Living Backwards (8 page)

I grabbed the note off the floor and slowly flattened it out. Mrs. Dupont looked up, but I carried on as if I were arranging the papers on my desk. Inside I saw what Luke’s messy handwriting looked like. The note read:

Don’t ask any questions. When it happens, do what she says and don’t act suspicious.

I was about to ask him if Cody had offered him some baked goods when I noticed he was up at Mrs. Dupont’s desk asking to go to the restroom. How was I supposed to avoid acting suspicious when I had no idea what he was talking about?

Luke had been gone for about five minutes when the deafening sound of the fire alarm ripped through the school.
He wouldn’t. Would he?

Mrs. Dupont seemed to lose her hard edge and nervously ushered us out of the building and over by the football field. From where I was standing, I saw Megan and Nate running on the track. Meg was wearing a tight t-shirt and sweat pants while Nate had on loose track shorts and a tank top. I couldn’t believe I was missing all of the action. I couldn’t see Luke anywhere.

Since it was already three-thirty, Mrs. Dupont dismissed our motley little group so I headed to the track, confused by what had happened. I found Danielle and Josh sitting on the bleachers.

“It’s the badass herself,” Josh greeted, his arm slung around Danielle’s shoulder.

“That’s me,” I mused sarcastically. “So fill me in.” I looked out at the field. Meg had somehow removed her sweats and was now running in her sports bra and bike shorts. Nate was shirtless.

“It’s like some bizarre mating ritual,” Danielle began in a low voice. “They won’t stop doing laps, and they’re slowly stripping off all of their clothes. One more lap and we may have to call the cops.”

“So, is someone winning?” I asked leaning against the railing.

“I don’t think there’ll be any losers here,” Josh laughed.

“So, you got an early reprieve,” Danielle added. “We heard the alarm. Someone try to blow up the chem lab?”

“I’m not sure what happened. I think Luke might have done it, but I don’t know where he went.”

“Why would you think Luke had anything to do with it?” she asked curiously.

“He passed me the most ridiculous note. I swear he watches too many spy movies because it was way too cryptic.”

“Wait,” she interrupted with a raised brow. “You were passing notes with Luke Chambers in detention?”

“Well, not really,” I argued. “Just one note.” I felt silly justifying it, but I didn’t want Danielle thinking something was going on when it wasn’t. Val would be asking him to the prom any day now, and I didn’t want Danielle to get her hopes up that Luke and I would end up together. It just wasn’t meant to happen.

“There he is,” Danielle said motioning to the bottom of the bleachers. I watched him as he climbed up the stairs two at a time and stopped next to me.

“Well hello, Luke,” Danielle greeted. I could tell she thought he had come because of me, and she was feeling smug. Clearly, he had wanted to see Nate and Megan’s showdown.

“You know, detention was going to be over in another ten minutes,” I teased. “You didn’t have to go to such extreme measures to spring us.”

He flashed me a mischievous smile, dug into his coat pocket and tossed my sparkly pink flask into my hands.

I was shocked, almost speechless. “What? How?” Luke shrugged.

“I went back after everyone was gone. She left her desk unlocked. Scored a cool lighter,” he replied, casually twirling a black lighter with red flames around his fingers.

I couldn’t believe it. He had pulled the fire alarm and evacuated the school to get my flask back. No one had ever done anything like that for me before. Overcome with emotion, I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. However, once I felt him up against me, I realized what a mistake I had made. I was grateful, but I didn’t want him thinking I was throwing myself at him…even though I kind of was. Obviously surprised, Luke seemed to struggle with what to do with his hands for a moment before I felt them settle lightly on my hips. It felt really nice—too nice. I needed to keep it casual so I pulled away quickly.

“Sorry,” I began trying to sound light and breezy, “I didn’t mean to attack you. I just can’t believe you did this.”

“All in a day’s work, Cross,” he replied sarcastically. Something told me he was trying to keep it light and breezy too, but that strange expression was back on his face. “I’m taking off,” he finally added. “Meet me here tomorrow at noon?”

“Absolutely,” I replied watching him slowly walk back down the steps, lighting a cigarette once he reached the bottom. I looked down at Danielle after Luke had left.

“I can’t believe you don’t see it,” she said in a serious tone.

“Is this about prom again?” I whined. I had just gotten Joan back. I didn’t want to fight about prom right now.

“No. Not prom, Jillian,” she shook her head and looked away. “Wow. You really don’t.”

There was one thing I did know—things were the way they should be. I was standing next to Danielle and Josh in the bleachers, watching Megan and Nate running neck-and-neck around the track. Just as she would pull ahead, Nate would bow his head and push forward catching up. I think in the battle of distractions, Megan’s sports bra was winning.

I thought about how I had only been back in high school for a week, and I had made so much progress despite my minor setback with Joan today. I thought about the black and white picture of Luke on Facebook and the boy I had come to know. It would sting too much witnessing Val asking him to the prom knowing that she would most likely attack him on prom night. It shouldn’t bother me, but it really did. I thought about
That
Jillian and what she would be doing right now instead.

The lines were getting blurred and it was getting harder and harder to differentiate between the things I should change and the things I shouldn’t. No matter which way I looked at it though, I couldn’t shake the feeling.

Luke should not go to the prom with Val.

Something didn’t seem right. I was alone behind the gym, which was weird because that never happened anymore. She was always with me. And for the first time in a long time, I felt restless instead of relaxed. The wooded area behind the school was replaced with a field of flowers growing in small patches. The sweet scent reminded me of whatever kind of perfume she wore.

Where the hell is she?

I stood up to leave and suddenly saw her leaning against the wall, watching me. She was wearing the red lipstick that had been driving me insane all week. It matched the little shirt she wore and it was already making me feel that uncomfortable tightening in my chest. She had a funny smirk on her face, and I was just about to ask her where the hell she’d been when she spoke.

“I can prove that you’re full of shit, you know,” she said looking cocky and smug.

“Oh, really?” I challenged, watching her red lips.

“Really,” she responded walking towards me, dragging her finger along the wall as she moved. I twisted and leaned my shoulder against the building, waiting for her to explain. She stopped, leaning in to face me. I could feel the heat from her breath as she spoke.

“You tease me for naming my flask. You tease me for naming my car. But I’m willing to bet there’s something that
you’ve
named,” she added as her eyes darted below to the zipper on my jeans. She looked back into my eyes, daring me to respond. My heart started to race, and I choked out a cough.

Jillian was talking about my dick.

While I was more than willing to discuss this topic with her at great length, I was taken aback by the direction of the conversation, so to speak.

“All guys do, don’t they?” she asked arching an eyebrow.

“Only the douchebags,” I retorted trying to appear unaffected.

“I could help you,” she offered, looking up at me from under her long lashes.

“What are you talking about?” I managed to ask. I was starting to breathe heavy.

“Think of a name. I’m good at it,” she added as her tongue quickly wet her lips. “Naming things, I mean. But there are a few things I need to know.” I knew there’d be no turning back if I answered her. I knew I shouldn’t engage her, but I wanted her too much.

“Like what?”

“Well, there are things I need to know in order to think of the perfect name. Take my flask, for example. I know how it looks,” she began as she ran her hand down my arm and positioned herself in front of me. “It looks….enticing. I know how it feels,” she continued, resting the palms of both hands on my chest. “It feels hard and rough.”

I was working so hard to regulate my breathing, but I could hear myself practically panting. “I know how it tastes,” she whispered in my ear before slowly lowering herself so that she rested on her knees in front of me. “It tastes…delicious.”

My as-yet-unnamed dick was already reacting to her presence. While this wasn’t something I expected from Jillian, I couldn’t deny the fact that the sight of her on her knees in front of me was un-freaking-believable. But this couldn’t happen.

“Jillian…” I warned.

“If you don’t want my help, just say so, Luke,” she interrupted. Without breaking eye contact, she reached for the button on my jeans. It slowly popped open and her eyes moved from mine to the open fabric in front of her. I held my breath as she reached for the zipper, but before she was able to grab it, I heard a snicker. I panicked looking around wildly and saw Nate and Megan sitting in director’s chairs by the path leading to the parking lot.

What the hell?

“I’m telling you, Nate,” Megan began as she gestured wildly. “Her form’s all wrong. I mean, look at that. She’ll never last long kneeling that way.”

“Meg, Meg,” Nate countered. “While I respect your opinion, you have no idea what you’re talking about. Does it look like my man Luke is complaining? Who cares about form?”

I can’t believe this shit.

“What the hell are you two doing here?” I barked. Jillian just stared up at me with wide eyes.
Just please don’t move. I will make them go away. I promise.

“We’re just trying to help you, Luke,” Megan explained. “You don’t have to get all worked up.” She snickered again. “Well, I guess it’s too late for that.”

“Nice,” Nate added raising his palm for a high five.

“Out! Both of you!” I demanded pointing down the path the chairs were blocking. Jillian didn’t need any coaching. We were doing just fine on our own.

“Chill out, man. You have your work cut out for you there, Jillian. He really needs to learn to
release
these bottled up feelings,” Nate added, his shoulders shaking as he giggled like an asshole.

“Oooh!” Megan squealed. “Another good one. Let’s get out of here. I can tell when we’re not appreciated.” I glanced down at Jillian, trying to gauge her reaction. She seemed amused, and I was filled with relief that she didn’t go storming off. When I looked back up again, Megan, Nate and the chairs were all gone.

“Finally,” I sighed smiling at the beautiful girl before me. “Where were we?”

“I believe I was discarding these,” she replied finally dragging the zipper of my jeans slowly down. They pooled on the ground at my feet leaving me in my boxer briefs. I should have felt the chill in the air, but I didn’t.

I heard a gasp and moved to yank my pants back up, but Jillian was kneeling on them. My eyes darted around to locate the source of the interruption and found Danielle and Josh leaning against a tree behind us.

“Jillian, don’t you dare!” she scolded. “Josh, do you believe what you’re seeing?”

“I think it’s pretty clear what we’re seeing,” he replied with a lazy smirk. He seemed distracted by the music playing on his headphones.

“That’s not what I mean, Josh,” she replied exasperated. “I mean it, Jillian. Get up now! I will not let you go down on Luke while the ground is littered with trash. You’re going to ruin those cute jeans. Jesus, Luke, this place is a mess!”

“So help me God, Fletcher,” I growled. “If you don’t get your girlfriend out of here right now, I will kick your indie-music-loving ass.”

“Honey, I think you’re pissing Luke off,” he said a little too calmly for my taste. Damn right I was pissed. This was all so inappropriate.

“Fine, Luke,” she sneered. “But if her clothes are ruined, I’m holding you responsible.” They turned up the path, arm-in-arm and disappeared.

“Jillian, I’m not going to be able to handle it if anymore of your friends interrupt us again,” I managed in a strained voice.

“I’m not easily distracted, Luke,” she replied. “I think I was working on ‘touch’, right?” She was torturing me, wanting me to ask for it.

“Oh God, yes,” I panted, closing my eyes. I was positive that I would spontaneously combust if she didn’t touch me soon.

Taking deep breaths, I peered down and watched as Jillian reached out—almost in slow motion—and as soon as she made contact with my erection, I squeezed my eyes shut and shuddered violently. As I cursed through the jolt of pleasure running through me, I awoke startled.

I wasn’t in the woods behind the gym.

I wasn’t with Jillian.

I was in my bed, sweaty and sticky with my dick in my hand. I hadn’t had a wet dream since I was fifteen, and it was goddamn humiliating.

I dragged myself into the bathroom to clean up while trying to imagine how I was going to look her in the eye without seeing her on her knees. I splashed cold water on my face and stared into the mirror at my flushed reflection. I had only really known her for less than a week and she was driving me crazy. The hardest part—well,
one
of the hardest parts—was that I just couldn’t read her. She’d go toe-to-toe with me, not backing down. She wasn’t afraid to disagree with me or say something that sounded crazy. Actually, most everything she said sounded kind of crazy. But I never felt like she was trying to impress me. She just...was. But even in our bantering, there was a line we never crossed. She never said or did anything blatant. She seemed interested, but I definitely felt her holding back. I wondered if there was someone else she talked about flasks with and stupidly wanted to pummel the faceless asshole. I didn’t have time for this kind of distraction. This girl had become a real problem. Now I had another reason to dread going to school.

I’d at least have the morning to shake off my dream before I’d see her, and I still had a car ride to Tacoma to deal with tomorrow. That was a whole other problem. By then, though, Dream Jillian would hopefully be a hazy memory. It was kind of bittersweet, though. I knew I couldn’t have a normal conversation with her if the memory was crisp, but part of me didn’t really want to let the dream go yet.

I sampled Grace’s apple-something coffee cake because she added sour cream this time and, apparently, that was a big deal. She was distracted revising a recipe for dinner Sunday night for veal saltimbocca so I didn’t get the usual third degree. She was muttering something about butter, garlic and gruyere, which I thought might be a cheese. Giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, I flew out the door, passing my bike in the driveway and hopping into the Lexus instead.

When I got to school, instead of dealing with Wakefield at my locker, Val Cooper was passing by instead.

“Luke! Where have you been hiding yourself these days?”

It was pretty well-known around school that Val liked to have a good time. She had a great body and wanted everyone to know it. Most of the guys at school would kill to go out with her. And while she had a nice rack, she was crazy as hell. I indulged her when she cornered me, but I wasn’t interested in half the school’s sloppy seconds.

“What’s up, Val?”

“What’s up? You tell me,” she purred. “Will I be seeing you at the bonfire next week?”

“Don’t know yet,” I replied casually. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake I’d made with Danielle. I was done talking about the stupid bonfire.

“You have to let me know then,” she added resting her hand on the arm of my jacket. “I’d like to see more of you.” She smiled, waiting for me to respond, clearly impressed by her double entendre. Unfortunately, I wasn’t. It sounded like bad porn dialogue to me, and no one watches porn for the dialogue.

“You’ll be the first to know,” I replied before heading to the library. If she didn’t come on so goddamn strong, she’d be all right.

Once I got into the library, I dropped the repair manual into the return bin. Connor Hentschel was sitting behind the librarian’s desk staring at something across the room. I turned to see what had him so distracted and saw that it was Jillian. It had only been a few days since I had pummeled Wakefield, my knuckles were still scabbed over, and I was already imagining pounding my sore fist into Connor’s face. I wasn’t sure when I started making it a habit of kicking people’s asses over some girl who wasn’t mine. That wasn’t okay. But fortunately when I glanced back at her table, I realized that she had been sitting with Connor’s girlfriend, Suzanne. I felt like an ass.

I really wasn’t ready to deal with her yet, and I was pissed at myself so I kept walking and decided I’d play it off like I hadn’t noticed her. That brilliant idea lasted about thirty seconds because as I walked by, my curiosity got the better of me and I looked up. She was staring right at me. I smiled and in a panic—I don’t know where it came from—but I winked. I walked straight to the door and the moment I made it back into the hall, I wanted to bash my head against the wall. Who the hell winks? Well, me, apparently.

I was pulling books out of my locker, feeling like an idiot, when I heard the door behind me. I knew it was her. When I turned around, I saw her walking my way, staring straight ahead, and I was sure she was ignoring me because I was the biggest douchebag on the planet—a douchebag who winks. I had no choice. I had to test the waters.

When we spoke, I noticed right away that there was something different about our conversation this time. While we fell into our regular back-and-forth and I teased her about her liquid lunches, it took every ounce of my self-control not to focus on her lips. I tried to keep the conversation light, but it wasn’t working. When I mentioned interrupting Scanlon’s class, her cheeks flamed, and it made it even harder not to stare. I commented on how much I enjoyed the performance, but she thought I was talking about Megan. While I wouldn’t deny that I noticed Megan’s legs, it wasn’t what I remembered most about that day. I only remembered Jillian.

I went on with my day, but no matter how hard I tried to put her out of my head, I couldn’t. When I finally made it back to my locker, I was about to grab a smoke out back when I saw Danielle heading in my direction.

“Luke!” she called from down the hall. “Wait up!” Pretending I didn’t hear her, I continued on, but sure enough began to hear the clattering of heels behind me.

“Luke! Slow down!” she shouted from behind me. “Jeez!”

“Hey kid,” I replied casually. “Did you need me?”

“Enough is enough, Luke,” she began seriously. “You have to go to the prom.” I needed to take Dream Luke’s advice and tell Josh that I’d kick his ass if he didn’t keep his girlfriend away from me.

“Why is that?” I replied indulging her.

“Because years from now when you’ve moved on from your rebel-without-a-cause phase, you’ll be reminiscing with friends and someone will tell a funny story about how they spiked the punch at prom and they’ll be like ‘What was your prom like, Luke?’ and you’ll be all ‘I didn’t go. It wasn’t my thing’ and they’ll be like ‘What the hell does that mean, Luke? It’s the freaking prom’ and you’ll feel stupid, and I don’t want you to feel stupid, Luke.” Once she finished, she took a deep breath, and I stood there speechless.

“C’mon. Walk with me,” she quickly added. “We’ll discuss how you’re going to ask her.”

I thought that maybe if I stayed really still she’d just go away. Wasn’t that how you treated predators in the wild? But she was still standing there, smiling and waiting for me to follow. The girl was exhausting. Her prom plans were inconsequential anyway. Jillian didn’t want to go to the prom with me so it didn’t matter. Why would I go through the trouble of asking her only to be turned down?