Long Way Home (7 page)

         She
shook her head,  “It doesn’t matter.  I don’t want to hold you
back.  I want you to go to UT and I want you to have the full college experience,
and you can’t do that if you have your mind on a girlfriend who may end up on
the other side of the world in her deployment.”

         “Tessa-”

         “You’ll
see I’m right when you get on campus and are surrounded by all those hot
college girls.”

         “Stop
it,” he said, his voice low.

         She
placed her hand on his cheek and looked deep into his eyes.

         “I
love you, Shane, I always will...but our lives are going in different
directions now.  Maybe, someday, when you’re done with college and
I’m...wherever I’m going to be at that point, we can re-visit this and see if
there’s something here to salvage, but deep down, you know I’m right.  We
have to move on with our lives.”

         Shane
felt like his heart had been ripped from his chest but he let her go.  He
knew it had more to do with her issues with her so-called father but it didn’t
make her leaving hurt any less.  A part of him even knew in the long-run
that she was right; their lives were moving in different directions and it
would be difficult, if not impossible, to maintain a long-distance romance. But
he couldn’t help feeling that when he left town to head to Austin, he was
leaving his heart in her hands.

         When
he was settled in his dorm, he fired up his computer to send her an email, only
to find one from her in his inbox.  Taking a deep breath, he opened it.

        
Dear
Shane,

                   I’m
so sorry I wasn’t able to tell you about my plans.  Every time I tried to talk
to you about it, I couldn’t get the words out.  You know this hasn’t been
a decision I came to lightly.  I suppose I never really told you my
reasons behind the decision, however.  As I sit here typing this, I
realize I still have a hard time putting into words why I chose this.  I
guess the easiest answer would be, I want

the challenge of it.  I want to see if I can do
it.  And I want a chance to see the

world beyond Indian Springs.

         I
know if it had been up to you, we would still be considering ourselves

together.  In a perfect world, I would stay with
you forever, but that isn’t our

reality.  You’re at UT and I want you to have
every ounce of the college

experience while you are there.  After Basics, I
have no clue where I’ll be,

if I’ll even be in the States or not.  I just
didn’t think it was fair to ask you to wait.

         I
love you, Shane.  I always will.  I don’t know where our roads will
take us.

         Someday,
I hope we find each other again.  I meant what I said when I we were five:
we’re going to get married, someday, when we’re big...it just may be that we
have to take the long way home to get there.

         Forever
yours,

                   Tessa

         He
stared at the screen a long time.  He wasn’t quite sure what to make of
what she’d written.  How was he supposed to take that?  His heart was
still reeling from her cutting him loose yesterday.

         Taking
a deep breath, he decided for the first time in his life to lay his heart open
and bare all in an email.

        
Tessa:

                   I’m
not really sure how to respond.  I’m sitting here in my dorm room and I feel
like there is a huge hole in my chest.  You ripped my heart out last
night. I don’t understand why you couldn’t talk to me about the Army.  I
thought we could talk to each other about anything.  That’s what you do
when you love someone. You talk things over and work things out.

         That
being said, I guess I understand why you let me go.  I don’t agree

with your reasoning, but I do understand...a
little.   Neither of us really know life outside of Indian
Springs.  We don’t know what the world holds for us, and you’re right,
holding on to each other may be a mistake.  Doesn’t mean I don’t love
you. 

Can’t shut off my feelings like that.  So, from
this point on, we can be friends. 

Your vision, not mine.  I gave you my
heart.  It’s yours to keep.  If you don’t want

to be mine any longer, I get it; but I ask that you
don’t shut me out of your

life.  I want to know what is happening with
you.  Ever since we called our truce, we’ve always been able to talk to
one another.  I still want that.  You’re my best friend and I don’t
want to lose you.  So, please, as pathetic as my begging

sounds, just promise you will stay in touch. 
Email me.  Text me.  Call me.

I’ll do the same.  I love you.

          Always,

         Shane

         Over
the next years, they stayed in contact via email, texts and instant messaging
but he’d had to work hard at guarding his heart.  In the years since
graduation he’d dated here and there, but no one could replace Tessa in his
heart, and he was afraid no one ever would.

         Every
time he went home for the holidays or to visit his family, he found himself
aching to see her, but she was never there when he was.  It got to be too
painful to be back home in their old haunts so he began coming back less and
less.

         The
last time he saw her, was again at the street dance to open the county
fair.  It was right after he graduated college, when he’d just finished
training to be in DPS.  He hadn’t really wanted to come, but Gracie was
dating a new guy and he wanted to be able to read him the Big Brother Riot Act
and see if he was worthy of his baby sister. 

         He
was sitting at a table on the outskirts of the dance floor, watching his
sisters dance with their boyfriends and feeling a bit at loose ends
himself.  He had gone out with girls through college, but never had an
exclusive relationship with anyone.  He’d enjoyed his college years, had
plenty of female companionship, but since losing Tessa, he hadn’t really wanted
to attach himself to anyone else. 

         Lifting
his beer bottle to his lips, he started to feel a current running through the
crowd.  Something was happening on the other side of the dance floor area
from him.  He watched with mild interest until he saw the crowd shift, and
then it was like in a movie…time literally stood still. 

         Coming
through the crowd, looking better than he ever remembered, was none other than
Tessa Kelly.  His heart began thumping hard in his chest.  Blonde
hair, eyes so green they were almost turquoise, so bright he could see them
from across the dance floor, even with the dim illumination from the party
lights and tiki torches.  She wore a white tank top with a rhinestone
cross on the front, jeans that hugged her hips and showed off curves that she
hadn’t had the last time he’d seen her and boots that were heeled and sexy as
hell on her. 

         He
stood and the movement drew her gaze to him.  When her eyes met his, she
laughed and took off at a run toward him, dodging the couples dancing.  He
met her half way and she leapt into his arms, wrapping her legs around his
waist and her arms around his neck, squealing with laughter when he spun her
around.

         “How
the hell are you?” he asked, laughing.

         Before
answering, she cupped his face in her hands and leaned down to plant a scalding
kiss on him.  Shane tightened his hold on her and kissed her like there
was no tomorrow.  She tasted even better than he remembered.

         “Get
a room, McCanton!” someone called, causing Tessa to pull back.  She
pressed her forehead to his and slid her hands from his cheeks to his hair.

         “Oh,
my God, I’ve missed you!” she breathed.

         “Why
didn’t you tell me you were coming?  I would have picked you up at the
airport..”

         “It
was a last minute thing, and I’m only here until Monday morning.”

         As
if on cue, the band began to play “I Cross My Heart” by George Strait. 
Tessa pulled her head back and Shane let her slowly slide down to her feet,
then pulled her close and they began to dance, just as they’d done at the
street dance all those years ago when they first got together. 

         “You
look amazing,” he told her, his hand running up and down her back as they
danced. 

         “You
aren’t so bad yourself, handsome,” she said, smiling at him.  “So, do we
consider this our song?” she teased.  “It was the first song we ever
danced to.”

         “I
remember,” he said, bringing her hand that was clasped in his to his lips,
kissing her fingertips.  “I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve
seen you.  You’re even more beautiful than I remembered.”

         She
curled her other hand around the back of his neck and pulled his head down so
that her lips were near his ear, her fingers teasing the hair at his nape.

         “Let’s
go by the waterfall on your land,” she whispered to him.  “I want to be
alone with you.”

         Shane
pulled back to look into her eyes, “Yeah?”

         “Oh,
yeah, baby.”

         He
gave her hand a squeeze, shifted his hold on it, then pulled her off the dance
floor.  “Let’s go.”

         As
they were walking away, he heard his mother calling him but decided he wasn’t
going to let her sidetrack him like he did all those years ago when he first
danced with Tessa.  He wasn’t going to let anyone come between them now, especially
not if she had less than forty-eight hours to be here. 

         “How
long are you home for?” she asked.

         “Gotta
leave late Sunday.”

         “Even
sooner than me.”

         “Low
man on the totem pole.  I got lucky just being able to get off for this
weekend.”

         “We
have a short window to come home before we ship out.”

         He
stopped walking and glanced at her, feeling a shot of fear shoot down his
spine.

         “Where?”

         “Afghanistan.”

         “God,”
he breathed, pulling her back into his arms, holding her as if she might
disappear at any moment.

         She
clung to him for several moments before turning her head and kissing his
throat.

         “Come
on, Shane.  Take me to the falls.”

         He
took a deep breath.  “Yeah.  Let’s go.”

         He
took her to his truck and held her hand while they drove to his land and the
waterfall where they first made love. 

         “It’s
so beautiful here,” she sighed when he parked and she jumped out of the
truck.  It was dark but there was a full moon that gave off just enough
light so she could see where she was going.  “Never thought I’d say this,
but I’ve missed being home.”

         “There’s
something to be said for this place,” he agreed.  “I can see why my dad
walked away from DPS to come back here when he did.”

         “You
want to come back some day, too, don’t you?”

         “Someday. 
Don’t you?”

         She
shrugged and sat down. 

         “I
guess I haven’t thought that far into the future.  Kinda hard when all I’m
thinking about is how not to get shot.  Or blown up.  Or shot,” she
said on a laugh.

         “That’s
not funny, Tess.”

         She
looked over her shoulder at him.  “Come on, Shane, you know I’m basically
a secretary.  I’m with Captain Gibson more often than not.  Even over
there, I’ll be where he is.”

         He
rubbed the back of his neck and sat down beside her.  “Yeah, but…you’re
still a soldier.  You will have a gun and be over there, in harm’s way.”

         “Well,
yeah, I’ll be in Afghanistan, but it’s not like I’ll be on the front
lines.  Captain Gibson won’t even be on the front lines.  He’s the
C.O.  The Rangers will be out on their missions…I’m battalion support and
the Captain’s liason to HQ.  I’m more likely to get a paper cut than
anything else.”

         “It’s
not as easy as that and you know it.”

         “It
really kinda is.  Like I said, I’m battalion support for a group of
Rangers.  It’s like I have a whole troupe of Big Brother Badass types
looking out for me.”

         At
that he laughed.  “Yeah, I’m sure they all have a lot of brotherly
thoughts when it comes to you.”

         She
laughed with him.  “Most of them do.  There are a couple who’d like
to be more than friends but I think they’re too afraid of the Captain to ever
try anything with me.”

         He
met her eyes in the moonlight.  “Would you want them to try anything with
you?”

         “Nope. 
I value my career too much.  Captain Gibson took me under his wing early
on in my career.  I could have ended up in a much less challenging role in
the Army had he not intervened.  I owe him a lot and there is no way in
hell I would do anything to jeopardize my position with him. 
Fraternization isn’t allowed and I make sure to let all the guys know that
isn’t an option with me.  Luckily, since they are elite Special Forces
types, I don’t have to really worry about anything after the initial rebuff.”

         “So…you
don’t have a boyfriend?”

         She
leaned closer to him.  “Just a long distance one,” she whispered, an
instant before kissing him.  She crawled onto his lap to straddle him and
pulled his shirt from his jeans, still kissing him into a frenzy.  When
she reached for his belt buckle, though, he tore his mouth from hers,
breathless.

         “Let
me take you somewhere…we can drive into Sorghum Mills to a hotel or…”

         She
caught his lower lip between her teeth, cutting him off.

         “Later…I
want you here, in our place…now, Shane.”

         “I
don’t have any protection…” he began but she again cut him off.

         “I’m
on the pill, and I haven’t been with anyone since you…don’t make me beg.”

         He
froze momentarily and looked into her eyes.  “No one?  Not in four
years?”

         “You’re
all I’ve ever wanted, Shane.  Only you.  And you’re wasting time,”
she said, tugging on his belt.

         “Yes,
ma’am,” he finally relented.

         They
made quick work of undressing.  Shane marveled at the changes being in the
Army had made to her body.  Her curves were lush and toned and all woman,
no traces of the eighteen year old body he knew before left.   He
gave her the top, let her take him and control the pace, loving the look of her
body in the moonlight.  The sound of their lovemaking was drowned by the
sounds of the waterfall; their shouts of satisfaction barely heard above the
rushing water. 

         “I’ve
missed you…so much,” she confessed, lying on his chest as they both struggled
to control their breathing. 

         “I’ve
missed you, too, Tess…I wish you were home to stay.”

         She
lifted her head to rest her chin on her folded hands on his chest, looking down
at him.

         “I
extended my service.  I’ve been at Fort Benning the entire time.  I
wanted a chance to go overseas.  When Captain Gibson took this tour, I
knew I had to go with him.”

         “You
got a thing for this Captain Gibson?” he teased.

         Tessa
smiled.  “No, not like that.  He’s like a father to me.  His
secretary was retiring after my first year of service.  She hand-picked me
to be her replacement.  She said she could tell that I had the right
personality to suit him.”

         “I
just can’t see you being anyone’s secretary.  Seems like a waste of your
talent to me.”

         “Well,
I’m not a secretary in the traditional sense.  Tactical support for the
unit is what I’m best at.  Not to brag too much, but I’m the reason
Captain Gibson is even heading to Afghanistan.  Three of our Rangers, Colt
Harris, Jack Cooper and Derek Whitten were assigned to a Special Forces Task
Force.  It’s a joint effort with the SEALs and the Marines.  Colt,
Coop and Whit specifically asked for me to be head of their tactical
support.  Captain Gibson stipulated that where I go, he goes, so they
basically created a position for him so that he could accompany me.”

         “That’s
awesome, Tess.  And that’s more fitting of you than just being a
secretary.”

         “What
about you?  Four years of college and you’re going in as a patrolman?”

         “Gotta
pay my dues.”

         She
stroked his hair.  “You just be smart out there and be careful.”

         “Same
goes,” he countered, kissing her.

         They
spent every minute of the rest of their time together that weekend.  It
was like the last four years had never happened and they’d never been
apart.  After they dressed, Shane drove them into Sorghum Mills and they’d
checked into a hotel and spent hours in bed, rediscovering each other, knowing
it would be a long time before they saw each other again. 

         Sunday
evening, they parted with promises to stay in touch as much as possible. 
Shane hated leaving her.  He had a sinking feeling in his gut that things
would never be the same between them after this.

         Tessa
had watched him go, knowing that she’d been foolish to spend the time with him
that she did, but knowing that she couldn’t help it.  She was slated to be
in Afghanistan for two to three years.  Who knew what could happen in that
time.  She’d made him promise not to put his life on hold for her. 
She knew that, while she’d not been with anyone since him, he had dated around
during college.  News of his exploits had always reached her, either from
her mother or one of her hometown friends.  She hadn’t expected him to put
his life on hold for her; that was why she had broken up with him when she left
for Basics.