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“I’m
sorry,” I muttered miserably.

“I
know,” he smiled. “And I will try to deal with it, because even though you’re
afraid to admit it, I know you love me, too. I felt it in when you kissed me.”
Tears gathered in my eyes again, threatening to spill down my heated cheeks. “I
understand that things are just too complicated right now. There are too many
feelings to sort out.” He put his hand under my chin and said, “Lexi, I’m not
going to abandon you. I’m going to stick by you just like you’ve stuck by me.
You are part of my life. No matter what choices you make, I’ll support you.
I’ll deal with my own disappointment if it comes to that, but I promise I will
always be here for you.”

“Ash,
you’re too good to me,” I said sadly. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Probably
not,” he said good-naturedly but winked. “I’ll be back in a couple days. Take
care of yourself and promise you won’t sink into a depression or something,
because we’ve got some important business coming up with these depraved
Ray-pacs, and I’m gonna need you focused and at your best if we’re gonna take
them out and live through this.”

“Promise.”
I said quietly.

“And
Lexi,” he paused and waited for me to look him in the eyes, “I’m not saying I’m
giving up on us. I’m just giving you some time to sort through your feelings…”
I nodded, and he continued, “Okay, I’m leaving now. I don’t know how much
longer I can look at your sad face and resist the temptation to comfort you.
And that wouldn’t be good for either of us right now, because I wouldn’t be
able to let you go. So,” he paused, and grabbed his helmet off the floor by the
front door, “I’ll see ya in a couple days.”

“Okay,”
I said quietly as he slipped out the door.

A
short time later Ally poked her head in my room, “Lexi?” she asked cautiously,
“How are you?”

“I’ll
be okay.” I smiled from my bed. She came in and sat beside me, and I told her
about my kiss with Ash and then my conversation with Jason.

When I
was finished, she huffed angrily, “Well, Jason might be acting all indifferent
and whatnot, but I,” she looked at me guiltily, “watched him through my window
when he left.” She paused, and I looked at her with wide eyes. “He was a total
mess. He walked around for a minute with his hands on his head muttering to
himself, and he was kicking the tire of his truck. At one point, he almost
stared a hole through our front door, and I thought for sure he was going to
come walking back in. He was totally distraught,” she said with conviction.

“That’s
hard to believe.”

“Lexi,
you can be so bright sometimes and so dense other times. I promise you, he’s
hurting big time.”

“I
don’t know…”

“Well,
I do,” she said and jumped to her feet. “This is not over yet.”She bent down
and grabbed my hand. “It’s not over by a long shot. Love never is.”

“I
don’t know Ally; I think I need it to be.”

“You
need to think things through first, that’s your way. You need to decide if your
heart is with Jason or Ash.”

“True,”
I said, knowing that my heart would always be with Jason first and Ash second.

“Okay,
I gotta get to classes. Are you going?”

“Maybe
I’ll skip the first one. I just need a little time,” I said.

She
glanced at the gifts on my bed. “Yes, you do.”

When I
was all alone, I curled up in the corner of my bed and snuggled in between the
pillows. I stared at the yellow daisies I’d placed with care on my nightstand.
My shutters were closed and Martina McBride was singing her heart out through
my iPod earbuds. I wasn’t sure if Ally’s news was uplifting or upsetting.

Finding
no card, I slowly unwrapped the teal colored paper on the larger of the two
gifts. The shade of the paper was exactly the same as Jason’s eyes. Inside I
found a beautiful book about the orcas of the Pacific Northwest. Included with
the book was an orca sound CD. I smiled to myself. Despite everything, he
hadn’t forgotten how much I’d loved our trip to see the orcas in Haro Strait,
or how I’d teased him about not having the proper equipment on board to hear
their chattering sounds.

The
second gift was much smaller. After taking off the paper, I opened the lid of a
small, black box and gasped. Inside was a beautiful flat, round Opal pendant
encircled with a thin loop of white gold. I held up the delicate, gold chain
and studied the play of colors within the white opal. The iridescent flashes of
green and reddish-orange changed depending on which angle I viewed them from;
the intensity and distribution of color flashes were stunning.

Unexpectedly,
a thought hit me; the perfectly flat and round opal looked exactly like a full
moon. With all the fiery colors it reminded me of those rare nights in which
the setting sun actually lit up the moon in a show of colors. I wondered if
he’d seen the same thing when he picked it out.

Why,
if he was just a friend, was he buying me such an expensively personal gift? He
wouldn’t commit to any feelings but was always playing with my emotions.
Clasping the chain around my neck, I tucked the opal securely behind the blue
sweater I’d thrown on. As I held my hand over the necklace, the cold stone
rested against my skin, immediately soothing me. Even though I’d skipped my
first class of the day, I decided I’d better get moving so I could make it to
the others. After all, finals were only a week away, and I wanted to do
something right for a change.

The
rest of my day went smoothly, and I worked hard to keep my emotions in check.
In the evening Jessica met me at the front door of her house and scolded me
severely for trying to keep my birthday a secret from her. After a severe
tongue-lashing she smiled, laughed, and hugged me excitedly before dragging me
in for a surprise birthday party with her family. They had decorations, cake,
and gifts. I wasn’t surprised Jason didn’t join us at the Nelson’s house that
evening. While everyone was speculating over Jason’s hasty decision to stay on
the boat, I remained quiet. He had no desire to see me, or I him. Madison had
of course insisted that he shouldn’t be alone, so she had not joined us either.
For once, I was relieved at his absence. After the birthday song, I opened a
couple presents – some piano sheet music and a beautiful pair of Amethyst
earrings.

Jessica
pointed to her ears, indicating she had an identical pair and said, “Now that
you have the bona fide earrings, you’re officially an Amethyst. Welcome to a
small but distinct group of individuals with awesome healing abilities.” She
laughed and grabbed my hands, forcing me to dance around the room with her.

If I lived
to tell about it, I wondered what would happen when everyone found out I was
really a Dentelle? I sure hoped the name Dentelle wasn’t chosen after a reptile
or something. The amethysts were fitting, but I had no desire for a pet snake.

Despite
my aching heart, I supposed I should be thankful that at least my humor was
still intact. I was gonna need it.

“I
can’t believe we’re sitting here already,” Ash said sharply, drumming his
fingers on the dashboard of my 350z. “How did Christmas come and go so fast? I
should take you to Tacoma right now and deposit you safely back with your
family.”

“Too
late for that,” I said, turning the music down a little bit. The last couple
weeks had been tense. But finals were over, Ash and I were back on stable
ground, and I hadn’t seen or talked with Jason; although, I was bound to see
him at the New Year’s Eve party tonight.

With a
puzzled look he said, “What is it with you and that Nickelback CD? You listen
to it every single day.”

“It
relieves my tension.”

“What?
You’ve got to be kidding me? Nickelback calming?”

“And
it energizes me at the same time.”

“You
are a strange one.” He frowned and scratched his head. “I can’t believe I
agreed to go along with this asinine plan of yours. You, me, and at least nine
Ray-pacs,” he complained.

“It
will work,” I said with unyielding confidence but turned the heater up a notch
as a cold chill swept down my spine. “I just need a few seconds alone with each
one of them, so I can spring the surprise links. All you have to do is keep the
others occupied while I’m busy at work.”

“How
am I supposed to do that?”

Rubbing
my forehead, I said, “You’ll figure something out.”

Opening
the glove compartment, he fiddled around and then pulled out several small envelopes.
“These might help.”

“What
is that?” I asked, surprised he’d hidden something in there without me knowing.

“These,”
he said, tapping the envelopes against his hand, “are gifts from Helen
Zimmerman.” I looked at him quizzically. “But before you go ballistic on me, I
want you to know that I never broached the subject of Guardians or Ray-pacs
with her. In fact, we’ve still never had a discussion about who I really am, or
who you are, for that matter.”

“What
are you saying? That she knows about us? But how?” I asked in total confusion.

“Honestly,
I don’t know. What I can tell you is that the last time I saw her, she slipped
me these envelopes and asked me to give them to you when the time was right.
When I asked her what they were she told me each envelope contained about a
tablespoon of orchid pollen, but I was to be very careful not to open them or
breathe any in.”

“What?”
I screeched. “How the heck…”

“She
said she wasn’t ready to explain how she got it or why she had it, but she said
it was something you might need for protection. For some reason, she asked me
not to discuss it with you until then. I asked her when she wanted me to give
them to you, and she said I’d know when the time was right.”

I was
floored. Reaching for the envelopes, I said, “Holy crap! Helen Zimmerman and I
have a lot to talk about if we somehow make it through this alive. I can’t
fathom how she could possibly know anything…Who is she? I mean, I never noticed
anything unusual or different about her Essence…”

“We’ll
have time to worry about that later. Right now we need to stay focused,” Ash
broke through my rantings.

Looking
at the envelopes, I kept a couple and gave the others back to him. “If nothing
else, this orchid pollen might be the key to you keeping them occupied.” My
face lit up. “Once you blow it in their faces it only takes a few seconds for
paralysis to set in, and that might be the answer we’ve been looking for,” I
said excitedly. “If they’re unable to move, then I could link with them, one
right after the other. Just be careful not to inhale any yourself.”

“You
either.” He placed the envelopes into his jeans pocket. “And your Guardian
friends said that the paralysis lasts around 20 minutes or so, right?”

“Well,
it’s different for everybody, but supposedly that’s the norm. Besides,” I said
excitedly tapping the envelopes against the steering wheel, “they wouldn’t even
know what hit them until it was too late. Thank you Helen Zimmerman.”

“Amen
to that.”

I
glanced out the front window at Squalicum Harbor. ‘They certainly won’t be
suspecting I’m a Dentelle, either. Assuming they even know what a Dentelle is,”
I murmured.

We
were parked in an open stall at the back of the Harbor’s parking lot – a short walk
to the dock, but far enough away for Ash’s safety. One of my Guardian friends,
I didn’t know who, would be arriving and whisking me off to Towhead Island,
where no doubt the New Year’s Eve party at the Retreat was already in full
swing.

“I
hope you’re right and this pollen stuff works. If something happens to you, I
don’t know what I’ll do?” He pulled off his black sweater, which left him
wearing only a white t-shirt and his jeans.

Pushing
him playfully in the shoulder, I teased, “You won’t have to worry about what
you’ll do. If I disappear, my brothers will assume foul play on your part, and
they’ll tear you apart anyways.” I laughed wickedly.

“Very
funny,” he said sarcastically. He rolled the window down a couple inches. “It
was obvious enough during Christmas dinner with your family what they thought
of me. Apparently, a long-haired singer in a rock-n-roll band is not good
enough for you.”

“No,”
I laughed. “That’s not it. They’ve just always been overly protective of their
baby sister. Under normal circumstances they would have loved you.”

“Why
didn’t you tell them you’d shut me down already” he said cynically.

“Ash…”

“No,
don’t respond to that – my bad, I shouldn’t have said anything,” he grumbled.

Silent,
I stared out the front window again. Dusk was falling, but the entire afternoon
had been gray and gloomy because of the overcast skies. Now the shadows were
descending quickly, and I knew my boat trip out to the Retreat would be in the
darkness of night.

“I’m
just thankful I stayed at Ben’s house during the break.” He wiped his brow. The
street lamp shining through the window illuminated his distinctive jaw line.
“If I’d been at your parent’s house, your brothers might have plotted against
me and strangled me in the middle of the night. They’d have disposed of my body
before morning, and you’d have been any wiser.”

“Ash,”
I badgered, “your imagination is working overtime. They did like you.”

“Not
as much as they would have if I was Jason.”

I
whipped sideways and gave him a downcast stare. “That’s not fair.” I paused. I
hadn’t seen Jason since the day he’d found me in Ash’s arms. Absently, I played
with the keys dangling from the ignition and said, “Besides, they’ve never met
him, so they’d have no reason to compare you two.”

“Well
your dad obviously does,” he retorted. Leaning against the arm rest between our
two seats, he said indignantly, “Your dad never fails to mention Jason’s name
when I’m around.”