Live Original (Sadie Robertson) (14 page)

3.
 In your own words, why are jealousy, pride, and selfishness dangerous to a friendship?

4.
 What are one or two things about yourself that you can work on if you want to be a better friend?

DON’T FORGET

You can be a great friend!

Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.

—Matthew 7:12

CHAPTER TEN

Respect Relationships

R
elationships. Everybody has them. Sometimes they are great, and sometimes they are not so great. They can be our biggest blessings or they can cause our biggest problems. There are thousands of books available on how to make relationships better. That tells me a
lot
of people think they need a
lot
of help knowing how to deal with others.

In
The People Factor
, Pastor Van Moody writes:

You have some kind of relationship with everyone you encounter. . . . Some are casual and on-the-surface relationships, and some are intimate and deep. But every relationship you have influences your life. There are no neutral relationships. Each one lifts you up or weighs you down. It moves you forward or holds you back. It helps you or it hurts you.
⁸

I’ve written some things in this book that make the same point Mr. Moody makes; I just worded them differently. Basically, he and
I are both saying that who we hang around with is important. The people we spend our time with have a major impact on us; they can make us better, more positive, more godly people, or they can make us worse, more negative people and pull us away from our relationship with God. Mr. Moody says, “Any relationship that pulls us away from God, His Word or His plan for our lives has to be put aside.”
⁹
Yep. I totally agree with that.

God gives us people and relationships to help us. Sometimes we make bad choices and end up with the wrong people, but if we follow God in our relationships, we will end up with the right people. We need to appreciate and invest in those relationships. We also need to respect them, and that’s what I want to write about now.

In this chapter I want to focus on four types of relationships we should respect:

1.
 Our relationships with our brothers and sisters

2.
 Our relationships with friends, boyfriends, and teammates

3.
 Our relationships with parents and authority figures

4.
 Our relationship with ourselves

YOUR CLOSEST RELATIVES

Do you know the closest relatives you can ever have are your biological brothers and sisters? It’s true. No matter how different you and they may seem, the fact is that you and your siblings have more DNA in common than you have with anyone else. All of you have DNA from both your parents—and that makes you more similar to your siblings than to anyone else in the whole world. This is
why, when people need organ transplants, doctors first look for siblings as donors. They know a sibling is likely to be the best possible match.

Even if our DNA does not match, in the case of adopted siblings or stepbrothers and stepsisters, our siblings are usually the people we spend the most time with. We may share a room or a bathroom with them; we ride to and from school with them; we share meals and other family times with them. We are with our siblings a
lot
.

Since our brothers and sisters are usually the people we spend the most time with, we might think siblings would have close, strong, fun, peaceful relationships. That’s not always true. I am shocked and sad when I hear stories about how harsh siblings are to each other. Of course, siblings are going to argue and pick on each other every now and then, but I can’t imagine where I would be without my siblings. They teach me new things every day. I think teenagers need to understand how much of a blessing their siblings are, and we need to fight less and love more.

Sometimes, relationships end up bad because people don’t know they can be good. I think as teenagers we have bought into the lie that we are
supposed
to fight with our siblings. There have been examples of siblings fighting since the beginning of time—Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, Rachel and Leah, and the list goes on.

But I’m telling you, it doesn’t have to be that way. God calls us to love our brothers and sisters:

This is the message you heard from the beginning:

We should love one another.

Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one

and murdered his brother.

—1 John 3:11–12, NIV

Whoever claims to know God yet hates

a brother or sister is a liar.

For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen,

cannot love God, whom they have not seen.

And he has given us this command:

Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

—1 John 4:20–21, NIV 2011

Wow, those are pretty powerful words. It doesn’t get any clearer than that. God expects us to
love
our siblings. But what if we do not feel like loving them? What if our brother or sister is not very lovable at the moment? Maybe he or she is straight-up acting like a brat? Well, God’s Word has that covered too. It tells us what it really means to love. It tells us how to act in loving ways even when we do not feel love or even when the other person doesn’t deserve it. The Bible tells us:

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts,

always hopes, always perseveres.

—1 Corinthians 13:4–7, NIV

Can you imagine how much better our relationships would be if we actually put this type of love into practice? If you want to have great relationships, this is how you do it. I challenge you to start
loving your siblings today like the Bible defines love in 1 Corinthians 13. It will change everything.

Maybe you have not ever seen a strong example of a good sibling relationship. That’s why I want to write about the great relationship I have with my brother John Luke. I hope these insights into our relationship will show you that siblings can get along, help each other, support each other, and be really important in each other’s lives. Having great relationships with siblings, and everyone in our family, is so important. They are the people who will be there for us when no one else is.

Like a lot of children, probably
most
children, John Luke and I fought when we were little. But now we are best friends. Seriously. I know that may be hard for some people to believe, but it’s true. My relationship with him is a big reason I am who I am today. He is one of the strongest Christian guys I know, and we lean on each other a lot.

John Luke and I are the type of best friends who hang out together at night and talk about everything that went on during the day. We have a lot of fun together. If one of us is bored, we call the other one and go play tennis or go to a movie or grab something to eat. I give him girl advice; he gives me boy advice—and I know he will be genuine and tell me the truth. He is also very protective of me where guys are concerned, and I really appreciate that. He knows what’s good for me.

When John Luke wants to ask a girl out, he says I have to approve of her. He knows I pick good ones! But more than that, he knows I really care about him and want the best for him. I do not
want him to get involved with someone who is not good for him, and he feels the same way about me.

John Luke and I are very close in age. He’s only a year and a half older than I am and just one grade ahead of me in school. As I said, when we were young, we argued a lot, but our mom did
not
put up with that. She was definitely the parent! When we fought, she made us go sit in the same room together. She did not care who did what; we were
going
to get along. Whatever had happened, we had to work it out. I’m sure my mom knew that making us deal with each other and figure out our conflicts together would help us get along well and be friends later on. And that’s exactly what happened.

I mentioned that I grew up doing a lot of things with John Luke and our cousins Reed and Cole. People in the family referred to us as “Sadie and the boys,” so I learned about family relationships pretty early in my life. The boys and I had to learn to get along when we worked for Duck Commander and when we hung out at Papaw Phil and Mamaw Kay’s house (she would not put up with fussing or fighting either; she sent us outside).

We also played a lot of football. In fact, I ended up with such a good arm that our school football coaches wanted me to play quarterback for the team when I was in seventh grade. My mom said no to that idea. The point is that I have always had opportunities to be around John Luke and get to know him in all kinds of settings. He’s not as good an athlete as I am, but he never lets that bother him. He has always cheered me on, and I have always supported and encouraged him in the things he does well.

When people started hating on me (I wrote about that in chapter 8), John Luke was the one who stopped it. He stood up for me, and that gave me the confidence I needed to then stand up for myself.
Unfortunately, people do turn against us sometimes, especially in high school, but if you have a good relationship with a sibling, you can know that at least one person is rooting for you. Sometimes that one person makes all the difference. I know John Luke is there for me, no matter what, and that makes my life a whole lot easier.

Even though I have written a lot about John Luke in this chapter, that does not mean I don’t have great relationships with my other siblings. There is something special about my relationship with each one of them. I am the middle child, so I pull us all together. In this chapter I chose to write about John Luke because we are the closest in age, and sometimes the sibling who’s closest in age is the one people tend to fight with most. I want people to know it does not have to be that way.

MEAN WHAT YOU SAY

In relationships, one of the best qualities a person can have is integrity. This is true in relationships with all kinds of people—with friends or teachers and coaches at school or church, with coworkers, and with your family. If you have integrity, people know they can trust you, and that’s really important. Being a person of integrity means being honest about everything, even when telling the truth does not make you look good. It also means you have the character to do the right thing, even when doing the right thing is hard or costs you something. When you have integrity, you take your commitments seriously. If you say you will be somewhere at a certain time, you show up. If you tell people you will do them a favor, you do it. People of integrity do not look for excuses, they find
ways to keep their word, and that helps make their relationships strong. A pastor named David Jeremiah has a great quote: “Integrity is keeping a commitment even after circumstances have changed.” That’s not easy to do. I had to put this principle into practice a couple of weeks before I started writing this book.

On Valentine’s Day weekend, I had a plane ticket to go see my boyfriend, who lives in another state, and I was so excited. I play on my school basketball team, but we did not have a game scheduled that weekend. There was no reason I could not make the trip. But then something came up. One of our weekday games got moved to Saturday!

I could not believe it. I was so upset! Now, don’t get me wrong, basketball is my sport. I love it, but I did not want to give up my Valentine’s Day plans to play in a game I knew would not be challenging or exciting. The team we had to play had only won two games all season, and I was confident our team could beat them without me.

But being on a team means being committed to other players. The whole point of being part of a group is that everybody gives everything they can give to help each other succeed. You cannot be on a team and then decide to participate only when it’s convenient or when you don’t have anything better to do.

I definitely thought going to see my boyfriend was better than playing basketball when my team did not need me. But because of the relationships I have with my teammates and my commitment to the team, I decided to ask them whether or not they were willing to play the game without me. Five girls on the team basically said, “We got this. Go see your boyfriend and have a great time.”