Looking for Julie (27 page)

Lynn ate while she talked. When Edie fell silent, Lynn said, “Did you ever think that Jennifer might be a better match for you than Claire?”

She paused with a forkful of food halfway to her mouth. It was hot from the microwave and she blew lightly on it. “Aren’t you making an assumption? How do you know she’s gay?”

“I don’t know, but she sounds interested in you.”

 “I think reading my books confused her. She’s not sure about me, but I’m pretty sure she’s gay. Pam is reading my books too. Were you in Madison with Frankie?” Funny how that thought no longer bothered her.

“What does Jennifer look like?”

“She’s as tall as I am. She’s got freckles, reddish hair, brown eyes. She’s a terrific skier.”

“You could ski together.” Lynn took another bite. “I was at Madison. Claire came to the meeting with Janine. They left before it was over.”

She felt a little stab of jealousy and frowned.

“Does that bother you?” Lynn asked, her delicate brows lifting. “She’s never going to give Janine up.”

“I know. I don’t care.” But she did. She told Lynn that Julie had found someone who ought to be able to get DeWitt’s bail revoked. She knew that Lynn believed in fate, but she herself didn’t. She believed in connections.

On Tuesday when Claire called, she was working toward the end of
Midnight Magic
and didn’t answer. In the story, Tony recovered from his wounds with only a slight limp. He and Elizabeth married. Mary Ann stood beside her. Mary Ann was still standing beside her (figuratively) when the book ended. They made a five some—Tony, Elizabeth, Mary Ann and her daughter and dog, Janie and Riley.

She would have to make some changes before she sent the manuscript to Horizon via e-mail. Sleet spattered against the windows, which made her feel more dismal. The high of the Birkie was always followed by a low. When the phone rang and she saw Claire’s name in the display, she sighed.

“Hi, Claire. How are you?”

“Are you coming tomorrow?”

“I skied the Birkie on Saturday.” She should call Pam and ask how the Kortelopet went.

“Good. You’re not coming, are you?”

“No. I have to work on my book.”

“I’d like to see you,” Claire said quietly.

“I don’t think we’re a good match, Claire. You and Janine make a lovely couple.” Heart pounding, she waited for Claire’s affirmation.

“Will you come one more time?”

How could she refuse? It was a plea, not a demand. “All right, but I can’t stay overnight.”

Claire opened the door and gave Edie a heart-stopping smile. “Would you like a cup of coffee?” she asked as Edie walked into the living room.

“I’d love one.” She followed Claire into the kitchen, where she took off her jacket and hung it on the chair. She studied Claire as she made fresh coffee.

“So, how have you been?”

Claire turned and leaned against the counter. She crossed her arms. “Look. I know I’ve behaved badly.” She met Edie’s surprise with a slight smile. “I’ve been seeing a therapist and I’m on antidepressants. I like you very much.” She held Edie’s eyes with her own and lifted her chin. “You’re a wonderful lover. It made me angry that I couldn’t let go of that.”

Edie could hardly believe they were having this conversation. “I couldn’t either.”

“I know.” Claire took a deep breath. “You know Somerset Maugham wrote a story about a man who was besotted with a woman who treated him very badly. He was educated. She was not. We’re both educated, so there’s no excuse for me.”

Edie smiled wryly. “Lynn thinks you’re my midlife crisis.”

“Am I?”

Edie sidestepped the question. “You’re a beautiful woman. Who wouldn’t want you?”

“You’re not answering.”

She took a deep breath. “I’m at that age.” She had fallen hard, but she thought it was more for Claire’s body than Claire herself.

“Come on, one more time, before the antidepressants take away my libido. I’ll be glad to see it go.” She gave a harsh laugh.

It was different yet the same. She undressed Claire and laid her on the bed. For a moment she just took her in, memorizing her—the ivory skin, the pale nipples and light brown pubic hair, the lovely body. She rolled the two of them into an embrace on the bed, and when she kissed Claire’s mouth, her response was hungry and demanding. She kissed her everywhere—her eyebrows, her chin, her neck, her breasts and belly, the insides of her thighs, Claire tugged on her, and she raised her head.

“Come here.”

Claire tried to do what Edie had just done to her, but her kisses were too light, her tongue tickled. Edie rolled her over and finished what she had started. Claire arched under her, keening softly as she climaxed.

“Let me,” Claire said, when her body stopped shuddering. She turned on her side, facing Edie, her head resting on one hand. With the other she caressed Edie. “You have a nice body. You’re like an Amazon.”

“Compared to you,” Edie said. She closed her eyes and let Claire do what she would, but she was so conscious of the differences between their bodies that she couldn’t relax. She found herself thinking of Jennifer, who was her size. She managed to come by closing her eyes and reliving what she’d just done to Claire.

“That was nice,” Claire murmured, as they lay side-by-side on the bed. “Will you stay the night?”

She smiled and pulled Claire against her. She had tears in her eyes when she shook her head. “No.”

“Let’s drink that cup of coffee now.”

When they were dressed and had washed in separate bathrooms, Edie sat once again at the small kitchen table.

“You aren’t coming back, are you?”

Edie said, “I think it’s best I don’t.”

“I won’t ask you.”

The change in Claire was so huge that Edie didn’t trust it. “Were you very unhappy before counseling?”

“I had a stepfather who really screwed me up. I was so angry all the time, and I was angriest with you because with us it was all about sex. It’s not so great being attractive. Maybe he would have left me alone if I’d been ugly, or maybe it wouldn’t have mattered.” Her arms were crossed tightly and she was biting her lips.

Edie stood up and held her close. “I’m so sorry.” Claire’s hair smelled wonderful, a reminder that she was still not out from under her spell.

Claire gave a little shrug. “It was a long time ago.” She swiped at her eyes.

“If you want me to come back, I will,” she said in a moment of weakness. “We don’t have to go to bed. We can talk or do something else.”

“Give me a few weeks, and then call. I’d like you for a friend. Maybe I’ll be capable of that by then.”

Deep in thought, she drove home hardly noticing the speeding traffic, even forgetting to call Jamie and Pam as she’d planned. Now that she had new understanding of Claire, she felt as if she’d used her and was deeply ashamed. She’d always known that her passion for Claire was just that, not something more enduring.

The house was dark and cold. She walked through the rooms, turning on lights, turning up the heat. She warmed up leftovers and read the newspaper while eating. She had no heart to work on her manuscript. Instead, she went to bed with a good book.

Thursday she began rereading
Midnight Magic
, making changes as she went. Outside, the sky was a flawless blue. Patches of grass showed through the snow, but she knew there would be more snowfalls before spring arrived.

Friday she was restless. She always received scores of e-mails from political and environmental groups. She looked at all three hundred and forty-two of them and either took action or deleted. Then she put on a light Windbreaker and running pants and went for a three-mile run. At home again, she took a shower. It was late afternoon. She had just finished eating when someone knocked on the door.

Lynn was on her way to Madison. Besides, Lynn would let herself in. She wasn’t expecting anyone else, so she peered out the front door’s side window to see who was there. Whoever it was had his or her back turned.

She opened the door slightly. The person spun around, and she unlocked the storm and held it open. “What brings you here on a Friday night?” she said with surprise.

“I hoped I’d catch you at home.”

“Come on in. It’s cold out there.”

Jennifer was grinning, her hands stuffed in her jacket pockets. “Is dropping in like this okay?”

“Sure. I’m all by my lonesome. Have you eaten?”

“I’m not that rude. I ate before I left Wausau.”

“Well, how about a glass of wine or a cup of decaf.”

“Either is great. Listen, I just finished
Seaside Interlude
, so I was thinking of you.”

Jennifer must be working her way through Edie’s books. “You came to talk about that?” she asked with new surprise.

“I just wanted to see you,” Jennifer said. Her cheeks were bright red.

“Let me take your jacket.” Jennifer was the only woman she knew who could look her in the eye. They were a matched pair as far as size went. She hung the jacket in the closet. “Coffee or wine?”

“Whatever you’re having.” Jennifer was still grinning, making Edie smile.

“Wine. I don’t often drink alone, so now I can have a glass of wine. White or red?”

“Whatever. I like both.”

She opened a bottle of cabernet, rather than finishing the merlot she and Lynn had drunk. “Let’s go in the living room. I’ll light a fire.”

After setting her glass on the hearth, she lit the paper under the kindling. She rested on her haunches, waiting for the fire to take hold.

“Do you live alone?” Jennifer asked.

She closed the screen and picked up her wine, rising to her feet. “Yes.”

“Sorry. You must think I’m nosy.”

“It’s okay to ask. I’ve always lived alone. It’s not always been my choice.” She sat in one of the chairs facing the fire. Jennifer was in the other. The couch separated them.

“So, how’s work?”

Jennifer laughed. “Busy. How is your latest book coming? I can’t wait to read it.”

“It may be my last,” she said. Did she mean that? Probably not. “I’m kind of tired of writing for Horizon.”

“Why?”

“Well, because it seems sort of like I’m deceiving my readers.”

“How?”

She glanced at Jennifer, who looked genuinely stumped. Jennifer said, “I love to read, so I think it’s pretty impressive to be a popular author.”

Edie laughed and said, “My books are read by straight women, and they’re pretty light reading and I’m a lesbian.” She was surprised at how easily that came out of her mouth. If Jennifer was a lesbian, she had a right to know. If she wasn’t, it was time Edie found out.

After a few moments of silence, Edie looked over at her. Her face was an interesting mix of emotions. “What? Are you surprised?”

“No. I wasn’t sure. How did you start writing these books?”

“I wrote something I thought might get published and it did.” She got up to refill her glass. “Want some more?”

“No. I have to drive.”

“You could stay. I have an extra room with a comfy bed.”

“I didn’t bring any clothes.”

Edie shrugged. “You’ll fit in mine, I think. I’ve got an unopened toothbrush.”

“Okay. Sure.”

She filled both their glasses and returned to the living room. Jennifer was staring at the fire. She looked up and said “Thanks” when Edie handed her the full wineglass.

“You know, it’s nice to have a woman friend who is my size. I don’t know about you, but I always feel so big around other women.”

“I know. I do too,” Jennifer said. “What will you do if you stop writing?”

“Oh, I don’t think I’ll stop writing. I’d like to write at least one lesbian book. I can use my real name then.”

“I can’t wait to read that.”

“Tell me the truth. Would you have picked up one of my books, if you hadn’t known me?”

“They’re very readable books. I like your writing, but you’re right. I wanted to get to know you better.” She laughed self-consciously. “I wanted to impress you.”

“Can I ask how old you are, Jennifer?”

“Almost thirty-nine. Honest.” She held up her right hand.

“I’m fifty,” Edie said.

“Well, congratulations! I never would have guessed.”

“Hey, I’m turning gray.”

“So am I.”

Edie hadn’t laughed so much in a long time. “I don’t see any gray hair.”

“I see very little on you. I’d like to spend more time with you. I don’t care if you’re seventy.” Jennifer gave her an ironic smile.

“You like older women?”

“I like you. And besides, once you grow up there are no older women. It’s not like I’m sixteen and you’re twenty-seven.”

“Okay. You’ve been forewarned.” She could see the pulse beating in Jennifer’s throat. Her own heartbeat had picked up, but she knew she needed space between Claire and Jennifer. “Look, I just ended an entanglement. I don’t want you caught in the dregs.”