Living With Lies Trilogy (Books 1, 2, and 3 of The Dancing Moon Ranch Series) (52 page)

"Hell!" Sam said. "If it's not one damn thing it's another."

Jayne covered his hand with hers, and said, "There's always later. I'll wait for you at your house and stay with you tonight, if you want."

I already feel like the ranch tramp...

He would put that ring on her finger before they made love again, but it wouldn't be after spending the night in a stall pulling a foal. "No, you go on back to the lodge. This mare always has problems so it's going to be a long night." He kissed her soundly and let her go.

***

Jayne hadn't been alone with Sam for any length of time since the evening of the disastrous dinner, two days before. She saw him briefly the next morning, but he'd looked beat from a long night in the stable helping Jack deliver the foal, and by mid-morning on Sunday, the ranch was filled with guests again. With the ranch in full swing, she was so occupied, the only contact she had with Sam had been an occasional stolen kiss when no one was looking, or a squeeze of the arm as they passed each other going in opposite directions.

But now, the addition to the winery was complete, so a special grand-opening wine tasting event was set up for ranch guests as well as people on wine-tasting outings or tours. Flo put together an assortment of cheeses and dips and imported crackers for the occasion, which Jayne insisted on taking to the winery herself as an excuse to see Sam, if only to be able to watch him from a distance while he served wine to the tasters. She was also anxious to talk to him. She wasn't sure when, but now it couldn't come soon enough. On their way back to the ranch from the restaurant, her intention had been to tell him everything first, and if he still loved her after that, it would be behind her and a life with Sam would stretch out before them, but if he had doubts about her as his wife, and a step-mother for Ricky, she was prepared to accept that too.

Honey, if you have some kind of illness I'll take care of you, whatever it is...

It scared her that Sam was so perfect, that he was willing to love her unconditionally. Even her parents hadn't done that. And someday she'd make things right by them. But Sam was ready to marry her and take care of her, even if she had a terminal illness. His was the kind of love one only dreamed of having.

She joined the ranch guests who had gathered in the lodge for the wine tasting, then pulling a rubber-wheeled cart with trays of crackers, cheeses, dips and chips for the tasting, she led them to the winery by way of the newly poured sidewalk, to where Sam was waiting at the entry to greet them. It would be the first time she'd get to see Sam interact with people in an open and friendly way. Maureen mentioned he'd always been the more sociable of her boys, but until now, she hadn't seen that side of him. It occurred to her that maybe, for the first time in years, Sam was happy and she could be the reason. He affirmed that when he caught her eye and winked, between popping corks on wine bottles.

It seemed like forever until the guests were finally done and funneling out of the winery, and heading for the lodge and gathering for dinner. Jayne hung back, determined to have at least five minutes alone with Sam. The last person had barely left when he took her arm and pulled her around so urgently she collided against him, then she clamped her arms around his neck and kissed him, a long, hard kiss that ended with Sam kissing her neck and the side of her face, and mumbling, "Honey, I love you and I'm going crazy." He kissed her again, and as their tongues teased and caressed and attempted to simulate what their bodies could not, it was all Jayne could do to keep from hauling Sam off to a dark corner for a repeat of what happened at the spring.

"We still need to talk," Jayne said, after the kiss ended.

Sam looked at her, soberly. "I'll ask Mom to help Ricky with his homework tonight. He likes going there because she gives him treats when he finishes an assignment. That'll give us a couple of hours, but you don't need to tell me anything."

"Yes, I do."

"Have it your way then, but it won't change the way I feel."

After Sam kissed her soundly, Jayne turned and left the winery. As she approached the lodge, she noticed a big RV parked in the lot out front and wondered who it could be. They had no mid-week guests scheduled, and no one had called about renting one of the two RV spaces that were available. She did notice, however, that sitting on the front seat of the vehicle was a Welsh corgi, which made her a little sad. When she was growing up, they'd always had at least one corgi, but most of the time more than one.

'A family isn't a family without a corgi,'
she remembered her mother saying, soon after their old corgi died. Her mother had been pressing her father to get a puppy, and on a Sunday outing they ended up at a kennel, where her father spent two-hundred dollars for Clyde.

As Jayne peered through the window on the passenger side of the RV and saw the big-eared dog peering back at her, hot tears filled her eyes. Clyde would be gone now, and she had no idea where her parents were, or her sister. Lydia would be twenty-two, and maybe married.

Turning from the vehicle, she went into the lodge. Maureen met her at the check-in desk, and said, "There's a couple who appear to be looking for you, although they referred to you as Rebecca. They came in an RV. They say they're not staying, but just wanted to talk to you."

Jayne's eyes shifted anxiously around the room, coming to rest on a middle-aged couple, who were standing near the fireplace and looking directly at her. For a few moments she was too stunned to move, the sight of her parents, eleven years older, catching her off guard—her small, Filipino mother, hair peppered with gray, hands clasped in front of her, her father, lines of worry etched on his face, his arm around her mother's shoulders.

Unaware of anything around her but the two people she'd disappointed most, she started towards them and stopped before she was close enough to make things awkward. Would they want to put everything behind and hug her? Did she deserve for them to put it all behind and take her in their arms? Could they ever forgive her for what she must have put them through?

"Hello Mom... Dad," she said, in a voice she almost didn't recognize as her own.

Her mother unclasped her hands, but left them at her sides, fingers curved into fists as if wanting to make sure she didn't reach out to the girl who had caused them so much grief, and said, "Hello, Becky. You look well."

Jayne forced a smile. "So do you." She looked at her father. "And you too, Dad."

"Then you work here?" her mother asked, in a tone that might have been a guest carrying on a polite conversation with another guest.

"Yes," Jayne replied. "I'm the guest ranch manager, or maybe you already know that." She looked from one to the other. "How did you know where I was?"

"Your father hired a private investigator," her mother replied.

Jayne stared for a few moments, surprised that her father had gone to that length to find her, for whatever reason. "I suppose you know everything."

Her mother's face grew cynical, then her eyes softened as she said, "Yes, we know. We wouldn't have come here where you work, but we thought you should know that we have your daughter. That is, Lydia has her right now."

Jayne felt like her lungs had collapsed and there wasn't enough air in the room to fill them, and her heart was pounding so hard she felt as if it might explode. Sucking in a long, deep breath to steady the rapid beating of her heart, she said, "How did you get her?"

"Her adoptive grandmother brought her to us. Her mother has MS and was recently moved into a residence that provides skilled care, and her grandmother lives in a retirement community. Since it was an open adoption, they asked if we could take her back. Lydia's willing to keep her, but she's newly married, and she and her husband, Denny, should not have to take on a ten-year-old child."

Jayne's legs felt so weak, she had to sit down. But after she pulled herself together, she said, "Lydia won't have to take care of her. I never wanted to give her up, but I had no choice. Where is her adoptive father?"

"He died when she was very young," her mother said.

Jayne had so many questions she didn't know where to begin. "What does she look like? Is she healthy and happy? Is she in school? What is she like? Does she ask about me?"

Jayne's mother sat on a chair adjacent to Jayne, but her father continued to stand. Neither of her parents gave any indication that they wanted her back in their lives, and she understood. But they did have her daughter, a child Jayne held in her arms for less than five minutes, and in her heart for ten long empty years. The thought of having her little girl back made life seem again worthwhile...

Her mother said, "She looks very much like you did at that age, with little of her father in her, I suppose, though I don't remember much about him." The words were brusque. Angry.

Jayne tried to forget what Vince looked like over the years but couldn't. He was every teenage girl's dream and every parents' nightmare for their daughter. The drop-dead-handsome bad boy. The guy who made girls’ hearts skip beats, who promised them heaven and delivered them hell. "I plan to make things right," she said. "I've been putting money away each month with the idea of paying back what Vince charged on your credit card. I have almost a thousand dollars saved now."

"It doesn't matter," Jayne's father replied. "I took care of it a long time ago."

"Yes, it does matter," Jayne said. "I'm going to pay back everything. That's why I never contacted you. It may take a little longer now though with..." she stopped short. "What's my daughter's name?"

Jayne's mother shrugged. "Her adoptive mother left the name you put on her birth certificate. She goes by Becca."

"When can I see her?" Jayne asked.

"Today, if you want," her mother replied. "Lydia and Denny live in Seattle. We're going there now, if you want to come with us."

Jayne stared at her mother, not knowing if she'd just been given an invitation to rejoin the family, or a ride to Seattle to solve a problem. Either way, she would be accompanying them. "I went by the house a couple of years ago and you'd moved," she said. "You must have bought the RV then."

Her father nodded. "After waiting nine years, we decided you weren't coming back."

Jayne looked at her father, surprised they'd waited all those years for her. "I actually went by a few other times too, but I didn't stop in because I didn't want to disrupt things."

"Well, it's all past now," her father said, leaving Jayne to wonder if her past was past, or she was past. There was no question they harbored anger towards her, and rightly so. She'd put them through hell from the moment she introduced them to Vince, to the day she defied them and took off in the face of her father's final words, '
If you walk out of that door, don't come back.'

But now, she'd be walking out of Sam's life, because she couldn't stay at the ranch. The last thing Sam needed was a woman with a prison record and a child.

Her father, who was standing with his hand on the back of the chair that her mother was sitting in, said, "I want to get through Portland before rush hour. When can you leave?"

"Right away," Jayne replied, "but I need to talk to... my boss first. He'll have to make arrangements with his mother to take over." When the front door opened, she looked across the room and saw Sam standing in the doorway. He caught her eye and started toward them, but she met him midway, and said in a hushed voice, "I need to talk to you in my office."

Sam glanced beyond her, to where her parents were, and said, "Is there a problem? I saw the RV outside. We have spaces if the people want to stay."

"They're not staying," Jayne said. "Those are my parents."

"This sounds serious."

"It is," Jayne replied, and headed for her office. Once behind the closed door, she turned to Sam, and said, "I have a child, a daughter. She's ten years old. I adopted her out when I was eighteen, and now her adoptive mother can't take care of her because she has MS. Since it was an open adoption, they asked if we could take her back. She's in Seattle with my sister and I'm going there with my parents. I'm sorry, but you'll have to find someone to take my place. I won't be coming back to stay, only to get my things."

"Wait a minute," Sam said. "You can't just walk out like this."

"I have no choice," Jayne replied. "I would never have taken the job if I'd known I'd be getting my daughter back. I won't turn my back on her a second time. I'm sorry. I should have told you something from the start, but I never thought I'd see her again. Now, I have to get my things together. My father wants to leave right away."

"Look, we'll talk about this when you get back," Sam said. "When will that be?"

Jayne shrugged. "I'll need to find an apartment and a job, so maybe sometime next week. You might as well run an ad for my position." She went to her bedroom, and Sam followed.

"Okay, we'll talk about it when you get back," Sam said, as Jayne grabbed clothes from the drawers and piled them on the bed. "I'll need to know where you're staying tonight."

Jayne looked at him. It seemed pointless to pass out addresses when her life at the ranch was over. "Why do you need my address?" she asked.

"Hell, I don't know," Sam replied. "I just want it, okay?"

"I guess. I'll get it from my parents." Jayne lifted clothes on hangers from the pole in the closet and flopped them on the bed, all the while trying to ignore Sam, who stood in the doorway saying nothing. Ignore the man who'd been dominating her mind and her life for three weeks. The man she'd made love with at the spring, and who wanted to marry her and take care of her, no matter what. And she was walking out of his life.