Lobsters (19 page)

‘Thank you, thank you,' we said, shaking the dozens of hands that were being enthusiastically thrust at us.

Even when we'd walked to the next field we were still laughing about it. It hadn't sunk in that I'd just missed my best chance ever to lose my virginity. It just seemed hilarious. And anyway, it didn't feel like the chance was gone. I felt sure Hannah and I would be in a similar situation soon. Just not in someone else's apple core-strewn tent.

‘I'd really better find Stella and the girls now,' said Hannah, smoothing down her tousled hair. ‘They'll be worried.'

‘Yeah. I guess we've been gone nearly twelve hours now.'

I pulled her towards me and hugged her.

‘Let's meet back at the Mad Hatter's Tea Party tonight,' she said. ‘I'll bring Stella and Grace and Tilly. You bring Robin and everyone.'

‘OK. See you there at, like, nine?'

She nodded and smiled.

As we kissed goodbye, I could still hear the cheering and applause in my head.

12

Hannah

I finally found the tent and crept in. I lay next to Stella, waiting for her to wake up. I couldn't bear it. I kept coughing to speed up the process. Stella is the only person I have ever met who wears a satin eye mask to bed. In a muddy, earwig-infested tent it seemed even more ridiculous.

‘Are you awake?' I knew she wasn't. I stopped trying to be subtle and gave her ponytail a yank. ‘I pulled Sam.'

She pulled her eye mask up and found my face right opposite hers.

‘Fuck off!'

And then she screamed. In a nearby tent, we heard someone shout, ‘Shut up!'

I love how Stella gets involved like it's her own life.

‘Oh my god. Tell me
everything
! Like a film. From the beginning. I knew you'd met him. I told Grace you had. She was all like “Oooohhhh, she's been stabbed in a mosh pit.” But I knew. It was my bestie sixth sense. It was speaking to me. It was saying “Hannah's getting laidddddd!”'

And then she got on to her knees still in her sleeping bag and fell on me.

‘Hannah's getting laiddddd!'

‘Don't make me laugh! I need to wee and I can't face the queue.'

She picked herself up and fell on me again.

‘Stop! You're hurting me.'

‘You'll be hurting more later when you're getting lai—'

We were both hysterical.

‘Don't laugh, Stell. I've found The One. Sam is my lobster. Fact.
'

The tent was so hot we wiggled outside still in our sleeping bags and lay on the grass, eating crisps and talking about Sam. About how he had changed his hair and was a bit tanned and looked even fitter than before. About what Stella would wear to be bridesmaid. About how big his willy might be and whether I should take paracetamol before doing it like Grace had.

Stell was surprised when I told her he was a virgin.

‘But he's so
tall
.'

‘And?'

‘I don't know…'

Grace and Tilly emerged from their tent and then we were all discussing it. We said our names out loud.

‘Hannah and Sam, Sam and Hannah.'

‘Sannah!' said Grace.

Stella snorted. ‘Sannah's shit. It should be Ham.'

All I'd felt with Freddie was nerves. But not good nerves. More fear. Or embarrassment. I wanted him because I wanted what he could give me. A box ticked, maybe. A sort of cast iron proof I was OK. Because I pulled people who were cool and who
pulled fit girls. Getting off with him had never physically felt like anything really. Just like someone putting their tongue in my mouth. Or touching my boobs. Or whatever.

I actually
wanted
Sam. Not because he was fit, even though he was. Just because I really wanted him. I could actually imagine being his girlfriend. Not in a shit, meet-at-Westfield-and-get-off-with-each-other fourteen-year-old way. Getting off with him in the tent didn't feel like any other time I've been with a boy. I wanted to touch him. I wasn't having an out-of-body experience and pushing myself to be brave and do stuff. I wanted him to touch me. I wanted him to be close to me. It was mental that I'd only just experienced that. Maybe everyone always felt like this when they pulled someone. But I never had. Until now.

If those people hadn't come back to their tent I would have let him, I think. I would still have been shit-scared but I wanted him to. Before he kissed me, he pushed my hair behind my ears and kissed my cheek. Like he really liked me.

Tonight is our night.

Grace lent me her black bra. I didn't have any nice knickers though. In the end I had to wear my Moomin ones because they were the newest and my other ones said ‘KISS MY ASS' on the back and I would die of embarrassment if he thought it was instructional.

We got to the Mad Hatter's Tea Party earlier than the previous night so people weren't really acting crazy and dressing up yet. We sat on the big cushions and drank gin and tonic out of teacups. I was wearing denim cut-offs and a silk camisole and a flower garland headband. Grace had drawn flowers and butterflies
in glitter all over our bellies and shoulders and around our eyes. Thank god it wasn't raining.

‘You're glowing,' Tilly announced.

‘I'm not pregnant.'

‘Yeah, but you're in love.'

I didn't even deny it. I knew I wasn't actually in
love
. Because we hadn't known each other long enough, but it did feel special.

I couldn't look at him at first and when he came over and kissed me on the cheek we both acted cool, like we were friends who had just happened to bump into each other. And we made stupid small talk, and then his mate Robin came over and kissed me on both cheeks and ruffled Sam's hair and said, ‘This guy … what a guy. He is … What can I say? You couldn't wish for a nicer fellow.'

Sam laughed. ‘Shut up, Robin.'

Their hot friend, Chris, cut in next. ‘This guy. I tell you, if I was going to get it on with any bloke in this room … it would be Samuel Eugene Moran.'

‘Your middle name's Eugene?' I giggled.

Sam slapped Chris on the back. ‘Thanks for that, mate. Appreciate it.'

‘No worries, Eugene, old son,' said Chris, thumping him on the shoulder.

‘Let's hug,' said Robin. ‘GROUP HUG!'

He dragged me in with him, Chris and Sam, and we all laughed.

We danced together and everyone dressed up and took photos. On the wall, there was a gallery of polaroids from the
night before. I found the one of me and Sam. We looked really happy. When no one was looking, I pulled it off the wall and put it in my pocket.

I noticed Robin talking to a girl and Stella clocked it too. We danced and danced and the boys danced too. Sam was next to me.

‘Right,' he said, ‘let's dance like … an old couple on a cruise.'

And he put his hand around my waist and took my other one and we waltzed around.

‘Oh Beryl,' he said in an old-time American accent. ‘You do look a dream this evening, darling.'

Even when he called me Beryl my cheeks burned.

‘Now hippies at Woodstock.'

And we swayed, made peace signs and twirled around.

‘Hip hop gangsters.'

Nothing could have been more ridiculous, but I had a go anyway.

And then right in the middle of me doing some aggressive hand gesturing, he put his arms around my waist and I felt sick. Because even though we had kissed loads and almost had sex, I still felt nervous in that moment.

My ears were so hot, I wondered if he had noticed. And my mouth went dry. He turned me round by my waist. And I put my arms around his neck and then he kissed me. He felt damp and smelt like sweat and mud. And then after he kissed me he smiled at me. No one has ever smiled at me after kissing me.

I felt an arm around my waist.

‘Toilet Boy,' Stella said to Sam. ‘You can't hog Hannah. We're
going to play I Have Never.' We went over to where the others were sitting in a huddle.

Stella explained the rules, even though I'm pretty sure everyone there had played it before. ‘We go round in a circle and take it in turns to say something we've never done. So, for example, I might say that I've never been to America. And if you have been to America, you have to drink.'

‘Robin would be drinking on that one,' said Chris, nudging Robin in the ribs. ‘He's just got back from America, haven't you, mate? Which theme park did you go to again?'

Robin looked down at his drink. ‘Nowhere. Doesn't matter. Let's just play the fucking drinking game.'

We all sat on the floor cushions. Sam sat next to me, close enough to touch my hand every so often and smile at me some more. Robin started with, ‘I have never kissed anyone in this circle.'

And Sam and me drank. And then I looked up and saw Stella was drinking too.

Stella said, ‘I have never had sex.'

And everyone drank except for me, Sam and Tilly. Everyone made cooing noises, even the boys, although theirs were of the piss-take variety. Their mate Ben, who seemed to be perman ently stoned, said, ‘Well, you know what they say, there's no time like the present.'

‘You should be drinking, you big sex zombie!' Stella yelled at Tilly.

‘What's a sex zombie?' said Robin.

Tilly went red and downed her drink. Grace went next.

‘I have never cheated in an exam.'

Grace is so sweet. Everyone drank except Sam, me and Grace. Stella was in her element, and Robin was getting more and more into her. I noticed them catching each other's eye every few minutes. It was obvious they were going to pull.

Scanning the tent I suddenly saw the outline of someone I recognized. Tall and muscular and tanned. I knew who it was before he turned around. Pax. My stomach lurched. He was wearing a tatty black T-shirt, mud-specked wellies and camouflage shorts. I couldn't help thinking how fit he looked, and about how just finding him fit made me feel guilty. I turned around to see if Stella had noticed him. She hadn't, but Grace definitely had. Her eyes were wild as she grabbed my shoulder and whispered through clenched teeth.

‘James is over there!'

I had been so consumed by the sight of Pax that I hadn't even spotted James, Harry and Jordan standing next to him near the speakers.

‘I'm freaking out,' hissed Grace. ‘I thought I'd never see him again!'

She turned her head and let her hair fall over her face as a disguise.

‘I feel so awful about pulling him, and Ollie wrote me this letter last week about how he wants us to stay together through uni and be together for ever. I really love him, Han.'

Her eyes were glistening. Grace is the overreaction queen. I had to get her outside before she either cried or hyperventilated. I tapped Sam on the shoulder.

‘Me and Grace are just going to the toilet. We'll be back in a second.'

Sam kissed me on the cheek, then cupped my face in his hands and kissed me again, this time on the lips.

‘I'm so glad this finally happened,' he said.

‘Me too,' I smiled as Grace led me toward the exit.

Sam

I wasn't trying to act like her boyfriend. It just sort of … came naturally. I didn't even think about putting my arm around her or kissing her – I just did it because it felt good.

As soon as we met up in that Mad Hatter's Tea Party tent, Hannah and I both started getting stick from our mates about how coupley we were being. Neither of us cared, though. We couldn't stop smiling. Or squeezing each other.

At one point, Robin even took me aside like a proud dad and said, ‘She's all right, you know. You two are quite sweet together.'

‘Cheers, man,' I said, not quite able to look him in the eye. ‘I really like her. I don't think I've ever liked anyone like this.'

‘It's good,' he said, eyes on the ground, but smiling. ‘It's really good, man.'

There was a pause and then he blushed and grunted and punched me in the kidneys, before running off to flirt with Stella. He was flirting with Stella
a lot
. I was secretly quite grateful as it took a lot of the focus off me and Hannah.