she latch onto the little nugget he’d dropped for her?

“Ah. So we have to leave the house? Will we be outside?”

“Best dress warmly.” A grin tugged at his mouth as she narrowed her eyes and studied him.

“A ride? No, a walk? You’ve got something special to show us?”

Linette looked intrigued and tapped a fingertip to her chin.

That rhythmic movement drew his gaze to her chin. Its firmness signaled a determination that he already had firsthand knowledge of. She pressed her bottom lip into a thin line that made her look so serious he had to chuckle. “All I’ll say is it isn’t a cow.” And if he hoped to have the surprise ready by the time Grady woke up, he would have to leave the house and head for the barn. Yet his limbs refused to move and his gaze wouldn’t veer from watching her fingertip.

She lowered her hand and shook her head. “I simply can’t imagine what it might be.”

He dredged up enough effort to turn and grab his coat. “I’ll be back in about an hour. You’ll have to wait until then.”

“Maybe I’ll go for a walk and see what you’re doing.”

She followed him across the cabin at his heels. Although he couldn’t see her he felt her presence as clearly as sunshine on bare skin. He swallowed hard, promising himself he would not turn and meet her face-to-face. He knew if he did he would be close enough to see the way her eyes flickered from pale to dark brown as her emotions fluctuated. He hadn’t yet learned to interpret those subtle shifts, but knew they signaled deep feelings—like anger, and maybe the opposite. Maybe if he turned, confronted her, they would darken with something else. He couldn’t even explain what he hoped to see.

Best not to turn. Then he wouldn’t have to witness anything or try to decipher what it meant. Or why it mattered so much. He should be thinking of Margaret anyway. She would have received their letters by now. Would she be eagerly packing and making plans? He grabbed the door. “Be a good girl and wait here.”

Only after he’d pulled the door closed behind him did he realize he’d relegated her to the same status as Grady—a child. He hesitated. Should he go back and apologize?

A burst of laughter came from the other side of the door.

Linette wasn’t offended by his remark.

A stampede of emotions raced through him. Pleasure at her amusement. Satisfaction that he had her interest. And something unfamiliar that crept to the fore. A feeling unlike any he’d experienced before.

Connection?

He shook his head. That didn’t make a lick of sense. He wasn’t a bit interested in Linette. Didn’t feel anything toward her but... He struggled to find a word.

Responsibility. That was it. He was stuck watching out for her—for Cassie and Grady too—until he could send them back.

Maybe he’d track down Grady’s father and make him take responsibility for his son, though the idea of Grady being with someone who didn’t value him didn’t sit well.

And Cassie? Well, he’d seen the way Roper looked at her. She could do worse than marry a cowboy.

As for Linette, he would send her back to her father. A bitter taste filled his mouth as he thought of her married to an old man.

He went to the barn and set to work finishing his surprise. An hour later he returned to the cabin.

Linette must have been watching because she stepped out when he was still fifty feet away, Grady clutching one hand. Both were dressed warmly.

Eddie struggled to keep amusement out of his voice. “I see you’re ready.”

“Ready and waiting for your surprise,” Linette called.

“’Prise?” Grady whispered.

Eddie stepped aside to reveal a toboggan. It was admittedly crude. Likely Linette was used to much better. “I did the best I could with what I had.”

She clapped her hands and squealed. “You know what this is, Grady?”

The boy shook his head.

“A toboggan. It’s for riding down the snow-covered hills. It’s great fun. As much fun as racing horses.”

“Another of your adventures with your brother?”

Her gaze brushed Eddie’s and pink colored her cheeks. He didn’t think it was from the cold. “My father was very displeased when he found out.”

“And yet you sound totally unrepentant.”

“I am. Like I said, I have no use for pretentious rules of conduct.” Her chin went up. Her eyes flashed in challenge.

He heard distant warning bells. Echoes of his father’s words.
A Gardiner always lives up to expectations. They are pillars of society.

He ignored the distant call. He only meant to have a little fun and help Grady learn that men wouldn’t hurt him. No one could object to that.

“Let’s try it out.” He headed for the hill. The snow on the north slope would make decent sledding. Linette fell in at his side. Grady carefully kept her between him and Eddie. But he came along eagerly enough.

They trudged to the top of the hill and stood on the crest looking down their intended path.

“I’ll do a run first. Test it out. Then I’ll take Grady down.” And before Grady could protest, Eddie positioned himself on the toboggan, gave himself a little push and raced down the hill. He hit a bump, righted himself quickly and zipped to the bottom, coasting a hundred feet before he jumped off.

He waved at the pair watching from the top of the hill. Linette and Grady returned the wave and cheered. Now for the long trek back to the top. He leaned forward into the hillside and climbed. At the top, he paused to catch his breath. Again, Grady carefully kept Linette between himself and Eddie.

He plopped the toboggan down and waved a hand at Grady. “Your turn.” Eddie sat on the back of the toboggan and patted the space in front of him. “You sit here and I’ll keep you from falling off.”

Grady whimpered and shrank back.

Linette squatted before him. “It’s a lot of fun, Grady.”

He shook his head, his eyes wide with what Eddie knew was fear.

“Eddie isn’t going to hurt you. You know that.”

Her complete confidence in him brought a grin to his mouth and a warm feeling to unfamiliar places in his heart.

But Grady wouldn’t take another step closer. He looked down the hill where Eddie had ridden the toboggan, slid a glance toward Eddie and sighed deeply. Suddenly he brightened and grabbed Linette’s hand. “You go, too.”

Linette straightened and considered the spot in front of Eddie. “I don’t think there’s room.”

How had she gone from touting how safe it was for Grady, to being as reluctant as the boy? Eddie wouldn’t hurt either one of them.

He edged back and patted the wood before him. “Lots of room.”

Grady tugged on Linette’s hand.

She didn’t move.

Eddie repeated her words. “’He isn’t going to hurt you. You know that.’”

Her gaze darted past him, restlessly seeking a place to light, then she swallowed hard and met his eyes. Hers were wide with unnamed emotions. He knew his were challenging. He wondered if her mouth was as dry as his.

Grady waited for Linette to move.

Eddie wanted to take the pair for a ride. For Grady’s sake.

Only, it wasn’t the thought of Grady sharing the toboggan with him that made him feel nervous with both anticipation and dread. He knew he would later regret this action, but at the same time figured it was worth whatever price he must pay.

She took a step toward him, her gaze never faltering from his.

He dared not blink for fear the pair would dart away like a couple of shy deer.

She reached his side, shifted her gaze. Pink stained her cheeks as she studied the small space they would have to share. “Come on, Grady.” She eased down to the wooden seat and fussed about getting Grady settled.

“Ready?” She fit easily, as he expected she would, her head right at his chin, a familiar scent of flowers teasing his nose. He gave a shove. “We’re off.” Only, they didn’t move.

“We seem to be stuck here.” Linette giggled. With the added weight, it took both of them pushing off the snow to get them moving.

“Hang on. Here we go,” Eddie said.

The toboggan picked up speed. Grady squealed once then was silent. Eddie wished he could see the boy’s face to know if he was excited or scared.

They tilted to the right. The toboggan was harder to control with the others on it and he leaned hard to the left to keep them upright. They shot over a bump and flew off the ground. He couldn’t see past Linette’s head and had to balance them by feel. They landed on the edge of the toboggan. He threw his weight the other way, but it wasn’t enough. They hit the ground, and snow blasted into their faces. They rolled in the snow, a tangle of arms and legs. When they stopped, Linette lay sprawled over his chest. He stared into her snow-dusted face just inches from his, her eyes wide...

“You okay?” he murmured, brushing snow from her face.

“I’m fine.” She scooted away. “Grady?”

Eddie sat up and looked around for the boy. He lay spread eagle a few feet away. “Is he hurt?”

They scrambled to their feet and struggled through the snow to him. The boy’s eyes were closed, and he shook all over.

“Grady?” Linette dropped to her knees at his side. “Are you hurt?”

Grady’s eyes opened. He looked at Linette then darted a glance at Eddie.

Linette examined him with her hands.

But Grady pushed them away. “Fun,” he wheezed.

“He’s laughing.” Eddie stared at the boy. “He’s not hurt. He’s enjoying this.”

Linette sank to her heels. Eddie squatted beside her and they both studied Grady, who giggled.

Linette flopped to the ground and laughed as well.

Eddie shook his head. “You two are crazy.”

“Crazy is fun.” Linette managed to strangle the words out between giggles.

Amusement tickled his insides and gained momentum. A burst of laughter exploded, releasing something in his heart that had been tight most of his life.

He tried to stop. He almost succeeded, but then he looked at Linette and her giggle triggered an answering laugh from him. Finally he admitted defeat and flopped down in the snow next to her and let the laughter wash through him.

After a few minutes all three of them grew silent but no one moved.

Eddie couldn’t say what the others were feeling, but he was relaxed and mellow. Then he grew aware of heat building in his arm, springing from where his elbow brushed against Linette’s shoulder. She’d been the cause of him laughing so hard. She had a way of seeing the fun, the possibilities, the positive in every situation. He’d learned to appreciate that.

In his peripheral vision he caught a glimpse of the big house. Margaret’s house. He scrambled to his feet and stared at it. He hadn’t yet had a reply to his letter to Margaret. But he had no doubt she would agree to come once she heard of the fine place he’d built. He brought his emotions under control. “Grady, do you want to go down again?”

The boy hesitated, sought Linette’s opinion.

“I think I’ll stay at the bottom of the hill and watch,” she said.

Her voice sounded strained. Was it from laughing so hard? Or had she noticed his sudden withdrawal? He wanted to explain, but what could he say? He’d enjoyed the laugh. What’s more, he enjoyed her company. But nothing had changed. He still intended that she should leave come spring and he still expected Margaret to join him and become his wife. Surely she understood that. Sometimes a man had to make difficult choices.

Now, if he could only persuade
himself
nothing had changed. In hindsight, he realized things had begun to shift days ago when she had fought off the wolves. Or perhaps earlier when—

It didn’t matter when or where or how.

It only mattered that he recognized it and must put a stop to it.

He looked directly at the boy, avoided searching Linette’s face, afraid he’d see more than he cared to.

Or perhaps she would see more than he cared her to.

“Grady, if you want to ride down again, you’ll have to climb the hill.”

Grady hesitated, darted a glance back and forth between the two adults and then plowed up the hill with Eddie at his heels. There was a moment when Eddie wondered if Grady would change his mind about sharing the toboggan for the ride down. But he climbed on in front of Eddie, all the while careful to avoid looking at him.

They rode down the hill without upset and zipped past Linette where she stood waiting for them.