Linda Ford (20 page)

Linette nudged Cassie. “There. Don’t you feel sorry for him?” she whispered. “He needs a family. You need a family.”

Cassie gave her a dismissive glance before she turned to tell about the last Christmas before her husband died. “We lived in a little rental house. George had a job in a mill. I knit him a sweater that fit him perfectly. We didn’t have much, but we were content.”

The table was silent a moment at the knowledge of what she’d had and lost.

Then it was Linette’s turn. She had to scramble to find a good memory. She’d allowed the later years to eat up those earlier pleasant times. “I remember the year my father took me out to see the stars on Christmas Eve. It was marvelous.” Her voice caught and she nodded that she’d finished.

Eddie found her hand beneath the table and squeezed.

No doubt he thought she was homesick, but she was thinking how she’d felt special that night when her father took her in his arms and lifted her toward the sky.

Eddie began to speak and she slipped her hand away.

“I believe my favorite memory would have to be the year all four of my grandparents were with us. My eldest sister was a baby and the house rang with happiness.” His voice ended suddenly.

Linette ducked her head lest anyone see the pain in her eyes as she wondered if Eddie thought the joy in the home was over a child belonging to both his parents—a joy that would never be extended to him. For a heartbeat she ached to reach out and squeeze his hand in sympathy and understanding, but she must guard her reactions to him. Seemed both her body and her heart had wills of their own.

She clasped her fingers into a tight knot and didn’t move.

They devoured mounds of food then Mary brought in plum pudding and mince pie to cheers of appreciation.

“It’s so nice to enjoy food I didn’t prepare,” Cookie said for the sixth time. “Besides, my food can’t hold a flicker to this. You are an excellent cook, Amanda.”

“Hear. Hear.” Sam lifted his glass in a toast.

The whole crowd voiced their approval.

Amanda nodded serenely. “I had lots of help.”

One by one the ladies finished and pushed their plates away. The men accepted seconds and some thirds of dessert.

Amanda shoved her chair back to signal the meal was over. “Let’s move to one side while the table is removed.” She signaled to the OK men who whisked the table away and arranged the chairs in a circle around the room.

Linette saw the expression of anticipation on Amanda’s face and wondered what she had in store.

Amanda waited until everyone found a place to sit. “One of my favorite memories is when we played parlor games. So please help me in re-creating my fun time.”

A murmur of protest came from many of the cowboys.

Linette kept her eyes lowered, not wanting to hurt Amanda’s feelings, but she didn’t want to play games. In her experience they often provided a chance to mock someone, usually her because she had dreams that, in her parents’ opinion, exceeded possibilities.

Only a marriage based on mutual benefit would allow her to achieve even a fraction of the things she dreamed of. Yet, she feared she could easily forget she wanted nothing more than a business deal.

Amanda good naturedly ignored the protests and divided the group to play charades. The cowboys were good sports and let her forge ahead.

To Linette’s relief the acting was humorous and any mocking was directed toward one’s self. She could handle this. It was her turn. She unfolded the scrap of paper and silently read the words: “What Child Is This?” Too bad Grady was still in the kitchen. She could have used him as a prop. She stood and faced the others, cradled her arms and swayed as if rocking a baby.

“Baby?” Eddie guessed.

She nodded, smiling encouragement at him.

His gaze locked on hers. She couldn’t pull away. If they married, would there be babies? Sweet little boys with dark eyes and dark hair. Precious girls with intelligence and spirit. If she had daughters she could encourage self-sufficiency and independence just as she was sure Eddie would encourage the same in sons.

Sons and daughters. Her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. She tried unsuccessfully to swallow.

“Baby?” Cassie prompted. “Baby Jesus?”

Linette jerked her attention to the other woman and shook her head. She made a motion as if playing the piano.

“Lullaby?” Eddie said.

Again their gazes collided. It took all her reserves of strength to jerk away. She made a questioning gesture and expression. Cassie guessed the name of the song and Linette gratefully returned to her seat, her ears burning with something more than embarrassment. She could not—would not—allow herself to think of being held, kissed, cherished by Eddie. His heart belonged elsewhere. She understood that. She didn’t mind. She didn’t want his heart. Only his name and a rightful place in his home.

Margaret would hate it here. She’d made as much clear to Linette. That freed Linette to pursue a marriage without love.

Exactly what she wanted.

The rest of the evening passed in a blur. She watched the proceedings without taking part any more than she must to keep anyone from commenting.

Then finally Eddie announced it was time to leave, signaling a sudden rush of goodbyes.

* * *

Linette had been quiet much of the evening. Eddie watched her out of the corner of his eye as they headed home. Had someone said something to hurt her? Had the holiday memories made her homesick?

Homesick was good. It could well provide the impetus for her to abandon this marriage idea and return home. But it felt so wrong. He wanted to hold her and comfort her.

They arrived back at the ranch and he asked Roper to take the wagon for him. “Cassie, would you take Grady? I’d like to show Linette something.”

Cassie took the boy and ducked into the cabin.

“I should—”

He’d anticipated Linette’s argument. “It’s a lovely night. So clear.”

She turned to study the sky. “It’s beautiful.”

“You should see it at the top of the hill.” It was too dark for him to guess at her reaction. “Let me show you.”

She nodded and he turned toward the path. She stumbled and he caught her elbow. He tucked her hand through his arm and felt her stiffen. There was a constraint between them he couldn’t explain, any more than he could explain why he cared. Except he did. So much he wanted to stop right here in the dark and figure it out.

Instead, he led her across the bridge, past the pens and up the hill.

She dropped his arm as they reached the top and tilted her head upward. “It’s beautiful. I feel like I could reach out and pluck handfuls of stars from the sky.”

“Me, too.” And if he could, he would fashion them into a necklace and hang them around her neck. It hit him like a blow to the head.

He had begun to care for her.

He took a step backward. When had this happened? When she’d made bread? Or when she had failed at her attempt? When she’d sketched a picture of the ranch for him? Or when he’d noticed the paintings she’d hung on the walls and realized she was the artist? It had happened slowly but surely from the first day when she’d stepped from the stagecoach with the expectation of becoming his wife.

She
would
make a great ranch wife. At the acknowledgment his heart plopped to the bottom of his boots. Except for one thing—he’d asked Margaret to reconsider. And until he heard from her, he wasn’t free to speak of his feelings to Linette.

She sighed and faced him. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

“I thought you might enjoy it. Thought it might remind you of happy times at home.” He wanted to cheer her up. “You seemed a little unhappy at the party. Is something wrong?”

“Not at all. I suppose it was a little overwhelming. But didn’t Amanda do a great job?”

“Indeed.” He waited, knowing there was more to her quietness all evening, hoping she would tell him. “Linette.” He touched her shoulder. “If there is anything wrong, I hope you would feel free to tell me. Would you?”

She kept her head downturned. “Of course.”

Her answer came too quickly. He touched her chin and lifted her face to the starlight. Stepped closer so he could read her expression. Her mouth trembled. She seemed so sad his heart gave a vicious kick to his rib cage and he caught her with both arms and drew her closer. He studied her for a fleeting second then caught her trembling lips with his and steadied them with a kiss.

She gasped and pulled away.

He was as shocked by his actions as she. He backed up and scrubbed at his chin. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that to happen. I just wanted to make you feel better.”

She turned to stare down at the ranch where lights flickered in the cabin, the cookhouse and the bunkhouse. “It’s me who should apologize. If we’re to be married I expect we would kiss.” She made it sound like bitter medicine.

“Seeing as that’s not in my plans, my apology is even more heartfelt.” He regretted that fact a thousand times more than the kiss, but as a man of honor he must stand by his word and his offer of marriage to Margaret. A Gardiner was, above all, honorable. “I’ll see you to the cabin.”

She managed her way down the hill without accepting his help. He left her at the door. “I have to make sure the horses are okay.” The others would have seen to it, but he couldn’t enter the cabin right now. Her presence was too close.

Chapter Thirteen

L
inette prayed for sleep to block out her foolishness.

She’d seen his kiss coming. Had enough time to duck away. But she’d let him kiss her. It was true, if they married they would kiss. She’d wanted to know how it felt. Told herself she could keep her heart under lock and key.

But her good intentions had proven useless.

She pressed her fingertips to her lips. How could such a simple touch ignite such depth of longing? She pushed aside the feelings and questions. She only wanted to marry Eddie to escape her father’s plans. At the same time she’d keep her heart intact so she could follow its dictates.

Lord, help me. Give me a secure heart. Keep me anchored in Your love. I need no more.
I am safe in Your hands. Keep me strong.

A thought came to her mind. Why was she fretting so? Eddie made it clear he hadn’t changed his mind. Oh, what a tangled mess she was in. Wanting to marry Eddie. Not wanting to love him. It seemed so simple at the start, but with each passing day she was discovering how complicated it was.

How could she ensure her emotional safety?

The next morning, Eddie was gone when she got up. He returned a little later for breakfast. Linette’s gaze was drawn to him under cover of her lashes. He seemed unchanged by the kiss.

“The party last night made me realize I’m unprepared for Christmas,” he said. “It looks like the weather will hold, so I’m going to Edendale to get some things. Anything you ladies need?”

Linette glanced at Cassie. Neither of them had any money. She’d given the last of her funds to the Indian lad on her way to the ranch. But she had supplies in her trunk. “We’re fine.”

When he left a few minutes later she watched him ride from the yard. Would he return with letters from home? One from Margaret saying the news of the big house convinced her to change her mind?

Even if such a letter came she still had until spring. God could work many a miracle in that time. Even in the heart of a man.

“I’m going over to see Cookie,” Cassie said.

“Go ahead. I have a few things to do here.”

“You want to come, Grady?” Cassie asked the boy.

“See Cookie?”

“Certainly.”

The pair left. Linette hurried to her trunk and pulled out the shawl she had begun crocheting for Cassie. She lacked the skill Cassie had at knitting, so had tried this instead.

She glanced at the other gifts she planned to complete in time for Christmas. Time was drawing short, so she worked on them till suppertime.

That evening Eddie came home after dark.

His hands were full of mysterious parcels when he entered the cabin. Linette waited to see if he offered mail.

“No mail has come through for several weeks. The roads are blocked by snow,” he said in response to her silent question.

Relief flooded through her. A reprieve again. “Can we get a Christmas tree?”

He glanced about. “It would take up most of the room here.”

“Maybe we could set up one at the cookhouse.”

“I like that idea. Let’s take Grady tomorrow and find a tree.”

* * *

They set out right after breakfast, riding in the wagon. Linette could have refused to accompany him, but it would rob Grady of the experience. She had only one goal in mind—make Christmas enjoyable, thus proving in one more direction her capability and suitability as a pioneer wife. No, she mentally corrected, she had two goals. She also wanted to prove to herself that she could enjoy an outing with the man she hoped to marry without her emotions running awry. It should be easy with little Grady sitting on the wagon seat between them.

“First time,” Eddie said.

She jerked about to face him, startled and confused by his words. “First time?”

Smiling, he tipped his head to indicate Grady perched between them and she understood his meaning. It was the first time Grady had sat beside Eddie without showing some nervousness. Instead, he leaned forward, anxious to find the perfect Christmas tree.

Linette grinned widely at Eddie, as pleased by Grady’s progress as he and equally pleased to silently share the pleasure of the moment with Eddie. It made her feel as if they shared something special.

She sucked in air and turned to face forward as they headed past the barn and outbuildings up a trail toward the trees. She’d have to work much harder at keeping her emotions tucked away. But she was determined to do it. Linette Edwards could do anything she set her mind to.

“We get a tree here?” Grady pointed toward the first spruce they saw.

“We’ll go a little farther,” Eddie said. “If you think you can wait.”

Grady edged back marginally. “Not too long?”

Linette laughed, her gaze drawn relentlessly toward Eddie. He laughed, too, and her pleasure deepened.

All because of the boy, she insisted, and turned her attention back to Grady. “Do you remember having a Christmas tree before?”

He nodded vigorously and turned his bright blue eyes toward her. “Mama take me to see Gramma and Gramps. They gots the biggest tree ever.”

Eddie groaned. “The biggest tree ever?”

Grady nodded some more.

“How are we going to best that?”

Grady studied him a moment. Linette couldn’t see the boy’s expression but read tenderness and humor in Eddie’s.

“It not have to be the biggest tree,” Grady allowed.

“That’s a relief.” Eddie made a show of wiping worry from his brow.

His teasing brought a chuckle from Linette and their gazes collided with such force her lungs forgot to work.

She might have remained trapped if the wagon hadn’t bounced. Perhaps it was best not to look directly at him until she figured out how to tame her wayward emotions. So she forced herself to keep her attention on the passing scenery. Not difficult except for the way his voice called to her as he talked about all the places up this trail he’d visited.

“A waterfall. Rushing rivers. And you should see the cows grazing in green valleys. It’s a beautiful country.”

“It certainly is.” Almost beautiful enough to hold her attention.

“This looks like a good place.” Eddie pulled the wagon to a halt and jumped down. Grady allowed Eddie to lift him to the ground. Linette would have gotten down by herself, but there was no graceful way to do it, so she took his hand and accepted his assistance.

Grady looked about. “Big trees.” His words were spoken with awe.

“Bigger than the tree you had before?” Eddie asked.

Grady started to nod then stopped. “Maybe.”

Eddie chuckled. “We won’t cut down one that’s too big to get into the cookhouse. Cookie might not like it if we push her out in the cold.”

Grady giggled. “She whack you.”

Linette laughed out loud. Eddie laughed, too, and their gazes caught and held. She couldn’t help it. Nor did she regret it. The man had a nice laugh and when he smiled, his whole face appeared wreathed in sweetness. Oh, my. She was not doing well at teaching her emotions submission. Thankfully, Grady demanded Eddie’s attention and the pair headed for the woods in search of the perfect tree.

“You coming?” Eddie called.

“The snow looks awfully deep. I think I’ll wait here.”

“Okay.” He turned back to Grady. “You follow in my footsteps so you don’t disappear in a snowbank.”

“Okay.” And with complete trust and confidence he tromped after Eddie, who broke a trail the boy could follow.

Follow in my footsteps.

The words of a father to a son.
Oh, Lord, give this dear boy his father.
She’d left her address with Grady’s father and instructions to contact her when he changed his mind. Perhaps the next mail delivery would include word from him.

In the meantime, Grady was learning to trust men and had a good example to follow in Eddie.

They went only a few feet and stopped. Slowly they circled a tree, looking it over with great concentration. Then they had a serious talk. Linette couldn’t hear what they said, but there was a lot of head nodding. Then Eddie signaled for Grady to stand back, and with solid blows, he used his ax on the tree. It swayed and swished down. It took the combined efforts of a man and a little boy to drag it to the wagon. Linette allowed them to do it by themselves. She enjoyed watching them together too much to offer help.

The tree safely in the wagon, Eddie lifted Grady back to the seat then turned to Linette.

“Didn’t expect you to let the men do all the work.”

She could tell from his tone that he teased. “I was doing my share.”

He drew back to stare at her. “How?”

She cocked her head to one side as if it should be obvious. “I was enjoying the entertainment.”

He hooted and slapped his thigh. “So this was all for your amusement?”

“Absolutely. Didn’t you know it?”

The way he looked at her felt like the sun warming her skin. “I do now. Happy to be of service.” He touched the brim of his hat then held out his hand to help her onto the wagon seat. He whistled as he went to his place and took the reins. Every few minutes on the trip back he chuckled for no apparent reason and looked at her with laughter in his eyes.

Linette felt vastly pleased with herself that she’d made him laugh.

All too soon they arrived back at the ranch and he pulled up to the cookhouse.

Slim and Blue hustled toward them and helped carry the tree inside. It was soon standing in the corner of the dining room.

Cookie sighed. “It’s just like home.”

From the expression on the faces of the cowboys gathering in the room, Linette guessed they all agreed.

This was her chance to prove her abilities. “Who has decorations?”

Cookie nodded. “I have a few things.”

Linette looked around at the others. “Everyone bring something and we’ll decorate the tree right after lunch.”

“What can I bring?” Grady whispered.

“We’ll find something.”

“Ma’am,” Slim said. “What do you have in mind?”

She guessed they didn’t have any fine ornaments, but she’d noticed how they often slipped a bright feather into their hatbands and she’d seen the colorful saddle blankets many of them used. She pointed it out to them. “Anything like that.” It would take time to create things, so they agreed to meet and decorate the tree midafternoon.

Three hours later they again gathered in the cookhouse.

Grady wanted to be first. Linette had helped him color Christmas shapes on pages from her sketch pad then cut them out and put yarn hangers on them.

The cowboys had been very creative. Ward had a collection of feathers he tied to the tree. Slim had managed to tie bright threads from a blanket into bows. There were bits of ribbon and other assorted things. Cookie had six bright red Christmas balls. Linette added the ribbons she’d crocheted. Cassie had fashioned bits of colored paper into beads and hung them in clusters.

Only one person remained to contribute—Eddie—and everyone turned to him. He had something hidden beneath a wrap and now revealed it. “An angel for the top. I found it in the crate Mother sent.”

Linette began to think that container held everything a person might want.

“Grady, you can help me put the angel on top.” Eddie lifted the boy, and the two of them perched the angel on the uppermost branch.

They all stood back and admired the tree.

“We should celebrate with tea and cake,” Cookie said.

No one argued.

Later that evening, after Grady and Cassie had retired to the bedroom, Linette and Eddie sat by the stove. She thought of suggesting they play chess, but neither of them seemed inclined to stir.

“You’ve made us all look forward to Christmas this year.” He seemed to approve of her efforts. “Thank you.”

“Being out in the West doesn’t mean we shouldn’t enjoy the season.”

“I guess it takes a woman to plan it though.” He shifted to consider her. “Not everyone would think to include the cowboys, too.”

She nodded and caught a thrill of victory to her heart. “I’m not like everyone else.”

“So I’m learning.” He grinned. “Though you made it pretty obvious from the start.” His eyes twinkled. “Every time I see you in the big overcoat I am reminded. As if I need reminding. I don’t think you’ll ever give me a chance to forget.”

She tried to think how to respond. How to make him see that women didn’t have to live in the constricting molds from the old country.

* * *

Eddie lay on his bedroll. Today was Christmas—a day full of promise and possibility. He stared up at the still-dark ceiling and let his thoughts fill with pleasant prospects.

Grady rushed from the bedroom. “Get up. There’s presents.”

When Eddie didn’t move, Grady yelled, “Get up. Get up.”

Eddie grabbed the boy and tickled him. Grady was so excited about Christmas and gifts he didn’t protest but squealed with laughter.

Linette stepped into the room, saw Eddie wrestling with the boy and laughed. She met Eddie’s gaze and her smile crept into the bottom of his heart.

What was this strange feeling? Admiration? Certainly. Friendship? He hoped so and hoped it was mutual, though she seemed skittish around him as if she was afraid. Which made not one lick of sense. He’d never seen Linette afraid. Not even when they were attacked by wolves. His smile deepened as he thought how brave she’d been. If only he hadn’t written Margaret and again offered her marriage. But he had and he would honor his word as he must.

Grady squirmed free and bolted to Linette’s side. “Let’s eat. Hurry.”

Again Eddie’s gaze caught Linette’s. They smiled at Grady’s excitement. The air crackled with something more. She must have felt it, too, because she jerked toward the stove. Did it frighten her? Or entice?

Cassie joined the others at the breakfast table. Grady’s excitement spread to all of them and they rushed through the meal, took only a few minutes to clean up then hurry across to the cookhouse.

All the cowboys gathered in the big room, dressed in their finest. Eddie wished he could take a picture of them staring at the decorated tree. A pile of gifts rested beneath the green boughs.

Cookie handed them each a cup of spicy tea mixture as they headed for the tree. All eyes turned to him. He was in charge.