Lonesome Beds and Bumpy Roads (Beds #3) (13 page)

“Stop, please.”

“I don’t trust him, Lex.”

“Why not?”

“Because he abandoned you!”

“That was ten years ago. You know how it feels to lose someone like that.”

“Yeah, I do.” I pull back, just noticing how close we’ve gotten to each other’s faces. “And we had each other, right? That’s why we became friends. That’s why we became
best
friends. Now he’s back and you have him and you don’t need me anymore.”

She shakes her head. Rolls her eyes. Like I’m stupid, and maybe I am, but I don’t like seeing her think it.

“That is so far away from what I’m saying. You have no idea how much I need you.”

“Really? Because you’ve been doing pretty well these past few weeks.”

“Bullshit. You’ve been as busy as I have.” She takes a step toward me, sharing the same breath. “I’ve craved your touch, wished you were in bed with me, wanted you next to me
all the time
.”

She almost has me throwing her back on the card table. But the fact that we haven’t done any of those things isn’t just my fault. And the bitter words fall from my tongue. “But I never cancelled on you.”

“Ryan,” she breathes, throwing her hands up in frustration. “He’s. My. Dad.”

“The dad who left you when you were seven.”

Her eyes widen with shock and hurt and they hit me too, like I just smacked myself across the face with the words I’m throwing at her.

“I know,” she says, choking back wetness and pain. “Do you think that’s not going through my head every time I see him? That I don’t worry about him taking off again? That once more I wasn’t the daughter he’d hoped I was or this wasn’t the life he pictured? It’s always there, Ryan, beating my brain. But I can’t just let the chance of getting answers to all those questions that tortured me pass by.”

“And I’m just jealous, right?” I spit, saying the thoughts I didn’t want to think. “That I’ll never get that opportunity with my dad.”

“I didn’t say that!” she cries, angry tears now escaping her lids. “I would
never
say that.”

“But it’s true.” My eyes have gone wet now, joining her in the thick song of pain that we’re singing. “I’m the bad guy, wanting you all to myself and wishing your dad had stayed far away from you.”

“Please, stop.” She shakes her head. She grabs at her hair. She’s shaking and shaking and muttering and crying and it hurts so hard I feel my feet pull me into the ground. “I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m so sick of fighting. We don’t fight, we don’t fight.”

“We fight, Lexie.”

“Not like this. Not ever like this. Not even when you…”

Her voice drifts off, and I wipe away at the clouded mess we’ve made between us, finally connecting her thoughts to mine.

“Downed an entire mini bar?”

Her eyes pull up, piercing into me, begging me to listen. “I didn’t even last a week without talking to you. Isn’t that proof enough that I need you?”

“That was before he came back,” I say, knowing I shouldn’t say anything anymore, but it’s all coming out.

Her eyes slam shut. “Please… please. Let’s not fight. I don’t want to fight.”

“I don’t want to fight either. But avoiding it isn’t doing us any good.”

“Then what do we do? How do we fix it?”

I let out a sigh, calming the raging sea that I’ve kept buried in order to make her happy. What a dumb idea that was.

“I don’t trust him. And I know I don’t have anything but a hunch to go off of. That and…”

“And what?”

Honesty. She wants honest.
I
want honest.

“I saw your dad the other day. He was with a woman, on a date or something.”

She blinks. Traces her nail across the wood on the card table. “Where at?”

“Movie theater.”

She’s quiet. Then, “He’s single. He’s allowed to date.”

“It’s not that.” I rub the back of my head, knowing saying it out loud makes me sound crazy paranoid. “It was… he looked… well put together.”

“It was a date. Even you clean off most of your monkey grease for those.”

She tries to grin at me, but I can’t return it. I’m so exhausted I can’t even manage to move all that much. The corners of her mouth turn down and she lets out a sigh.

“Please don’t make me choose,” she says. “I can’t choose between you and him. That’s not fair.”

“I’m not making you choose. I just love you too much to keep quiet about it.”

She folds into herself, covering her face with her hand. I reach for her, wanting to hold her through the pain, through our confusion, through our impasse, but she jerks away from me. It hurts more than any of the words we shouted at each other.

I draw back my hand. “Okay,” I whisper softly, mostly to myself. I push from the card table and locate my keys. My feet wade through the party mess along with the mess of our fight scattered around us. The river of tears, the mountain of sharp words, the spattered pieces of both of our hearts dripping down the walls. And Lex in the middle of it all, hunched over… by herself… because even though she says she needs me, she doesn’t
want
me right now.

And I walk out of our mess and into one of my own, where I struggle with turning back and forcing her into my arms or keep on moving toward my car without even wishing her a happy birthday.

After much deliberation, the latter finally wins out.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. For the first time in my life, I finally felt like my family was coming back together, but without Ryan, none of it matters. He’s my everything. My best friend, my boyfriend, my cheerleader, my shoulder to cry on… except right now he’s not here, and the pain rips through my chest and pushes out my eyes.

Tears stream down my face and my body becomes too heavy to hold up. I grab onto the card table, but my legs give out and I collapse on the floor. I don’t even know what just happened. Did we break up? No we didn’t. Couldn’t. We promised each other forever. But lately, neither of us has been keeping our promises.

Am I so wrong for wanting my Dad back in my life?  I get being skeptical. I
was.
I was more skeptical than everybody, but he…he proved himself. He’s back because he wants to be in my life. And yes he abandoned me, but he’s back now and he’s trying to make up for all the lost time. He made a mistake. He’s human for heaven’s sake.

Just when I get everything I ever wanted, my life crumbles around me. The pain is so intense. I grab my stomach as the sobs overtake my body.

I hear mumbles from the other room, but I can’t focus on it. All I can concentrate on is the ache in my heart, the vision of Ryan walking away from me.

“I swear, I hear something,” Kaylee’s voice breaks through my thoughts, but I don’t get off the floor. If anything hearing her voice makes me cry harder. 

“Lexie?” Kaylee comes sliding on her knees to my side. She wraps her arms around me and holds me tight.

“I’m so sorry,” I choke out. “I should’ve been here.”

Her hold on me grows stronger and I can see Nate’s shoes in front of me. I don’t look up. I know without looking he’s standing there with his hands in his pockets trying to figure out if he should stay or go.

Kaylee pushes my hair out of my face. “Why weren’t you here?” she asks and I can detect the disappointment in her tone, and it rips the last shred of my heart to little tiny pieces.

“I can’t say no to my dad.” I manage to get out before I go into full on crazy person cryfest. “Ryan hates me.”

Nate’s hand rests on my shoulder, and he switches places with Kaylee, holding me against his chest. “I think you are the last person Ryan would hate.”

“You didn’t hear our fight.”

“No, but I hear the smile in his voice every time you call. Even those times when you two are having an off day, he still can’t help how happy he is just to hear your voice. He’s not going anywhere, Lexie.”

“How do you know?”

“He bought you a bed. If that doesn’t say commitment, I don’t know what does.”

I think of Nate’s words and wonder if things have changed. Is he going to toss that mattress onto the roof of the IROC and drive straight to the store to return it?

“You missed a great party,” Nate finally says.

Kaylee sits down next to us. “I had a mani/pedi station set up just for you.”

“I can’t believe I missed it.”

“It was epic,” Kaylee says with a smile. 

“I bet it was.”

“I still have the station set up. I didn’t take it down, hoping you’d show. We can give each other manicures.”

“I’ve already done enough damage for one day. I’m not going to take away Nate’s birthday evening.” I air quote evening.

“I had a birthday morning,” Nate says with a smile, and despite the pain still ripping through me, I laugh.

“I bought you a birthday gift,” I say to Nate. “It’s really cool.”

“I got you something too.”

“Nail polish,” I say.

Nate’s eyes widen in mock shock. “How’d you know?”

He has been getting me four bottles of OPI nail polish every year for as long as I can remember. The majority of my collection is from him. He knows how much I love it and how expensive it is, and because I never have money, I look forward to my birthday every year. It’s become a tradition.

Nate has been there for me too. He’s the other constant in my life.

“I’m sorry I ruined your birthday,” I tell him.

“No offense, but the party was awesome even without you,” he says, and Kaylee swats his shoulder, but I can tell she’s super flattered. Nate rubs his arm and continues. “I even got to teach them a few things and I’m going to Vegas to be in a magician competition.”

“Vegas competition, wow. That’s amazing.”

“I know!” Nate jumps a little next to me, causing my head to bounce. “Sorry. I don’t mean to be so excited when you’re so…”

“No. You should be. Vegas is your dream.” I lift myself off the floor and look at my two best friends. “Thank you guys, for sitting on the floor with me and letting me cry, but I’m just going to go home now.”

“Absolutely not,” Kaylee says.

“I just…”

“Alexis Boggs, you march that skinny little booty of yours up those stairs. We have a sleepover every birthday and who knows what’s going to happen once we’re in college. We are not missing this one. Go! I’ll be up soon.”

I smile then throw my arms around Kaylee. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Bestie.”

I hug Nate next. “Happy eighteenth birthday, Nate.”

“Happy birthday, Lexie.”

“I’ll be up soon,” Kaylee says as I let go of Nate.

“Take your time.”

I head up to Kaylee’s room and go into the bottom dresser drawer where she keeps a few things of mine. My favorite purple flannel pajama pants are right on top, so I take them out and pull them on. She has a million magazines scattered across her bed, so I gather them and place them on her nightstand. Her room is actually pretty clean in comparison. She must’ve anticipated nightly activities.

I slump on the bedspread, falling to my back. It’s been a long day. I’m emotionally and physically exhausted. I know Kaylee wants a sleepover, but I hope she’s okay with just sleeping. Then again, whenever she’s with Nate she loses track of time. I’ll be lucky if she gets up here before the sun comes up.

I grab my phone and hope there’ll be a text from Ryan. My heart plummets into my stomach when I flip it over to a blank screen. I go to my contacts and tap his name.

Lexie: I’m sorry.

I hold my phone for over an hour, but nothing. Not even a happy birthday.

I’m in the garage the rest of the weekend. Brett keeps me company, and sometimes Pop-pop comes and sits with us.

No one brings up Lex. I’m not sure if I’m relieved about that, or dying for someone to give me an excuse to say her name.

***

Monday rolls around; the first day of what’s bound to be a hellish week. Graduation is next Friday, and the sweet smell of freedom is overpowered by the stench of final exams.

Ms. Schafer holds out the bin with our phones, and we all take turns digging through to find our own. It’s policy in Calculus for finals—no cells until all the tests have been handed in. Jimmy was the last guy to turn over his test, and we’ve got about five minutes to spare.

“Ryan?” Ms. Schafer says when the bin gets to me. I fish out my phone and stick it into my cargo pocket without looking at it. Ms. Schafer leans down a little. “Can I see you for a minute after class?”

The room echoes with “oohs” and then a few wolf whistles which I ignore.

“Okay,” I say, and she moves on to Casey Hammond who’s sitting behind me.

My phone buzzes.

I ignore it.

“So, how do you think you did?” Nate asks, zipping up his backpack.

“Cake,” I tell him. Math is my strong suit. It’s History that I’ll have to worry about. I almost ask Nate how he did, but I already know he aced the sucker. I’m surprised I’m actually in the same level of math as he is.

Most people play with their phones till the bell rings, Nate included. By the way he’s grinning I figure he’s sexting with Kaylee. (Though, their version of that is a lot nerdier than everyone elses’. No nude photos but a lot of pictures of playing cards with some type of romantic saying on them.) I keep my phone in my pocket because I know the second I pull it out I’ll be typing up sonnets about Lex’s dimples and how much I miss them. I haven’t seen her smile that hard in days.

When the bell sounds through the room, I pick up my stuff and head to the back where Ms. Schafer’s desk is. Nate gives me a half-assed wave, face still buried in his phone.

“Hey,” I say so she knows I’m ready to talk about whatever. I figure it’s a college talk, since I’ve received them pretty much non-stop from my guidance counselor, so I flip through the auto-responses I have saved for this conversation.

“Hi.” She laughs and then leans back in her chair. “I have a weird question for you.”

“Okay.”

“Didn’t you used to drive a Lincoln?”

I tilt my head to the side. “Yeah… Why?”

“What happened to it?”

“Died over spring break.” Poor girl.

She clicks a pen closed then flicks it across a pile of papers on her desk. “Did you like it?”

“The Lincoln? Yeah. She was a bit rough, but… you know, she was my dad’s.” I rest against one of the desk chairs behind me, not a clue as to why Ms. Schafer is talking cars with me. “Why?”

She takes a deep breath and sits up. “My mother just passed away, and I was put in charge of cleaning out her things.”

“I’m sorry,” I tell her, not knowing what else to say.

“Thanks.” She grins. “But what I was trying to say was that she has a 1965 Lincoln sitting in the garage. I’m sure it needs parts to get running, but it’s otherwise in fairly good condition. You’re a mechanic too, right? Would you want to come take a look at it? See if you’re interested?”

My back straightens. Hell yeah, I’m interested. “How much you asking for it?”

“If you want to take it off my hands that would be more than enough for me.” She rips off a Post-It and jots down an address. “The garage is unlocked, so whenever you get the chance, come take a look at it and let me know.”

“For sure.” I take the address. “Thanks.”

As soon as I’m out the door I pull my phone out and call Pop-pop to tell him the news. He’s all for it, even says he’s ready to take me out of my next two exams just so we can go now. I laugh at him and head to second period, even though I really want to take him up on his offer.

I turn the corner as I’m hanging up and slam right into someone’s open locker.

“Oh sorry!” the girl squeaks as I rub my nose.

“My fault,” I mutter, turn around, and nearly run into someone else. And an adorable laugh I’m all too familiar with rings from across the hall.

I look over at Lex who’s watching me play pinball through the hallway. Two dimples dent her cheeks, and slowly they fade away as our eyes catch and don’t move from each other.

I want to tell her what just happened. Outside of Pop-pop, her enthusiasm for another Lincoln probably won’t be matched by anyone. And my mouth gets halfway open before she jumps and dives for the vibrating phone in her pocket.

She looks at the screen. Looks at me. Looks back at the screen. Looks back at me.

It’s a game of ping pong and her eyes are the ball. And she finally makes a decision of where she’s going, giving me a half-smile and putting the phone to her ear.

“Hey, Dad,” she says, darting her eyes to the floor. The rest of her conversation is lost in the noise of the hallway.

And I head to class, pushing away the sick feeling that rises in my stomach every time I think of Lex’s father.