Living With the Dead: The Bitter Seasons (3 page)

at 
12:36 PM

Posted by Josh Guess

An update.

Jess is devastated, as you would expect. I am not doing much better, but I have had things to do and keeping busy has at least distracted me from losing the baby enough that I don't head off to Richmond to start killing people. 

Will has been confined since just after the attack. None of us hold him responsible, but neither do we trust that he won't go out and try to get to Richmond himself. Pat questioned him about the man that shot my wife, and Will says that the guy was a PFC named Steve Parker, which matches the military ID we found on the body. He looked pretty thin and rough, like he had been living out in the open for a while. My guess is that he struck out on his own looking for the downed helicopter, and was probably watching us for a few days before he made his way in. He looked pretty starved, so I can only imagine what the sight and smell of all our food did to his mind. 

No, I'm not apologizing or making excuses for him. He shot my wife and caused her to lose our baby. If I could, I would bring him back to life just to kill him myself. 

Everyone is pretty distraught. Jess is loved around here in a way I can never be, and people are pissed. Courtney sort of took over, trying to calm people down while making sure that the compound was secure. She was the one to have Pat lock up Will, and she searched the body of PFC Parker. She wants to know what happened just as badly as the rest of us do, and she is a lot more suspicious of Will in this than I am. But considering that Will was the one who took action, probably saving Jessie's life, combined with the fact that he has been under lock and key since he got here, I just don't see how he could have been involved. 

I think on Courtney's part that she feels like she has to do something, and that wonderful mind of hers has to consider all possibilities equally. I certainly understand it, and since she's a lot more able to think dispassionately than I am right now, I trust her judgement. 

This does mean that some time down the road we are going to have to do something about the soldiers in Richmond. It's something that we will be discussing in council soon, I am sure...

Steve, Courtney's husband, nearly broke his hand. He was there at the clinic with us, helping Evans and Gabby in any way he could. When things calmed down, my normally relaxed and calm friend went nuts, and punched a wall with everything he had. Said he was just frustrated that there wasn't more he could do. 

The friends I have, I would never trade for anything. They have been rocks for me to hang on to, and their support has meant more to me than I will ever be able to say.

at 
12:24 PM

Posted by Josh Guess

Jess is still resting up, and will likely be off her feet for a few days. I am taking the rest of today off to spend time with her, and this post will be short.
Not a lot of new info to be had. Will is out and about now, since none of us think that he had anything to do with the man who attacked my wife. Will says that it is likely the man was sent this way looking for the crashed helicopter, that it has been done before by the soldiers in Richmond.
I am only writing a post at all today because we had some big news come in.
This has been a quiet time for zombie attacks, thank god, and that means that work all around the adjoining neighborhoods is moving along well. We've also been able to get some people out to find some basic construction materials for our power plant. Thank god my brother knows how to make concrete...
This big news is that the factory that houses all of those turbines is beginning to clear up. That means that a group can be sent to it to start bringing them this way. Patrick has volunteered for the trip, and he is going to be heading out with a dozen others on monday. We can't let this opportunity slip by us, especially considering that satellite photos show a large number of trucks available at the factory to transport them...maybe we will send more than thirteen people...
If Pat and the folks that go with him can manage to find enough fuel, they will be able to bring back enough turbines to keep even our more power-hungry endeavors running at full strength. So much can go wrong, but it gives me something to research and plan, something to work on.
But my brother is doing that right now. I will help again in the morning. Today, I will join my wife on one of the hospital beds we lugged over, and we will mourn together.

at 
10:09 AM

Posted by Josh Guess

Patrick and our group of volunteers are heading out today, heading toward the factory that has the turbines we need to build our power stations.
Pat really doesn't want to leave. He has been one of our best friends for what seems like forever, and he has been trying to be there for Jess and I after the shooting and loosing the baby. And while both of us have taken a lot of solace in his being there for us, living in the zombie apocalypse has taught us that hard practicality and taking advantage of opportunities trumps whatever personal tragedies we face.
Because the facts are simple. We love Pat and will miss him, but his staying here will do nothing to help Jess heal faster, and will not bring back our child.
But his going will mean a chance at sustainable power, which will benefit everyone here immensely. Most prominent in my mind at present is the fact that the clinic will be able to grow into something closer to a hospital, since with all that electricity we will be able to run x-ray machines and the like. Frontier medicine only suits us as long as it's required by circumstance...
Which leads me to something interesting.
Evans has started taking names from people to learn medicine. He's got enough gray in his hair that he worries about leaving us without a doctor and surgeon. Will has asked permission to learn from him, which is surprising. Some people are still nervous about Will, worried that someone from his unit in Richmond managed to perpetrate such a heinous act here. Those folks don't think we should put full trust in him, and they lump medical training in with that.
I happen to think that every person who learns skills that might save others is a treasure. It's something that we will take up in council, as well as the larger issue of Will's place here in the compound. I don't think it's fair to the guy, given the strength of character he has shown us, that we continue to dictate his freedoms piecemeal. I think it's time for a definitive yes or no on his status. Is he a citizen here, as he wishes to be, or an enemy?
I will vote citizen. He has proven himself to me, and has killed for us. And I think that if we are going to build a society that will do and be better than the one we have lost, we need to start trusting a little more. Making one man's life so stressful and complicated because of where he comes from rather than judging him on his actions in his time here only makes his life that much worse. The constant fear of being thrown out or imprisoned for his former affiliation with the soldiers in Richmond does nothing to improve his life. I don't wish that albatross of stress on anyone, because as we have all been shown once again in the last week, life is far too short.
It's here to be lived, and enjoyed if possible. Will could die tomorrow, and if he does, I would like it to be with the certainty that he did so in service to his equals, as we should be in service to him.

...I guess I should add, before I go, that we had a small service for the baby yesterday. Nearly everyone who was off duty wanted to come, but it ended up being Jess and I, with Will, Pat, Steve and Courtney. Treesong acted as our minister, and we gave our unnamed son our love as we set the pyre alight. We decided to spread the ashes at the base of an apple tree near our house. I'm not a religious person, and only spiritual to a mild degree, but it gives me hope to think that he will help that tree grow, and that its fruit will strengthen and sustain others.
To all of you that wanted to come, we are sorry. It would have been too much for me to see the sadness on your faces, our own pain magnified back at us hundreds of times. Jess and I appreciate your love and concern, and hope that you understand.

at 
9:05 AM

Posted by Josh Guess

I spent my morning burning off some stress. The folks from downtown have taken to securing the adjoining neighborhoods with amazing zeal, every free person from down there at the fallback point coming here in their spare time to help with our efforts. Not surprising, considering that they are going to be living there, but a nice bolster to our workforce.
I have been patrolling the boundaries in armor, cutting down undead. Going out and sweating inside of the mismatched gear we use to defend against zombie bites, walking into danger with each cut of the blade, is just what I needed to get my mind right.
It isn't that I don't want to mourn. It hurts more than I can say. But sitting at my desk working on figures and plans isn't at all helping me get past the pain and be effective. It just leaves me more opportunities to think about what has happened, to turn it over in my mind, and I know intellectually that I need to do something to snap me out of that habit or it will consume me.
So...
Walking a beat, hearing the swish as the heavy Iaito in my hands cuts the air. Feeling the sudden resistance of cold flesh and bone as my swooping blade meets the enemy. Watching the parts fall away from each other as the threat is suddenly just a pile of meat.
It makes me feel like "The Bride" from Kill Bill. Like Ogami Itto from Lone Wolf and Cub. Like every titular character from Seven Samurai. Yeah, it's corny and stupid. But it takes me back to a time when I was younger in almost every way, in which those characters were ideals of righteous revenge, if not justice. For a moment, every time I see a zombie and mentally fall into the rhythm of motion that at once tenses and relaxes me, I become that ideal. For those few seconds, I don't think about recent events, I simply act.
Stupid, I know. But it's useful work, and if it makes me feel something from my younger days, if it makes me feel like some protector from the movies, then so what? It's just another form of release, something all of us desperately try to find nowadays, and if I get poetic and silly about it, feel free to laugh.
Hell, I would 
want 
you to laugh. God knows I wish I could here lately.
But now, of course, it's back to those plans and figures. My brother can't do it all (without losing his mind, anyway) and I have to help him. But you know? I do feel a little better.
Now if I could only get a hold of Patrick and the people with him, to see how far they've made it.

at 
1:24
PM
 

Posted by Josh Guess

Still no word from Patrick and the group that went out with him. It's not surprising, really, given how spotty and unpredictable cell coverage is, but it still sucks. None of us likes the thought of a large group of us going out with no way to contact home regularly, but we expected it given that they are heading in a direction none of us have been since society fell.
Work on the annexes is coming along quickly. We need to secure the neighborhoods next door with speed if we are going to get the folks from downtown into comfortable housing before it gets really cold. Frames for the walls are getting raised with good speed. We learned a lot from the mistakes we made while building the first wall, and of course we have a much bigger work force this time around.
One factor that seems to be helping a lot is the shift in weather. Kentucky is one of those places that doesn't seem to have a lot of intermediate stages in the seasons. One day it was crazy hot, and the next it was cold. Like thirty degrees colder at night and in the mornings. The zombies don't appear to like the cold very much, moving slowly if at all. Not a lot of attacks in the early parts of the day, just stragglers in ones and twos.
I have brought up the idea of increasing the number of sentries with the council. In the wake of the attack on Jess and the loss of our baby, it has become clear to me that we need to keep a closer eye for living people and not plan mostly for zombies. I know that the man  who did the shooting was a trained military operative, and that he might have made it in regardless, but I think (as do many of us) that more eyes on patrol will ultimately make us safer.
But like all of our decisions of late, this one is being held up with a lot of debate and discussion. The longer we operate without a central leader, the more clear it becomes that we need to elect someone to break tough votes and sort of act as our president. We have put it off and sort of forgotten about it since we have been doing pretty well without a leader, but with winter around the corner and lots of logistical concerns to be worked on and major decisions to be made, the slow decision making process we use now has to be fixed or forgotten.
I am spending two hours a day with about forty other people, learning what we can from Evans and Gabby about medicine. Right now we're doing anatomy and physiology for beginners, though I have a good working knowledge. I am mostly helping people new to the concept while getting a much needed refresher. Will and Roger are in the class as well, all of us very hopeful that we will be able to master the knowledge and skills needed to eventually become something like field doctors. Not quite real doctors or surgeons, but with enough knowledge to do a fair job diagnosing and repairing...
Aaron, our recent find from Lexington, has taken to his new post as our primary teacher with almost scary dedication. He holds classes from just after dawn until dusk, then stays up for hours engineering new ways to make people want to learn, writing lesson plans, and learning about what he is going to be teaching the next day. He seems to have become singularly focused on his work, but a few of us are really worried about him. He's friendly to a fault and always willing to talk if you approach him, but he doesn't socialize at all and looks sort of sad every time I see him.
I really hope we can get him to open up. He has some amazing ideas about education that ring true with some thoughts many of us have had, like teaching people what they want to learn instead of shoving a bunch of worthless errata at them with only traces of useful knowledge added in.
Listen to me. Worried about him because of how useful he might be, instead of worrying about him because it's just the right thing to do. Sometimes I read the things I have written and think about the empathy I once had for all people, and it makes me want to cry for the man I once was.
You lose enough, you hurt enough, and it wears away at you. I have to hope for the safety of all of those I love because I love them, and because if I lose much more it might just grind me down to nothing.