Living Again (17 page)

“Baby girl!” Kayley kissed and hugged her, smiling at her baby giggle.

“Hey Kay,” her mom said, following Alexis into the room. “Did you have a good birthday?”

Kayley put Alexis down, ruffling her blonde curls. She toddled away to get her toy. Kayley smiled, thinking back to last night.

“Oh, my gosh,” her mom said, looking at her. She sat on the couch, looking out the window and playing with a lock of her hair, not even noticing her mom. “Kayley Lynn, what happened to you last night? I haven’t seen this look on your face since…” She broke off, realizing what she was about to say.

Kayley looked at her mom and smiled. “I had a great birthday,” she stated, getting the faraway look in her eye again.

Her mom sat next to her on the couch and Alexis plopped on the floor in front of them, playing with her baby doll. She studied her daughter’s face, trying to figure out exactly what had made her look so dreamy. “Was it the doctor?” she guessed. As Kayley’s face registered her mom’s words, a blush crept along her cheeks and her mom gasped. “The doctor, Kayley? You ran into him? What happened?”

Kayley laughed. “Mom,” she started. “Take a deep breath. Emily invited him to her house last night for my party. Apparently they have been keeping in touch.” She stopped talking and again looked out the window, lost in her own thoughts.

“My word,” her mom whispered. “Kayley Lynn, I can’t believe it.”

Kayley looked at her mom, surprised. “Believe what, Mom?”

She reached out and stroked her daughter’s face. This was her girl, the girl who had spent the last year completely broken inside. “You’re happy, Kayley. You can’t even stop the smile on your face. You can’t stop thinking about him. He did it.”

“Did what?” Kayley asked, tears starting to build in her eyes.

“Don’t cry, baby,” her mom soothed. “It’s fantastic. He showed you that you can love again.”

Kayley stood up, wiping the tears from her eyes. “Love? I wouldn’t go that far, Mom.” She picked up Alexis and started gathering her things.

“Honey,” her mom said. “I didn’t say that to upset you. I have never been so happy to see that look on your face. No one says you have to marry this guy, but my goodness, it’s nice to see that dreamy look in your eyes again. Just take it one day at a time. That’s all you can do.”

Kayley nodded, unable to speak past the lump in her throat. “Thanks, Mom. I know. Sorry for freaking out a little. The whole thing just makes me feel—vulnerable. Ben is a great guy. He really is. I just don’t know what to think about it all right now. I know it’s been over a year, and I know that everyone thinks I need to find someone new. But every memory I have of Alex makes me feel guilty. What do I do with that?”

Her mom smiled and put her hand on Alexis’ head. “It’s okay to have memories, Kayley. Alex was a wonderful man. What happened was a complete tragedy. But you and I both know that Alex would never want you to spend your life pining for him. There’s no set timeline for when you should start having a life again. Maybe Ben entering your life right now is a sign. You’re the only one that can make that decision, but at the same time, I don’t think anyone would fault you for moving on. It doesn’t make what you and Alex had any less special. It just means that you’re acknowledging that you’re ready to open yourself up again.”

Kayley listened to her mom’s words, stroking Alexis’ soft curls. “I had a dream a few weeks ago,” she began. She hadn’t told anyone about it. “First, it was me and Ben at the beach. Then, Ben was gone and it was Alex. He was there, Mom. He told me that it was okay, that I needed to be happy. What do you think about that? Do you think it really was Alex, or just my imagination working overtime?”

Her mom reached out and stroked her hand. “Kayley, no matter which one it was, I think it was a sign that you should allow yourself to move on, to be happy. Alex coming to you in a dream, whether in your imagination or not, shows that in some way or another, you’re thinking it’s time, too.”

Kayley hugged her mom tightly. “Thank you, Mom. What would I do without you?”

Ben grunted, lifting the weights back onto the bar above his head. He had already run three miles on the treadmill, hit the bag for fifteen minutes, and lifted weights, and he still couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. All he had to do was think about a certain blonde and the progress he made with her last night, and he felt like a lovesick fool.

“What’s that all about, Nichols?” Ben’s friend Cameron asked, snapping him with a gym towel. Cameron and Ben had been friends since high school, and the two friends often hit the gym together. Cameron was happily married to his high school sweetheart Kellie and would be the dad of a baby boy in the next couple of months. He also loved to rib Ben about all his shenanigans over the years.

“What’s what?” Ben asked, trying to evade his friend’s probing questions. Cameron raised his eyebrows at him and laid down on the weight bench.

“Really, bro? You’re going to go with
that?
” Cameron lifted the weights off the bar, bringing it down to his chest and then back up several times without speaking. “You act like I haven’t known you half your life, Ben. What’s the cat-got-the-canary look on your face? Spill it, man.”

Ben turned away, pretending to look at the scantily clad woman passing by him. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell one of his greatest friends about Kayley. He just wasn’t sure exactly
what
to say about her. Ben chuckled, meeting his friend’s inquisitive eyes. “Nothin’ Cam, I just met this girl…” he trailed off, waiting for Cameron’s reaction.

Cameron sat up, a smile spreading across his face. “Yeah? You gotta give me more than that. Is this a potential relationship girl, or a pass the time girl?”

Ben scowled, taking his place back on the bench. “Seriously, dude. You make me sound like a manwhore. I haven’t had
that
many girlfriends. And, if you must know,” he looked around to make sure no one was listening, “She’s got serious girlfriend potential. But, it’s complicated.”

Cameron roared. “It always is. What happened with Dana?”

Ben slammed the weights a little too loud back on the bar. “Dana is
nothing
. Less than nothing. I saw her a few times and that was it. She just can’t take a hint.”

“Okay, okay. So, why is the new one complicated?” Cameron wiped his face with the gym towel and they moved over to the ab machines. Ben didn’t really want to get into Kayley with Cameron, no matter how long he had been his buddy.

Ben sighed. “She’s had a lot of crap happen to her. I met her at the hospital when her little girl was sick.”

“Tell me this girl isn’t married, Ben.” Cameron watched his face.

Ben shook his head. “Absolutely not. You know me better than that. After what happened with Zoey, you really think…”

“She ripped your heart out. I know. You’ve never been the same since. I’m just making sure you’re thinking clearly. You haven’t been really into a relationship in a long time.” Cameron looked him up and down, insinuating that he may not be thinking rationally.

Ben nodded. “She’s different, Cam. I hope that it works out with her and I can introduce you and Kellie to her someday. For now, you’re just going to have to take my word for it. I gotta run. Thanks for the workout.”

Ben showered quickly and changed into clean clothes. Running his fingers through his hair, he regretted one thing about leaving Kayley last night, and that was that he never asked her for her phone number. He wanted to talk to her, make sure that she was still feeling okay this morning.

Walking out to his car, Ben hit his contact list and scrolled to Emily’s phone number. Typing out a quick text, he asked her if she would mind giving him Kayley’s address and phone number. He couldn’t let it go.

Moments later, a text from Emily caused a smile so big to break out over his face, it made his cheeks hurt.
Whatever you did, Dr. Yummy, keep it up. Kayley was so happy this morning. Even though she didn’t really want to spill the beans, it was hard to miss the smile on her face. I’m thinking that smile is a lot like the one on your face this morning. Her address is 2223 Whitehall Lane. You’re going to have to ask her for her phone number. She left here about an hour ago.

Typing back a quick thank you to Emily, he typed Kayley’s address into his GPS and swung his car around. Punching the gas, he headed towards her house, hoping she wouldn’t regret what happened the night before.

Kayley laid Alexis in her crib, watching her as her eyes drifted closed in sleep. She caressed her soft baby curls as her breathing became even and she stuck her thumb in her mouth. No matter how many days she did this, Kayley was always amazed to stand here and look at her precious baby daughter. She scanned her little body, growing so fast. Time was passing before her very eyes, and before long, Alexis would be old enough to ask questions about where her daddy was.

Kayley leaned over, kissing her baby’s soft head before tiptoeing out of the room. As she walked down the hallway, she looked at the pictures she still had there, pictures she showed Alexis daily and told her that it was her daddy. Instantly, her mind drifted to Ben. She could still feel his soft lips pressed against hers and see his intense blue eyes staring into hers. She touched her lips, a smile blossoming there as she remembered how he felt pressed up against her.

I’m forgetting you, Alex
, she thought. She could no longer remember what his lips felt like, because the only lips she could think of were Ben’s. She sank down to the carpet, her breathing shallow.
I’m forgetting him
.
How could I do that so easily?
She rested her head on her knees and willed the tears away.

“What am I doing?” she whispered to herself. “Alex, I don’t know what to do here. I love you. I will always love you. I would give anything for you to be here with us. But what am I supposed to do now? What would you do if you were here and I wasn’t?”

The doorbell rang, and Kayley looked at the door. She wasn’t expecting anyone. She got up quickly and hurried to the front door so that it wouldn’t ring again and wake Alexis. Naptime was nothing to mess around with! She needed that few hours of peace. She hoped that it wasn’t a sales person. She had dishes to do, laundry to start…

Kayley’s eyes widened as she saw who was standing behind her door. Her mouth dropped open and she stared, unable to speak. All of a sudden, she realized that she was wearing yoga pants and a tank top, had no makeup on, and her hair was in a messy ponytail. She willed herself to speak but she found that it was impossible to formulate words.

Ben was standing in her doorway, holding a bouquet of colorful wild flowers. His blonde hair was damp and a little unruly. He was wearing a pair of faded jeans and a black shirt, and Kayley thought it was just as delicious seeing him that way as she saw him last night. Dark sunglasses covered his eyes, but as she stared, he removed them and tucked them into his shirt collar. His crystal blue eyes looked directly at her and almost through her, causing butterflies to start in her stomach.

“Kayley,” Ben’s voice broke the silence. She had no idea how long she had been standing there staring at him. “These are for you.” He handed her the flowers, and she finally snapped out of her stupor.

“Ben,” she breathed, her voice barely loud enough for him to hear her. “Th-thank you. You didn’t ha-have to do that.” Kayley couldn’t stop the fear from gripping her. Ben. Was here. At her house.
Chill out
, she told herself.
It’s not a big deal
.

“I’m sorry for just showing up,” Ben shifted his weight from one foot to another, nervous. “I asked Emily for your address because I didn’t get to ask you last night for your phone number, so I thought I would come ask you in person.”

Kayley looked at Ben, her brain battling with her body. She looked back into the house, not hearing Alexis. Satisfied that she was still asleep, Kayley cracked the door and led Ben to the chairs on the front porch. She set the flowers on the table in between them. “You’re too much, Ben,” she said. “Honestly, I don’t know what to do with all of this.”

Ben reached out, putting his hand on hers. He knew that she was battling with herself. “Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.”