Lonesome Beds and Bumpy Roads (Beds #3) (3 page)

My eyebrows pinch tight and I drop Ryan’s hand. “What do you mean it’s not just the money?” Every bad case scenario flashes through my mind, and my heart batters frantically against my chest. “Wait. Is there a reason you can’t go? Is something wrong? Is it Pop-pop? Grams? No one’s sick, right?”

Ryan grips my chin between his fingers and urges me to look at him. The minute my eyes settle on his perfect brown ones, it’s like a soft sip of chamomile tea running through me, calming my heart and clearing my mind.

He rests his hands on my cheeks pulling me in and placing a kiss on my nose. “No one is sick.”

“Oh thank God. So why can’t you go to Vegas?”

“Pop-pop got me a job. Full time. I’ll be working.”

“For the summer?” I ask a little taken aback since this is the first time he’s mentioned anything about a summer job. Not that I care. I am the queen of working, but the fact that he never brought it up until now boggles my mind. We tell each other everything. Except that one time he tried hiding a brother from me, but that was more or less because he had a moment of stupidity.

“Or more. It depends,” he says and I step back.

“What do you mean more? What about college? You’re going to college, right? We had a plan. We were going together. That’s why I chose Colorado State. You promised. Always and forever and all that phony fairy tale nonsense.”

“Lexie.”

“You made me believe it. And now…”

“Lex.” He reaches up, taking my cheeks in his hand, forcing that soothing gaze on me. “Listen to me.” I nod. “College isn’t my dream. But it is yours and I swear until the minute I stop breathing I will do everything in my power to make your dreams come true. Even if you’ll be attending classes during the day, it doesn’t mean I won’t still be exactly where you are. So this summer I need to save a little money and get the experience so I can make it on my own. So I can help support you and your dream.”

“But what about your dreams? I don’t want you looking back one day and thinking that if you did things a little different. Made a different choice…”

“Don’t you get it? You are my dream.” 

I go to continue arguing when my words slam to a stop in my throat. “I am?”

He tucks my hair behind my ear, his finger lingering just shy of my face. “Of course, you goof.”

“I love you,” I say and attack him with my lips, kissing his cheeks, his nose, and finally his lips.

“I’m all about PDA, but whoa momma, you two are going to ignite the parking lot,” Kaylee says as she walks toward us with Nate in tow.

Ryan laughs, and I bury my head in his chest, not ready to let go just yet. He wraps his arms around me, pressing me tight against him.

“Skippy Lee’s?” Ryan asks.

“Mmm fries,” Kaylee says.

“I can go for a shake. I’ll share your fries,” Nate says and kisses Kaylee on the forehead. “Every time I get my own these two decide to go to war and use mine as ammunition.”

“When was the last time we did that?” I ask, pulling away from Ryan.

“Last week,” Kaylee says and hops in the backseat, yanking Nate’s suspenders urging him to join her. He doesn’t hesitate and dives in after her. 

“Oh. The Fred Flintstone Debate,” I say. “I forgot about that.” I laugh when I remember throwing a fry at Ryan’s head when he insisted our teacher looked like Fred Flintstone. 

“I still think Mr. Berkins looks like Fred—”

I put my finger over his lips. “Don’t start that argument again. Because when we get to Skippy Lee’s I
will
dump Nate’s milkshake on your head.”

“Why is it always my food?” Nate sticks his head out the window, then Kaylee pulls him back in.   

“You can’t tell me he doesn’t. The nose. The hair. Those feet.”

“Why are you looking at Mr. Berkins’ feet?”

“How can you miss them?”

I pinch his side and he jumps away from me, but just as quickly comes back and tries to tickle me. We square off. Neither of us willing to make the next move.

“Guys, I’m hungry,” Kaylee says from inside the car. Probably because she knows this can go on all night.

“Truce,” Ryan says and holds out his hand.

I stare at his palm then flash my eyes back to his, making sure his face isn’t turning into a grape. When all his tells are in check I reach my hand out to him and shake.

His fingers wrap around mine and he pulls me to him. When I’m pressed against his chest he tickles my side and I squeal. “You had no tells!”

“I was set on a truce, but when you rubbed up on me, I couldn’t resist.”

I smack his shoulder and he grabs my hand, placing a kiss on my knuckles.

“Alexis?” I hear and I know that voice. My limbs turn to solid ice and I’m frozen in place.

Ryan’s eyebrows turn in and I know he’s waiting for me to turn around or say something, but words have fled and I’m comatose.

“Can we just talk? Five minutes. That’s all I need.”

“Lex, do you know this guy?” Ryan asks.

I open my mouth, but only a faint sound comes out.

“I’m her father.”

Ryan’s eyes widen as his hands clench into fists at his side. I rest my hand on his, hoping to calm him down. Words find me and I finally gain the courage to turn around and face my past.

“I have nothing to say to you,” I say to the man who was once my Dad, my hero, and who now is nothing more than a sperm donor.

“I get that. I do. But I have plenty to say to you,” he says and I try to ignore the vulnerable look in his eyes. Try to pretend I don’t hear the desperation in his voice.

“You heard her.” Ryan steps in front of me. “She has nothing to say to you. Lex, get in the car.”

I appreciate the whole me Tarzan you Jane hear me roar act, but this is my problem. I don’t need Ryan fighting my battles. Just like I don’t need him paying my way. My piggy bank, Miss Piggles, is almost double since the senior trip. There’s a reason I’ve been working so much overtime. I love him for wanting to take care of me, but I need to prove to myself that I’m capable too.

“Lexie, come on,” Nate says from the window and my heart pinches at the concern in his tone.

Whether I can do it on my own or not is one thing, but what I do know… I have nothing to be scared of. I have an amazing support system and no matter what happens in the next five minutes, in the next twenty years, I know they’ll be there for me in any way I need them to be.

For right now, I got this.

I step out from behind Ryan and stand in front of him.

“You don’t have to do this,” he whispers in my ear.

“I changed my mind. I do have something to say to you.”

The low-life that is my father only by blood runs his hand through his dark graying hair and nods. “Please.”

I glance around. The parking lot has thinned out, and I’m grateful I’m not about to put on a show for my classmates. God knows if Sandy got wind she’d be more than happy to spread a million rumors. Some people can never let things go.

With a deep breath I reach deep into my heart, down to the place I’ve learned to block off. and feed on the hidden emotions.

“You abandoned me.”

“Let me—”

I hold my hand up. “Let
me
finish. You were my hero and I loved you more than anything. The day you left broke my heart. Haunted me for years. I thought it was me. I was seven and I thought I was the reason you left. What I went through... What I’ve been through because of you... It doesn’t matter. Not anymore. I’ve moved on. I suggest you do the same.”

Ryan’s hand wraps around mine and I find the strength to finally put this all behind me.

“Goodbye,” I say and go to turn around, get in the car and get as far away from here as I possibly can when my father rests his hand on my shoulder.

“I’m sick.”

***

“I’m not letting you do this without me,” Ryan says, holding my hands as we stand just outside my place.

Once my father said he was sick, a part of me felt obligated to hear him out. Not that I owe him that or anything, but I figure it’s the right thing to do. Maybe once he says his piece he’ll finally get back on the road and do what he does best—leave.

Mom’s already on edge because of this whole messed up situation. The last thing I need is to make it worse. So even though I can’t imagine Ryan not being with me, holding my hand and making soft soothing circles on my skin, I need to do this without him. Time to pull out those big girl panties and deal with my problems on my own.

“I love that you want to be here for me. That no matter what you’re always at my side, but this time I have to face my past myself. I’ll be fine. And I promise I’ll tell you everything.”

“I don’t like this. I don’t trust him.”

“I don’t either. But I know no matter what he says, it’s not going to change anything. He left. There’s nothing he can say that can make up for the past ten years. So don’t worry about me. I’m pretty tough. I can handle it.”

Ryan tucks my hair behind my ear, sending shockwaves of romantic goose bumps all up and down my spine. “Call me as soon as he leaves.”

I hold my pinky up and smile. “Pinky swear.”

Ryan links his pinky with mine. He pulls me in and presses a kiss to the top of my head before jumping in the IROC and taking off.

My heart doesn’t even race as I step into the living room and see my dad sitting on our couch. I’m not scared. I’m not anything. Just over it.

I lean against the far wall and cross my arms. Mom hands a mug to her ex husband then settles in the seat across from him with her own coffee. Her face is emotionless, except for the tightness in her jaw. She’s putting up a front, but I know her better than anyone. Deep down she’s a category five disaster.

I hate that she’s uncomfortable. I hate that she has to see this asshole after all these years.

“So let’s hear it,” I say, waving my hand to get this going so it can be over already.

“I don’t know where to start.”

“Lexie said you’re sick,” Mom says, then takes a sip from her mug before continuing. “How sick are you?”

He forces a smile, but it falls short and I try to gauge if it’s even real. “Cancer.”

Mom tries to cover her gasp, but she doesn’t do a very good job of it. After clearing her throat she says, “What kind?”

“Pancreatic. Doc says I have six months if I’m lucky. He told me about this experimental treatment, but I don’t have insurance and I can’t afford it.”

Bingo. I knew it. Of course he’s here because he needs something.

“Well if you’re here for money, we don’t have any. Look around, not exactly the Taj Mahal.”

“Alexis, mind your manners.”

“Why?”

“He
is
your father.”

“Really? Then where the hell has he been my whole life? The only father I know is Pop-pop, and he would never run out on his family.”

Mom glares at me with the same look she used to give me when I was five and acting out. “Alexis, that’s enough.”

He rests his hand on Mom’s and I want to swat it away. “No, it’s all right. I deserve it.”

I tip my head up in victory. He’s damn right he deserves it. Though I don’t need
him
agreeing with me.

“So why’d you leave? Where have you been? Why haven’t you picked up a damn phone and made a single phone call? Picked up a pen and mailed a letter? Heck, sent an email.” Anger tries to control me, but I get the upper hand and push it back down.

“You don’t remember much of me, do you?”

“I remember enough.”

“Then you know everything I did was with good intention, but I didn’t always make the best decisions. The reason I left was because of the worst decision I ever made. One I regret every single day of my life.”

I raise an eyebrow and wait for him to spit it out already.

“We were struggling. The bills kept piling up and no matter how much overtime I took on, it
still
wasn’t enough. I made an arrangement that guaranteed me money and fast. But I botched it. The guy threatened to kill me and my family if I didn’t join his team and work off my debt.” He runs a hand over his face and regret flashes in his eyes. “His so-called team were a bunch of gang members and thugs. I knew the minute I joined them I’d be putting your lives in danger anyway. So to keep you both safe, I joined them and left. I didn’t see any other option. If anything happened to either of you, I…” Tears build in his eyes and it seems genuine, but for all I know he’d taken acting classes in the past ten years.

“You could’ve said something. You could’ve called.”

“It was better you had no idea where I was. If I had to do it all over again, and couldn’t change the deal, then I wouldn’t do anything differently. You two are alive and well and never had to deal with that screwed up world. It doesn’t mean I don’t regret it because I do.”

He reaches his hand out to Mom and after only a second of hesitation she slips hers in his. “I loved you so much. Leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did. I know sorry is only a word and can’t convey how truly heartbroken I am for what I did, but it’s all I have. I just hope one day you can forgive me.”