They were having a good time, too. The food was regional Italian and excellent, and there was lots to talk about, to Deborah’s relief; she had realised, getting ready, that she wasn’t sure whether Angus was much interested in her work these days, the fine detail of policy, the machinations of life in government. But he asked all the right questions, and she even asked him about
his
work and the people in that little community legal office where he seemed content to while away the years. Her questions didn’t sound at all forced, she thought. Over coffee, she told him about James’s invitation.
‘It’s your favourite weekend to get away, I know. I remember how disappointed you were when I couldn’t come with you to that school reunion this time last year.’
‘Actually that was the end of March, not the beginning,’ said Angus.
‘Was it? Whatever. Point is, we’ll have a lovely time, darling. The weather will be perfect, and Sorrento’s the best place on the Peninsula, don’t you think? And we haven’t spent time with James and Silver in I don’t know how long.’
‘Maybe. Let me think about it, hey, Deb?’ he said, throwing her a placating smile.
‘
Think about it?
For heaven’s sake, Angus!’ Her voice, although she didn’t know it, was rising. ‘You’re
always
on at me about how I’m working too hard! I propose a getaway to a great place at the best time of year, and you want to
think about it
? What’s there to think about? It’s perfect! Isn’t it?’
‘Sure!’ he said, holding up both hands. ‘It’s a terrific idea, of course. It’s just that some guys I caught up with last year at the reunion are going to be in town, and we had plans to get together, you know, have a few drinks. We might even check out the Grand Prix, you never know.’
Deborah reared back in her chair, her eyes exaggeratedly wide to
signal her astonishment. ‘
Check out the Grand Prix?
Angus, what on earth are you talking about? You
hate
the Grand Prix!’
Angus’s face went suddenly quite cold. ‘Do I? Well, thanks for telling me, Deborah. Because otherwise I just wouldn’t know what I might like. Or not like.’
‘Well, you —’
‘Look, why don’t
you
go down to Sorrento with your brother and his wife? Maybe I just need a bit of space.’
Deborah sat back in her chair, too startled to speak. They paid the bill and left the restaurant in silence. In her mind Deborah heard the words spoken by one of the women at a boozy girls’ lunch she’d been part of just a couple of weeks before. The conversation had turned to marriages and the difficulty of maintaining them, and this woman had drawled, ‘When a man says “I need some space”, it means just one thing: “I’m having an affair”.’ Oh, but not Angus. Never Angus!
In bed that night, the silence continued. Then in a rush Deborah rolled towards him, leaning on one elbow, and said, ‘Angus, I’m really sorry. I just
assumed
you’d want to come to Sorrento. I should have asked properly, what you wanted and all that. I’m sorry. But I really,
really
would like to do this. I really would like us to… get together again. More.’
Angus lifted a hand up to her face. He looked sad.
‘I’m sorry too, Deb. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. I’ll come with you, of course I will. The people from the reunion… we’ll get together another time.’
‘Thank you, darling.’ She leaned down and kissed him. ‘Thank you. We need this, don’t we?’
‘Yeah, I guess we do. This. Something.’
Olivia went off reluctantly to her school camp, having roped in Laurence to feed the animals. Twice she asked her mother to take Mintie and Fly-by to Sorrento: they would love it so much. But Deborah
refused. She said she didn’t think dogs were allowed at the house, and besides, they were better value being on duty as burglar deterrents at home. Angus gave Olivia a lift to school on the Friday, since she had a pack full of gear for the camp, and saw her face clench when she caught sight of the bus surrounded by her milling classmates.
Shit, she’s not at all happy
, he thought, and realised with a pang that he had hardly paid a moment’s attention to his daughter’s transition to high school.
‘You okay, Ol?’ he asked.
‘Fleur’s grandmother just died. She’s not coming,’ said Olivia shortly, as though that explained everything.
‘Oh. That’s a shame,’ said her father, realising with alarm that he had no idea who she was talking about.
Now she’s got two parents who are completely preoccupied, poor kid.
He felt ashamed of his ignorance, but now was not the time to confess it. He swore to himself that when they got back from this long weekend he would spend more time with her,
no matter what.
On the drive down to Sorrento, Deborah, unusually alert to Angus’s mood, asked him tentatively why he was so quiet. He described how Ollie had looked that morning, what she’d said. They talked about their daughter at some length, in the comradely manner that had once been the tone of all their interaction. Now it felt both familiar and yet a little strange, like putting on a once-favourite piece of clothing that hadn’t been worn for a long time. Did it still fit? They couldn’t tell.
Once they reached Sorrento, though, they started to unwind. The house was no show-off; from the outside it still looked like a beach shack; inside it was well equipped but comfortable. Nestled amid the ti-tree and banksias, it was all the more relaxing for the lack of big views. James and Silver welcomed them ebulliently, and Deborah felt a warm rush of pleasure. That first night they all hung out in the kitchen making dinner together and got through several bottles of wine, even James throwing sobriety to the winds. Then they played
poker, increasingly badly, and laughed a lot and teased each other. Deborah kept looking at her brother and sister-in-law. There was definitely something different about them: what was it? There, in the way James and Silver looked at each other, the way they touched, easily and yet with a certain relish.
God, they’re… hot!
Deborah realised, and at the same moment Angus saw it, too, and thought,
Those two are like new lovers
. It was that plain, if you knew them, and that different.
What were they doing before, then?
they each wondered. And Deborah thought of how her sex life with Angus had dwindled over the past… how long? Months, for sure. Years maybe. And Angus thought of Marion. With longing.
The next morning, Saturday, they all got up predictably late and uniformly seedy, and had a slow, quiet brunch. Early in the afternoon Deborah announced she was going for a good long walk. Anyone want to join her? James said he needed to go for a swim; Angus and Silver elected to just lie around and read the papers.
‘Okay. Jaf, later this arvo, after you get back, I really want to talk to you about Dad, okay?’
‘Sure. Actually there’s stuff I need to yak with you about, too, Deb. Don’t let me forget, hey?’
‘Hint?’ she asked, but her brother shook his head, smiling.
Only five minutes after she’d set off on her walk, Deborah realised her new trainers were rubbing badly on one heel, she’d have to go back and change into her old ones. On the sandy track near the house, on a curve shielded by scrub, she paused.
Angus was at their car, squatting down beside the open driver’s door, fossicking under the seat. He retrieved something, stood up. A mobile phone. He was keying a number in; he was talking. Her footsteps were noiseless on the sandy soil. He was so intent on his conversation that she came just a couple of metres away from him, and stopped.
‘I will, I will,’ he was saying. And then, fervently, ‘I love you, too. I love you, too.’
Angus pressed the key to end the call, half-turned and saw her. He reared back. ‘
Fuck!
What are you doing here?’
Deborah had the distinct sensation that an enormous wind had blown up. It was so strong she could barely stand against it, she could hardly hear above its roar.
‘Angus!’ she cried, ‘What’s happening?’ She heard the panic in her voice. He said nothing, only looked at her. The wind died down a little. She made it the last few steps to the car and pressed her right hand on the bonnet, leaning there. ‘Who were you talking to?’
Still he said nothing.
‘Who were you talking to?’
Deborah asked again, and this time she was shouting.
‘Marion,’ Angus answered. ‘Her name is Marion.’
‘Is she your lover? Are you having an affair? Angus!’ she cried. ‘Are you having an affair?’
‘I think you know the answer to that,’ he said, and turned and walked back inside the house.
Deborah heard a voice rise in a terrible wail, a wordless cry of grief and shock.
That’s me
, she realised distantly.
I’m making that noise.
She felt as though the ground in front of her had erupted, as though she’d stepped on a landmine. She couldn’t see a thing for the clouds of dust and the confusion.
Now I’ve completely stuffed things up
, James thought.
It was the perfect opportunity to tell her. And I’ve blown it.
If only he hadn’t drunk too much on the first night. Even though it’d been fun. If only he hadn’t gone for that swim to wash out the hangover cobwebs, thinking he’d come back refreshed and in the right frame to tell Deborah everything, before dinner maybe. If only he’d gone for the walk with her instead, and told her then.
If only I wasn’t so goddamn gutless.
But instead…
Instead he got back from his swim to find that everything had
fallen apart. Angus’s car was gone. Silver was sitting at the kitchen table looking stricken, the relief on her face when James came in almost palpable. Deborah was sitting there, too, slumped in a chair, her head on her arms. She raised her face to him; already her eyes were swollen almost shut from crying. Fear gripped James’s heart so fiercely he actually staggered.
‘Oh no, what’s
happened
?’ he cried. ‘Is it… ?’ He was certain, in an instant, of what must’ve happened: Olivia had been killed in an accident at the school camp. There had been a phone call. Angus had taken the car to go there, to the hospital, the crash site, whatever it was. And in that same instant Deborah, looking at him, could see exactly what he was imagining and how much more frightful it was even than her reality.
‘No, no, nothing like that!’ she cried. ‘No one’s dead! It’s just… it’s just…’ She couldn’t say it. She looked helplessly across at her sister-in-law. Silver swallowed.
‘Angus is having an affair. Maybe a big one.’
‘Oh Jesus. Oh fuck.’ James knelt on the floor beside his sister’s chair. She turned awkwardly and clung to him, big sobs bursting from her. He held her, stroking her soft, elegantly cut black and silver hair. Her neck looked as slender and vulnerable as a child’s. His eyes met Silver’s across the table; she let out a long-held breath, shaking her head slowly.
So instead of unburdening himself of one secret that weekend, James ended up with two. Because Deborah was adamant that she didn’t want anyone else to know about Angus’s affair: no one at work, no one in the family. Not even Olivia.
Not till I know what’s going on myself, and I don’t really have any idea yet. Do I?
She would stay on with them at Sorrento for the long weekend and
get my head together
.
It seemed to make sense. And it was Deborah’s decision. Just as it was Deborah’s decision to call suddenly, ‘Stop, James! Pull over!’ when they had only gone a few kilometres on the drive back to Melbourne on the Monday. To insist that they visit the dog breeder
whose sign she’d glimpsed. Her decision, to then and there buy the lively little tan and white puppy which was, as far as James knew, the first animal Deborah had ever chosen to acquire.
And when Silver said gently to her sister-in-law, drawing her aside for a moment, ‘Are you sure this is the right thing to do? I mean, just now, with everything that’s happened?’, Deborah replied very definitely, almost defiantly, ‘Yes, I am
absolutely
sure. Why shouldn’t I get something that’s just for me?
Especially
with everything that’s happened!’
How do you argue with that?
James thought.
How do you ever argue with Deborah?
Olivia was dropped off at her home late on the Monday afternoon by the mother of another student, as arranged. She hadn’t expected her own parents to be home yet and there was no car in the driveway. But after opening the gate into the front yard she took just a couple of steps and then stopped, her face swivelling to the house, scowling. Something was up with her animals. No one was hurt, she could tell that. Not hungry either. Something new.
Mintie and Fly-by came racing around from the back, full of excitement. She knelt down so they could touch their faces to hers, and let the heavy pack slide off her shoulders, dragging it in one hand as she rose. The dogs moved with her towards the house in a tight little cluster.
‘Don’t let those dogs in yet!’ her mother called from the living room, and Olivia pushed them back with her knee as she sidled through the front door, leaving her pack on the verandah. Her mother sat on the big yellow couch looking keenly toward the door, legs tucked under her and holding a squirming something on her lap.
‘Hi!’ Deborah said brightly. ‘Guess what I’ve got?’
Olivia came closer, peering. A triangular tan and white face with
a ridiculously furrowed brow and piercing brown eyes was gazing back at her, its mouth open, showing sharp little white teeth but making no sound, not the smallest yip. The small neat body seemed to have too much skin and not quite enough fur. Its tail curled perkily over its rump.
‘Wow, Mum! You got a basenji! Wow! That’s
so
amazing!’
The expression on Deborah’s face was complicated, pleased and disappointed at the same time. ‘You
would
know, wouldn’t you? These are supposed to be just about the least common dogs in Australia.’
‘They
are
unusual, I’ve only ever seen
one
! Well, a pair, actually. But, Mum, they’re hard work. Basenjis are notoriously wilful. Highly resistant to training.’