Long Way Home (24 page)

         “To
listen to you talk to her, someone would think you were here to stay, defending
the town like that,” he said.

         She
again shrugged.  “This is home...and where you are.”

         She
watched as those words rocked him back on his heels.

         “What
do you want from me, Tessa?” he asked, his voice low.

         Tessa
stood.  “Nothing, Shane...except what you want to give.  I know I
hurt you and I have no right to ask, but...you’ve been in my life for as long
as I can remember.  This last year without you...sucked.  I just want
you back in my life, in whatever capacity you will allow.”

         He
nodded.  “Anything else?”

         She
studied him a moment, trying to ascertain his thoughts from his stance. 
His hands were still shoved in his pockets, but his shoulders were no longer
hunched as if expecting a blow.

         “Yeah...I
could really, really use a hug right about now.  I just...yeah, I just
need to feel your arms around me.  I know I’ve no right to ask and...”

         He
stepped to her and folded her into his embrace.  “Shut up, Tess,” he
murmured against her ear.

         She
stiffened for just a moment, and then it was as if a switch was flipped and she
found herself melting against him, her arms wrapping around his powerful back,
hands fisting in his shirt.  He shifted his hold, one hand cupping the
back of her head and holding her against his chest, his other arm around her
waist.

         “Oh,
God...Shane,” she breathed. 

         “Shh,”
he soothed, kissing her temple.  “It’s OK.  You’re safe now.”

         “I
was so scared I wouldn’t be able to handle your touch,” she whispered, her
voice thick with emotion.

         “What
are we saying here, Tess?  I’m back to my earlier question: what do you
want from me?”

         She
took a deep breath and pulled back enough to look up into his blue eyes. 
She wasn’t sure what he was offering or what he was feeling, but after months
of being apart and realizing what a mistake that had been, she decided now was
the time to lay it all out on the line.

         “All
I know is that I miss you.  You’ve been my best friend for so long, it
hurt not to be able to talk to you these last few months.”

         He
nodded and kissed her brow.  “I’ve missed you, too.  But I meant what
I said earlier.  My heart can’t handle another round with you,” she
stiffened in his arms and tried to pull back, “let me finish...if you want me
back in your life, then you’re going to have to come into this with the
attitude that we’re in this together.  You can’t get spooked and decide on
your own to walk away.  You start feeling that way, you talk to me. 
No making decisions because you think it’s for my own good.”

         “I’m
so messed up, Shane.  I have...so many issues...I don’t know if I can be
what you need me to be, I don’t know if I can handle being intimate, or...”

         “We’ll
figure it out, Tess.  You cut my heart out but you didn’t give it
back.  It’s still yours.  Always has been yours.”

         She
pulled back giving him a skeptical look.  “And the librarian?”

         “I
thought you weren’t coming back.  I tried to move on with my life.  I
have feelings for her.  I won’t lie.  If you hadn’t come back, I
don’t know where things would have gone with her, if anywhere at all. 
Like I said, you still had my heart.”

         She
had more questions but let them go for now.  There were other things they
needed to address now.  Seeing the party begin to surge closer to where
they stood, she took his hand and led him away from the deck, going again down
to the shore of the lake.

         “How
much do you know, about what happened to me that day?”

         He
looked down at their joined hands and smoothed his other hand over the back of
the one he held.

         “Just
what was in the reports.  You were raped.  There were 6 different
sperm samples recovered in the rape kit.  Multiple broken bones. 
You’ve a plate in your cheek now.  Shoulder has two pins in it, your back
had several skin graft surgeries...they messed you up...bad.”

         She
noted that he didn’t list the miscarriage.  Did he still think she didn’t
know?

         “Yes...as
I said, my uterus was heavily damaged.  And I lost...” her voice
cracked. 

         “I
know,” he replied softly.  “What happened that day?”

         She
shook her head.  “I can’t talk about it.”

         “Tess...”

         “No.
I mean, I will, but I can’t talk about it now.  Not here, and not...not
while we’re finally talking and together again for the first time.  I don’t
want that ugliness here now.”

         “The
trial is coming up, babe.  I gotta know what happened before then. 
Don’t make me hear it for the first time in the court room.”

         She
took a deep breath and released it slowly.  “OK, but not here.  We
need to be somewhere private.”

         He
nodded.  “Let’s go.”

         Shane
held tight to Tessa’s hand and led her past the gathering on Steve’s back deck
and around to the front of the house.  He knew she’d driven her mother’s
vehicle there, but no way was he letting her out of his grasp now.  He’d
call Gib and let them come pick it up...later.  For now, he led her to his
truck and opened the door for her.  He saw Tessa’s eyes stray over to her
mother’s car, but she didn’t say anything as she climbed inside his
truck.  He shut her door then crossed over to the driver’s side and got
in. 

         “Good
thing you’re the Sheriff and everyone knows not to block you in,” she said,
noting that her mother’s car was nicely caged in.

         “Oh,
yeah, has its advantages,” he said dryly.

         The
corner of her lips rose slightly and he took that as a small victory.  He
felt a small knot form in his gut as he drove her the three miles around the
bend of the lake to his house.  It was important to bring her here;
important that she like it...he’d done it all for her.

         When
they approached the gate, he saw her sit up a bit straighter as recognition
dawned on her as to where they were.  He hit the remote and as he drove
through and rounded the bend, couldn’t help but sneak a glance over at
her.  The gasp that escaped her when she saw his house was
priceless.  It told him all he needed to know.

         “Shane!”
she cried softly, leaning forward as he approached the house. 
“Stop.  Let me out now,” she demanded, not wanting to wait for him to park
in the garage.

         He
indulged her, letting her scramble out while he pulled into the garage. 
When he walked out, he found her standing right where he’d let her out, staring
up at the house, visibly trembling.

         “It’s
just like I pictured it!” she exclaimed.  He doubted she was even aware of
the tears that were spilling down her cheeks, but he was.  He looked up at
the house, seeing it through her eyes.

         “Well...I
had a pretty specific list,” he said, referring to the list they made up when
they were kids, sitting on a blanket on the site where the house was now. 
“I tried to incorporate as much of it as I could.”

         “Really?”
she asked, looking up at him, her eyes bright.

         For
Shane, the world stopped moving in that moment.  He looked down into the
face of the only girl he’d ever loved and knew he was on the verge of finally,
finally
getting everything he’d ever wanted and wished and prayed
for.  He lifted his hand and brushed the backs of his fingers along her
cheek, wiping her tears away. 

         “It was
our dream house...how could I not build it?”

         “Shane,”
she gasped.

         He
gently kissed her brow.  “Come on...let me show it to you.”

         Tessa
froze, shaking her head.  Shane turned to face her and gently cupped her
face in his hands.

         “What
is it?”

         “I
can’t believe you did this,” she whispered.

         “I
guess I always hoped, in the back of my mind, that you’d be back.  Come
on,” he let his hands trail from her face and captured one of her hands in his
to lead her up the steps to the huge wrap-around porch.  There were porch
swings and rockers spaced comfortably about, just as she’d envisioned. 
They followed the porch around to the back where she froze once again. 
The natural waterfalls where they’d first made love were enhanced by a swimming
pool that looked more like an extension of the lake rather than a swimming
pool. 

         “It’s
breathtaking,” she whispered to him.

         “Is
it how you saw it when we talked about it?”

         “It’s
better.”

         She
followed him inside and again saw several of the features they’d put on their
list.  The kitchen was warm and inviting and had the fireplace that she’d
wanted, along with the marble countertops and butcher-block island.  The
dining room was formal but inviting with a large rustic pine table. 
Everything about the house was rustic, masculine, but welcoming and warm. 
She loved every inch of it already.

         The
master suite was the only deviation from their teenage list.  It had the
fireplace that was shared by the bedroom and bathroom but her teenage mind
could never have conjured the decadence of a multi-head steam shower and
enormous two-person Jacuzzi bathtub.

         “This
place is more than I could have ever dreamed, Shane.  You did great,” she
said, accepting a glass of wine from him when they’d worked their way back down
to the family room.

         “Thanks.”

         She
crossed back to the window to gaze out at the waterfall that he’d had enhanced
with landscape lighting.  She felt him move closer to her but knew he was
keeping his distance, giving her space.

         “I’d
been worried about you and your dad,” she began, eyes still out on the
waterfall.  “No one had an update for me.  I got careless in my
worry.  Paul walked in when I was asking Gib for an update.  I tried
to play it off, but his suspicions were already raised.  He tipped
Nathaniel off.  They began monitoring me more closely, and then that day,
Nathaniel walked into the bathroom when I was in the shower...”

...
Fourteen months earlier
...

         Tessa
froze when she heard the bathroom door open and saw Nathaniel step in. 
Cursing under her breath, she did her best to cover herself, but in a
completely open glass shower, it was difficult.

         “Nathaniel? 
I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t come in while I was showering.”

         “Turn
the water off, Madelyn,” he ordered, his voice harsh.

         “What
is...”

         “NOW!”
he roared, causing her to jump. 

         She
turned the water off and reached for her towel, but he viciously yanked it
away.

         “Nathaniel?
What has happened?” she asked, cursing the fact that the mike would not work
while her hair was wet so she couldn’t clue the guys in to what was happening.

         He
ripped the shower door open and reached in and grabbed a handful of her hair,
roughly yanking her out.

         “Who
are you?” he growled.

         “You’re
hurting me!” she cried, trying to escape his grasp.  He tightened his hold
on her hair and let the back of his hand fly across her cheek, knocking her
further off balance.

         “You
aren’t who you’ve portrayed yourself to be,” he growled, his face inches from
hers.  “Who are you?”

         “I’m
Madelyn,” she insisted, trying to regain control of the situation. 

         “Stop
lying!!” he screamed, hitting her once again.  “What is this?” he
demanded, his hand over her belly where Shane’s name was tattooed, proclaiming
her as his.  “Who is Shane?”

         “A mistake
from my youth!  I told you about him, remember?” she told him, “Nathaniel,
I am here with you now.”

         “You’ve
denied me at every turn yet you have another man’s name marked on your body
like a whore!” He hit her again.  Her cheek felt like it was on fire and
she was having a hard time seeing out of her right eye.  “I’ll ask you
once again, Who. Are. You?”

         “Madelyn. 
Maddie.  Madelyn Parker!” she screamed, trying to block yet another blow
to her face.  Her wet feet slipped on the tile as he jerked her around,
earning a kick to her ribs.  She heard a crack and knew a rib or two had
just broken.

         The
door opened and Paul and two other of the Elders came in, each dressed in long
black robes.  She was grabbed and her wrists bound, but not before she
managed to kick and hit and scratch as many of them as she could.  She
pleaded with Nathaniel and was rewarded with a blow to the head so fierce it
knocked her out.

         She
woke up when cold water was thrown on her and a sharp slap landed on her
face.  She was now standing in a gymnasium of sorts, in the middle of the
room on a platform, arms raised above her head, ankles shackled and spread by a
bar between them, surrounded by men in black robes and Nathaniel in a papal
white robe.  He was standing before her, his hand on her throat, painfully
squeezing her air supply.

         “Nathaniel,”
she whimpered, “please.”  She screamed when the sting of a whip cracked
across her back.  It was then she saw Paul standing just within the line
of her peripheral vision, whip in hand.

         “You
don’t speak unless we give you permission,” Paul spat out.

         She
turned toward his voice and spit at him, causing him to deliver three more
vicious lashes.  Nathaniel stepped up then, grabbing her hair and crushing
his mouth down on hers in a brutal kiss.  She fought the wave of nausea
that assailed her and bit down on his lip.  He backhanded her again then
yanked her hair to pull her head back.

         “You
will pay.  For every night you denied me, for making me think you were
more than the whore you are...and when I’m done with you, Paul will have you and
when he’s done with you, each of the Elders will have you.  That’s how we
treat whores here.”

         She
fought, but with her hands and ankles restrained, there wasn’t much she could
do.  Nathaniel came closer behind her and she felt his robes shift as he
roughly forced himself in her.   His possession was brutal, one hand
in her hair and the other on her hip, cutting into her.  All the while, he
hurled insults at her, repeatedly calling her a whore.  Tessa held herself
together as best she could and when he climaxed, she regarded him over her
shoulder, and in the most derisive tone possible she taunted him. 

         “Really? 
Is that all you got?  No wonder you have to resort to rape.  No one
would ask for that little stick you keep in your pants.”

         Of
course she knew that wasn’t the brightest thing to say and it earned her
another vicious beating, but her pride wouldn’t allow his pathetically short
session to go unremarked.

         Once
Paul got his hands on her, her mind checked out on her.  She began
thinking back over her time with Shane, from the first day of Kindergarten to
the last day she saw him.  She clung to each and every memory, even as she
was beaten for not responding to the men.  She prayed she would have the
strength to not disgrace herself and not reveal who she really was.

         It
wasn’t until a loud boom sounded and the door at the far end of the arena burst
open did she allow her thoughts to return to the present.  Armed men came
storming in but all she cared about was the one in the center.  Shane was
there!  He’d come in, rifle at the ready like her own Avenging Angel and
now he was in a confrontation with Nathaniel.  She felt Nathaniel grab her
hair again and felt the blade he held press into her throat.  One of the
others called Shane’s name, sending Nathaniel off on a tangent.  Now he
knew he was looking at the man who, prior to tonight, had been the only man to
ever have her.  She felt the point of the blade slide into her throat and
knew her time was running out.  Gathering what little strength she had left,
she focused her blurry gaze on Shane and called out to him.

         “Shane...Wildcat.”

...
Present Day
...

         “God,
baby, I’m so sorry,” Shane managed when she stopped talking.

         “It
wasn’t your fault, Shane.  Looking back, I should have pulled the plug on
it all myself, a couple of weeks before.  I wasn’t really getting
anything.  The girls who were there were being abused but they were like
those in the BDSM scene...they were so enraptured by Nathaniel and Paul that
they were buying into it hook line and sinker.  Those I was able to form a
relationship with seemed genuinely happy.”

         He
raked his fingers through his hair.  “If I hadn’t have been so distracted
with my dad’s situation I probably would have pushed for the end of it.  I
could tell from the updates Bruce was giving me that the investigation had
stalled.  I just...it was a bad time for my dad.  We almost lost him
and I couldn’t think beyond that.”

         She
turned to face him and caught his hand in hers.  “We can’t sit here and
second guess ourselves.  What’s done is done.”

         He
was quiet a moment, his thumb stroking over her hand, then he looked into her
eyes and asked what he’d been needing to know for a  while.

         “Did
you know that you were pregnant?”

         Her
eyes closed briefly.  “I didn’t know for sure.  I’d begun to suspect
that I was, though.  I hadn’t had morning sickness, but I’d missed my
period and I had a few other physical signs.”

         “After
you were released from the hospital, I knew I couldn’t stay in Austin.  I
couldn’t stand being in my condo without you; I couldn’t face being at the
office.  I couldn’t even be around Pete and Joe without wanting to kill
them. I still haven’t seen them to this day.    My dad was out
of the hospital but still out of commission as far as his job went.  The
Council asked if I would step in as a temporary fill-in.  Gib told me he
was taking you to his place in Cabo.  I packed up that night and came back
here.”