Long Way Home (9 page)

         “Partly…you’re
over dressed for this party, McCanton,” she said, tugging at his undershirt.

         “In
a minute,” he said, brushing her hand away.  “What’s this?” His fingers
brushed some ink just above her bikini line on her lower abdomen.

         “Oh.
 Uh, yeah, um…that’s a tattoo.”

         “I
can see that.  What does it say?”

         “You
have suddenly lost the ability to read?” she asked dryly.

         “No,
but I want to hear you say it.”

         A
smile tugged her lips.  “It says, ‘Shane’s’.”

         He
rewarded her admission by placing a lingering kiss over the ink.  “Bet
that made for some interesting conversation with your other boyfriends.”

         She
didn’t reply.  Her silence alerted him and he looked up from the tat to
meet her direct gaze.

         “There
haven’t been any other boyfriends, Shane.”

         He
went completely still.  “What?”

         “There
hasn’t been anyone since you.  I told you that six years ago.”

         “I
know, but, it’s been years.”

         She
nodded.  “I’ve been busy building my career.”

         “No
one?  None of those Army Rangers you were around?”

         “Fraternization
is against regs,” she reminded him,  “and I wanted them to see me as a
soldier, not a potential bedmate.”

         He
stroked his thumb over the tattoo.  It was small, maybe the length of his
middle finger, black ink in beautiful script.

         “When
did you do this?”

         “Right
after we were together that last time back home.  I wore a bikini
sometimes at parties.  I wanted the guys to think there was someone back
home waiting for me, so they’d leave me alone.”

         “You
wore a bikini low enough for this to be seen?” he asked incredulously.

         She
smiled.  “Hey, ya got it, flaunt it.”

         “Hence
your need for the tattoo of a semi-imaginary boyfriend.”

         She
looked up into his eyes and stroked her hand over his cheek.  “You look
pretty real to me.  Besides, they’d heard us on the phone together
before.”

         “Must
have worked.”

         “Well,
that and the fact that they were all intimidated by me.”

         He
shook his head.  “I’m sure they placated themselves by saying you were a
lesbian.”

         “Yeah,
there was some of that talk, too.”

         “Got
some ink of my own,” he said, pulling his shirt over his head.

         Tessa
came up on her knees to inspect the tribal dragon on his left pectoral.
 It was black ink, intricately done, and within the swirl and points of
the design, where the heart of the dragon was, were the initials T.K. in red,
right over his heart.

         “T.K.,”
she said, touching the letters.

         He
rubbed the heel of his hand over the ink, catching her fingers under his hand.
 “You’ve never been far from my heart, Tess,” he confessed.

         “Aww,
you can be sweet.  My hometown golden boy,” she teased.

         She
kissed the tattoo then pulled his head down to kiss her lips.  That they
both marked their bodies with the other’s name said worlds about their
feelings.  Shane smoothed his hands over her hair and face, pushing her
back to the mattress.  Tessa looked up into his blue eyes and what he saw
in her eyes took his breath away.  Absolute trust.  It was as if they
were back on that blanket by the waterfalls.  She looked at him in that moment
like he was everything in her whole world.

         “I’ve
missed you so damn much, Tess,” he whispered.

         “I’ve
missed you, too, Shane,” she admitted.

           She
wrapped her legs around his waist and when he slid inside her, they both took a
deep, calming breath, both realizing they’d just come home.  They made
love tenderly, rediscovering and reclaiming each other.  He found other
battle scars on her body; she kissed the scar under his eye and on his knee
from his fight with her father all those years ago, found other battle scars on
him as well.

         In
the afterglow, she lay nestled against his side, her ear over his pounding
heart.  For several long moments they lay silent, each lost in their own
thoughts, still stroking each other.

         “You’ve
seriously not been with anyone since me?” he asked, stroking her hair.

         She
looked up at him, her eyes serious.  “No,” she confessed softly.
 “What about you?  I’m not naïve enough to think you’ve been celibate
all these years.”

         He
was idly stroking her hair, loving the feel of its silky strands between his
fingers.  “No, I haven’t…but there’ve only been a few and nothing serious.
 No real relationships since you.”

         She
smiled then laid her head back on his chest, letting her fingers lightly
explore his six-pack abs.  “Why do you think that is?  Are we too
career minded?  Or is it really that we are perfectly matched like Miss
Nettie and her friends said?”

         “Probably
both…talk to me about this assignment, Tess.  I gotta be honest, it scares
the living daylights outta me to think about sending you into that.  Have
you really done your research on them?  I’ve had run-ins with them over
the last few years.  I know what they are capable of.”

         She
got up and grabbed his shirt to cover herself while she paced.  “I’ve read
up on them.  I spoke with Laura Burney, the one woman who did manage to
get out.”

         “I
know Laura well.  She and I have talked extensively about her time there.
 We could arrest them on her testimony alone but she’s too terrified of
the Heltons to press charges.”

         “I
know.  She’s willing to help as much as she can behind the scenes but her
fear of them is too strong for much else.”

         He
sat up, leaning back against the headboard, sheet draped over his midsection.
 “Then you know what she says they do to women.  They aren’t just
some religious cult, Tess.  It’s all a front for their sexual
perversions.”

         “I
know that…but if there’s a way I can help those women then I’ve got to try.”

         “Why
you?  How did you go from the Army to the FBI anyway?”

         She
raked her hands through her hair and reached for the room service menu.

         “I’m
starving, you want anything?”

         “In
a minute.  Talk to me, Tess.”

         With
a sigh she put the menu down and resumed pacing.  “I’ve told you some of
this before.  Gibson was CO of the Ranger battalion I was assigned to. I’d
been with him ever since leaving Basics.  His secretary retired a few
months after I was assigned to his office.  She liked me, thought I had a
good work ethic and would be suited to his personality.  We clicked. 
He took me under his wing and led me safely through nearly 8 years of service.
 It was a little over a month after he left to join the FBI that my convoy
was hit by an IED.  He came to see me in the hospital and offered me the
position once I recovered from my injuries.  He said he always thought my
talents were wasted just doing technical support.  That was two years
ago.”

         “Two
years?  Why didn’t you tell me?  All this time I thought you were
still in the Army.”

         She
shrugged.  “I honestly don’t know.  I just…we never really talked
about our careers.  Whenever I talked to you I just wanted to hear your
voice and hear about you…and it’s not like you ever really talked about your
job.”

         “No,
but you knew what my job was, where I was living.  I wasn’t off being a
fireman when you thought I was a cop.”

         She
stopped pacing and leaned against the credenza across from him.  “I
just….I didn’t want to get into deep dark discussions with you the few times we
got to talk.  Those precious few conversations carried me through all the
crap I was dealing with.  Can you understand that?”

         He
got to his feet, uncaring of his nudity and came to her.  He took her
hands into his and raised hers to his lips. 

         “Yeah,
I do understand…and I know you aren’t the same person you were, but that
doesn’t mean I don’t still feel protective of you. The thought of you going
undercover and putting yourself in the path of those psychopaths terrifies me.”

         She
closed her eyes when his arms enveloped her, allowing herself to feel soft and
feminine for the first time in a long, long time.  

         “Is
there anything I can say to talk you out of this?” he asked, his voice thick
with emotion.

         “Not
really.  Those women, girls really…they need help.”

         “Have
you done undercover work before?  Deep cover like this?”

         “Not
this deep, no, but I have done short undercover stints.”

         “Damn,”
he breathed, kissing her brow.  “This kind of work, going in that deep and
living a lie…it changes you, Tess…please, don’t do it.  Let someone else
go.”

         She
drew back and looked up into his eyes, touched at his concern for her.

         “I’ll
be all right.  I can do this, Shane, you have to trust me.”

         “I
do trust you…I just don’t want to see you get hurt any more than you already
have been…and it’s not like you’re going to bust a drug ring or something.
 The Heltons are smooth, master manipulators.  They can tell you the
sky is purple and by the time they’re done with you, you believe them.”

         “I’m
not so easily manipulated these days.  Trust me.”

         He
kissed her brow again and pulled her back tightly into his arms.

         “How
about we get dressed and I take you to dinner?” he suggested, dropping the
subject for now. 

         “That
sounds perfect...except you have no buttons left on this shirt,” she said,
holding the edges out to remind him she’d ripped them off.

         “Got
one in the truck.  Let’s go.”

         Over
the next few weeks, Shane and Tessa continued to grow closer.  Every day
they trained, planned and prepared for her eventual entry to the Naturalists’
compound.  He’d gotten her to give up her extended stay suite and move
into his condo so that they were together every night.  It was during the
first couple of days of staying with him that Shane discovered she was having
nightmares about the IED explosion.  She fluffed it off, but he couldn’t
quite dismiss it.  He was concerned about how subjecting her to the
Naturalists would affect her psyche down the road but the kicker was that he
couldn’t mention the nightmares to Bruce or Gibson because if they weren’t
sleeping together he’d never know about them.

         He
had to admit she was good at what she did.  She was an excellent shot,
excelled at hand-to-hand, and did an amazing job at softening the hard Cop’s
Eyes his men had questioned her on that first day.  As D-Day approached,
though, he couldn’t help but wish that he could somehow convince her not to go.

         The
Wednesday before they planned for Tessa to attend a Naturalists Revival, Shane
requested a meeting with Bruce and Gibson just before lunch.  They met in
Bruce’s office, just the three of them.

         “What’s
on your mind, Shane?” Bruce asked.

         “Everything
is ready for Saturday night.  There isn’t anything more we can do.
 I’d like to take Tessa away until Saturday, just give us both a chance to
breathe…and to say good-bye.”

         Gibson
shook his head.  “That’s not a good idea.  This assignment is unlike
anything Tessa’s ever done before.  I need her fully focused and ready.”

         “With
all due respect, sir, she’s as ready as she’s ever going to be.  We’re
about to send her in under deep cover.  Who knows how long it will be
before she can return to her own life.  Give us this time.”

         “I
agree with Shane,” Bruce said, “This case could take months.  Let her have
this last bit of freedom.”

         Gibson
stood and stared out Bruce’s window to the bullpen where Tessa sat with the
rest of the joint team going over the layout of the compound.

         “That
girl is like a daughter to me,” Gibson confessed.  “Do you have any idea
what she went through in Iraq?”

         “I
know her convoy was hit by an IED.  I know that her uterus was so damaged
by shrapnel that she was told she may never be able to have children…and I know
that the first thirteen years of her life were Hell on Earth because her father
beat her mother and constantly berated her.  Don’t think for one minute
that I don’t know what Tessa has suffered through.  Don’t think that it’s
not killing me to know we’re about to drop her right back in to that type of
environment.  It is.  I know what it will do to her, what it will
cost her…but I know that she wants this, and as much as it hurts me, I won’t
stand in her way.  I want to.  I want to take her away from all of
this and protect her, but she’d hate me for it…please…just give us this time
together.”

         The
room fell silent while the two older men contemplated what he said.  He
was fully prepared to take her without their permission if it came to it.
 Bruce knew it, he was sure. 

         Finally,
Gibson took a deep breath, released it.  “Have her back here first thing
Saturday morning.”

         “Thank
you,” Shane said, leaving the office.

         Gibson
leveled Bruce with a look.  “You said he wouldn’t let his feelings for her
interfere with this investigation.”

         “They
haven’t.”

         “He’s
taking my lead asset away two days before the start of the operation.”

         “It’s
the right thing to do and you know it.”:

         “Is
it?” Gibson asked, watching Shane approach Tessa.  “In all the years I’ve
known her, she’s never dated.  Some of the guys thought she was a
lesbian…she told me about McCanton one time.  We were in Afghanistan.
 She said he lost a baseball scholarship because of her, that he’d injured
his knee in a fight with that POS who fathered her.  She said she would
never love anyone but him.  I asked why she wasn’t with him and she told
me she wasn’t good enough for him.”  He turned back to face Bruce.
 “Truth is, he isn’t good enough for her.  No one is.”

         Bruce
smiled.  “On that point, my friend, you are wrong.  There’s no one
more honorable than Shane McCanton.”

         Tessa
had seen Shane enter Bruce’s office with Gibson and watched an animated
discussion unfold.  It looked heated between him and Gib for a few moments,
but when Shane emerged his features seemed relaxed.

         “C’mon,”
he said, offering Tessa his hand, “we’re outta here.”

         “What?
But -”

         “Guys,
see you here Saturday, 10 am.”

         “Later,
Boss, Tessa,” Joe said.

         “What
are you doing?” she asked, following him out of the office.

         “We’re
checking out for a couple of days.  How’s San Antonio sound?”

         She
gaped at him.  “Shane!  We have to prepare for-”

         He
stopped her in the elevator with a quick but heated kiss.  “You are ready,
Tess.  It’s time to focus just on you for a couple of days.”

         She
allowed herself to smile then.  “San Antonio sounds perfect.”

         When
they got home, he was on her the minute the door closed.  Tessa laughed
and eagerly welcomed him.  She met him with equal passion, kiss for kiss,
stroke for stroke.  He took her hard up against the wall and she loved it,
screaming his name when her climax came.

         “Uh
uh,” he said, slowing, “more. Give me more.”

         He
brought her to a second peak before carrying her to the bathroom and starting
all over again in the shower.  By the time they finally landed on the bed,
Tessa wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to walk again…and she loved it.

         Shane
held her tight in his arms, afraid to let her go.  The past few months had
been the best of his life.  He couldn’t stand the thought of her leaving
in a few days.  The condo would seem empty without her; he didn’t know how
he’d make it.

         “Shh,”
she soothed, kissing the scowl from his forehead.  “Don’t think about it.”

         “I
can’t help it,” he admitted on a hoarse whisper.  “I just got you back.”

         “It’s
only temporary.  I’ll come back to you.”

         “But
we have no clue as to when…and…”

         “Let’s
not talk about it now, OK?  We’re together now…are we going to San
Antonio?”

         He
stroked her hair.  “Do you want to?”

         “I
just want to be with you.”

         He
kissed her.  “Get packed then.  Let’s go.”

         In
San Antonio they did their best to enjoy each other’s company and the city.
 They walked hand-in-hand on the river walk and took a riverboat cruise.  They
shopped and got massages at their hotel spa, and made love as if they would
never see each other again.  Tears streamed from her eyes each time and
Shane wordlessly kissed them away.  It was the most perfect time of her
life.  She loved Shane with all her heart and she knew he felt the same
for her…and it was why she knew she would have to let him go, though just the
thought of it broke her heart.

         She
knew he planned to ask her to marry him.  She’d seen the box in his bag
when they’d arrived.  On one level, she was thrilled; Shane was all she
ever wanted; but it was foolish of her to dream of a life with him.  He
deserved someone who wasn’t damaged and who would give him a family.

         Feeling
her heart break into a million tiny pieces, she hugged his arms closer to her
and couldn’t stop the sobs that took over her entire body.

         “Tess…hey,
what’s wrong?” he asked, trying to sit up.  She kept a death grip on his
arms which kept him on his side.  “Baby, talk to me.”  She shook her
head, still sobbing.

         Shane
placed tender kisses along her brow, smoothing her hair back, whispering
soothing words to her.  When nothing worked, he used his strength to pull
his arms free, then proceeded to make love to her once again.

         “Tessa…look
at me,” he demanded while they were still joined.  “I mean it, Tess.
 Look at me!” he said forcefully.

         She
slowly opened her teary eyes and focused in the dark on his deep blue ones.

         “I
love you, baby.  I always have and I always will.  No matter what.”

         “Shane,”
she cried, knowing what he would say next, “please, don’t.”

         He
flexed his hips, moving deep inside her, making her gasp.  “Marry me,
Tessa,” he said on a thrust, “Say yes.  Say yes.”

         “Oh,
God…Shane,” she sobbed, pushing on his chest.

         “I
love you so much, Tess.  No one will ever love you more.  What’s the
line in our song?  You’ll never find a love as true as mine.”

         “Let
me up,” she panted, pushing on his shoulders, panic setting in.  “Oh, God,
Shane, let me up.”

         Stunned,
he rolled away.  She scrambled off the bed but her knees gave out and she
crumbled on the floor, sobbing.  He sat for a moment just watching her,
trying to understand what was happening.  He knew she loved him; knew she
wasn’t flat out rejecting him but still, it hurt.  It hurt to ask and to have
her turn away from him.  Finally, he got up and gathered her into his
arms, sitting and cradling her in his lap, letting her cry it out, just
stroking her hair.

         “I’m
sorry,” she whispered after several long moments.

         “Wanna
tell me what you’re thinking?” he asked quietly.

         She
drew a deep, ragged breath.  “You deserve so much more.”

         “Than
you?” he asked.  She nodded.  “Why would you think that?” Her hand
automatically covered the jagged scar on her abdomen.  “Because of that?”

         “I
can’t give you children,” she whispered.

         He
kissed her brow.  “Do you really think I care about that?”

         “You
should.”

         “Don’t
tell me what I should care about,” he admonished gently.

         “You
may not care right now but you will.”

         “Who
told you that you couldn’t have children?  An Army doctor?”  She
nodded.  “We can go see a specialist, baby.  Don’t turn away from
what we have because of this.”

         “Shane,”

         “Do
you love me?” he asked, cutting her off.

         “You
know I do.”

         He
reached over to the side table and pulled the ring box from the drawer.
 Opening it, he took the diamond out and slipped it onto the third finger
of her left hand.

         “Wear
this until Saturday morning and then I’ll keep it for you.”

         “You
can’t give up a possibility of a family because of me.”

         He
wiped tears from her cheeks with his thumbs, cradling her face in his hands.
 “I can’t live without you.  Not now.”

         More
tears fell down her cheeks.  “This assignment-”

         “Is
temporary, like you said.  Don’t you want to be with me?”

         “I
just don’t want you to miss out on…”

         He
stopped her with a tender kiss.  “I love you.  If you want kids, we
can adopt.”

         “But
you could have-”

         “You.
 I want you, Tess.  If we can’t have our own child, I’m fine with it
just being us or adopting.  Whatever you want.”

         She
stroked his face and kissed him.  “I love you,” she whispered against her
lips.

         “You
wanna get dressed and hit the river walk again?”

         She
shook her head.  “I just want to stay here in your arms as long as I can.”

         “I
can do that.  Wanna soak in the Jacuzzi?”

         Later
that night when Shane had fallen asleep, Tessa went back into the bathroom to
soak in the tub by herself and to try to sort through everything.  She
stared at his ring on her finger.  It was beautiful, a large round diamond
that she guessed to be two karats bordered on each side by two more diamonds,
so five in all, set in platinum.  It showed off her tan to perfection.
 She already loved it and hated that she’d have to give it up to him
tomorrow…but if she allowed herself to be honest, it terrified her too.

         She
did love Shane.  She’d known, even that first day of Kindergarten that
they were meant to be together.  There was a niggling fear, though, buried
deep in her mind, that told her she didn’t need any man; that her mother had
completely lost herself to a man and she vowed that would never be her.
 Even though she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Shane was nothing
like Harrison Kelly, it was hard to shake that fear.