Living Bipolar (9 page)

These kinds of behaviors are symptoms of a psychotic illness such as
schizophreni
a
.
Antipsychotic medications act against these symptoms. These medications cannot "cure" the illness, but they can take away many of the symptoms or make them milder. In some cases, they can shorten the course of an episode of the illness as well.

This information has been provided by The National Institute of Mental Health (
www.nimh.nih.go
v
)
.

Story Continued

The hard part about being on medication is you have to be on medication for the rest of your life. I can’t take cold medicines, because my particular brand of drugs that I’m on, if I take cold medicine
I’ll have a seizure and possibly die
. I can’t take Sudafed, and Nyquil.
Being on medication is like a chain attached to your leg
. You constantly have to be aware of it, and know what’s going on with yourself, and be very, very aware. You have to know that you may be on three mood stabilizers and one antipsychotic, but if you’re not feeling good,
it doesn’t always necessarily mean more. It means you need to be aware of your own body
and maybe you should take something different. Or maybe you should take something else.

I think the most important part about taking medication, is not the taking of it;
it’s recognizing your body and yourself. Recognizing what it all means
. My doctor does not know I can’t live without lithium. My parents know I can’t live without lithium because I know. In order to be aware of what’s going on with your body being honest is a big thing.

Being aware of what’s going on with your body is important, and you must be honest with yourself. You must recognize what is good for you and what is bad for you. To be honest with yourself, you must listen to yourself. For example, if I go out walking right now, and I feel drained and itchy and awful, I’m not going to blow off how I am feeling, and not deal with it. I’m going to do something else. I have to realize something physical is going on with my body, I wonder what it is? Then you realize, every time I go in the sun this is what happens. Thus, I’m constantly aware of what’s going on with myself.

I can’t take a back seat in my medical care.
I can’t let other people prescribe things for me that I am not aware of. I can’t let people do things to me, or come up with treatment plans, unless I’m okay with it. Because if I’m not okay with it, it’s going to bite me in the ass.

In taking an active role with my medical care, I go to my doctor and explain this is what’s going on with me. Then he tells me his thoughts, and I will either say no or I will say yes to his suggestions. Whatever I feel is right for me. Sometimes I’ll just say, why don’t you give me the names of every medication you are thinking of putting me on,
and I’ll do my own research
, and I’ll get back in contact with the doctor, and we’ll decide where we will go from there.

Remember, it’s not all about medications at all. It’s about
taking care of yourself.
You take care of yourself by 1. Listening to your body 2. By getting verbal with what’s going on with you 3. Not letting anyone run over you 4. Doing the right things which are not that hard to do.

If I eat too much sugar I get hyper. When I get hyper I’m almost in mania. So the smart thing to do is to calm down on the sugar. When I work out a certain amount it feels good, but if I go over than I’m in a state again which is similar to mania. It’s like the mania is almost there. Too much sugar and too much working is very close to being in mania. Close. But I know if I do either of those things, I can make myself crazy. If I don’t sleep on a regular basis, I’m going to get a manic episode.

It’s about staying even keel for me.
You don’t hype yourself up too much, or get too sad. Take care of yourself. I eat properly, I exercise, I have healthy relationships with my husband and my friends, and I don’t overdo anything. That’s the most important thing that happens in my life:
if I don’t take care of myself the Bipolar illness is just going to get worse
.

COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR DOCTOR

I have a very close relationship with my parents. I have a close relationship with my therapist who doesn’t let me get away with anything, which is really good. I talk to my parents between one and four times a day. My husband and I talk constantly. So when something isn’t right with me, I can tell all of these people what is going on. I tell my therapist everything, and she helps me figure out what’s going on with me.
Communication with my doctors starts with everybody around me
. It’s probably not the right thing that, but my doctor is usually the last person on the totem pole. We have family talk constantly, with my cousins, my sister, we all talk and we love each other, and explain what’s going on. I talk with my husband and my parent’s everyday about my day. By communicating like this I’m able to know when my illness is off. I talk to Tristan (my husband) a couple of days ago, because all of a sudden I was feeling really emotional. And I cried, and I felt really, really emotional. I know that by him being like, hey what’s up? What’s going on with you?

I have constant contact with everybody. It’s one of the bonuses of my life that I have such a great support group. I have lots of different friends. I have friends that I can talk to about Bipolar stuff, and I have friends who are really all about science and school. There are different roles friends take on. I’m blessed to have you in my life. There are very few friends who can understand something that I’m going through. And as much as Tristan and my parents are great to have, they are also my family and it’s important to have people outside of that circle.

My family and Tristan have different feelings than other people. Mom and Dad grew up watching me struggle, from the time I was okay until the time I was not okay. So my parent’s point of view is going to be different than Tristan’s or anyone else’s. It’s nice having all the different kinds of people.

I’ve become really uncomfortable around other people. I feel like I’m on display for other people. I’m not sure why I’m having a harder time around other people. I think after I had ECT’s done I got a lot more emotional. And I don’t know why. I think I did. I think I’ve had a lot more trouble dealing with life after ECT’s. I was able to function in a job before ECT. I was able to function in school before ECT. It was easier. And I was happier. Not being able to do these things is hard.

None of my friends can relate to this. This is my cross. Sometime it sucks but I deal with it.
Plain and simple about being Bipolar disorder is that things suck sometimes.
But you have no choice;
you have to deal with it
. You either kill yourself, or you deal with it. And that’s it. I don’t want to kill myself, so I deal with it. I know I shouldn’t be so black or white, but it is for me.
You were dealt these cards and you just gotta deal with it, that’s it
.

Yes, I struggle with the fact that there is a lot I can’t do that normal people are able to do, but
we have a life.
It’s not like there is something inherently wrong with us, and this is a death sentence. We can live beautiful, beautiful lives. I can’t relate to people feeling bad for themselves. Especially people who are Bipolar. I can’t talk about any other illness, but I understand this illness,
and for a person to make their life seem so bad, I just think is ridiculous.

The thing I enjoy most about being Bipolar is my relationships are so close, because I rely on them, because of my Bipolar disorder. My mom and I -- my mom is like my best friend -- and she is amazing. I can talk to her about anything. My dad is so cool. The best thing about being Bipolar is my mom, my dad, and I planned my wedding. That is the greatest thing about being Bipolar. It probably wouldn’t have happened if I was sick. You know we, we are planned the wedding and we are so close, and we love each other, and we talk about it, and we did it together.

The hardest thing about being Bipolar is not being able to work. It’s hard. I feel really abnormal, I do. That’s the hardest part. It doesn’t bother me that I’m not normal, it bothers me that every other Bipolar person I know is able to work a job and this bothers me.

The best advice I can give other Bipolar people is to stop complaining! It bothers me so much how some Bipolar people
think their life is over, and have to be so miserable about being Bipolar
. I think it’s terrible. There is so much the world has to offer. And people don’t need to be like that.

Pets are so important I believe with this illness. My dog is so wonderful. When I start crying she (the dog) comes and lies on me. If I’m just alone and crying she comes to me. Having a dog gives me a sense of responsibility. I have to feed her, and walk her, and pet her, and play with her. This responsibility is important; knowing that I can take care of another life feels really good. My dog makes everything seems okay. She’s always there for me. Having a dog really helps. I don’t know any other way to put it. She makes me feel better.

THE BEST WAY TO HELP YOURSELF

I think the best way for a Bipolar person to help themselves is to
create a schedule
, and
sticking to a schedule
. Wake up at the same time in the morning, eat meals that are healthy and not too sugary, work out; go to bed at the exact same time. Be in the sunlight each day for a little bit, which will help you be a little less sad. Just a regular schedule you can stick to everyday basically. I think that’s the best thing any person with Bipolar disorder can do for themselves.

I am really lucky. I attribute my feeling well today to living a stress free life, which is something I’ve learned to work at. For me it's a matter of not letting the small things get to me. I completely take control of everything in my life and I don't worry obsessively. When I get really stressed, and I start getting nervous, and when everything in my world starts to fall apart, that’s when my illness acts up. Now, if I start getting stressed in my life, I take a break, and I go somewhere and breathe. I calm down. I don't let things get out of control.

Honestly it's really easy to live like this -- stress free. It's being able to focus on the fact I am that a certain times I am driving myself nuts, and then stopping yourself and say “Whoa, what can I do differently?”

For me when my mood starts flaring up I work on calming myself down. And I can get myself really worked up.
I can create a manic episode by allowing myself to get really, really stressed.
Also if I drink lots of sugar it can cause me to start freaking out. By doing this I create a manic episode. In contrast, if I recognize my feelings, and see that things are getting out of control, I can mentally say to myself calm down.

Manic episodes will always happen. I've learned I can make manic episodes easier on myself. I don't know how better to explain what I do, but I simply work on calming myself down. If I put myself into overdrive I can create a manic episode.
I am the biggest cause of my manic episodes more so than anything else
.
I am my own worst enemy.
I am the one who makes the manic episodes bad. Being your own worst enemy is a personal thing. Learn what agitates you and gets you upset. You have to learn, and discover, what frustrates you and then do the opposite of that. For me being Bipolar I love getting excited because it feels great to me. I always want to be in the excitement state, but I can’t. When I am in the excitement state that’s what gets me going and the excitement can send me straight into an episode.

It's my decisions and my ideas which get me into trouble
. If I decide I want to drink a lot of caffeine, eat a lot of sugar, and do things which are obvious catalysts to becoming manic, then I send myself into an episode.
However if I don't work on sending myself into overdrive, and if I breath and do activities such as yoga, I help myself stay in the middle and out of danger
. Cooking is something which helps me also, because I like to cook. I work on doing simple things which don't excite me, and it makes my life infinitely easier.

I get angry sometimes at my illness but with acceptance things in my life have improved. If you're able to accept that you have a problem which is an illness, you can also accept the fact that the illness is not that bad. Other people have illnesses which are far worse. Some of the most brilliant and creative people are Bipolar. Truthfully the illness is not that bad when you come from a place of understanding and recognize what areas you need to work on to make yourself better.

I'm really in tune with myself. Meaning, I listen to myself. This is not something which comes easy and it's not something that came the first day I found out I was Bipolar. This has taken a lot of work. But I am able to figure out today what works for me and what doesn't work for my illness. I've learned when not to do certain things by listening and learning. And it's taken a long time to get here. This has only come with practice and work.

Be kind to yourself. I know life sucks sometimes and the illness hits hard, and you can feel like everything is falling apart, but you've got to learn to be kind to yourself. Cut yourself some slack and realize that you might get sick and you might not feel well on certain days but it's not the end of the world.
If you take care of yourself, and you are your best friend, and you love your body and do what's best for your body, then your life becomes so much easier.

You can be your own worst enemy easily. I hated myself for so long and I made myself miserable because I hated every inch of me. But when I was able to change my way of thinking -- my life became good, really good.

I used to grip and complain all the time about my illness. I would complain about being angry and I would complain that my life was terrible. But finally, I couldn't complain anymore -- because I realized “Wow! I am being really ridiculous! Look at how bad I am being to myself!” I was really embarrassed by how I was thinking.
And then I decided no more. No more bashing and beating myself up for things in my life. I am going to be a friend to myself and I am going to love myself, and when this awareness sunk in my entire outlook, attitude, and personality changed for the better.