Lockdown (7 page)

“Jess, don’t settle. You’ll be sorry you did. Trust me, I wish I’d waited for someone like Craig to come into my life. You’ll feel the same way when you meet the man you’re going to marry.”

Jessica didn’t expect her friend to understand how she felt, and she knew Ava only had her best interest at heart, but she wasn’t going to back out now. She wanted this; she wanted
him
, no matter the consequences. “Listen, I know what I’m doing, okay? I’ve been the girl who colors between the lines for too long. I want to start taking some risks, and if I get hurt, so be it, at least I took a chance.” She hesitated when Ava didn’t respond. “Please tell me you understand.”

“I do.”

“And you support my decision?”

Ava sighed. “Do I have a choice?”

Jessica laughed. “No. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“I’d tell you to be careful, but I know you’ll be safe with Jake. He’ll take good care of you.”

“I know he will.” That’s why she’d waited so long because Jake was the one man she’d trust with her life. “Love you, and thanks, Ava.”

“I love you, too. Bye.”

Jessica took a deep breath as she got out of the car. This was Jake, someone she’d known her whole life, not some random stranger she’d met in a bar. She had no reason to be nervous, yet she was.

Jake opened the door before she reached the porch.
Oh wow
. Freshly showered, clean shaven, wearing only cut-off sweats… he was a sight to behold. Every fantasy she’d ever had about him played out in her mind. “Hi,” she said softly, trying to stifle the sudden shyness.

He grinned, that heart-stopping smile that made her belly clench.

“Hi yourself.” He held the door open, gesturing for her to enter. When he closed the door behind her, he reached out to tug on the thin strap of her white denim dress. “You look beautiful, Jess.”

She’d agonized over what to wear tonight. She wanted to look pretty without appearing as though she’d gone to a lot of trouble to make an impression. He wanted a casual relationship, and she was determined to prove she was mature enough to handle that.

“Did you have any trouble getting rid of your
date
?” The word dripped with sarcasm, reminding her he was still annoyed she’d gone against his direct orders and contacted some random stranger online.

Dare she tell him the truth? She knew if she didn’t, her brother would. “Um, Tucker kicked him out. He put him in a cab and arranged to have his car towed home.”

Jake frowned. “Why the hell would he do that? That sounds a little extreme, even for your brother.”

Tucker had a reputation as being a bit of a hot-head, which made him an interesting choice as the chief of police. He’d mellowed a lot over the years, but when someone threatened someone he loved, he was known to go postal. “He caught Noah getting a little aggressive with me in the kitchen.” She shrugged, trying to brush it off. “It was no big deal, he’d had too much to drink and…”

Jake moved in on her, his eyes dark and menacing. “What did that little fucker do to you, Jessica?”

She swallowed the lump in her throat. She hadn’t allowed herself to dwell on it, but she knew if her brother hadn’t walked in on them, she would have been helpless to defend herself against his attack. What he wanted was obvious, and he expected her to comply. “Nothing, I don’t want to talk about it. Please.”

He thrust his hands into her hair, immobilizing her head. “I can’t think like a cop right now, Jess. I know I should be, but I can’t.” He drew a deep, shuddering breath before lowering his head. “I want every goddamn detail, right now. What he said, where he touched you…”

She closed her eyes. This was so humiliating. Her brother reaming her out for inviting that guy into their family home wasn’t bad enough; now she had to hear it from Jake, too? “He said he wanted to…” She couldn’t say it. She didn’t even want to think about it.

“He said he wanted to what? Tell me.”

His voice was deceptively soft and gentle, but she knew he was on the verge of snapping. She couldn’t avoid his inquisition; she might as well get it over with. “Fuck me, okay?” she whispered. Thinking back to the way he said it… his hands were all over her, backing her into a corner. She trembled just thinking about it. No one had ever manhandled her that way before. The guys in their hometown knew they would have both Tucker and Jake on their doorstep faster than they could blink if they ever pulled a stunt like that. No one wanted to borrow that kind of trouble, especially when it came with a license to pack heat.

He closed his eyes as he muttered a curse. “Did he put his hands on you?”

She swallowed, praying he would see how difficult this was for her and grant her a reprieve.

“Answer me, right now.”

“He just… he…” She looked down, unable to look him in the eye. She knew Jake was blaming her for this. If she had taken his advice in the first place, this never would have happened. “He slipped his hand inside my bikini bottoms, pinched my nipples… hard.” Her voice broke on the last word. She’d tried to push Noah away, told him not to touch her, but he wouldn’t listen. He was too drunk, too far gone to understand reason.

“Son of a bitch,” Jake muttered, brushing past her.

She grabbed his arm. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to get my gun, and then I’m going to get his address from your brother. I need to pay that little prick a visit.”

“No! Please, Jake, don’t.” She dug her nails into his rock hard biceps, unsure he even felt it. “My brother handled it. He’s not going to come back. Please, don’t go, just…” She needed to feel his arms around her. No one else knew what happened. She’d begged her brother not to tell their parents, and he reluctantly agreed, but not before he tore a strip off her about inviting trouble. “Will you just hold me, please?” She hated burdening him with her problems, he had enough of his own to deal with, but Jake had always been her rock, her safe place to land.

Reluctantly, he pulled her into his arms, lifting her off the ground as he clutched her hard against his chest, burying his face in her hair. “If that bastard hurt you, I’d have killed him,” he whispered, his words a harsh, fierce vow in her ear.

“Ssh,” she said, resting her head on his shoulder. “He didn’t, please; I don’t want to think about him anymore. You were right. I’m sorry. I should have listened to you.”

He stroked her hair with one hand as he gripped her waist with the other. “If your brother hadn’t been there… if you’d been alone with him… he would have raped you, baby. God, it kills me to think your first time could have been like that.”

“But it wasn’t and he didn’t.” She framed his face with her hands as she pulled back to look at him. He looked enraged, but beneath the anger, he was terrified. She could see the panic in his eyes, hear it in his erratic breathing. Jake had always been her hero. She knew it must have killed him to know he wasn’t there when she needed him most. “It’s okay. I’m fine. Please, can we just let this go?”

“Let it go?” He set her down before thrusting his hands through his hair. “How the hell am I supposed to do that? I haul guys downtown for shit like this all the time. And now it’s happened to you, someone I… care about, and you’re asking me to just let it go?”

She kissed his lips tenderly because she knew, for the first time, he was the one who needed her reassurance. “I’m fine. I promise. He didn’t hurt me. I was just a little shaken up, that’s all.”

He touched his forehead to hers, sucking in a deep breath. “I’m trained to protect people, Jess. It’s what I do, it’s who I am, and the thought of not being able to protect you…”

She smiled, trying to lighten the mood. “You’ve been there to protect me from my own stupid self more times than I can count, McCoy. You’ve stopped me from speeding, drinking too much, going out with boys who wanted to steal my virtue.” She winked at him. “You’re my hero; you’re always going to be my hero. That’ll never change.”

He explored her eyes. “Won’t it, honey? What happens if we make love tonight and it changes everything?”

She shrugged, trying to pretend the thought didn’t terrify her. “Everything changes eventually, doesn’t it? Our relationship changed when you got married and had Jared; it’ll change again when I get married and have babies of my own.”

“Don’t,” he whispered. “I know it’s selfish, but I’m not ready to think about that yet.” He chuckled. “Who am I kidding? I may never be ready to think about that.”

It occurred to her that defining the boundaries of their relationship wasn’t easy for him either. “Then let’s not think about the future. How about we just concentrate on making each other happy tonight and let the future take care of itself?”

He smirked. “I think I can handle that.”

She stroked her hands over his bare chest, reveling in the feel of the smattering of his coarse hair beneath her eager fingers. She’d seen him without a shirt dozens of times over the years, at their family pool or at Tucker’s house, but she’d never been free to touch him like this. Finally having the freedom to explore his body felt incredible.

He held her hand, leading her up the stairs to his bedroom. The bedroom he once shared with his ex-wife. It was a sobering thought, one she wasn’t prepared to waste time dwelling on. She was here with him, that’s all that mattered now.

Jake led her into a spacious room with hardwood floors, old wood doors, ornate moldings, and a big, four-poster bed dominating the center of the room.

Her eyes fell to the picture on his nightstand.
Jared
. That little boy was the center of his daddy’s world. Jessica loved him, too. Probably because he was a product of the man she loved. She didn’t see Jared’s mother, Diane, when she looked at him. She only saw Jake’s dark hair and eyes, his mischievous grin, his sweet, but serious nature.

“What’re you thinking about?” he asked, following her eyes to the photograph.

“I’m thinking about how much I miss Jared. I wish he was still here, in Brant, with you.” She used to babysit Jared whenever Jake’s mama wasn’t available, and they had bonded over cartoon characters and storybooks. They spent hours laughing and splashing in the pool before he finally fell asleep next to her on a lounge chair, happy and exhausted from their day of play. She wanted to be a permanent part of his life, as his step-mother. Why couldn’t Jake see that being married to her would be nothing like his marriage to Diane? She loved him; Diane only loved herself.

“Jared misses you, too,” Jake said, quietly. “He mentions you all the time. Maybe the next time he’s here, I’ll bring him over to the house for a swim. Your mama and daddy are always asking about him, too.”

She smiled. They loved Jared like he was their own grandson. He would be if… “That would be nice. We’d all love to see him.”

He sank down on the bed, dropping his head into his hands. “This is so messed up. Our lives are inextricably linked, Jess. Your family, they’re like my family, and my parents, my little boy, they love you like you’re one of their own.” He looked up at her, appearing confused and uncertain. “I don’t want us to lose that. That’s why this is so hard for me, baby. I have these feelings for you. I have for a while now, but…”

She claimed the spot on the bed beside him, knowing she had no choice but to respect whatever decision he made. She didn’t want him to live with the regret of this night for the rest of his life; she cared about him too much. “Jake, if you want me to go, you just have to say the word.”

Chapter Six 
 

The rational part of his brain, the part that made him a great cop, fled in the face of her beauty. She was the most stunning woman he’d ever met, and she was in love with him. Hopelessly, heart, body, and soul, and that was a heady aphrodisiac… one too powerful to ignore.

“I need you tonight,” he whispered, feeling raw. Maybe it was learning that she’d been waiting for him for so long or the unfamiliar fear that came with knowing she’d been in harm’s way and he hadn’t been there to protect her. Whatever it was, he needed to keep her safe in his arms tonight.

“I need you, too.” As though she’d been waiting for his signal, she got up. Positioning her body in front of him, she tugged on the strings at her shoulders, letting them fall. The dress was snug, so she had to coax it down her body after releasing the hidden side zipper. Her eyes never left his as she slid the dress down her torso, over her hips, finally stepping out of it as it fell to the floor at her feet.

He sucked in a breath. She was gorgeous, flawless, in a strapless, white satin bra and matching panties. It had been a long, long time since he’d taken the time to admire a woman’s body, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever had the pleasure of enjoying one this spectacular. Jessica enjoyed running, biking, swimming, and tennis, and it showed. She was petite, but muscular, with curves in all the right places. He’d seen her in a bikini before, but this was different somehow. Now he was imagining what lay beneath those scraps of material, itching to touch her intimately… everywhere.