Lindsey's Wolves (13 page)

And the action pressed her breasts firmly against the agonizing thumbs stroking beneath them.

“I can smell your arousal,” he continued. “It’s so fucking hot.”

Ryan moved one leg from its spot straddling her and pushed between hers, forcing her to spread her feet for him. The dominance sent a wave of moisture to her sex. While he nibbled around her lips, he thrust his knee upward against her and she nearly came.

“Oh, God, Ryan.” Her head lolled to the side, which only made things worse by giving him better access to her neck.

Her thighs gripped his knee of their own accord. Wanting, no needing, more contact. Even through her jeans and his, she could feel the sensitive parts of her sex rubbing against him, and she wanted more.
Lord, help me
.

Alejandro
.

Her eyes flew open when she recognized his scent near her. Sure enough his face was hovering scant inches from the spot where she’d allowed her head to roll to the side.

Looking like he hadn’t a care in the world, he leaned against the same column as her, his eyes filled with desire.

This can’t be happening. This can’t happen.

Panic filled her, and without removing her gaze from Alex, she gripped Ryan’s T-shirt and tried to push him away. He was stronger than her, however, and his knee had her nearly on her tip toes, increasing the pressure on her sex.

The adrenaline rush of seeming to come out of a coma, or at least a dream, did nothing to tame her need.

She hardly cared who, she just needed someone to push her pants down and rub her clit until she came. She was that desperate. If she could just get away from these two intoxicating men, she could go find her own room upstairs and use her vibrator to take the edge off. After all, what were the chances either of them would be able to bring her to orgasm? No man had before. Perhaps she wasn’t wired for it. Or perhaps she simply wasn’t able to let down all her guards and let go of her past thoroughly enough to allow such a thing.

She knew she was lying to herself even while her mind raced.
These
two men could make her come. No doubt. And that thought was even scarier than worrying about them
not
making her climax.

What she could not do, was let this go further. She wasn’t ready. Sure, she’d promised them she’d give this weird … relationship thing a shot, but whether or not she could actually go through with it remained to be seen.

Lindsey closed her eyes and turned away from Alex’s intense stare. She leaned her head against Ryan’s chest and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

“Let me go,” she whispered. “I need…” What? What did she need? They could see what she needed. Even she could smell her arousal in the air. An ache formed in the pit of her stomach. She was the horniest she’d ever been in her life.

“Let us take care of you, baby.” Alejandro’s words permeated her system just inches away from her ear. He’d leaned in and now his warm breath bathed the side of her face, tickled her earlobe, and spiked her desire.

There are two of them. You can’t do this. You have to pick one
.

A picture formed in her mind of her childhood pastor standing at the pulpit, a Bible in one hand that he swung up and down as he spoke. Every Sunday he’d done just that, slamming it into the podium occasionally for emphasis, making her jump in her seat. Spittle would stream from his mouth as he spoke. Thou shalt nots rung in her head.

She squirmed against Ryan’s leg, only managing to heighten her panic in equal increments to her arousal.

Sex is between one man and one woman, saved for the sanctity of marriage and only for the purpose of procreation
. Pastor Stone’s words shouted in her head.

Even after years of counseling, she couldn’t silence his warnings. And the situation she found herself in now would have sent the man over the edge. She’d surely be locked away until an exorcist could be found to rid herself of the demons that seemed to be possessing her as she even considered the idea of letting both these men touch her at once.

Sure, she’d gotten over having sex before marriage, barely, and she’d had fairly normal adult relationships since beginning her sessions every other week with Barbara, but this was extreme. She was being tested beyond even
her
limits.

“Hon?” Ryan slowly moved his leg away from her, lowering her the inches she was somehow hovering above the ground. His grip on her bare waist was still firm, however, and no amount of shoving against his chest would dislodge him. “Talk to us. We can practically taste your panic.”

Alex spoke next, his thumb rubbing against her cheek. “You were so aroused moments ago. What happened?”

I jumped to my senses. That’s what happened
.

Both men flinched.

“Get out of my head.”

“You’re like an open book,
cariña
. It’s not that we can read your direct thoughts yet, but, babe your face gives you away.”

Lindsey jerked away. Turned to the side and backed up two steps, forcing them to release their touch against her skin. “I can’t think clearly when you’re touching me.”
Either of you
.

“I’m not even going to make a joke about that right now,” Ryan said breathlessly.

Even with her head facing the ground in front of her, she couldn’t avoid the solid hard-on in the front of Ryan’s pants. She stepped back again. Not only were two men stalking her, but that bulge was huge.

“I need more time. I…”

“Lin, baby, we know this is all new for you. Please let us work this out together,” Alejandro begged.

Work what out?
Couldn’t they see there was nothing to work out? If they were as able to dig around in her thoughts as they seemed, couldn’t they tell she was damaged? Beyond repair? Why were they even attracted to someone as prudish as she?

Ryan advanced on her, his chest still heaving, either from the state of arousal or from reading her mind, she didn’t know.

He cleared his throat. “We … uh … okay, we need to talk.” He turned and spun around in a circle, making her flinch he moved so fast.

Moments later, he grabbed a quilt from the back of a rocking chair and threw it over one arm. He gently grabbed Lindsey with the other and nodded for Alex to follow.

She let him lead her, cautiously. Where was he going?

Several yards from the house, Ryan stopped beneath an old weeping willow tree, her branches reaching out so far, she created a huge shaded area beneath.

He spread the quilt on the ground. “Everyone sit. The weather is fantastic, the birds are chirping, the breeze is cooling. Let’s relax under this tree and just get to know each other better.”

Seemed reasonable. Sort of. As long as no one touched her she might even be able to keep her head on straight.

Alex spoke first when they’d all situated themselves. “Your thoughts will come through to us clearer and clearer as the days go by. It isn’t preventable. It seems we don’t even have to make love to you for the bond to grow on its own. However, you have a mysterious aura about you. Something’s happened in your past to prevent you from letting us in.” He paused.

“What Alex is trying to say, hon, is that we want you to talk to us. Let us help. Whatever it is, we can handle it, work it out together.”

“Hardly.” She nearly laughed at them. Even Barbara couldn’t quite get her to release herself from the bonds of her childhood. How were these two … wolves going to accomplish that?

“I feel your doubt,” Alex started. “You have no reason to trust us. But we are asking you to try. Just give it a shot. What can it hurt? You might find out we aren’t such bad guys after all. Well, me anyway. Not sure about this Neanderthal over here.” He chuckled and gave Ryan a quick glance.

Lindsey knew he was trying to lighten the mood. She leaned back and released a breath as she lay on the blanket staring up at the branches above her blowing in the breeze.

She needed to talk. As soon as the frog cleared from her throat. She’d never told a man about her upbringing. And not even very many friends. Sure, Kara and Jess knew. They’d had a strong friendship ever since meeting freshman year. But even they didn’t know the extent of the twisted life she’d led.

Both men waited, neither saying another word.

She breathed, in and out, long deep inhales and exhales, fortifying herself for what needed to be said.

“This isn’t about not trusting you two, or even how genuine and honest you are. You’re both wonderful. God only knows why I’m so attracted to you … both. But, the reality is I’m not wired for a threesome. Hell, I’m not even wired for a regular relationship. I’ve been seeing a shrink for four years just to get to the point I can even consider having a normal life. Then you throw this at me.

“Don’t you see how … unnatural this is? My head is at war with my heart. Sure, I want you, both of you. More than I’ve ever wanted anything. But it isn’t normal. Who wakes up one morning and suddenly wants two men?”

Alex cleared his throat. “We’re sorry you’ve been put in this position, Lin, baby. Really we are. Even with our upbringing and outlook on life, this is a bit unorthodox for us too.”

Ryan interjected, “Believe me, hon, when I first realized you were meant for me and another man was also involved, I saw red. Didn’t want to share you. Alex didn’t either. Thus the standoff in the kitchen that night. We were … shocked, for lack of a better term.”

“But this sometimes happens, as you know with Kara. And now that Ryan and I have had time to talk, get to know each other, we’ve bonded, no pun intended. We recognize we all three need each other. As weird as it initially seemed, you and I wouldn’t be complete without Ryan. We each have something to bring to the relationship, and trust me when I say you won’t regret this. We swear to spend the rest of our lives making you the happiest woman in the world.”

Lindsey shivered, kept her gaze to the sky and the rustling branches above her head. The peacefulness of the trees’ leaves almost grounded her in a way.

“Tell us,” Ryan mumbled.

She knew what they wanted, needed.

A few moments passed while she wrapped her mind around what she was going to say.

“I was an only child… I don’t think my mother knew who my father was,” she began. “She was young when she got pregnant with me, twenty. She’d been in college, her junior year. Even though it was nineteen ninety, her own mother was appalled as though it were the fifties.

“She pulled my mother out of school and sent her away to a home for unwed mothers. I can’t even believe there was such a place by that year, but apparently there was.”

Deep fortifying breaths
. She didn’t look at the two men seated on either side of her, but she knew they are staring intently at her face. Could feel the thickness of the air, suddenly stifling, even though the temperature outside had been comfortable moments ago.

“My mother couldn’t do it though. She couldn’t give me up for adoption like my grandmother intended. The day I was born, she snuck into my room, took me from the crib at what was essentially a halfway house, and left with me in the night. With no place to go and no money, the only option she had was to make her way back home.

“Apparently my grandfather rarely spoke to her, letting my grandmother rule the house as the matriarch she was. However, he was the one to open the door in the middle of the night when my mother knocked. And if it weren’t for him I don’t know what would have happened to me.”
Although, it might have been better than what
did
happen to me
.

When had both Alejandro and Ryan laid their hands on her? Alex was on her left, his palm gently grazing her thigh. And Ryan was on her right, fingers caressing her forearm. The touch was soothing. She found she liked it. Solidarity or something…

“So who raised you?” Ryan gave a little squeeze to her arm, prodding her to continue.

Gazing up at the blue sky filtering through the branches, she continued. “My grandfather fell in love with me on the spot. He snuck us into the house and somehow managed to keep me quiet through the night so my mother could sleep. At least that’s the way he used to tell the story. He passed away when I was eight.

“When my grandmother found out what he’d done that night, apparently they had a huge fight. I’m pretty sure I’m the one who lost in that battle of wills. Grandmother reluctantly agreed to let my mother move back home and keep me … for a price.”

“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry,” Alejandro soothed. His palm never stopped rubbing Lindsey’s leg.

“Naturally my mother was in a bind. She could either leave with me and we’d have been homeless. A young unwed mother with no job. She could go back to the home and give me up. Or she could live under her mother’s thumb and abide by the new house rules.

“First and foremost, my mother had to attend and raise me in the church my grandmother attended. My mother had never been to church. She’d rebelled rather young and had declared herself an atheist.”

“Her mother hadn’t made her go to church when she was little?” Ryan asked.

Lindsey turned toward him and nearly had the breath knocked out of her. The look on his face was one of deep sorrow and concern. For her. For a little girl lost.

“My mother was in high school when Grandma started attending this particular church. She’d not been especially devout until then. Some close friend of hers from bridge club introduced her to Satan.” Lindsey couldn’t help chuckle sardonically. “Literally and figuratively.”

As if on cue, both men lay down alongside Lindsey, sandwiching her between them. Both propped on an elbow and stared into her face. She glanced from side to side and saw nothing but their understanding and acceptance.

Looking back at the rustling tree limbs made it easier to continue.

“Living under my grandmother’s thumb and abiding by her rules day after day was taxing on my mother. Needless to say, she wasn’t very good at it. She tried, for several years, but eventually she strayed. She started doing drugs, drinking heavily, staying out late, who knows what? I was just a little girl.