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‘That’s fast enough!’
he shouted. ‘How bloody fast do you want me to go?’

Olivia flinched and said nothing. Grandpa never spoke to her like that. He did drive a little faster for a while, but then slowed right down again and other drivers continued to get cross. She was very pleased to get to Golden Grove, well marked with signs. There were cars already parked for a long way around. As they walked towards the entrance, she noticed that his hands were shaking.

‘Grandpa,’ she said. ‘Are you all right?’

‘Sorry, darl. Just upsets me, all those rude so-and-so’s on the road these days. They’ve got a name for it, too, you know, I just can’t think what it is.’

‘You mean road rage?’

‘Could be. Something like that. Never mind,’ he said, making a visible effort to calm himself, to smile. ‘That’s modern times, eh?’

They paid the entrance fee, Alex graciously accepting the invitation to donate something extra to the orphanage in Burma, and were given a map of the property.

‘Devonshire teas being served all day in the gazebo, that’s marked there, near the michaelias, d’you see?’ said the woman on the gate, indicating the spot on the map.

‘Thank you. A cuppa might come in very handy. Thirsty work,
this!’ said Alex gamely. They went in and strolled around for a while, admiring this and that, but Olivia could tell her grandfather was still unsettled. She spotted a garden seat temptingly located in dappled shade, and there somewhat further away was the gazebo.

‘Grandpa, see that seat over there?’ she said. ‘How about you bags that while I go and get you a cup of tea?’

‘That’s a good idea, Ollie,’ he said gratefully, fishing his wallet out from his back pocket. ‘Here, you get a lemonade or something, too, won’t you?’

It took her ages, absolutely ages, to get served. Olivia started to feel anxious. As she made her way back to the garden seat carrying a laden tray, she was relieved to see that her grandfather was still there. Maybe he was dozing: his shoulders appeared to be slumped, and his head was tilted to one side. But as she came closer, she was shocked to see that tears were rolling down his cheeks, his mouth open in unabashed distress.

‘Oh, Grandpa,’ she cried. ‘What’s the matter?’ She sat beside him, and he took one of her hands, sobbing. There was a hankie in the pocket of his shirt and she took it out and shook it open, pressing it into his hand. He mopped at his face, still crying.
What should I do?
she asked herself desperately.
Should I get help? But Grandpa would hate that.

Finally he spoke. ‘I’m terribly worried about my father,’ he said. His voice sounded like something had broken inside him, it caught at her heart. ‘I’ve been thinking about him and it doesn’t seem like I’ve heard from him for such a long time.’ He looked at her with a sad, piteous hope. ‘Do you know where he is?’

‘Your father, Grandpa?’ she asked. He nodded, gazing at her.
Oh, what should I say? The truth, I suppose; what else can I say?
‘I’m afraid your father’s… dead, Grandpa. He died quite a long time ago, when Mum was just little. She told me. Maybe… forty years ago now.’

‘Dead?’ Alex said. He looked down at his lap and gave a long shuddering sigh. ‘Yes,’ he agreed sadly. ‘Yes, I suppose he is.’

‘I think… I think you might have had a dream about him, Grandpa. Maybe you had a little nap here on the bench and had a dream about him.’

‘Yes. I suppose I did.’ He sounded completely worn out.

‘I went to get us a Devonshire tea. See? How about you drink this cuppa? I think it’ll make you feel better.’

‘Yes, I’ll do that,’ he said. They sat, Alex drinking his tea quietly, Olivia the lemonade.
Auntie Meredith’s place is near here
, she thought.
And hopefully Laurence’ll be home, too. We just have to get there and then we’ll be okay.

It took Meredith so long to answer the door, Olivia was about to go around the back to see if Laurence was in his bungalow in the backyard. But there she was, at last, leaning against the doorframe, and the alcohol fumes coming off her were so strong you could practically see them.

‘Hello, Daddy!’ she said with bleary enthusiasm. ‘Hello, Ollie, sweetheart! Whadda lovely surprise.’

‘Hello,’ said Olivia uncertainly. Her aunt looked shocking, as though she’d slept in her clothes, if she’d slept at all. ‘Can we come in?’

Meredith bumped into the wall twice as she led the way to the combined kitchen and living area at the back of the tiny house. She sat down heavily at the table. Alex sat beside her. He still hadn’t said anything, and Olivia looked at him anxiously. The short drive there from Golden Grove had been alarming; it had seemed as though he barely knew how to drive a car at all.

Now Meredith suddenly burst into tears. ‘Oh, Daddy!’ she wailed. ‘I’ve lost my job! I just got into work a lil bit late last night,’ she held up thumb and forefinger to show just how little it had been, peering at the gap, ‘and they
sacked
me!’

Oh, wonderful
, Olivia said to herself. She went to the sink, filled two glasses with water and carried them back to the table. Her
grandfather, to her surprise, seemed to have come good. He was looking more alert, patting Meredith’s shoulder and making soothing there, there noises.

‘Drink this water, please, Grandpa,’ Olivia told him firmly. ‘Auntie Meredith, sit up and drink this glass of water.’ Both of them did so. Meredith was still sobbing and looked even worse than when she’d opened the door, but at least she wasn’t actually bawling, and Grandpa was definitely starting to look better.

‘Is Laurence home?’

Meredith looked completely baffled. Olivia felt like snapping,
Come on, this is not a hard question!
Instead she just said, ‘Never mind. I’ll go and see.’

When she knocked on the door of the bungalow Laurence shouted ‘Yo!’ and she went in. He was slouched on the couch with a couple of other guys, playing a video game. A girl was sprawled on the bed flipping through a magazine. Olivia had met them all before but couldn’t think of their names. Wait, the girl was Crystal, the one who’d come to look at Auntie Meredith’s journals that time.

‘Hey, Ol, how ya doin’? You guys know my cousin Olivia?’ They all nodded in a friendly way and said hi. She went over and sat on the arm of the ancient couch. The boys were playing Super Smash Brothers. She smiled; you couldn’t help but like those little guys and their little yelping cries as they jumped around.

‘Wanna play?’ Laurence asked.

She shook her head. ‘Nuh.’

‘So what’s happening?’

‘I’ve just been out with Grandpa. It was pretty weird.’

‘Weird? What sort of weird?’ Laurence looked over at her now, briefly, his fingers still madly working the controller. He had really changed a lot this past year, he looked like a guy now, not a kid. He was in his last year of secondary school and she was only in her first, but he still treated her the same as he always had, like she was a normal person, not some kind of weirdo or anything. His friends were
nice, too. She liked being around them a lot more than being with kids her own age, except for Fleur.

‘Weird, like… he lost it, kind of. Got really upset.’

‘So where is he now?’

‘In the kitchen, with your mum.’

Laurence snorted. ‘Huh. She’s a complete write-off today.’ He handed the controller to the guy beside him and got up off the couch. ‘Thrash ’im for me, Tris,’ he said, putting on a mock-Cockney accent. ‘Let’s get this little lot sorted then, eh?’

In the end, what happened was that Laurence’s friend Tristan, who was eighteen and had a licence, called his older brother. The brother came round in his car and followed behind while Tristan drove Alex’s car back home with Laurence and Olivia and their grandfather. They stayed around for a while to make sure everything was all right. Olivia assured them that it was. Alex just needed to have a nap, and she would ride her bike home.

Back at his own place, Laurence told the other guys casually, ‘I’m just gonna get some corn chips and stuff together,’ and went into the house while they headed back to the bungalow. Meredith was passed out at the kitchen table, just as he’d suspected she would be. He got her to her feet, hauled one arm over his shoulders, and half carried, half dragged her to her bedroom. He dumped her on the bed and stood there for a moment.

‘Ma,’ he told her snoring form, ‘you are a fuckin’ mess.’

Olivia felt like it had been days since she’d ridden off to her grandpa’s, not just that morning. She’d written in her note that she’d be back mid-afternoon, and she wasn’t even late. So, she had to remind herself, it was quite natural that when she arrived home Angus was sitting at the outdoor table eating a toasted sandwich, the picture of relaxation. It gave her a strange feeling in her stomach.
This is how it works
, she thought.
People can be perfectly relaxed and happy and meantime
someone they love is freaking out. And then they get the news.
She hugged Mintie, then she went over to Angus and hugged him, too.

‘Golly, Ollie,’ he said, startled, hugging her back. ‘Did you miss me?’

‘Dad, something weird happened with Grandpa,’ she said. Her voice sounded a little bit shaky but she didn’t even care.

She told him about everything, Grandpa’s terrible driving, the way he got so angry, and then the strange, sad incident on the garden seat at Golden Grove. She even cried a little while she told him that bit. She didn’t go into detail about what happened at Meredith’s, just that Laurence and his friends had helped get them and the car back to Alex’s. Angus listened intently, not interrupting, just nodding.

‘Oh boy,’ he said when she had finished, shaking his head. ‘Oh boy, oh boy. I wonder if it
was
a dream he had, or one of these mini-stroke things?’

‘What should we do, Dad?’

‘Well, umm… I think I should call Robert and Vesna. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do, I’ll call them now. And something’s got to happen about the car, the sooner the better.’

‘Dad? Don’t call Mum, will you?’

‘Well, I’d rather not worry her while she’s having this little break in Sydney. Let’s see what Robert and Vesna reckon. But I will have to tell her, Ollie. It’s her dad, after all. And you’re her daughter.’

‘Well, you’re
my
dad, and I’m your daughter, too,’ Olivia pointed out, her tone suddenly accusatory.

‘Absolutely! But meaning?’

‘Meaning why don’t you tell
me
important stuff? Why are you trying to hide stuff from me?’ she said.

Angus sat back.
This is critical
, he told himself.
Don’t mess this up.

‘You mean,’ he said, ‘about what’s going on between your mother and me?’

‘Yes!’ Tears had filled Olivia’s eyes again. ‘It’s not
fair
that you don’t talk to me about it. It’s not…
respectful
.’

‘I don’t want to be disrespectful of you, Olivia. I really mean that. But your mother thought it was better not to talk to you about it till we know what’s going to happen.’

‘Well, I want you to talk to me about it
now
!’

‘Okay,’ Angus said. ‘I will.’

And he did. He told her about growing up in the same town as Marion, being best friends with her brother. About meeting her again at the reunion a year ago. He fudged a bit, saying that they had been
just friends
for most of that time, but recently they had become
more than friends
. He told her some things about Marion, her job as a therapist, the fact that she was divorced.
No kids
, he said. Not too personal, not yet. He didn’t know what more to say.

‘Are you and Mum going to get divorced?’ asked Olivia. She had been listening with fierce concentration and, even though she felt calmer now, she could hear how strange her voice sounded. Metallic, somehow. Not hard but sort of ringing, like a trumpet.

‘I don’t know, Ol. I really don’t. It’s pretty hard to know right now just what’s going to happen. But, whatever happens, I want you to know that… ’ Angus hesitated.
Is this going to sound like a dumb cliche?
‘To know that my feelings for you won’t ever change. I love you, Ollie, you mean the world to me. To both of us, your mum, too. I’m sorry, I hope that doesn’t sound like just empty words. Because it’s really, really true.’

Olivia nodded, acknowledging. Her head stayed down for a moment and when she raised it she fixed her father with a gaze that warned,
Don’t try to get away.
‘So. Do you love Marion?’

There was a small, profound silence, then Angus gave a nervous laugh. ‘Gosh, kiddo, ask the hard questions!’ He looked away and then looked back at her. ‘Yes, Ollie, I do.’

Olivia regarded him steadily. ‘Okay, so when do I get to meet her?’

Angus looked shocked. ‘You want to meet her?’

‘Yeah. I do. But, Dad, just because I want to meet her doesn’t mean I think you and Mum should split up. I don’t
want
you to split up!’

‘I know. I understand. I’m sorry, I wish I could say what’s going to happen but I just can’t. None of us knows what’s going to happen, even though we’re grown-ups and we probably should.’

‘Huh!’ Olivia snorted. ‘Yeah, well, even though you’re grownups… I think I should meet Marion and make up my own mind, that’s what I think.’ She looked at him severely. For a moment her young face in its frame of black hair looked far older. Timeless.

‘God, Ollie, sometimes you…’ But Angus didn’t finish the thought, not out loud.
Sometimes you scare me.
There was a pause, a moment that seemed to Angus very solemn. Tentatively, he lifted his arms, open, offering, and to his vast relief and gratitude his daughter rose from her seat, jumped towards him as a young child does. Her sudden movement rocked the table, and the dregs of his coffee were upended into the remains of his toasted sandwich, but they ignored the mess, hugging each other hard.

CHAPTER 20

On Easter Sunday Meredith woke late, with a shocking hangover. Everything hurt, her head, her stomach, everything. She was hungry and she managed to make a big pot of vegie soup, but within minutes of eating she was on the toilet. The soup went straight through her like water through a hose. She leaned her sweating forehead on the wall as she sat there and closed her eyes.
I’m wrecking myself
, she thought. She had a sudden vivid image of her body smashed up, literally wrecked, as in a car smash. She saw Laurence left alone.
What am I doing?