Little Blackbird (21 page)

R
AIN FELL FROM the sky for the next two days, and through her tears, Kate watched the world drown from her bedroom window. Mystic Water flooded, or so her parents told her. Kate wasn’t allowed out of her room unless it was to use the bathroom. At all other times, her bedroom was her prison, and that was fine with her. Everything outside—the trees, the flowers, the river—reminded her of Geoffrey. Her chest ached where her heart used to beat; her swollen eyes drooped. She felt like a wind-up doll that’d lost its key.

Kate’s parents hadn’t asked for specifics on why she had decided to sneak out of the house the night of the carnival. They assumed she’d run off in order to see Geoffrey, which was only somewhat true. Mostly she’d run off to help Martha in ways she hadn’t helped Evan, but in the process, she’d lost every friend she’d ever had and her heart.

Every day during her banishment, Kate’s mama brought her updates about town when she brought Kate food. While she ate a grilled cheese with tomato soup, Kate learned everything around Jordan Pond had flooded. Over a plate of baked chicken and potatoes, her mama told her that people were traveling around in boats and Mystic Water had become the Venice of the South. “Did gondoliers sing to their patrons?” Kate had asked. “With banjos and mason jars,” her mama joked.

At the end of the week, Kate stopped crying and the sun returned. Slowly the swollen river receded, the puddles evaporated, and the town dried. Her mama brought in a tray filled with fluffy pancakes and fresh fruit and a cup of lavender tea.

She placed the tray on Kate’s desk and sat on the edge of the bed. Kate thanked her mama and sliced into the pancakes. She shoved in a mouthful and hummed in her throat.

Her mama cleared her throat. “Dogwood Lane didn’t flood.”

Kate lowered the fork in her hand. She swallowed as her heart slapped against her ribcage. “Okay.”

“The Hamiltons did a lot to help the people around town. They have a couple of fishing boats, you know.”

Kate didn’t turn to look at her mama. “I didn’t know that.”

“Well, they do. Dr. Hamilton takes them up to the lake now and again to fish. He’s invited your dad a few times.” Her mama slid her bracelets up and down her arm. “They’ve been very generous with their time, especially those boys, helping get people out of their homes or back to their families.”

Kate slid the tray away. Out of all the people on the planet her mama could talk about, why was she reminding Kate about the one boy who had crushed her spirits? “That’s
awful
good of them.” Kate glared at the sunshine streaming through her window.

“I agree. In fact, one of them is here to see if you’ve survived the storm okay.”

Kate’s head jerked toward her mama. “What?” She stood as rigid as a wooden soldier. “When? Here?”

Her mama stood and straightened her skirt. “Breathe, Little Blackbird.”

The books on the shelves trembled; two hopped free, slapping open against the floor. Her mama rested her hands on Kate’s arms. Kate inhaled and exhaled.

“Are you going to let me see him?”

Her mama sighed. She picked up the fallen books and returned them to the shelf. “How could I not? He came all this way, and he has excellent manners.”

Kate glanced toward her bedroom door. Was Geoffrey in the living room right now? Was he going to apologize?

Kate combed her fingers through her hair. “What about Daddy?”

“Your dad is in town, and he’ll be there for a few more hours. This will be between you and me.”

Kate rushed to her closet. “Should I change? Do I look all right? What should I wear?”

Her mama walked over and shut the closet door. “You should go just as you are. That’s who he came here to see.
You
.”

Kate nodded and closed her eyes. Then she squared her shoulders and walked up the short hallway to the living room. The room smelled of peppermint and maple syrup. He stood at the back door staring out at the yard.

Kate’s eyebrows knit together. “Matthias?”

He turned to look at her. His hands were shoved into his pockets, and his smile was slow but genuine. “You’re alive.”

“If you call this alive.” Kate heard her mama step into the room. “What are you doing here?”

Matthias motioned toward the back door with his head. “Can we take a walk?” His eyes strayed to her mama.

Kate’s mama nodded. “Of course. This is the first sun we’ve seen in days. You two enjoy it.”

Matthias opened the door and motioned for Kate to step outside first, but she couldn’t move. She stared at him. One question looped through her mind:
Where’s Geoffrey?

Matthias’ blue eyes were the exact color of his collared shirt. He held his hand out toward her. “Please.”

That single word caused her foot to take a step and then another and another until she passed right by him and stepped outside into the sunlight. Kate blinked in the light. The long grass softened her bare footsteps, and she surveyed the waterlogged yard. Most of the flowers looked abused, but in the sunlight, they were drying and waving hello to her. She almost smiled.

Matthias stood beside her. “Let’s walk to the river.”

“I’d rather not.”

Matthias chuckled. “Why not?”

Kate glared at the boulders nearest the river. “Because I used to go there with Geoffrey.”

“Now you’ll go there with me,” Matthias said as he made his way to the river.

Kate watched him walk away until her curiosity couldn’t be contained. She hustled to catch him. The river had stretched past its usual boundaries during the storm, and it left behind mud and displaced stones closer to the house. Kate hopped her way through the mess until she caught up with him.

Matthias found the bench that Kate’s daddy had built by the river for Evan and her. It was as though Matthias knew the one spot Kate and Geoffrey had never shared together. The sun poured down its warmth onto the bench seat, and Matthias waited for Kate to sit before he did.

They sat for a few minutes watching the rippling water travel downstream before Matthias spoke. “So, you’re okay?”

Kate sighed. “Depends on your definition of
okay
.”

“Breathing, still a part of the world.”

Kate heard the smile in his voice, and she turned to look at him. His pupils constricted in the sunlight, and his blue irises reflected an image of her. “Then, yes. But by any other definition, no.” She lowered her gaze to the space in between them on the seat. “Where’s Geoffrey?” His name squeezed in her throat.

Matthias pulled an envelope from his shirt pocket. “This is for you.”

Kate took the offering and held it for a few seconds before opening it. Her fingers trembled. She slid the letter from the unsealed envelope, and she stopped breathing. Kate recognized Geoffrey’s handwriting as soon as she unfolded the letter.

Kate,

You should know that I’m no good with letters. I’ve written this one at least a half dozen times. This attempt will have to do. Although I’m hopeful this letter will help somehow, I’m not sure it can. I have no excuses to offer for the other night. To say I was shocked would be a lie. It was more than shock. Even now I find your abilities difficult to believe. I do know you helped Sally, and that is admirable.

I wanted you to know that I have enjoyed spending these last few weeks of summer with you, but as you know, I’ll be leaving for college in two days. It would be unwise for us to continue our relationship. I wish you all the best, Kate. You are really special.

Geoffrey

Kate turned the letter over to look at the back, to see if he’d written some secret message. The paper shuddered in her hand like a fall leaf just before it’s torn from its branch.

Matthias cleared his throat. “There’s nothing more.” He exhaled. “I checked too.”

Kate rested the letter in her lap and lowered her head. She squeezed her eyes shut, but tears leaked from the edges of her closed lids. She clenched her jaw because she refused to sob in front of Matthias. After what happened at the carnival and at Look-Off Pointe, what had Kate hoped for? That he’d profess his love for her? That he’d admit he was wrong and shallow and he could accept her just the way she was?
Yes
.

Matthias shifted on the bench. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” she croaked.

“For him. That he didn’t even have the decency to apologize. That’s not the way you treat people.”

Kate lifted her head and swiped at the tears before looking at Matthias. “What about people like me?”

Matthias frowned. “What kind of people are you?”

Kate shrugged and crumpled the edges of the letter in her hands. “Different. Weird. Crazy. Unnatural.”

Matthias lifted his eyebrows. “I hardly think you’re unnatural. I see a person with legs and arms and ears. You look natural to me. And would you look at those angry eyes?” Matthias smiled.

Kate huffed and glanced away. She smoothed the letter out against her thighs. When she spoke, her voice was almost lost in the breeze. “I could change. I could be more like them.”

“Why would you want to?”

Kate’s bottom lip trembled. “Because Geoffrey would–he might–he wouldn’t have written this letter,” she waved the paper in the air, “because he would have come here himself. If I was more like him, he would love me.” She covered her mouth with her hand to stop from saying any more. Her shaking voice betrayed her brokenness.

Matthias sighed and turned his body toward the river. He propped his elbows on his thighs. “Do you love him?”

Kate’s body tensed. She’d never been in love with anyone before Geoffrey. She had no idea what love should have felt like, but her longing for him and the way her heart responded to him felt like what she had always imagined love would feel like. The way he was capable of still hurting her had to mean she loved him. “Yes.”

Matthias turned his face toward her. “But you were only together a few weeks.”

Kate shrugged and folded the letter. “How much time needs to pass before someone is allowed to love someone else? I didn’t realize there was a time requirement.”
But what do I know? I’m just a girl who fell in love with the impossible.
She exhaled and slouched against the back of the bench. “But I’m not going to do it.”

“Do what?”

“Change.” She shrugged. “This is me. All of it. The weird, the Indian, the girl who sees the future. It might not be what Geoffrey wanted,” she said as her chest tightened, “but that’s okay. I mean, it
will
be okay. Right now, it feels awful, but mama says it won’t always.” Kate stared out at the river. “And I have to trust her.”

Matthias nodded. “That’s good to know you’re going to keep being you. Evan would want you to be just who you are.”

Kate sighed. “He would. He always liked my weirdness.”

Matthias’ mouth lifted in one corner. “I wouldn’t want you to be like them, Kate. Be you.”

Kate made a scoffing noise in her throat. She swiped at her tears. “Oh sure, because you think
being me
is working so well?”

Matthias laughed, and the sound startled Kate. His laughter swooped across the river, and two cardinals took flight from the trees on the other side and flew straight toward them, landing in the magnolia by river. Kate’s shoulders relaxed, and her mouth tugged into an almost smile. She caught herself appreciating the way his cheek dimpled when he grinned.

Matthias’ expression changed, and she saw the seriousness in his eyes when he spoke. “I’m returning to college in two days as well. Classes start at the end of the week. Now that it seems Mystic Water will bounce back after the flood, I feel okay leaving. I won’t be able to come home as often this term because my classes will be more demanding. But…well, I’d like to know if I could write to you.”

Kate tucked the letter beneath her thigh. “Write to
me
? What do you mean?”

Matthias grinned. “You know, letters. I’d like to see how you are, check in with you, that sort of thing.”

“Like a pen pal?”

Matthias chuckled. “Exactly.”

Kate shrugged. “I don’t see why not. But I’ll be fine, Matthias. It isn’t your responsibility to clean up your brother’s mess. You shouldn’t feel bad. I’m–I’ll be okay.”

Matthias shifted on the bench and propped one knee on the seat so he could face Kate. “You misunderstand. I
want
to write to you.”

“Why?”

Matthias’ grin widened. “Why would anyone
not
want to write to you?”

Kate motioned to herself, sweeping her hands from her head down to her feet. “Is that a trick question?” When Matthias laughed again, the sound of it warmed her, and she allowed herself to smile at him—the first true smile she’d had in days. “It might be like having a friend. A
real
friend.”

Matthias nodded and stretched out his legs in front of him. “That’s what I’m hoping for.”

T
HE SATURDAY KATE turned eighteen she spent the morning in the garden with her mama. They’d pruned the spring flowering bushes, tied up the tomatoes, and harvested radishes, heads of lettuce, and early potatoes. Kate planted strawberry plants in a sunny, sheltered section of the backyard. She used the back of her trowel to pat down the earth around the new plants.