Logan's Leap (18 page)

Chapter 17

Over
the next three days, Logan didn’t have much time to think about anything. He
spent his days catching up on things at the grocery store and supervising the
moving crew as they packed his stuff and took it out to his new house on the
ranch.

The
fourth day after Jayna left, he had the day off of work and moved in to his
brand new, custom built  two-story ranch house. With four bedrooms and three
bathrooms he wondered what the hell he’d been thinking when he’d okayed the
plans for it. It would always be too big for him. But at least his friends and
family would have plenty of room for visits.

He
wandered into the master bedroom to see that it was completely set up,
including sheets and pillows on the bed. So, this was it. His home for the rest
of his life. It was a beautiful piece of architecture and he loved the ski
lodge feel of it, but something was missing. Whatever it was took some of the
joy out of move-in day. So much so that he decided to go back into work. He
couldn’t sit around the big empty house all day. Besides, he somehow couldn’t
bring himself to go through his stuff and unpack.

By
ten o’clock that night, he pulled into his driveway. He hadn’t really been
needed at work, but he'd managed to keep himself busy. It was a bit
disheartening when he’d realized how well his store could run without him. He
definitely had hired the best people around.

Unlocking
the front door, he bypassed the boxes sitting around and headed straight for
the master bedroom. Stripping out of all of his clothes, he crawled into bed
naked; something he hadn’t been able to do in a while. He reached over and
turned the light off. After nearly an hour of tossing and turning he turned the
light back on and grabbed his phone from his pants pocket. He dialed Jayna.

“Hi
Logan. How are you?”

It
was so good to hear her voice. He couldn’t help but smile. “I’m okay, how are
you and CJ?”

“We’re
okay. We miss you…and kind of Harper’s Rock too. I’ve been looking for
apartments in Vegas and it’s just so overwhelming.”

“You’re
used to living in the middle of nowhere. The city will take some getting used
to.”

“Yeah,”
she whispered, unshed tears evident in her voice.

“Hey,
what’s wrong?” he asked, concerned.

“Just
overwhelmed,” she murmured. “You’re right. I’ll get used to it.”

“I’m
sorry. I wish there was something I could do.”

“Yeah,
I know,” she answered. “So, what have you been up to?”

He
wanted to invite her back to Harper’s Rock, but it just wouldn’t be right. “I
moved into my house on the ranch.”

“Oh
how exciting! I wish I could have seen it before I left.”

“Yeah,
me too.” He wished she’d been there long enough to put a few of her touches on
his empty house. “I went in to work instead of unpacking. I just can’t face it
yet.”

“Why
not?”

“Truthfully,
I don’t know. It’s just not something I can do yet. I’ll get to it soon I’m
sure.”

“Maybe
you weren’t ready to leave the apartment yet.”

“Too
many memories there,” he murmured before he could stop himself.

“Of
me and CJ?” she asked.

“Hey,
speaking of CJ is he awake by chance?”

She
ignored the fact that he changed the subject. “No, he’s asleep but I’ll give
him a hug and a kiss for you.”

“Thank
you,” he said, his voice choked up. “I really miss…I miss both of you.”

“Come
visit,” she said quietly.

“Maybe…”
he asserted. “I’ll talk to you again soon, Jayna.”

“Okay.
Goodbye Logan.”

He
hung up the phone, set it on the nightstand and turned off the light. As he was
falling asleep he had the brief thought that his life was falling apart and
there was nothing he could do about it.

**********

Over
the following few days, Logan woke up at his new house and went straight to
work only to return every night at ten. On the fourth day after moving in, he
woke up and looked around. Finally, he was tired of all of the boxes laying
around and serving no purpose. It was time to unpack.

It
didn’t take him long to put all of his books and knickknacks on the new built-ins
in the living room. He then moved on to the kitchen and dining room where all
of his dishes, appliances and accessories were put in their proper places. The
rest of the boxes in the living room were unpacked into his office/den…the last
thing before he tackled the bedroom was to get the TV and stereo system hooked
up in the family room. Except for his personal belongings and his four-month-old
TV and stereo system, everything else in the house was brought in new.
Unpacking the rest would be done before dinner.

Around
noon, he took a break for lunch and decided to text Jayna while he ate.

“Hi.”

“Hey!
How are you?”

“Good.
Finally unpacking. I have no idea why I waited so long.”

“You
love our job and missed it when you had to be on the run with me.”

Logan
knew there was more to it than that but agreed with her. “Probably. So how is
my baby boy?”

“He’s
great!” she texted back.

“Not
walking or talking yet?” he texted with a winky face.

It
took a few minutes before Jayna responded. “Haha, not yet, but he smiles more
and more every day.”

“He
probably doesn’t remember me now,” Logan texted with a frowny face.

Within
seconds she responded with a smiley face. “Come visit! I have to go. Deb is
taking me to the doctor for my post-partum check-up."

“Okay.
Ttyl”

“I
love you, Logan.”

His
finger poised over the key pad for a minute before he finally typed. “Jayna
I…miss you.”

Quickly
putting his lunch dishes in the sink, he headed to the master bedroom to
unpack. There were only eight or so boxes, most of which were clothes and other
stuff he stored in the closet. He was down to one box in just under an hour.
The last box was full of bedding that would be stored in the linen closet
outside of the bathroom. He hefted the stuff out and turned to walk toward the
bathroom when something hard hit the floor. He dropped the linens and bent to
pick up what looked like a picture frame. When he turned it over in his hands,
he saw a picture of himself with Jayna and CJ. There was something strange
about it. Something he didn’t like. Something that caused the pressure and
burning in his chest to increase again. The picture frame dropped from his
hands and landed on the pile of linens. He turned and ran through the house and
to his SUV. Within minutes he was at the makeshift barn and on Digger’s back.
He took off blindly, headed across the open ranch land. He pushed Digger as
hard as he safely could. He needed to think, and riding his horse was his only
alternative to running away.

Just
because he didn’t believe in romantic love didn’t mean he couldn’t recognize it
when he saw it. Especially when the photograph showed it clearly written all over
his
face as he watched Jayna and CJ together. When they had visited his
mother the morning after Reggie was caught, Jayna had Evelyn take a picture of
them. During one of her trips down to the store, she must have had a copy made
and framed. The sticky note attached to the frame’s glass had said, “Logan,
look at your face…how can that be something bad.” His gaze had been focused
solely on Jayna.

He
found himself at the stand of trees where he and his brothers had once built a
fort. It seemed that Digger knew better than him where he wanted to be.
Dismounting, he tied the horse to one of the ancient trees and made his way
through the branches to the middle of the stand. Their old fort was scattered
across the ground but the old swing Ben had built was still there, and upon
closer inspection, it seemed to have held strong. He tentatively sat down on it
and moved back and forth even though his legs were now much too long. The
breeze whistled through the surrounding trees. That had always been a
comforting sound. To him, that whistle meant brotherhood, friendship and
safety.

Logan
closed his eyes to the visual stimulus around him and just listened. “Love is
good.” He opened his eyes and looked around. There was no one there. He closed
his eyes again. The wind picked up, blowing dirt and twigs around his feet and
the whistling was getting louder and louder. “It’s okay to love.” This time
Logan didn’t open his eyes. He knew it was just the wind. But this particular
wind reminded him of his oldest brother. Was the breeze bringing him a faraway
message from Ben? Was that even possible? He heard a snap and then a small
crack as the swing broke, tossing him onto the ground. As his knees hit the
dirt, he suddenly knew. He loved Jayna and it was okay. Ben would approve.
That’s when the tears started. No matter how much he tried to stop himself, he just
couldn’t. Sixteen years of mourning and pain came rushing out. He only remembered
crying once, briefly, after he had found Ben’s body. It hadn’t been nearly
enough. It suddenly felt like he was back on the hunting cabin’s porch with
blood all around him. In the present, he heard himself screaming his brother’s
name over and over again but was helpless to stop. Finally, nearly breathless,
he collapsed onto the ground. When his eyes opened the trees were still and the
whistling had stopped. The world was quiet except for the light buzzing sound
coming from under his body. He slowly sat up and retrieved his phone. His
mother’s name appeared on caller ID.

“Hey
Ma,” he said hoarsely.

“Son,
are you okay? Jace Peters was working on the barn and said he saw you ride out
near the grove, and then he heard screaming.”

Logan
was quiet for a moment, trying to control his emotions. “I’m okay. I…I just had
some stuff to get off my mind. Can I come over for dinner?”

“Of
course you can. Your uncle, Jackson, young Ethan, Russell, Emily and Miranda
will all be here.”

“Perfect!
Thanks Ma. I’ll be there soon.”

Logan
picked himself up and brushed himself off before making his way through the
trees. Digger nuzzled him when he came near. “I’m okay, boy. Let’s get you back
to your temporary home."

**********

Logan
walked into his mother’s house to be greeted by his niece Miranda and her puppy
Rizzy.

“Hi
Uncle Logan,” the little girl said excitedly as she hugged him.

“Hey
kiddo. I love you, you know that right?  One of these days, we’ll go to lunch
so I can apologize for not going with you the other day.”

“I
can’t wait,” she squealed loudly as she ran from the room.

His
brother Russell stood there looking at him. “I’ll hold you to that, Logan. You
won’t
disappoint my daughter.”

“I
know I won’t, big brother,” he said, giving him a hug. “I love you, man. Things
will be different from now on.”

Russell
stood there in shock as his brother went into the kitchen to greet everyone
else.

“Oh
Mama,” he said excitedly as he picked her up and twirled her around. “I love
you.”

Evelyn
chuckled and hugged her son back. “I love you too, kiddo. It’s been way too
long since I’ve heard those words come freely out of your mouth."

“Yeah,
and now he’s spouting it off to everyone he sees,” Russell joked, patting his
brother on the back. “Welcome home, Logan. I just made it back myself. And I
think Dylan will be next if Nicoletta Ballas has anything to say about it."

**********

Everyone
was sitting around the dining room table enjoying coffee and dessert when Logan
cleared his throat and asked to say something. Everyone quieted immediately.

“I
just want to apologize to everyone for my actions over the last God knows how
long. I finally…” His voice became choked with emotion.

“It’s
okay, son. We know. I think this whole family has finally come to terms with your
brother’s dea…suicide. We know exactly what you’re saying.”

“Thanks,
Ma.”

“We’ve
accepted your apology Logan,” she stressed. “But isn’t there one more person
you should apologize to?”

Logan
smiled brightly. “In person, Ma. Uncle Ethan, do you think Aunt Charlotte would
mind if I stayed at the guest house for a couple of days?”

“Of
course not!” Ethan enthused. “I’ll go call her now and arrange everything.”

“Thank
you, Uncle Cowboy,” he said, using his uncle’s nickname for the first time in
sixteen years. Everyone else still used it, but he had stopped for some reason.
“Tell her I’ll make my own way from the airport. I think Jayna and I will need
our own car so I’ll rent one.”

**********