Look After You (32 page)

“Wrong? So this feels wrong?” He leans down and presses a delicate kiss against the corner of my lips, cau
sing me to shiver at his touch. “Or this.” He presses tiny luxurious kisses along my neck, towards the curve of my collarbone, and it feels incredible. I feel my legs subconsciously widen for him, and I can’t keep the moan from escaping when I can feel his naked cock harden against my inner thigh. “How about this?” He brushes his lips to the top of my breast. “Does that feel wrong?” He whispers into my breast, sucking at the skin ever so gently. I can barely catch my breath when I feel the warmth of his wet tongue trace along the curve of my breast, circling around the nipple.

“I didn’t…I didn’t mean it like that,” I say on a breathless exhale. I have to remind myself of the mechanics of basic breathing before I pass out. He smirks as he pulls away, his trace of saliva feeling
like hot lava against my skin.

“So what did you mean?” he asks, playing the innoce
nt, and I can’t help but laugh.

“You know what I mean, no sex. Do you want me to spell it out for you?”

He wiggles his eyebrows with a sparkle in his eyes. “I like the sound of that.” He begins to nuzzle into the crux of my neck when we both freeze at the sound of the front door closing shut. Ashton possessively pushes me deeper into the sofa, covering me, at the sound of a man’s booming voice hollering through the house.

“Asher ba-b
y! Where are you motherfucker?”

“Shit,” Ashton curses, as his muscular arms shield me. “Fuck man, don’t you ever knock!” I ca
n’t stop the nervous laugh from leaving my mouth when I hear laughing from the other side of the room.

“Oh, my bad, man!” His friend says
through deep booming laughter. “It’s about time, man. I was starting to think you forgot what a pussy even looked like.”

“Get out!” Ashton growls.

“Alright, alright I’m leaving. You don’t have to tell me twice,” he says through more laughter, and my laughter abruptly stops when I see an attractive black man looking directly down at the both of us. I cower my body deeper into Ashton’s, a blush covering my entire skin.

“Hey, you must be Ava. I’m Darnell.”

Ashton’s eyes turn a deadly black, his arms tensing around me. “Get the fuck out before I kick your ass!”

Darnell
’s eyebrow hitches up with surprise. “Like you could kick my ass, I’m ATF man, you ain’t got shit on me.”

“
Get out!” Ashton growls for the second time.

Darnell backs away with his hands in surrender, a smirk splayed against his face. “Okay, okay…I’ll let you get back to your hot
sex
. Nice to meet you, Ava.” Darnell gives me a quick wink, leaving me utterly mortified when he walks away.

We stay in our intense embrace until we hear the sound of the door finally clicking shut, a clear indication t
hat we are finally alone again. He eases his hold on me and looks down with a mixture of apologetic turmoil and humor. “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t know he would be coming round,” he says regretfully.

“Who was that?” I ask alarmed, my cheeks still flushed from the mortification of having a stranger seeing my partially naked body, buried under his
very
naked friend.

“He used to be my roommate, he moved out about a year ago. You’d think he still lived here with the way he strolls in as if he owned the place. I wish I’d locked the damn door,” he growls. His anger soon subsides when his eyes penetrate mine, dazzling me. “Enough of Darnell, where were we?” His eyes twinkle with mischief a
s he places small kisses along the edge of my jaw.

“We were talking about not having sex,” I try to say as coherently as possible before hi
s kisses begin to overwhelm me.

“
Oh yes, no sex,” he whispers with frustration against my neck, the stubble on his face scratching subtly against my skin, the roughness strangely turning me on.

“
Yes, no sex,” I confirm, smiling confidently. That smile is soon wiped from my face though.

“
I’m not convinced.”

“
And why not?”

“
Firstly, because your naked legs are still wrapped around my naked ass.” He smirks while my smile falters. I feel my feet press deeper against his ass of their own accord, my fingers clutch tighter against his biceps and my insides constrict as his palms move up my thighs, his masculine fingers kneading the muscles with expert precision and I forget almost instantly what we were talking about.

“Secondly, you’re still naked,” he adds. My breath hitches as
his thumbs draw incredible soft circles against my inner thighs. I feel myself moistening as his fingers draw near to my core, and naturally I push my hips out at the sudden tremor of arousal that rushes through my body.

“And third, if I moved just an inch higher I would be inside you, deep…inside…you,” he whispers slowly, the corner of his mouth turns up into a smile when a small moan audibly escapes from my lips at the pleasant, pleasurable im
age he just painted in my mind. “But if you’re sure, we can have
no sex
. When does he come back?” he asks as nonchalant as possible, his face impassive. I swallow heavily as I calculate Sebastian’s arrival and my heart sinks when I do the math.

“
Just under three months…” I trail off with a pained whisper. Ashton purses his lips as if trying to hold in his smirk. “Three months, no sex…no…sex,” he repeats for heightened emphasis, and he knows exactly how his words are affecting me. He is teasing me. His lips ascend along my shoulder, licking and nipping as he trails his mouth towards my ear. I gasp when his tongue swirls inside the dip of my ear.

“Okay,
” he says.

“Okay?” I breathe out with confusion. His tongue is very di
stracting.

“Okay, we won’t have sex.”
 I let off a frustrating sigh, but it comes out as a gasp when I feel his teeth clamp down on my ear. “Anything for you, baby.” He starts to move out from my arms, but I clutch him to a stop.

“Where are you going?” I
ask in a half panic.

“To put some clothes on, you’re too damn tempting all naked and beautiful, and if you don’t want to have sex, then I need clothes on.”

I shake my head, pulling him back closer to me. The idea of not having him in my arms like this for the next three months is too hard. “No.”

“No?”

“No.” I hungrily push my lips onto his, grinding my body into his, desperate for him. “No, I want you to stay here. I want you,” I whimper against his lips.

He chuckles inside my mouth, and I shiver as his laughter vibr
ates from the roof of my mouth. “I thought you might say that,” he arrogantly whispers, as if he knew I would succumb to the power of his mouth. It worked. He presses his mouth to mine and for the second time today, he makes love to me here on his sofa.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The next morning when I walk into my daughters NICU room, I am shocked to see Caleb sat in the rocking chair beside her, reading Lily a story. Silently I approach, placing my purse on the floor, beside her cot.

“
Hey, beautiful,” I say in peaceful tones as I look at Lily, placing my forefinger in the palm of her hand. Smiling down at her, I watch as her beautiful brown eyes gaze around at her surroundings, each day becoming more alert. It is fascinating to watch. I glance up at Caleb the moment he stops reading out loud, and I notice he’s looking straight at me.

“
Hi,” he whispers with a small smile, closing the book shut. Still feeling angry with him, I look away from him, scowling, muttering a half-hearted hello. The atmosphere is thick with tension, and for the first time in years I feel awkward to be in his presence.

“
Ava?”

“
What?” I snap with a quiet whisper, staring daggers at him.

He
sighs sadly and stands up from the chair. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes with genuine remorse to his voice. It tugs at my heartstrings a little, but then I remember the things he said to me yesterday and the blood boiling anger resumes.

“
What for? The fight or turning against me?”

He takes one step closer t
o me, but I take one step back. “Both...I-” He briefly looks down to Lily, then my body physically clenches when I feel his hand touch my arm. He flicks his head into the direction of the door. I follow him outside, quickly realizing Lily shouldn’t have to be subjected to the tension that surrounds us.

He leads me to
an empty corridor and turns to me when we come to a stop. “I’m really sorry; I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that last night. I was more angry than anything, angry that you hadn’t told me.”

“And now?” I prompt him,
crossing my arms over my chest.

“A little disappointed. I didn’t think you had this kind of betrayal in you.”

I look down at my feet as heavy guilt washes through me. “I know, neither did I.” I close my eyes as turmoil seeps through my veins.

“Come here,
” he says. I walk into Caleb’s embrace, my head resting against his chest, my fingers clutching hold of him.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen, I didn’t mean to fall in love with somebod
y else…it just happened,” I say with a shaky breath, a single teardrop rolling down my cheek.

“I know,” he says softly against the softness of my hair, stroking the wavy strands through his fingertips.

“I fought it, I did, desperately but I couldn’t stop it.”

“And what now?”

I glance up to Caleb, and the next words crack my heart into two. “I break his heart.” That is the moment the dam decides to break and I cry uncontrollably in Caleb’s arms. I don’t have to elaborate on who I’m talking about, it’s obvious from my tears.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Hello,” I say nervously as I answer the phone to Sebastian later on that evening, in the comfort of my own kitchen. I can’t keep avoiding him forever. Plus, if I continue to ignore his calls he’s going to become suspicious very quickly, and I need him to come home in one piece.

“Hi, babe, God, I
’ve missed your voice so much.” I clamp my eyes shut as guilt swims through my body, my chin trembling with remorse. “How are you?”

I have to take a deep breath before I answer but that seems difficult to do as the u
rge to vomit becomes prominent. “Yeah, I’m good, really g-good,” I lie, chastising myself for the hesitation in my voice. Luckily he doesn’t pick up on it.

“You okay?” I manage to
spit out as normal as possible.

“Yeah I’m fine, I’m just missing my fiancé and my little
girl. How is my little angel?”

“She’s good, she’s out of her in
cubator and finally in a crib.”

“Holy shit, when did this happen? That’s incre
dible,” he says with excitement in his voice. I can’t help but laugh along with his enthusiasm. The laughter momentarily calms my nerves, and for a moment I can pretend everything is okay. That is until I open my big mouth.

“I know! I go away for two days and when I com
e back, she’s in a crib.” Shit.

“What do you mean you went away for two days? Where did you go?” I can hear the obvious confusion in his voice, and I could just kick myself for being so fucking stupid. My throat closes up as
panic suffocates me to silence.

“Ava, where did you go?” he repeats, confusion
still obvious within his voice.

“I…um.” I struggle to form a coherent sentence. I just stammer as I continue to panic. Shit. What do I say? T
he truth chides inside my head.

“Ava, what is it?”

When I still can’t produce an explanation, his confusion quickly turns into irritation. “Goddamn it, Ava, will you just tell me?”

“My sister died,” I spit out, my voice trembling. The line goes quiet, and for a moment I think I have lost the phone connection, but a loud exhale of breath on the other side of the li
ne confirms he’s still with me.

“Shit. Ava. I’m so sorry. Fu
ck. How? I mean what happened?”

“She um…she took her own life.” His gasp i
s audible through the receiver. “I was at her funeral in Miami.”

“Alone?” I have to push down at the guilt just to form my next sentence. As calmly as possible I answer him, trying to make my lie as believable as possible. It isn’t a difficult task; I
’ve been lying to him for over four years.

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t Caleb go with you?” Because he wasn’t the person I wanted by my side...

“I c
ouldn’t leave Lily on her own.”

“Shit, baby, I hate how you had to go through that alone. How was it with your family?” I have to push down at the guilt that rears its ugly head again. This dishonesty is exhausting work, but at least I can answer his next question that
resembles some kind of honesty.