Look After Me (20 page)

I hand her the remote control and then I’m gone, barricading myself inside the bathroom, desperately trying to understand what the hell is happening to me. When I come up blank, I pull my hair in frustration and pretend that this all-consuming, heart racing, lust-filled desire isn’t taking over my life.

“Do you want something to eat?” I ask as I head into the kitchen to grab a bag of pretzels from the cupboard.

“No thanks.”

When I sit back down on the sofa, I notice her shoulders are drooped, her eyes are sad and it’s obvious that she’s shifted a couple of inches to the far end of the sofa. It doesn’t take a genius to understand why she’s suddenly closed off. I’m an asshole, yet the realization doesn’t have me apologizing to her because apologizing means admitting my feelings and that’s something I’m not ready to admit.

Not now.

Not ever.

“What movie did you pick?” I ask as I open the bag of pretzels and pop a pretzel into my mouth.

She barely gives me a side-glance as she grumbles, “
Black Swan,
” and presses play. The movie replaces the awkwardness I caused because I’m a motherfucking idiot with a bucket load of fucked up issues.

After a while, Addison begins to relax and shifts closer to me until her bent knees are lightly grazing my leg. My skin instantly prickles at her innocent touch but instead of letting the touch get the better of me, I simply embrace it, relieved that she is back to her old self again.

“Okay, you’ve been hogging the pretzels, let me have some,” she says playfully as she grabs the bag of pretzels from my lap and plops them on hers. She turns her attention back to the movie, but I find myself ignoring it and watching Addison instead, engrossed within her beauty. Her eyes keep flicking to mine, catching me every single time my eyes fall on her.

I suddenly find the movie very interesting as I take in the scene with two chicks going at it. I shift in my seat as things get heated very quickly, watching with heated eyes as they strip each other’s clothes off. Within seconds, one of the characters is going down on her.
Girl on girl action is so damn sexy.

Painfully turned on, and even more physically aware of Addison than ever before, I find it impossible to keep my hooded eyes from staring at her. My breathing catches at the back of my throat when I’m greeted with Addison’s eyes staring straight back at me with a lust-filled desire that has my cock straining hard against the inside of my jeans. Unable to look away, everything seems to slow down and speed up all at once.

All I can see, feel, and smell is Addison.

Her pulse beating prominently along her neck . . .

Her eyes dilating with heated arousal . . .

Her erect nipples . . .

My eyes trace over her face again, watching as she sexily licks her lips with wild anticipation. Fuck. I want to taste those sweet lips so bad. I want to smell her minty breath against my lips. I want to feel the whimper against my tongue when I force entry inside her hot and filthy mouth.

An indescribable heat runs through my body, and with the audible orgasm from the screen echoing through the sound system, fueling my desire, my hand seeks her jean-clad leg. With an uncontrollable urge, I run my fingers along her inner thigh, stopping before her apex. Through a short inhale of breath and the quickening movement of her chest, her eyes trace over my face then slowly down to my crotch. Through the sensual moaning from the movie, I hear the faintest moan escape her pretty mouth and at that moment I’m officially done for.

My mouth slams hungrily against hers. The feel of her soft lips against mine has me growling against her mouth, my tongue demanding access by a simple sweep of my tongue. Heat circulates my body like scorching hot wildfire as her eager mouth meets each sweep of my tongue. Before I know it, I’m pushing her back against the sofa, my crotch perfectly nestled against hers, my cock bursting at the seams. I feel like a man possessed as I attack her mouth, my hands roaming every inch of her body, itching to feel the heat of her skin between the palm of my hands.

Her small delicate hands drag hungrily against my back and I growl at the incredible sensation of her touch. My hips grind against Addison’s, causing a small cry to escape her pretty mouth that’s still attached to mine, sucking my moist tongue gently.
Fuck, she tastes amazing.
Like fresh lemonade on a hot summers day; sweet and completely refreshing.

The movie fades into the background and all I can concentrate on is Addison and how incredibly responsive she is; how her sweet little moans are driving every bit of insanity I have out of the window. It’s taking every ounce of control not to rip every inch of clothing from her smoking hot body and ravish her until she’s begging for mercy.

Her hands slowly drag down my back until she’s digging her fingertips against the swell of my ass, urging my hips deeper against hers, causing my dick to almost combust. Pulling away for a swift moment, I grab the bottom of her sweater and pull it over her head before slamming my mouth back on hers, claiming her. My lips find a satisfying trail along her neck, licking and sucking against her salty skin. I follow my way down her chest until I come face to face with the swell of her tits in a purple-laced bra, her pink nipples poking through the sheer material. I brush my thumb along her erect nipple, causing her back to arch off the sofa and a breathless moan to escape her swollen lips. Wanting to hear that sound again, but this time louder, I slide the material past her nipple until her breast is freed from the cup. I move my mouth over the tightening bud and suck it into my mouth, causing her entire body to buck and writhe under me. A strained moan falls from her lips and her legs tighten around my waist. Each sound that escapes that beautiful mouth of hers is a direct line to my cock, and the sudden urge to impale my painfully erect dick into her tight pussy ripples through me. My hands furiously seek the button of her jeans desperate to have her out of them.

“Sebastian,” Addison whimpers, her hands reaching out to stop me from going any further. “Stop. I need—I need a minute. It’s too—wow,” she says with a breathless laugh. “It’s happening too fast.” Her breathless words feel like a bucket of ice cold water being doused over my head. I suddenly still in place, my eyes taking in her naked chest, her bare tit still hanging out of her bra, her nipple still wet from my saliva.

Fuck.

No, this can’t happen.

I pull away so fast that my mind barely recognizes the movement until I’m standing up, gripping the back of the sofa in my tense hold. “Shit, that shouldn’t have happened. I . . . this . . . It was a mistake,” I’m trembling as I rush the words out.

Addison’s pretty flushed face turns pale immediately, a frown forming on the very same lips I was attacking only minutes ago, the same lips that were moaning with the sounds of pleasure. Tears form in her eyes as she begins to sit up, covering herself up with a look of pure humiliation on her face. “I-I um, shit I’m sorry,” she whispers and my stomach plummets to my feet. If anybody should apologize, it’s me. I was the person who initiated the kiss.

But I don’t.

Unable to look her in the eyes, I say, “I think maybe you should go.”

She reaches for her discarded sweater and fumbles as she quickly covers up. I watch out of the corner of my eyes as she grabs her jacket and her bag and rushes out of the door, causing me to grimace at the sound of my front door slamming shut.

I squeeze my fists against the cushions of the sofa, angry with myself for letting things get out of control and hurt pretty much the only friend I have. God, I can’t believe I just mauled her like that, then threw her out on her ass like a piece of trash. What kind of person does that?

Her friendship is the best thing to happen to me in a long time and I’ve ruined it because I can’t keep my dick in check. A panic overcomes me when I glance down at my watch and realize how late it is and my protectiveness kicks in. I scramble for my truck keys and head downstairs to take her home. However, she’s nowhere to be seen, so I trudge back up to my apartment.

Shit, if anything happens to her because of me, I will never be able to forgive myself. I type out a quick text message.

Sebastian:
Text me to let me know you got home okay.

Ten minutes pass and as I contemplate driving to her place to check that she’s okay, she finally responds.

Addison:
I’m home.

I’m a little relieved that she hasn’t told me to go and fuck myself, even though that’s what I deserve, but my stomach recoils at the tone of her text message. Just the simple lack of ‘
xoxo’
she usually places at the end of every text message, shows me how hurt and pissed off she is at me.

Fuck.

I’m the biggest jerk on the planet.

MY JERK TENDENCIES STAY in place for the rest of the week as I purposely avoid Addison.

On Wednesday night, the night she usually comes over for our one on one sessions, I text her some bullshit excuse that I was sick. It was a weak ass excuse I know she didn’t believe but all she replied with was:

Okay. I hope you feel better soon.

Of course, her message made me feel like shit. After the way I’ve treated her, she still finds it in the good of her heart to wish me well. Addison is pure and kind and that’s another reason why we shouldn’t do what we nearly did on Saturday; she’s too good for me. She deserves the world and I simply can’t give it to her.

On Thursday, I didn’t have time to dwell on my jerk tendencies since my attention was solely on my beautiful one-year-old daughter, who was running circles around me for the entire day. Then Ava picked her up and I turned into my usual asshole self when my mood turned sour and of course we got into another heated argument over Lily. It’s the same shit with her and I don’t know what I have to do to prove to her that my life is finally back on track.

Being a part-time dad sucks.

Friday rolls around, and as much as I’d like to keep avoiding Addison, I know I can’t. I need to keep on top of my recovery, and in order to do so, I need to attend my weekly meetings. Without Addison, I know I wouldn’t be where I am today. Without her, I’d probably be trying to find my next fix right about now. I need to man up and face her, instead of hiding away.

I’m thirty-two. It’s time to grow up.

I arrive at the church with just enough time to enter the basement and take a seat inside the circle. I chance a glance at Addison, who’s on the opposite side of the circle and find that she’s looking straight at me, but she quickly looks away. I can’t figure out if she’s happy to see me or if she’s incredibly annoyed at my presence. I’d do anything to be greeted by that incredible smile of hers. But I suppose those smiles are limited to those who don’t kiss her and do intimate things with her body before throwing her out on the curb.

I’m a jackass.

The session begins with the usual going around the circle as each of us tells Addison how we’re currently feeling with one word. When it’s my turn, I look her in the eyes and say, “Sorry.”

She blinks as if confused, then smiles the smallest of smiles before turning her attention to the person beside me. For the rest of the session, she doesn’t look in my direction and I stay silent, listening intently to the problems around the circle. Once the hour is over, I stay seated and watch everybody leave until it’s just Addison and me.

After a long moment of staring at me, she finally speaks. “Are you feeling better?”

I smile knowingly. “I think you already know that I wasn’t sick.”

“So you were just avoiding me then?”

I nod because technically I was avoiding her but not for the reason she’s probably thinking. “I felt embarrassed. You didn’t deserve that. I meant what I said earlier, I am sorry.”

She’s quiet as she takes in my words. After a moment of silent deliberation, she stands and walks over to me, taking the seat beside me. “So what was that on Saturday?”

“I think it was a mixture of things.”

“Like what, Sebastian? You have to give me more than that.”

When I don’t say anything, she shifts closer, the sound of her chair screeching against the wooden floor in the process. “Sebastian, I’m asking you this question as your friend, not your counselor. Ever since Saturday night, I’ve been going crazy with confusion and I’d just like to know what’s going on inside that head of yours. I’m usually able to read you so easily but with this, not so much.”

I give out a frustrated sigh, scratching my hand over my light stubble before looking her in the eye. “It was finding you incredibly beautiful and amazing. It was being sexually frustrated as it’s been over a fucking year since I’ve gotten laid, well in the lucid sense at least. It was the movie which, of course, is going to get any hot blooded male horny.”
And the fact that I’m feeling these things for you that are confusing the living shit out of me.

“You think I’m beautiful?” she gasps with a vulnerability that I’ve never heard from her before. It kills me to hear the doubt in her voice. She obviously doesn’t see the beauty that I see every single time I look at her, both inside and out.